Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
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Dee, whenever I look at that photo, it makes me more eager for the Vegas trip to see my loved ones.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
I think all those giant oversized letters are overcompensation for something... if you get my drift.
Hell no! Kanye is not worthy of sitting next to the great Dr. Cornel West!
Submitted by moonmaid on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:40pm.
Thank you for that captivating summary of this thread! I can go to bed peacefully now. :D
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Well you know he could have my life and be poor and anonymous. Poor, poor Kanye. Let's all get together and strum on the world's tiniest violin for him. {{sob}}
IS IT ME OR IS KANYE WEARING A BABY BIB IN THAT PHOTO????????
AND HIS GLASSES MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE URKEL!!!!!
CAPS BABY CAPS ALL CAPS ALL THE MOTHRFKNG TIME!!!!
HAHA!! No he's got a point (to a point). Paps are aggressive. They're like hopped-up galahs!
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LOL
more like gang gang cockatoos I would have thought! more destructive and annoying. hee!
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:38pm.
Nitty.....you weren't out of town recently were you?
LMFAOOOOOOO!
Nitty.....you weren't out of town recently were you?
http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-nov0708-punch_bite_floo...
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Can-Ya is starting to look like an older, grouchier Steve Urkel. "Did I do that? *snort snort snort*"
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
Sluttsville: I know! Made me giggle. Check out Dave Barry's Blog (no plugging). He has a bunch of hilarious stuff. Just scroll down to crazy news goodness.
http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
well here's the problem! THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM.
clearly his security staff are not doing their job! sheesh.
that was as far as i could read.
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:18pm.
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How funny that they were caught having sex on a Virgin train.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:17pm.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:14pm.
Cheesus, I need a new post, surely there is someone boinking a coffee table or breastfeeding a 15 y.o.; and IG breastfeeding her pool boy doesn't count.
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I completely agree. I even as far as to Google the word sex and search the news section for something to send MK.
Just like when you look directly into the sun and see spots......I read that whole thing and I am seeing ALL CAPS flashes when I blink.
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Dick happens! - MK
one classy lady: http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-nov0708-punch_bite_floo...
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Sluttsville: or check out these articles, there's always something going on!
http://www.variety.com/VR1117995653.html
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3082138.html?menu=news.quirkies
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?One_of_our_churches_is_missing...
but whatever you do, if you're going in to the doctor's do NOT check out this:
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24634118-5002700,00.html
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
The real talent in this picture is sitting next to Kanye: Danger Mouse.
Sluttsville: entertain yourself on the irony of this news article.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1084723/Couple-arrested-having-s...
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
I can't lie. I think if hordes of idiots were following me and shoving cameras in my face with bright ass bulbs, I'd pop the shit out of one or two of them regularly. I think the whole paparazzi thing is disgusting. I have to vote Team Kanye with this, not that he had to be a big whiney douche about it afterward. But I concur it's fucking rude and being famous shouldn't mean you get your personal space invaded like that.
I'm big about personal space. I can't stand for people to take pics of me or get in my "box"....which is good I am not famous.
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I smacked a bitch and I liked it.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:14pm.
Cheesus, I need a new post, surely there is someone boinking a coffee table or breastfeeding a 15 y.o.; and IG breastfeeding her pool boy doesn't count.
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I take great offense to that. I only do it with bicycles and the odd Volkswagen. I plead the 5th on the breastfeeding thing.
King of the douches.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:12pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:10pm.
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Those are his lips, they are so pink and angry looking that I thought he borrowed Vadge's clitty.
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Hmm, could be he just needs a little refinement surgery? Anyone know any good plastic surgeons?
*apologizes in advance for *going there**
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Cheesus, I need a new post, surely there is someone boinking a coffee table or breastfeeding a 15 y.o.; and IG breastfeeding her pool boy doesn't count.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
He LOOKS like Steve Urkel but he has the soul of Gary Coleman.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
@Sluttsville:
Ooops! ;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:10pm.
