Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
ShareThis
Stale Peeps and Vodka. Shit LMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:56pm.
I has Fireworks actually. I'm self taught so I haven't figured it all out meself. But you can do a lot with the little magic wand (not a euphamism).
---------------------
Seeeeeriously? No training? Now I'm excited! Who makes Fireworks?
edit: NVM. Adobe. Herrrooo.
No offense to women, but men make better douches.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:50pm.
My Top 5 Douche List:
hahahaha. No retail Massengill?
--------------------
They still sell that?
I think I'm going to make a stop at Shoppers and have myself a little douche party to see what the fuss is about!
Nick Hogan?
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:48pm.
I tried Photoshop once and I couldn't figure out what the hell all the buttons were for. Needless to say, I didn't get very far. Which version do you have? My first Photoshop experiment will be pasting a dink onto Rojo.
.........
I has Fireworks actually. I'm self taught so I haven't figured it all out meself. But you can do a lot with the little magic wand (not a euphamism).
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:49pm.
We need a female top 10 too. I vote Mischa Barton in at least top 3.
-------------------
That would be effwording hard....
Top 5 Female Douche List:
1. Whoregelina
2. Mariah Carey, J. Lo, Christina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Blohan, Wino, Sienna Miller
3. Mischa Barton
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Katie Roboto Cruise
@ Tiger bwahahaha tween enema! Good one.
Yeah LCT, I don't know if he's Twit or Twat. Either way he blows.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:40pm
*************************************
Ooh, gonna have to revise my douche list
1) Joe Francis
2) Kayne/Diddy
3) John Mayer
4) Pete Wentz
5) Timberdouche
I don't include Spencer Pratt because he is not important enough to be a celebrity, nor a douche. He is just a tween enema....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:44pm.
My Top 5 Douche List:
hahahaha. No retail Massengill?
@DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:40pm.
Beat me to it. Spencer Twat!
@LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:44pm.
BWWWWAAHHAA!
We need a female top 10 too. I vote Mischa Barton in at least top 3.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:46pm.
Hebben is in the palm of your 'puter, in da form of Orlando Pirate! Let me know when you got it and i'll get changed.
p.s. photoshop tutorials anytime you want :)
-----------------
Got it! Fenk you belly much!
I tried Photoshop once and I couldn't figure out what the hell all the buttons were for. Needless to say, I didn't get very far. Which version do you have? My first Photoshop experiment will be pasting a dink onto Rojo.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:11pm.
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:08pm.
I have never heard of this guy outside of this blog, and I will never hear his music, or whatever he does, nor will I read the text of his blogging. Does that make me a bad person?
*********************
Well, the only thing I ever heard him say that made any sense to me was: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." That was after Katrina.
Of course, I could only understand it cuz I didn't see it printed in all caps.
Does that make me a bad person?
********************************************
No. It makes you a typical Democrat. George Bush never abandoned you; far from it. You abandoned him, and justified electing a totally unqualified asshole president of our already troubled Country. If anyone should have taken the throne it was Hillary, but you all caved.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:40pm.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:37pm.
LCT
Wrong one..dis is better
------------------------
MAKEUP AND EVERYTHING! When we get to heben, will you teach me how to Photoshop like a pro?
..
Hebben is in the palm of your 'puter, in da form of Orlando Pirate! Let me know when you got it and i'll get changed.
p.s. photoshop tutorials anytime you want :)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
My Top 5 Douche List:
1. Vinegar
2. Shower head
3. Turkey baster full of lemon juice
4. Garden hose
5. Bidet
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:36pm.
My Douche List...
1) it's a tie Kayne and Diddy
2) John Mayer (close second)
3) Pete Wentz
4) Justine Timberlame
5) Benji Madden
**********************************
HAHA! Definitely K and D tie for first. But JT is not douchey...c'mon...how could you forget Twit or is it Twat? RECOUNT!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
My top 5 douche list:
1. Diddy
2. Kanye
3. Spencer Pratt
4. Adnan Landing Strip
5. Mario Lopez
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:37pm.
LCT
Wrong one..dis is better
------------------------
MAKEUP AND EVERYTHING! When we get to heben, will you teach me how to Photoshop like a pro?
LCT
Wrong one..dis is better
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:35pm.
LCT
You can copy and paste into your avi upload (just right click and save)...wait for it.
----------------------
Oh that's the hotness. You're my new favourite. That's almost magical. Actually, it IS magical. I think I'm going to do fake sex to it. Faaaaank you!!
My Douche List...
1) it's a tie Kayne and Diddy
2) John Mayer (close second)
3) Pete Wentz
4) Justine Timberlame
5) Benji Madden
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
LCT
You can copy and paste into your avi upload (just right click and save)...wait for it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:15pm.
LCT!!! Fine cheese? You say potato and I say... hehe.
I did make you an Orlando avi wif pirate hair beads DAYS ago! You still want?
-----------------------------------
OOOOO YES PLEASE! Fank you! How do we make the switch?
Where does Kayne rank on the list of the top ten douches of all time? Sersly...Name at least the top five douches of all time...I gotta think 'bout my list cuz they's a lot of douches out there....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
That's the perfect picture of Kanye, looking like a big spoiled baby.
************
MK is a businesswoman!
Nite nite moonpie! ♥
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Slutsville, every time I look at your avatar I crack up. No matter how many times I see it. It's brilliant!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:02pm.
===> I'd give him a Liverpool Kiss I would...
*********************
He looks like he's been given that particular greeting one too many times, if you ask me. But I'd give him, the old boot up the arse treatment in your absence.
On that note, I'm out folks. Keep on laughing, because you know what they say: We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. ~Agnes Repplier.
