Kim Zolciak Is Posing For Playboy
Yes, you read the word "Playboy" correctly. Not Playpig, Playdoggy or Playraggedywiglover. PLAYBOY. Kim Zolciak, the wig torturer of "The Really Not Housewives of Atlanta" tells Paper Magazine that she's going to pose for an upcoming cover of Playboy. If Hugh Hefner signed off on this, then he really just needs to go to his room, lock the door, put the phone off the hook and stay there! This shit is a punishment to humanity! This must violate the constitution in some way.
Does Playboy even have the money for this shit?! The Photoshop budget alone is probably enough to get this country out of our economic crisis. When my eyeballs drown in their own barf after looking at Kim's nastiness in all its glory, I'm going to sue a bitch.
This might just be another lie coming out of her noise hole, because she also claims she's a size 2. Take a big sip of Diet Rite when you read this shit below and if you can make it through the whole thing without spitting up at least twice, then you're a strong person than me.
Kim said, "I'm actually 30, and [the controversy] is hilarious to me. In some of the clips there was a ton of makeup on me. In some of the footage I look like I'm 50 years old. I'm 30. I'm like a size 2. People tell me I'm so much prettier in person. TV makes you look so much different. I'm working on shooting a cover of Playboy. I guess 30 ain't that bad."
I'm starting to think that Kim's brains shriveled up a while ago and her wig does all the talking and thinking for her. Kim's wig is the one who is 30-years-old and a size 2. And hopefully her wig is the one who is spreading its titties and coochie for Playboy. Let's fucking hope!
Visit Paper to read the whole interview. You'll learn that Kim is the one who broke up with Big Papa and he's estranged from his wife. Kim is no longer working with Dallas Austin, but she did get a recording contract. She also said this: "My singing career was not an accurate portrayal of me singing." That wasn't singing, Kim. That was a hungover seal getting water tortured.
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There is seriously nothing that irritates me more than these dumb fucking twathead women who go "please, I'm like a size 2\size 0" and think any of us would be so stupid as to believe it. Seriously, have they ever seen someone who is a size 2? Size 2 women look like pre-pubescent girls. Size 0 women look like anorexics. The only place you'll ever see them is in anorexic clinics or on catwalks. I am 5ft 9ins, weigh 9 stone and am a size 6 dress but getting a bit big for my size 6 jeans now. I had a very severe illness and weighed 8.5 stone at one point and looked like an anorexic drug addict. It was disgusting. However, I was no smaller than a size 4 at this point. I have a very small build and can eat what I like without gaining weight but would have to have bones removed from my body to be a size 2 or 0. This women has humungous boobs and flabby arms - she's bigger than me - at least a size 8-10. What on earth is going through the minds of women like Eva Longwhoria, Jennifer Love Hewitt and this fat bitch when they think they can convince us they are the size of catwalk models? Dementia?
Well to be fair, she did say, "I'm LIKE a size 2". Size 10 is "like" a size 2. It's just bigger!
I mean I'm "like" 30. I may be 47, but I FEEL like I'm 30. See how that works?
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
I was watching that show last night (never did before and prolly never will again), she ain't harrrrrrrdly a size two...
That fake hair is getting on my nerves.
this fake bitch is lying about being a size 2 and being 30...is her name actually kim, or is that another one her lies...
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he doesn't know anything, he didn't do anything, and he doesn't give a shit...
Maybe she'll be on the Playboy cover only. She can't be the centerfold, because they fold down, not to the side. I don't believe a word she says. I am wearing adult diapers when I watch the reunion show. I might wet myself when the catfight gets rolling. Besides, chardonnay and dirty-rock-ground guacamole goes right through me.
Maybe, she's a size 2 in the neck?
i think it's hilarious that the best she can do is an interview in PAPER. that piece of garbage isn't worth the 'paper' it's poorly printed on.
If this bitch is a size 2, then I am Tracy Turnblad.
those are fat arms. No one a size 2 has arms like that.
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I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
and keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
- Eminem "Criminal"
and through christ, look at that cross she's clearly a christian. J-lord gave her a special poon.
She makes her money with her magical vagina, duh.
"There's gold in them there hills!" -country person
I believe she's thirty, but she is no 2. She's a 10 or 12. Maybe 14, but i think 10 or 12.
What exactly does she do for a living?
She doesn't work, yet has enough money to shop at Gucci and buy diamonds? She's not with her sugar daddy anymore and I know she used to be a nurse but nurses don't make enough bank to retire at age 30. The article also stated her husband wasn't rich. So WhereTF does she get her money? Doe anyone know or is just not discussed?
I can't wait to see if her vee-jayjay has a wig! Or better yet, roots!
I bet her vag looks 50. Vaginas never lie, and I bet her's could tell stories for hours. I bet she has an extra appendage down there, 'cause from what I can see she's not that special. She probably has a long vagina thumb that hypnotizes douche bags into giving her money. It's gonna be great, maybe the Holiday issue?
Look at the size of those JUGS
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I thought that was White Oprah before reading the article...
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"My singing career was not an accurate portrayal of me singing."
What kind of a Sarah Palinism is that? I guess the camera not only adds 50 lbs and 25 years, it also removes talent and accurate sound.
ek
I think she got her dress size mixed up with her IQ!
God, I feel like I'm allowing myself to get sucked into this show. I never watched it, and only know of it from here. But this Kim character seems pretty despicable and full of shit.
Hey, if she had a sugardaddy that lives with his wife, how does she qualify as a housewife?
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Why is she trying to smear Hef's good name like that?
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
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I was really willing to go with the 'I'm 30' comment bc some bitches honestly look that beat at that age. But if she's a size 2 then i'm like a -2 then. Christ people, learn how to lie convincingly!