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Those are his lips, they are so pink and angry looking that I thought he borrowed Vadge's clitty.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Ooops double post....Ooops double post.....Ooops double post
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
I need a new post... his eyes are stealing my soul.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT SWAN?
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Slutty, Even Steve Urkle didn't have that busted up mess of a mouth. I think the surgeons musta' inserted a sphincter in place of his vocal cords when they reconstructed his lower face.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:06pm.
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Not you silly, for Kanye......
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Kanye should be more forgiving of the press, wearing those glasses, the paps probably thought they were taking pics of Steve Urkel...a true celeb!
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
*paragraphs.
Sorry, Jan I got excited:)
PS. He's got them. But that's only cuz he's a rapper. Trust.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Not only is Kanye a douchebag, but he got a hideous mug. Imagine waking up to that in the morning? ew. i think he's gained a few lbs since he got famous, too. fat fuck.
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Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:59pm.
That just never stops getting funnier.
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Sandbitch: BWHAHAHAHA!
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:50pm.
OK, KANYE, YOU GOT A GREAT MESSAGE THERE AND I SEE YOU FOUND SPELLCHECK! YAY! BUT UNLESS YOU FIGURE OUT THE WHOLE GRAMMAR THING AND START ADDING PARARAGRAPHS AND COLONS AND SEMI-COLONS AND LITTLE LETTERS AND SHIT NO ONE IS GOING TO BOTHER READING A DAMN WORD YOU TYPE! TRUST ME. I TRIED IT! GETIT?GOTIT?GOOD!
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Where is Jan-in-the-Pan when you need her?
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:56pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:43pm.
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WHAT?? SORRY, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON!! :)
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That's what the Pap said to Kanye. He just didn't understand why that damn pap couldn't hear the voice of an ENTIRE generation!!
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
NO IM NOT HISPANIC JUST A CRAZY CHIC HENCE CHICA LOCA IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I SAY BOO HOO JUST SCROLL DOWN TO THE PROFESSORS
BOOT SLAP HOOT SCRAP CAT FLAP WOOOOOOO
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:40pm.
Don't lie. You couldn't hear him because you're head was underwater and MK has the picture to prove it over at the Caption this contest.
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Yes, that is me.....with my head stuck in your butt!!
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Wanna know what? I think the reason I don't like him is his cheeks and lips. Boy is FUGLY.
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:54pm.
Would someone be good enough to translate? I can't do all caps.
............
I tried to read K's rant but all I could make out was WAH, WAH, WAAHH...POOR ME...BOO HOO...etc.
HAHA!! No he's got a point (to a point). Paps are aggressive. They're like hopped-up galahs!
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:43pm.
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WHAT?? SORRY, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON!! :)
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:49pm.
Kanye is the MC Hammer of our generation.
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IT'S HAMMER TONGUE!
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:51pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:47pm.
"Did you say something?"
hahahahahaha. Maybe he was just being kind?
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You know what? He really didn't hear her. I went to grade school with that guy:) So I asked him - I was like: were you being mean or nice? And he was like: "Seriously, dude, I didn't hear her. I didn't even reaize she was talking to ME." LOL!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Would someone be good enough to translate? I can't do all caps.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:49pm.
Kanye is the MC Hammer of our generation.
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"Our generation"?
Isn't he more like ...wait - Kanye is the ...? You know what? Kanye ain't shit. LOL!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 7:47pm.
"Did you say something?"
hahahahahaha. Maybe he was just being kind?
OK, KANYE, YOU GOT A GREAT MESSAGE THERE AND I SEE YOU FOUND SPELLCHECK! YAY! BUT UNLESS YOU FIGURE OUT THE WHOLE GRAMMAR THING AND START ADDING PARARAGRAPHS AND COLONS AND SEMI-COLONS AND LITTLE LETTERS AND SHIT NO ONE IS GOING TO BOTHER READING A DAMN WORD YOU TYPE! TRUST ME. I TRIED IT! GETIT?GOTIT?GOOD!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
I can't take any seriously who wears blue blockers.