The Butt Bandit Of Nebraska Busted!
To answer the question you're thinking: no, I am not writing this shit from a jail cell in Nebraska! Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way. The people of Valentine, Nebraska will sleep well tonight knowing that their windows will be ass grease free in the morning. The infamous Butt Bandit has been captured after making an ass out of himself for more than a year.
It all started in the spring of 2007, when people started noticing ass (and sometimes crotch) imprints on their business, church and school windows. His greatest achievement was leaving his butt print on every window of a hotel. The dude was able to leave his mark by rubbing Vaseline or lotion on his nalgas. He should've used Crisco with just a touch of KY. It picks up every little detail of your ass cheeks. So I've heard...
The Butt Bandit was caught by police early Wednesday morning massaging a window with his jelly covered ass. The cops wouldn't give up his name, but said he's a 35-year-old with an ass that just won't quit.
Unfortunately, there isn't a mug shot. It better be a double mug shot. I want to see both of his lips puckering. I mean, his butt should gets its own mug shot since it got him into this mess.
And when the Butt Bandit is out of jail, he should look into profiting off of his skills. I've seen a few ads on Craigslist looking for naked dudes who do windows. The Butt Bandit's ass does windows, literally.
Thanks Leona
• 
His cellmates will find a new way to put his talent to use.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Catch hot babes, rich and sexy singles@MEET RICH. COM for hotter love, more pleasure, and more fantasy.
Osama bin husband said there will be copycat butt bandit in New Jersey tonight...oy
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:36pm.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:32pm.
@ Tigger--
Wait for me! I got the MEDICATED Vaseline that will tingle our shingles while we imprint...
*huffing and puffing to keep up*
@ Tigerlily--
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Should we take up a DListed FREE BUTT BANDIT collection for this hot bitch's defense or should we spend it all on boxed wine and cocktail weenies fer one a them fancy like DListed partays?...Decisions, decisions...
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With those 2 buttholes the bandit can scrounge up his own bail money.
I say we spend our $$ on the hooch.
BTW you give good copy. You should charge all us cheap ho's for quoting you in our siggies.
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you say you want to find black man for love and the sexy. but you like interracial man? It's for sexy times at gristlemonstersontour.com.--Tigerlily
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/23/2008 - 2:16am.
Makes you wonder why ButtBandit did this.
*
you know what men are like when it comes to marking their territory.
......
Only too well, my dear friend. Do you think they took a butt print, ya know like fingerprints? So they could be sure they had good evidence to prosecute? If they did, I bet he enjoyed it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Makes you wonder why ButtBandit did this.
*
you know what men are like when it comes to marking their territory.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
BALLOONS!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 9:28pm.
Now we know where our DListed ho's be at right about now...They be pullin' down they mom jeans and backin' that greased up big butt up to a window somewhere...I know it's true, and that one lone whore gotta take the fall for yo' DListed hood rat fuckery...for shame, whores....FOR SHAME...
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Hehe. That occured to me too. Will be on the lookout for DLers wif embarrassed faces!
Makes you wonder why ButtBandit did this. I mean that's a desperate attempt at trying to amuse yourself right there. Mayhaps his TV was broken. Hmmm.....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
A proctologists dream.
Submitted by CeeCee on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 11:10pm.
Why does that costume have two buttholes, side by side? It looks wrong.
-
The mentally challenged costume designer wasn't too good at hiding the "eye holes"...flub.
Why does that costume have two buttholes, side by side? It looks wrong.
Submitted by Rosaqi on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 9:39pm.
Hi,
I am Rosa, a sexy and beautiful woman. Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find whatever your need. I am just in the beginning of my career and want to find a black man, so I uploaded my hot and even hot photos on ☆☆☆INTERRACIALLOVING.COM☆☆☆. I'm waiting for u........
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Rosa, you say you want to find black man for love and the sexy. but you like interracial man? It's for sexy times at gristlemonstersontour.com. it's where sexy athelete give you hard A-Rod love til the cow come home....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
What the Hell?
You'll love my blog:
http://MuchBetterThanWorking.blogspot.com
Hi,
I am Rosa, a sexy and beautiful woman. Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find whatever your need. I am just in the beginning of my career and want to find a black man, so I uploaded my hot and even hot photos on ☆☆☆INTERRACIALLOVING.COM☆☆☆. I'm waiting for u........
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 9:28pm.
******************
Just don't tell MK. He likes us to keep it on the DL..*winkwink*
*******************
Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
Now we know where our DListed ho's be at right about now...They be pullin' down they mom jeans and backin' that greased up big butt up to a window somewhere...I know it's true, and that one lone whore gotta take the fall for yo' DListed hood rat fuckery...for shame, whores....FOR SHAME...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Sheeps, no worry, hon. I've got the bail money on the way and a 'crack' team of lawyers en route.
*******************
Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
I wouldn't want to be the peon who has to clean assy Vaseline off the work windows.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Get off the Shed
Thats one ass of a felony.