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"Bitch, please! It's fucking personal!"
How tall is she supposed to be? (I don't watch the show). If she's really short, it's POSSIBLE she's telling the truth -- a 5'0" size 2 is much bigger than a 5'11" size 2.
Either way, it's a stupid thing to say. The last time I remember clothing sizes mattering was in high school gym class, when you could sneak a peek at someone's clothes while they were in the shower, just to see what size they wore. If you're announcing it to the world, it just comes off as pathetic and desperate.
DeShawn needs to lose some weight and is that veeners when she smiles, her teeth are way to white and not natural.
The asian-black girl is more of two face, selfish cunt. She was very wasn't happy when her husband got the job but that is what makes him happy and keep her in luxury not getting beat up.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Is a size 2 really all that important to woman? Is that besides, getting married and popping brats (all before 35) the only important things woman of today hope to accomplish? Size 2? 30?! Come on if you're going to lie at least sound convincing.
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Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!
Size 2 big to fit in anything less than a 10. Goes for Kardashian and Hewitt too.
Submitted by paris herpes on Sun, 11/23/2008 - 3:09pm.
Is size 2 really such an accomplishment compared to true measures of success in life? I think not...
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It is for the dress shops.
A few years ago a large department store was going out of business. Every day closer the final day the prices got lower and lower. Went in 2 days before the end and discovered a lot of really great pieces of clothing that were in fact my size despite being labeled as size 3/4. I'm a size 10/11. Obviously most people never looked twice at those items! SCORE!!! Got a beautiful name brand red linen summer top for $7.
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BALLOONS!
When is her duet with William Hung being released?
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Lighten up, Francis.
Is size 2 really such an accomplishment compared to true measures of success in life? I think not...
Your face!
She's just jumping on the Kim KardASSian bandwagon of claiming you're a size 2 when you're just used to squeezing yourself into a size 2...that doesn't mean you're officially a size 2 either, just means you've conditioned your body to be encased like a sausage in your clothes. Put a 1 in front of the sizing and I think that's about her size! I'm 31 and look like an 18 year old next to this hag!
Your face!
Um, She's ALWAYS wearing a ton of hooker makeup. She looks like a man! Fake hair and all. I dont know if its the smoking or what, but DAMN. She is just pathetic. Desperate and pathetic.
Jan - pan!
I reposted your spelling rant a few days ago - you have many more new fans!
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BALLOONS!
Submitted by angel_i: Not an actual portrayal? Um..I saw you...singing...in a studio...what exactly does she think "actual portrayal" means?
.... PS. If people are telling you that you look prettier in person - like, actually saying - I'd watch out for them people, missy."
LOL. And agreeing.
There is no way that this woman is 30 and a size 2!
I am 31, I am 5foot8 and weigh 150 pounds (pregnant with my second child) and I am a size 10.
She's at least 25 pounds heavier than I am and at least 5 years older. And at that she looks terrible for her age.
Well, like Monica said on Friends, "the camera adds ten pounds," to which Chandler replied "how many cameras were on you?" (that might not be an exact quote....)
There is no way she's 30...she's 30 years older than Jesus Christ maybe. My husband saw her on TV and thought she was seriously 49.
i can see she is a size 2. She just cuts off the "0" that comes after the two. What i really wanna know is what size is the wig? or how old is it? i have strong reasons to believe it used to belong to my Crystal Barbie, circa 84...
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And i'm on my knees looking for the answer..
are we human, or are we dancers?
I think she's a size 2 the same what my friend is a size two and only wears designer clothes, i.e. she cuts off the labels and then sews them on the back of her clothes.
I'm a size 0 now and this bitch is like 3 times my size.
Wonder if Hef will out this bitch like Dallas Austin did. "She said what??? No way..."
30 and a size 2 - in what world??
okay a size 2? im a size 0 - 2. and im 5-6 110 pounds. that is just ridiculous.
can you please stop giving this wench any attention?
she does not deserve it.
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I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
and keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
- Eminem "Criminal"
Her Playboy spread could be her best roll yet.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Here's hoping her Playboy career goes a hell of a lot better than her singing career.
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"OK, a few more special requests: Phoebe Price? Eva Longoria? Sharon Stone?"
Okay, these are all the requests I can do for now (each search costs $):
Phoebe is...36.
Eva is...33.
Sharon is...50.
And isnt playboy kinda irrelevent in this day and age? Back in the day, that was the only place you could see quality poon, but I can see playboyesqe material just looking in the ads on this page...
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creeps up behind me and shes like YAAAHHHH!
30 and size 2? Interesting.
Didnt she spell cat k-a-t on that show? Thats the first sign that this beezzy is batshit looney. Shes a cesspool of looney, but somehow all that looney has gotten her fame and money with rich successful men so it cant be all that bad...
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creeps up behind me and shes like YAAAHHHH!
She's going to be in Playboy? There are going to be a lot of emotionally scarred eleven year old boys who sneak into dad's collection and find this. Let's think of the children before we let this happen!
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Yes the bitch looks old as hell, and not a size 2 but cmon, she is still on the slim side and not plus-sized at all. Probably like a 6 or 8. I watched the first episode of this and I seem to recall her having a an ok figure except for the gross oversized implants.
H8ters, size 2, fabulous real hair, no makeup natural beauty with great singing chops!
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:))
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"Boogie Man", on Lee Atwater, the spawn of Satan who started the gop's dirty rise to power:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/atwater/
Yeah, right. If this bitch is a size 2, then I'm Mrs. Jake Gyllenhaal. Give me a break!
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