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Butt.fucking.ugly.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:06pm.
MY SMEGMA SMELLS LIKE A FINE CHEEZ!
........
LCT!!! Fine cheese? You say potato and I say... hehe.
I did make you an Orlando avi wif pirate hair beads DAYS ago! You still want?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
HE IS A GODDAMN HOOD RAT. FUCKING UNBELEIVABLE RETARED FUCKING MENTALITLY. I GOT ME SOME HOUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS AND I AM GOING TO THROUGH THEM UP DA AIR! I GOT ME 4 CARAT A PIECE DIAMOND STUDS THAT ARE PROBABLE WORTH MORE THAN 3 YEARS OF AN ADVERAGE PERSON'S INCOME! I GOT ME A 15 MILLION DOLLAR HOME! AND BY THE WAY, I DID NOT HAVE TWO FUCKING NICKLES TO RUB TOGETHER TWO YEARS AGO.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:04pm.
That's what I love about you, you know a galah from a cockatoo. Dey's pink! And BTW isn't it cotton candy in Canadialand? I thought only Aussies had candy floss!
I KNOW AS FAIRY FLOSS...(me borned in UK)
Candy is a Merkin invention...sorry.
........
Mee stoopit. How did I mix fairy floss with the 'Merkin candy word. That's what coming here too often does to me *scissor kicks self in da head*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
WILD WOMEN
In case you're getting bored, here's a video for you to watch. Don't try this at home. :)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pt9lErsLafw
Should be on the Rojo Caliente thread but I'm sick of this guy's face (even though I just looked in for a minute).
Have a fun night, horz. Night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erEoQH33B70
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:08pm.
I have never heard of this guy outside of this blog, and I will never hear his music, or whatever he does, nor will I read the text of his blogging. Does that make me a bad person?
*********************
Well, the only thing I ever heard him say that made any sense to me was: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." That was after Katrina.
Of course, I could only understand it cuz I didn't see it printed in all caps.
Does that make me a bad person?
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Awwww Sandy, I love Phil Collins.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
I have never heard of this guy outside of this blog, and I will never hear his music, or whatever he does, nor will I read the text of his blogging. Does that make me a bad person?
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:54pm.
Yeah - I don't have TV. I thought that might help...alas...*sigh*...
....
Is choo serious? No TV? I wish I could shoot bullets through mine sometimes but I still let it in the house. No TV = Sadness.
OT: Dave Chappel's 'Block Party' was on TV last night and Kanye's ego was as overblown in 2004 as it is today.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
MY SMEGMA SMELLS LIKE A FINE CHEEZ!
That's what I love about you, you know a galah from a cockatoo. Dey's pink! And BTW isn't it cotton candy in Canadialand? I thought only Aussies had candy floss!
I KNOW AS FAIRY FLOSS...(me borned in UK)
Candy is a Merkin invention...sorry.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:56pm.
@Sandbitch...That video was awesome! But don't expect that it will save you from the wrath of KANYE WEST!
===> I'd give him a Liverpool Kiss I would...
What I want to know is... WHAT DOES KANYE THINK ABOUT THE ELECTION!!!
Whatever. This cat needs to EXPIRE.
Submitted by TITS on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:49pm.
*
snort. drunk birds are a hoot.
mind you I'd be as mad as a wet hen if I had to wear a gob of candy floss on my head too.
...........
That's what I love about you, you know a galah from a cockatoo. Dey's pink! And BTW isn't it cotton candy in Canadialand? I thought only Aussies had candy floss!
RE: Xmas light in November, I would suggest an ALL CAPS RANT about the inappropriate use of festival lights before DECEMBER!!!
edit: oops forgot a whole word
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by TITS on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:52pm.
WAY OT
while out for a walk last night I saw xmas lights on a house.
oh yes i did.
any ideas on a suitable punishment for them peoples?
******************
My mother always taught me that's why you leave your Halloween pumpkins sitting around for.
The first person to put up Christmas decorations get their house decorated with the Jack-o-lanterns, right? Right?!
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Phil Collins ~ Another Day In Paradise
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftlYLcEW_I4
@Sandbitch...That video was awesome! But don't expect that it will save you from the wrath of KANYE WEST! Oh, yes. Don't doubt it...he's here to tell this generation what is "cool" and "uncool" and until he speaks no one can decide for themselves! Except us drunken fools, apparently, cuz honey..that shit was priceless!
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:49pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:40pm.
==>Have you dudes had a hit of the Cadbury Gorilla yet?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnzFRV1LwIo
..........
*drools* As often as possible. They made this special coffee block, but I can't get it anywhere anymore. Sad times.
That ad is kinda creepy though. For why does the gorilla like Genesis? Why not the Monkeys?
===>Genesis PFFFFFFFT! Effing Phil Collins, PHIL COLLINS! Jesis shits...
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:53pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:48pm.
@My2C: What?! I SAID I was addicted!
..........
Giiirrl, I thought you were just admitting to TV and chocolate! Was I to assume 'puter screen is included in 'screen adiction'. In that case, I stand corrected :)
***************************
Yeah - I don't have TV. I thought that might help...alas...*sigh*...
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:48pm.
@My2C: What?! I SAID I was addicted!
..........
Giiirrl, I thought you were just admitting to TV and chocolate! Was I to assume 'puter screen is included in 'screen adiction'. In that case, I stand corrected :)
♥
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
WAY OT
while out for a walk last night I saw xmas lights on a house.
oh yes i did.
any ideas on a suitable punishment for them peoples?
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
G'night, Slitty. You know you are lying..she's holding your scarecrow costume and you're singing: If I only had a brain. G'night, my loverly. Aren't you glad I'm yo number one ho? *rhetorical question*
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...