Chupa Is Not Shutting It Down
Earlier in the fall, I sort of fell in like with Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe and her reality show. I KNOW! I tried so hard not to like her. Every time I started to feel a little warmness for her, I'd change the channel, but I'd always go back. As someone who doesn't completely despise her, I feel it's my duty to tell her: DRINK SOME VIRGIN BLOOD! Seriously! Chupacabra looks like she's been without the nectar of her victims for some time now. Chupa is only thirty seven and she looks about eleventy thirty seven!
On her show, she regularly tells people they are "shutting it down" when they look hot. Well, Chupa is not shutting it down here. It looks like some of her internal organs might be shutting it down, but that's about it. Chupa also describes things as "bananas." Well, Chupa needs to eat a few banana trees....whole.
People usually want washboard abs, not a washboard chest! Somebody please sacrifice one of those Disney whores to Chupa. We could do without them, but I can't do without season 2 of her shit show!
Below is Chupa with her assistant Brad at The Cracked Xmas Fundraiser in Los Angeles last night.
• 
She's almost ready for her role in the world's first vegetarian zombie movie, where the dead come back to life and shamble around looking for Grains. Graaainnsss.
Nite all!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
2C, Trinny and Susannah could really help this bitch.
In addition to her many other problems, it looks like she has a bit of a stache going on.
Night ESE!!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:14am.
I will say this, kudos to Rachel Zoe for not getting implants. They would not look good on/in that scrawny chest. Posh Beckham.
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Trudat Sandbitch. But for why can't she maybe wear somefin a little more covered up?
Edited; accidentallly cut half of what I wrote before posting!!!!!!...whatever.
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***Submitted by MyTwoCents on Tue, 12/09/2008 -
Mouse in da house!
***
Word.
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:15am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:04am.
Mouse in da house!
You know why she's wearing that fur jacket, don't you? She needs the flour...so her bf can find the non-dry leathery spot.
===Isn't she leathery just, wha happen to a bitch? And her assistant dude puts me in mind of Quagmire from Family Guy. Her show has just started on Foxtel (confess I've watched a couple). Never noticed her scrawniness on the telly, must be that 10lb camera thing.
...the weird not natural fake colored contacts.
that shade of weird beige is not a natural eye color.
i like her necklace. ( i had to say something nice)
and the picture of her and that twinky dude looks like the holiday section of the sears catalogue.
Submitted by la coocaracha on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:10am.
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Don't make me relive your previous comments about the importance of being young and hot and asking advice on what to do when you look like some fellow dlisters which I guess in your mind would be "old and wrinkled with no kids". Perhaps the other dlisters are too nice to call you on your bullshit but I am not like them. So tell me, were you trying to get someone pissed? Well congratulations, you got me.
***Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:13am.
No it isn't. It's like playing Jenga with your dick.
***
I am starting to understand that dude who fucked the picnic table. God help me!
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:14am.
I will say this, kudos to Rachel Zoe for not getting implants. They would not look good on/in that scrawny chest. Posh Beckham.
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No implants but maybe a little lift and some fat transfers to plump those things out....cuz those boobs do not look appitizing...
( * )( * )( 0 )( 0 )( o )( o )( ^ )( ^ )( < )( > )
SHOCKER!! Bear grylls *hot piece* of man vs. wild has been INJURED while on wilderness trek in Antartica! SHOCKER!!!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:04am.
Mouse in da house!
You know why she's wearing that fur jacket, don't you? She needs the flour...so her bf can find the non-dry leathery spot.
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nite, ESE!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
I will say this, kudos to Rachel Zoe for not getting implants. They would not look good on/in that scrawny chest. Posh Beckham.
Submitted by SkyBitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:10am.
Titty-fucking her would be like boning an empty horse scrotum.
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No it isn't. It's like playing Jenga with your dick.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by CrazyGal on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:06am.
Needed to be said. Bitch doesn't have a scary clue.
gotta go folks! great to see ya all again!!
OT: that guy has a creepy "Howdy Doody toucher" vibe goin' for him
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Submitted by SkyBitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:08am.
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LMAO! Sorry, I'll be more sensitive about cockroaches next time.
Titty-fucking her would be like boning an empty horse scrotum.
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by CrazyGal on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:54am.
Submitted by la coocaracha on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 1:12am.
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Please tell me you're a troll from justjared that is trying to infiltrate in dlisted lines. Either that or your mom dropped you from a third floor when you were a kid. I am 3 years younger than you and I can smell your bullshit. Use that "hot body" you say you have and sell it to one of your sex partners so you can get some money and buy some fucking common sense. If this is really how you think (that is, only young women should exist so they can populate the earth and have sex with anything that has a penis) then you are a disgusting excuse of a woman.
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What r u talking about? EVERY PERSON on here took one look at this piece and nearly barfed up last weeks dinner because she looks so old and nasty. Im pretty skinny and I starve myself sometimes so one day I might wake up and look like her....I just wanted to know what I should do when people stop wnating to fuck me and starting barfing at the sight of me...you know.
