Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
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Kanye is the MC Hammer of our generation.
Candy has a crush!!
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
I love Knaye. I love everything he says and everything he does. I love the way he's outspoken and could give a damn what anyone thinks. The thing about it is that he speaks the truth and people can't stand him for it. I want to marry this fucker. Not for his money but for his mouth
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
(")_(")
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:31pm.
I'm sorry Kanye, I had my headphones on and listening to Led Zeppelin and The Who, voices of generations ago....did you say something?
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OMG That's hilarious. Once in HS, we were at a party and my stoopit friend (the rest were smart)got stoopit drunk and started going on and on at this guy about how she always liked him and that she always thought they were perfect for each other and how this one time she showed up early just to talk to him and he was sick that day so she lost her nerve, etc....and we sat there in horrified silence as she did this....and you know what he did? He saw our horrified faces and lifted up his earphone and said to her...wait for it..."Did you say something?" Fucking classic! LOL!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:37pm.
It looks like he's wearing a baby's bib. How appropriate. Waaa waaa waaa.
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Kanye to IG: LOOK! JUST BECAUSE I HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE UNIVERSE, DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO HAVE CLASS OR FASHION SENSE.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
In 10 years he'll be begging for the attention he is getting today.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:31pm.
I'm sorry Kanye, I had my headphones on and listening to Led Zeppelin and The Who, voices of generations ago....did you say something?
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Don't lie. You couldn't hear him because you're head was underwater and MK has the picture to prove it over at the Caption this contest.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:31pm.
To clarify: The glasses that Tom Selleck are wearing are cool... anything on Tom Selleck is cool (including dad pants!)
I am boycotting Kayne's name because I refuse to pronounce it and therefore: Tom the Asswipe! I have made him my personal punching bag. I swear at him every time a new post comes up and I'm around.
Example: TOM, YOU NEED TO CHOKE ON YOUR OWN JIZZ AND DIE!!!
Fun stuff!
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
It looks like he's wearing a baby's bib. How appropriate. Waaa waaa waaa.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:01pm.
Those are some UGLY ASS GLASSES, TOM!!! STFU!
Yes they are. As if his ass needed glasses anyway!
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
fuck this moron...
hasn't anyone told this idiot all-caps are just plain obnoxious and considered rude?
shut your mouf kanye for good
I'm sorry Kanye, I had my headphones on and listening to Led Zeppelin and The Who, voices of generations ago....did you say something?
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Kanye thinks the ME in media is all about him.
I could give two shits whether he's arrested or not.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
I am so tired of him telling the world how great he is and that nobody else is as talented as he is. He reminds me of Chestica, craving the attention and then demanding to be left alone. We should all do what he wants and leave him alone. Forever.
Oh, I forgot, he is one stark-raving-foaming-at-the-mouth, grade A LOON!!
Asshole needs to swallow a whole bunch of quaaludes, valium, zanax and lithium STAT! I believe it would take massive quantities for this dick-hole to O.D. on, because he's so wound-up that you could take a lump of coal, shove it up his smelly, tight asshole and said lump of coal would become a diamond in mere seconds.
I can't believe this person hasn't been institutionalized yet. Soon, hopefully, ahaha!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Those are some UGLY ASS GLASSES, TOM!!! STFU!
(and I didn't even read what he said, nor do I give a shit.)
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
He's gonna have a thrombo. If you're walking down a public street, people can take pix of you, whether you're famous or not. They can't touch you or block your way, but that's about it. In his case, having your pic taken all the time is the inevitable, inherent result of being famous.
Kanye should get his wish: the paps should totally ignore his existence.
Then watch how fast his prominence dwindles down to a butterfly's fart.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Submitted by Deb on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 6:57pm.
No Deb, we could really use a Frapp and Cheeto report today.
Submitted by Mejinn on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 6:54pm.
Cheers! Am I wrong to long for a Britney post? At least her stupidity is amusing.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Man, I hate Kuntye Waste. He truly sucks donkey-dick (and loves it very much)!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
My eyes! My poor eyes!
Submitted by Deb on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 6:50pm.
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Exactly. I'm with you on that one, Deb.
MK, unfortunately, every time you post one of Douche King's rants, (which I won't read) you're giving him what he wants. Attention.
Fuck him.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"