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
Saturday night on Dlisted??? Where's the party at??
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:14pm.
Remember--freedom is not free.
-
-And with all the 'Gov' intervention/bailout the rich shit against the will of the people crap it's only gonna get Unfree-er.
**Best stalker anthem EVVA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvnVb_TytwE
Submitted by ocd can be good on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:57pm.
-
OMG! You cat hoarder! lol. Seriously though, if I had the 2 cat/pet limit I'd be fined fer sure. I apologize if I came off all "lectury" but I just want folks to be aware and possibly avoid some vet bill$ because pet care can get pretty spendy and I've had to learn the hard way that feeding my cats cheap, dry kibble food, human treats etc. is detrimental to their health and ultimately to my pocket-book. (((SENDING YOU HUGS))) for all your rescues you've brought in.
The thing is...if you can avoid a health problem before it starts for your fur children...then it's worth saying even if it comes off a lil' preachy.
**Best stalker anthem EVVA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvnVb_TytwE
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:32pm.
@ Tigger--
Wait for me! I got the MEDICATED Vaseline that will tingle our shingles while we imprint...
*huffing and puffing to keep up*
Damm, I wish I had four legs sometimes.
*******************************************
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Should we take up a DListed FREE BUTT BANDIT collection for this hot bitch's defense or should we spend it all on boxed wine and cocktail weenies fer one a them fancy like DListed partays?...Decisions, decisions...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
It's kind of funny. But if I came across this sick fucker rubbing his ass on my windows, I'd be seriously creeped out. That is kinda scary.
@ Tigger--
Wait for me! I got the MEDICATED Vaseline that will tingle our shingles while we imprint...
*huffing and puffing to keep up*
Damm, I wish I had four legs sometimes.
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The cult of Oprah is bad...putsomestankonit
Killer. Someone new to wack my bag too.--randy1
@Mrs. K--
I didn't understand every word of what you just said about your job, but I did get the gist that
I will have to move to BFE in my quest to become
Crazy Cat Codependent.
*sticks head in kitty litter*
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:14pm.
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The cult of Oprah is bad...putsomestankonit
Killer. Someone new to wack my bag too.--randy1
Awesome, just awesome...
*shaving tiger butt, rubbing Vaseline on clean shaven tiger ass cheeks*...
Be back later whores, off to do some hood rat stuff, they's some zoo officials I need to butt bandit...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:06pm.
as a codifier of municipal codes I can testify that cities can and do limit the number of pets per household allowed within said city's city limits.
Remember--freedom is not free.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
"I'm an international MOVIE STAR!" ~~ Melanie Griffith
nebraska is so boring i would consider rubbing my ass on a window for fun...
Limit 2 cats? That sounds like China limiting fams to 1 child each.
Creepy. I have three cats and nobody is jacking one of my furry friends.
It would be Ruby Ridge all over again.
Submitted by ocd can be good on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:57pm.
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The cult of Oprah is bad...putsomestankonit
Killer. Someone new to wack my bag too.--randy1
Damn and why did he do this fuckery? Must be an OCD thing.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
http://www.myspace.com/384080529
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:46pm
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Hahahahaha! Let it out Mrs K! I'll join ya'
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEwZIufmafo&feature=related
Submitted by Charles Manson on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:32pm.
Damn, you sound just like my history instructor but on crack. You in Florida, dude?
Sorry to hear about this.
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Dick happens! - MK
@ . Lecture on. I just dish a tiny bit out once in a bit and I try to get the low sodium. I know it's not healthy but they act so crazy that I give in. I just did a rescue the other day. A stray I'd been feeding had 5 kittens (all females) so they were finally big enough that I could bring them to a no kill shelter my friend is involved with. kitty now trusted me enough that I could scoop her up and get her fixed. She's in my house as I type this and the kittens are up for adoption. I've adopted 2 of her previous litter myself but they are basically feral and I already had a number of other rescue cats. The town where I live passed a bylaw that limits us to 2 cats so I am awaiting the cat nazis to show up with a warrant even though they stay inside and I keep the curtains drawn. I wouldn't get stuck with them all if others fixed them, so I love it when others lecture. It breaks my heart all the unwanted pets, not to mention my pocketbook. And I am officially a feline felon. The cops have to knock to enter for a grow operation but I guess I'm a wanted woman. On that note, should get my butt (yes, on this thread) into gear and go buy more cat litter.
Is Charles Manson actually COMINGBACK's angrier, slightly-more-sense-making, alter-ego, perhaps?
...and did the Butt-bandit masquerade this get-up to a recent Halloween party as Kim KardASShian?
...or maybe some thought that the Butt-bandit was indeed Kim KardASShian up to some rather unusual shenanigans?
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Submitted by Charles Manson on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:32pm
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Take some deep breaths, Charles. I do sympathize. My brothers are both real handfulls sometimes.
Sinnie...
Where in Nebraska?
(I love Nebraska)
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:39pm.
That actually looks like Aretha's brassiere.