( * )( * )( 0 )( 0 )( o )( o )( ^ )( ^ )( < )( > )
SHOCKER!! Bear grylls *hot piece* of man vs. wild has been INJURED while on wilderness trek in Antartica! SHOCKER!!!
***Submitted by CrazyGal on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:04am.
I don't know dude. All I know is that Rachel Zoe looks like a dyed cockroach.
***
Don't make me call PETA on you. That was fucking mean.
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:04am.
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Thank You! ;) (blushes)
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:00am.
That necklace is made from the testicles of the virgins whose blood she sucked. Guess she's quite popular at Star Trek conventions.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:00am.
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I don't know dude. All I know is that Rachel Zoe looks like a dyed cockroach.
Submitted by CrazyGal on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:54am.
Submitted by la coocaracha on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 1:12am.
===I don't know you but I love you. Effing brilliant.
With the deep crevasses she has between her ribs, it's like she has 5 or 6 cleavages, just horizontal.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:00am.
sooo... what's with the fuzzy dice around her neck? i got a feeling they ain't for decoration as much as they are for air fresheners
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Dice...or neck-brace? I think they're holding her head up.
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***Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 3:00am.
sooo... what's with the fuzzy dice around her neck? i got a feeling they ain't for decoration as much as they are for air fresheners
***
One word: Distraction
Another option: May be little coke vials on a string.
Third: Anal beads?
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
sooo... what's with the fuzzy dice around her neck? i got a feeling they ain't for decoration as much as they are for air fresheners
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Submitted by SkyBitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:57am.
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Well that too. LOL.
***Submitted by CrazyGal on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:54am.***
I agree. There is absolutely NO excuse to be on JustJared! Pffft!
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by Team Valtrex (all of dem)
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
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***Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:49am.
i say the breast plate knew what it was getting into when it volunteered to hold all the coke for any exec. that gave this bitch a show
***
She really IS a bitch. If she had one bit of respect for that frail little breastplate, she would at least use some nipple tape. No respect!
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by la coocaracha on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 1:12am.
--------------
Please tell me you're a troll from justjared that is trying to infiltrate in dlisted lines. Either that or your mom dropped you from a third floor when you were a kid. I am 3 years younger than you and I can smell your bullshit. Use that "hot body" you say you have and sell it to one of your sex partners so you can get some money and buy some fucking common sense. If this is really how you think (that is, only young women should exist so they can populate the earth and have sex with anything that has a penis) then you are a disgusting excuse of a woman.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:40am.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:36am.
hey, hey, hey!!.. their teeth are also used for holding the belt while they shoot... see, i know about fashion and shit!
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O.M.G. Yes, yes you do. So THAT's why she so skinny...she on da junkie diet! I thought she got that dead look in her eyes from working with princess RiRi.
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Her chest looks like an Alien is about to burst through it. Call Sigourney Weaver, quick!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
In a past life, that dress was a straw wrapper.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by SkyBitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:47am.
there you go again, always the softy!
i say the breast plate knew what it was getting into when it volunteered to hold all the coke for any exec. that gave this bitch a show
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
I feel sorry for her breastplate. It's more than enough embarassment for it to be so exposed like that. The on top of that, it's forced to go around in public with those sock tits clinging on. Oh, and then people take PICTURES too, and then publish them??? That breastplate must have done some major badness in it's past life. Karma sucks. I would try to shrivel up and die too. Poor breastplate!
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
He's only there to pre-chew the M&M she's having for lunch. If it got lodged in her windpipe, it would look like she had 3 tits.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:36am.
hey, hey, hey!!.. their teeth are also used for holding the belt while they shoot... see, i know about fashion and shit!
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Submitted by SkyBitch on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:33am.
Whatever Nicole Richie has been doing, she needs to keep that shit up. Bitch is looking hwat!
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Ooo burn! I think Nicole is really purdy. A little bit too much like a chihuahua...put a pretty one!
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Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:35am.
He's Orville Redenbacher's illegitimate grandson. Looks just like his Pop.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:36am.
i call first in line to push!!!
what?!... i love a good xylophone solo.. sue me!
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
If she fell down a flight of stairs, it would sound like a xylophone solo.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:24am.
isn't there a law against that?! no "fashion" people smile... wait, i think i'm thinking of rappers
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No, you were right the first time. Fashion peeps only smile wif their eyes. They being like cool and aloof and shit. Teefers and only used for smirking at the enemy...food.
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just for the glasses alone, Buddy Holly should kick this guy's ass
and her... i thought zombies at least ATE brains
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Whatever Nicole Richie has been doing, she needs to keep that shit up. Bitch is looking hwat!
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Re: Parisite: "I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish." -MK (Who else?)
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:24am.
That explains ssoooo much TV. *looks around awkwardly* *pats TV on the back*
Here, have this chupacabra to gnaw on...dere is still some grisle on da bone.
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Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:26am.
i knew your dad stole my grandma's good picnic tablecloth!!... the bill is in the mail!!
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/09/2008 - 2:22am.
wait a sec.. didn't that guy sing that annoying "I would walk 500 miles" song?
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I'm not sure, but I know my dad wants his good jacket back.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.