Sasha Fierce Needs New Dancers
Sasha Fierce pounced into "SNL" last night to perform that "Singles Ladies (Put A Cock Ring On It)" song and she looked like a greedy, high-powered 80s businesswoman who was too busy worrying about an upcoming corporate takeover to realize that she forgot to wear the bottom part of her Claude Montana suit.
Sasha Fierce is also not going to be happy to learn that her dancers were fucking taking the shine off of her and I don't mean that in a good way. I couldn't take my eyes off of the blondie dancer who looked like she was freshly plucked out from her day job as sweater folder at J.Crew and thrown on stage with Sasha Fierce.
Sasha needs to replace those tricks with this bitch below. I've shown this shit before, but it's time for an encore! Actually, Sasha would never share a stage with homegirl right here, because the lights would immediately go out and all spotlights would shine on him. I'm having a hard time calling Beyonce Sasha Fierce, because this is the real Sasha Fierce right here. Who's going to let Beyonce know that the spirit of Sasha Fierce has bounced out of her body and shimmied into the glittery hole of this hot piece?
BONUS! - Click here to see Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg tuck their junk into leotards for a skit with Beyonce. Justin sucks at playing queeny, but the douche has legs.
BONUS, PART II! - Click here to see Sasha Fierce perform "If I Were A Boy." Those titties were aching to free themselves from that tape and jump out of that dress. Sasha wouldn't have noticed because she was too busy exuding raw emotion into her performance. I also love the fan towards the end of her performance. I wish it would have blown her ass right off the stage.
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LCT, I believe I saw it on "he who shall not be named" 's site. Or on OhNoTheyDidn't
but then they said Pete was blogging about the fires, so maybe not.....if she is, then she has been in labor for about 18 hrs, poor thing.
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"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 6:18pm.
Baby: "I wanna come out now"
Ashleee: "No"
Baby: "I wanna come out now"
Ashleee: "No"
Baby: "Isa gonna cut myself if I don' geddout"
Ashleee: "OK, done"
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Do you think that's why so many babies come out with their cords around their necks? They think, "I'll show mommy. She's not giving me chocolate bars and wine shots every 14 minutes so I'm going to choke myself and from then on she'll give me anything I want."
It was agonizingly OBVIOUS that Beyonce (oh shit, I mean Sasha Fierce O_o) was lip-synching to "If I Were A Boy". Beyonce always gives it her all though, so she gets respect from me for that. Justin TimberSTANK is so 1999, that idiot needs to be locked in a dark cellar in a subterranean cavern somewhere in Afghanistan and have the key thrown away.
"You smell like a baby prostitute." ~ Mean Girls
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 6:15pm.
LCT, it has been reported that Asslee went into labor last night......but that could be rumor.
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Who said that?
Submitted by ricki lake on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 5:12pm.
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I respectfully disagree, I watched last night and she really seemed to be lip-synching.
@tits: Verdon was sexier, fully dressed, than any of the pop princesses of today.
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MK is a businesswoman!
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 6:14pm.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 6:07pm.
Maybe she read the sciento pamphlet wrong and she's waiting to birth an adult.
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Or maybe they don't think it's emo enough yet. I heard they have to bake for an extra long time to become jaded.
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Baby: "I wanna come out now"
Ashleee: "No"
Baby: "I wanna come out now"
Ashleee: "No"
Baby: "Isa gonna cut myself if I don' geddout"
Ashleee: "OK, done"
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
LCT, it has been reported that Asslee went into labor last night......but that could be rumor.
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"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Goodness! Paul Rudd has an average body and is not even what you say "sexy" in any way. And yet, he is sooo effing hot. I wan't to squeeze him.
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Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 6:07pm.
Maybe she read the sciento pamphlet wrong and she's waiting to birth an adult.
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Or maybe they don't think it's emo enough yet. I heard they have to bake for an extra long time to become jaded.
My point is she gives all her effort it's not half assed.
The skit was funny, there are ALOT of things I don't like about Bey, but I give her credit every time she performs, she performs like it might be her last shot, she's still hungry like when they first get into that business none of that Mariah Carey crap where she acts like she's doing you the favor if she even shows up, she gives 100%, I can't hate on that.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 5:57pm.
Off topic: what the hell is Asshole Simpson waiting for? She's got to be 11 months pregnant for crying out loud!
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Maybe she read the sciento pamphlet wrong and she's waiting to birth an adult.