^^
*pretending to be righteously indignant while holding back the laughter*
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Can you surry, can you picnic?
That actually looks like Aretha's brassiere.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEwZIufmafo&feature=related
Submitted by Charles Manson on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:32pm
*******
I sympathize with your predicament but a well-placed comma here and there would make your post easier to read.
***********
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEwZIufmafo&feature=related
Submitted by Charles Manson on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:32pm.
would you like some rugelach, bubbie?
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Can you surry, can you picnic?
I AM SO SICK OF ASSHOLES I COULD FUCKIN PUKE. THOSE GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKERS. THEY JUST WANT TO MAKE ME FUCKING GODDAMN START DRY HEAVING AND HAVING FLORESENT GREEN FECES. FUCK IT. MY DEAR AND PRECIOUS AND WONDERFUL MOTHER HAS BEEN VERY SICK AND MY GODDAMN FUCKER OF A SHITTER OF A BROTHER COULDNT TAKE THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME TO VISIT HER IN THE GODDAMN HOSPITAL EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES 5 FUCKIN MINUTES AWAY AND DOESNT EVEN GIVE A GODDAMN PHONE CALL. HE EVEN FUCKING COULD NOT FIND THE TIME TO PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE CALL HERE SINCE SHE HAS BEEN FUCKIN DISCHARGED FOR 3 FUCKING CUNTY DAYS. WE ARE NOT FUCKING TALKING ABOUT A BOY HER, BUT A GODDAMN 44 YEAR OLD MAN. I SPENT 12 GODDAMN HOURS TODAY CLEANING HER FUCKIN HOUSE AND NURSE MAIDING HER. I WANT TO SHOOT MY GODDAMN STUPID ASS CUNTY BROTHER IN THE SLIMY ASSED RETARDED FUCKIN CUNTY BUTTFUCKED PUSSY FUCKED SQUIRTED CUM ON YOUR FACE,,,HEAD.
Proud to be from Nebraska!
... And that depresses me. Nothing like that ever happened when I lived there. *pouts*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Peace out, y'all!" -Al Gore
Submitted by ocd can be good on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 6:12pm.
@ . I didn't realize they were eye holes. I thought he was in need of some Preperation H. By the way, I love the avie. Reminds me of what happens when it's tuna reward day at my place.
-
lol! Prep H would be the least of his medical/anal needs to be sure. You're right...my little puddy-tat marathoner looks like your puddy!
BTW, not to be too mama-cat preachy but feeding tuna to cats is really bad for them [especially for male cats]...because it causes all kinds of urinary tract probs. -Catnip too sadly enough. My youngest feline is a 'nip' addict and it makes him so happy and content but I can't give him the nip any longer because it throws off his urinary PH balance and that's another cause of crystal accumulation. He's already had a 'sex change' and still struggles with urination problems. Ugh. I love him so much though and I do everything I can to keep him healthy [including injecting water into his mouth daily so he gets enough fluids which help dissolve the crystals]. I probably sound like a nutcase for going through that much for a pet but I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has fur babies that are worth going into debt for if it can save their lives.
Gaw...sorry for the rant. It's just something close to my heart.
**Best stalker anthem EVVA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvnVb_TytwE
god i love reading dlisted when stoned....stories like this make me really think i'm hallucinating from the pot but then i come back later after the effects have worn off and the story is still here.
best. story. ever. when. high.
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
Miss your fucked up ways on my fucked up days.
http://www.myspace.com/unexpectedlyspeechless
@ . I didn't realize they were eye holes. I thought he was in need of some Preperation H. By the way, I love the avie. Reminds me of what happens when it's tuna reward day at my place.
He's clearly got a little too much free time on his...uh...hands.
Okay, I live about two hours from here (yes, in Nebraska) and this was a big deal. Apparently, this guy is a mentally ill pervert who is an exhibitionist.
*sigh*
I wish we were known more for Husker Nation than this.
Is it wrong that I noticed the eye holes in the bum hole area of that costume?
**Best stalker anthem EVVA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvnVb_TytwE
His cellmates will find a new way to put his talent to use.
Common Ejaculations
The Jesus Prayer
Come Holy Spirit
Eternal Rest
Basics of Catholicism
Catholicism 101
http://catholicism.about.com/od/prayers/g/Aspiration.htm
Pronunciation: ass-puh-RAY-shun
.
"An aspiration, sometimes called an ejaculation, is a short prayer meant to be memorized and repeated throughout the day. The word comes from the Latin aspirare, 'to breath upon.'"
http://catholicism.about.com/od/prayers/g/Aspiration.htm
Pronunciation: ass-puh-RAY-shun
Also Known As: ejaculation
Examples: Some common aspirations include the Jesus Prayer, Come Holy Spirit, and Eternal Rest.
"His greatest achievement was leaving his butt print on every window of a hotel."
i can only asss-pire to such peaks.
(omg, this post is hilarious. hahaaaahaa!!!)
.