Jean-Claude Van Damme Knows How To Charm The Ladies
There was a time when some of us would gladly put our asses up in the air for Jean-Claude Van Damme, but nowadays we'd only raise our butts to fart in his fug face. His FACE! He looks like the bastard love child of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and a downsy iguana. Jean-Claude still thinks he's got the shit, because he's still shamelessly hitting on girls old enough to be his daughter. Jean-Claude is infamous for being a manwhore who can't keep his cheesy peen in his surfer pants, so it's no surprise that he hit on a 22-year-old reporter from Newsweek during an interview.
Sarah Ball talked to 48-year-old Jean-Claude about his new movie "JCVD" and the conversation quickly turned creepy. Oh and JC is currently married to wifey #5:
Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in "JCVD." I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.OK —
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.Well, I —
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.So you've no regrets at all?
Believe me—I've done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don't regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?I 'm 22.
Oh, fuck. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?I don't know. When is it?
I don't know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?Uh —
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.
Jean-Claude forgot to say one very important thing. He forgot to say, "You are very elegant." Did he not learn anything from Dimitri the Lover?!
With all that being said, I'd still put on a black dress, slip on some black high heels, peel the skin off of Jean-Claude's fruit and cut his very hard seed. That sounds like some Lorena Bobbitt shit.
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Isn't it weird to assume someone is either 27 or 32.. That is a difference in age.. And really fucking weird.. "Hey, you are 27, or 32, right?!" D'oh! and then its like "No I'm 5 years old sir!" *runs*
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
GAWD!!!!!!!! All men are douchbags...sorry I am in the middle of a break up (possibly second chance) with my bf... I really thought he wasn't a lying douchbag
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
It would have to be from the back.
That is all.
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Wyle E Coyote
"Yeah, the joke doesn't really work if I have to explain it in detail. Just give me an endearing look and continue eating your panini", MK.
gawd he's gross...how does he manage to get women to continue to marry him...
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he doesn't know anything, he didn't do anything, and he doesn't give a shit...
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
No wonder he's on wifey #5...he's too busy wandering Santa Monica Blvd. in the evenings picking up some "bread and milk" *winks*. What? You didn't know this? Van Damage has been a fixture on that street circuit for years now.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
good to know he's still got class.
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how ever long our love will last, I always want to call you "friend"....
-Kenny Loggins and Stevie Nicks "Whenever I Call You Friend"
Oh lawd, I need a mental enema after reading that tripe. He is, how you say en francais, tres dégueulasse, non?
If I were this reporter, I'd have kicked him in the balls for being so wrong about my age and guessing 10 years older!
Of course I still get id'ed when buying alcohol, so...
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My other gig
My other hangout
He and Parasite Hilton should get together and eye fuck each other in their wonk eyes.
Also, does anyone think that Evan Rachel Wood is telling her publicist to get Van Damme's number as we speak? We all know she loves meth-faced dirty old men.
Stock!
"DListed Snow Kittens"!!!
That made me feel all warm!
*swirls toe in the dirt*
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ungrateful, thoughtless pig! :)
Mrs K.: Alec is looking like he's gonna call me an ungreatful little pig! LOL ♥♥♥♥
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
wife #5?! oh huh...i bet he won't stop at 5.
I used to have the hots for Jean-Claude. Now he is just too pervy and pathetic.
nice dye job, Claude!
Did you do that at home with Clairol?
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Simply put, fawning over celebrities and their picturesque families may be just the sort of distraction people need
Jean-Claude Van Goddamn is, and will always be, a himbo with goose liver for brains.
No wonder he is on wife #5.
It's called DISCRETION!
Belgians everywhere are probably ashamed this is one of their biggest exports.
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
the wonk...LOL! is that from years of drug and alchi abuse? that fucker was really into it back in the day.
the interviewer should've kicked him in the balls.
ha ha trisc and okie: I was about to comment on that FUCKING WONK!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WTF is a "Downsy Iguana?"
MK...you need to lay off the NyQuil.
Jean Claude needs a fist up his ass from Rojo Caliente.
Good Morning DListed Snow Kittens!
it is plain creepy! but it's JCV so i am not surprised at all.
Damn, he obviously lives in his own little time warped world, huh?!
O how I used to think he was hot....
o and that interview is fake right?
WHAT A CREEP! ishk
Also, how much makeup does he have on? Damn. I think he has more makeup on than Christina!
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ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
I like to picture him doing semi-nude midair splits in TimeCop while he made passes at the reporter.
Also, he and Joe Namath should form a group of old creepsters who get together and hit on girls far too young for them.
Sorry, that is just plain creepy. How many years has he been a D list celebrity?!? Does he not think his wife will read any of the interview?
He has always given me the creeps, but this interview is high up on the creep-o-meter.
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ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
Submitted by Otter Pop on Thu, 11/20/2008 - 9:42am.
Years ago he could have gotten away with his retarded pick up lines. Now he just sounds desperate, old and high as a motherfucking kite.
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hhahaha no doubt!! to think i had a crush on this guy back in the day....oh god, i am embarassed now ;/
anywho...it's gross that he hit on a girl that could be his daughter.
"Downsy iguana."
MK you are my fooking hero!
JCVD sort of looks like Michael Lohan here, an equally irrelevant humanoid.
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
MK, you naughty, naughty boy!
You'll fuck just about ANYTHING, won't you?
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" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
he needs jesse camp and his two eight balls
Apparently he didn't get the "You're No Longer Relevant" memo.
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I didn't hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
jean-claude SO looks like the space-docking type of guy...
Maybe he should get a few tips from "The Continental" aka Christopher Walken.
@Cici.. OMG that was the funniest fucking Movie EVAH!! His peepee would vibrate when he was all hot in the movie. *laughs* I had to watch that everytime it came on the movie channels.. Oh fuck, it was funny. And that co worker guy would go to meet women at AA Meetings.. LMAO!!
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
hahahahaha. Smarmy perv! (It's funny to say his lines with his Pepe Le Pew accent.)
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"Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it [marriage] for the idea of everything." (Britney)
Years ago he could have gotten away with his retarded pick up lines. Now he just sounds desperate, old and high as a motherfucking kite.
Um. Gross. He makes me think "Pervy old man", and I'm old!
~*~Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal....~*~
There was a movie awhile back with Gary Schandling and Annette Benning. He played an alien coming to Earth with the mission of impregnate a woman. The dialogue in that movie and what this doofus says here is eerily similar.
Um, EWWWWWWWWWWWW!
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He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger a bit w/ the wonk there! I'd like to see them in the ring together! that'd be really interesting.. *rubs chins*
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
Too many kicks to the head...
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Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free?
He rocks. I love him.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
It's Britney, Bitch!<
haha Triscuit, total Wonk Face for sure.. And then he totally fucked up about her Age. he has no clue! Loser!!!!
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
Gross!! did he really say those creepy uncle things to that girl? Ick! Well there goes wife #5 or whatever she is.. He's on a divorce now, and he won't be getting anywhere w/ that interviewer either!
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
wonk~face.ew
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♥"Late night sex, so wet and so tight"♥ T.I