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
I can't stop laughing at JT doing the hip wiggle and the half-assed kick starting at about 1:33. Seriously, I might poo.
HELLO!!!!!! THE SECOND CLIP IS SASHA FIERCE!!!!! TWO SNAPS AND A CIRLCE.
Every time you show Beyonce you need to include him because he is FIERCE!!! HONEY!!!!
AND YES, He is HOT SLUT!! TONIGHT!!! WORK IT OUT!!
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Off topic: what the hell is Asshole Simpson waiting for? She's got to be 11 months pregnant for crying out loud!
I love the gay guy in the second video,he is fierce! Has he been a hot slut yet?
I thought JT was funny in the vid,he has some beautiful legs,if he shaved that mess of his face I bet he could make a passable tranny with the right hair and make-up.
Beyonce is not fat,she has curves but I think they look great on her.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
I don;t think B is fat at all, but her legs are fucking HUGE. Solid muscle, but huge. I would never want legs like that. I do think she is gorgeous though, and I like a lot of her music.
I like JT too. He is hilarious, and has been every time he has been on SNL.....and in case you haven't heard rickilake, he has had two very successful solo albums. Save the N'Sync jokes for the other 4.
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"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
ALL OF YOO LISTEN TO MEE
DOUCHEY AREN'T NOT JT WOW!
HE MY BANGOLOW CAN MAKE SLEEP TIMES
UNDERSTAND, OK
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
PS Justin Timberlake is such douche. He wasn't funny at all, and if that was supposed to be a 'gay' impression...well, miserable FAIL. It wasn't steretypical...just kind of retarded. Go away, JT. 'N Sync was like, 10 years ago.
Totally off-topic, but i must ask...
baby talk is all about one thing
L-O-V-E
- Mrs Kravits
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Hi Mrs K,
Can I keep your statement as my signature comment? I love the simplicity of your explanation. Brilliance is softly spoken. Thanks!
Well, beyotch, "I am Curious Yellow."
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Hi, I'm Mild Cheddar.
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
I agree MK, the blond looked out of place, so pasty but that's great because her porcelain skin rivals Agent Scully's roho milkiness mmmmm.
Beyonce is beautiful, and people who bitch about her "linebacker legs" just think they're being clever and 'snarky' (barf) because they heard that insult online one time and now they think it's hilarious to repeat it ad nauseam. Yeah, that Beyonce...what a heifer. Please.
I can definitely understand why people might not like her, her persona, or her music, but she's not ugly, she's not fat, and she wasn't lip-synching.
I'm impressed by the homo in the second video, but for fuck's sake, hand him a sandwich. Maybe everyone's calling Beyonce a linebacker 'cause that dude is a skeleton.
You! Have feeling good! Shine times hey!
http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2008/10/happy-birthday.jpg
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 4:21pm.
You know who did this dual personality better? Garth Brooks.
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Actually that Chris Gaines crap tanked Brooks's career, not enhanced it. It sucked when Brooks did it and it sucks now Beyonce's doing it. "I am Sasha Fierce"? Well, beyotch, "I am Curious Yellow."
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 4:12pm.
LCT what does the inside of the card say?
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Hahahahahah! It says "Let's Holiday Love!"
I'm going to give one of these to everyone at work and make things REALLY awkward.
You know who did this dual personality better? Garth Brooks.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
LCT what does the inside of the card say?
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Mrs K, does Minch know he's a d.o.g?
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 4:01pm.
Kacky, you mentioned Fosse on a beyonce post!
^^
JAZZ HANDS!!!!!
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
yeah kacky I agree totally about the costumes. I'm not sure who dresses worse on stage, Beyoncé or Rihanna. But in B's defense I suppose Sasha Fierce just TAKES OVER Kanye style and doesn't let her have any input about the wardrobe. What a rude selfish bitch Sasha is.
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In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
Kacky, you mentioned Fosse on a beyonce post!
How it should be done: www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9xer2luUXo
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:16pm.
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 2:33pm.
CREEMY, you are just embarrassing yourself honey.
'Baby talk' does not lead to any kind of retardation. It is a natural way of introducing the child to singularly occurring phonemes. It is the process of learning by forgetting.
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Well then I'm a fucking JENIOUS!
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baby talk is all about one thing
L-O-V-E
as in, you should hear Pudge call Minch his "wittle pussy cat."
Priceless.
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
@Bambam -
Crazy and depressing!
@Diego - Don't you think the "ring" reference is more about commitment than buying gifts? That's how I always see it. Either way, it's misguided. Lord, did I just do social commentary on a Beyonce song?
@bisou - agreed, there is nothing wrong with her body. She's in fantastic shape. But those costumes need to be dead and buried with Mr. Fosse.
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MK is a businesswoman!
Get used to it, she's gonna be annoying us for a while.
She's got a movie and a CD to promote.
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
@LCT: Classic.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
It's Britney, Bitch!<
Submitted by MrsRobbieWilliams on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:25pm.
Beyonce is stunning from the waist up...and then it's all linebacker waist down. Ick.
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I'm so tired of hearing people say shit like this. Beyoncé has a different body type than what we're used to seeing, ie sickly thin. She is a healthy body weight and is curvy, what is disgusting about that?
Having said that, B is really annoying.
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In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
If this isn't a DListed Christmas card just by the first line I don't know what is:
http://us.st12.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/yhst-16819650271083_2026_443726...
Submitted by kacky on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:25pm.
Ooooh, could we have a talk about that. America has this long established puritan ethos yet simultaneously it sexualizes practically everything it sells to the public. Then denying any accountability if some tragedy occurs involving usage of their product. Crazy.
I must remind myself I have a life I need to tend to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU
I thought she did great, especially with the Single Ladies mock skit. I don't like the Boy song, but she does deliver. I have to give props to pop stars that apparently put in an effort. Except Madonna, she's beginning to grate on my nerves.
Submitted by la coocaracha on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:25pm.
Why is everyones panties in a bunch over poor Bebe....I dont ever hear anyone complain so emphatically about miley Cyrus/ Hanna Montannas two personalities
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I think it's because this one has a smidgen of talent. It's not so offensive on a tweentard - you know they're stupid and gullible and need to have a gimmick.
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by kacky on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:22pm.
Oh, I know it's not a healthy way to approach a relationship. But women aren't the only ones who do it. I should probably be ashamed to admit it, but I've done it. I mean, I think most people, gay, straight, male or female have done the 'buy me this and you might get happy later' thing.
http://daywithoutagay.org/
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That song is so dumb. Beyonce/Sasha Fierce b.s. is so dumb that my mind just quit this bitch!
Your face!
Submitted by NitWitty on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:20pm.
LCT, course I went straight for the instruction pages... Here's a good one.
http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2008/08/battery-instruction.j...
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! I love the giant D batteries all shoved in his cake hole!!!
Why is everyones panties in a bunch over poor Bebe....I dont ever hear anyone complain so emphatically about miley Cyrus/ Hanna Montannas two personalities
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When Bella fucks Edward...is it feel like fucking an icesickle?
Beyonce is stunning from the waist up...and then it's all linebacker waist down. Ick.
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"Get up and see the sarcasm in my eyes..." -Robbie Williams
Submitted by bambam on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:21pm.
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Bam, I've been in marketing my whole career. These images work because men want to have that and women want to look like that. Sad but true.
Meanwhile, I can admire someone who speaks multiple languages, but when they try to hurl epithets, it does make me wonder if they are about to chop my dolla. (Nigerian scam talk)
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MK is a businesswoman!
Submitted by Diego on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 3:08pm.
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That song sounds like a woman who was already putting out and moved onto the next guy because she couldn't get a commitment. Cart before the horse anyone?
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MK is a businesswoman!
@ kacky,
That makes me wonder too. It's that double standard, I mean who is she trying to appeal to? Showing off your body, talking about how strong emotionally you are and how you're not taking any crap from guys yet taunting them? You know, "don't you wish you could get some of this?" Women get raped in some countries acting like that. I don't know who she's appealing to, men or women. I been out there a long time and no one, male or female, would be worth the trouble. I got a neighbor with a body made by God (as in Gawwdamn!!!) but she acts like she's the shit. I got her message very early on yet I still spoke to her cause she's a neighbor. I finally said fuck her (mentally) and I ignore her to this day.
@ pearlnecklace,
Don't get me started about those so called Christian women. The ones I've dealt with hide behind that to cover for their pettiness and mean spiritedness, almost to a person. That "I'm a queen b.s. They can tell a man how they should be treated yet men can't do the same, as long as you meet THEIR requirements according to THEIR wishes, they'll meet your requirements according to what THEY think is reasonable for them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU