Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
ShareThis
Submitted by sienna miller on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:36pm.
Sure I'd bob my head up and down on you but your 2 inch hermy-clit-dick dont really count, now do it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eeeww. Hehehe. Oh c'mon naw. If I paste a picture of a married guy on it you'd do it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
my2c - bird crap: http://www.noahsanimalfigurines.com/catalog/plush-animals-plush-birds-c-...
the songs are quite good quality. you squeeze them to make them sing.
i might have... a few.
cough.
whipbird is my fav.
go here to hear the songs - no aus birds though oddly enough.
http://www.wildrepublic.com/brands-audubon.html
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:40pm.
WE haz to name them.
altiod
altazard
amen
bastard.
bitch.
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Most of the time I think Kanye is nothing but an out-sized ego, but in this rant I have to agree with him.
The paps ARE out of control and do intrude into the daily life of people. Just because someone is and actor, singer, whatever that does not mean that have given away the right to live a pap-free life. If they want to go out to dinner, take the kids to the beach or just go to the grocery store they should be left alone!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:39pm.
U HAZ MY POO BABY!
---------------------
About 17,000 of them...
beelzbub, nice theory but iF that was true, I'd have nailed Clooney and not that married loser who only destroyed my career.
BTW, I've started my own blog entitled, "why not to fuck a married dude even if you think his last name will earn you big cash." Also sub-titled "how to win MK's heart in gold diggery."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit it. I love Sienna Miller because immoral sluts need to stick together." -- MK
by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:32pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:31pm.
well, I'm off work tonight and my son is in bed, so do tell.
----------------------
Guess what happens when you eat Chinese food for lunch, have 4 white russians between 7 and 9 and then have a sandwich at 10?
U HAZ MY POO BABY!
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:36pm.
hehehe
***********************************************
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Sure I'd bob my head up and down on you but your 2 inch hermy-clit-dick dont really count, now do it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit it. I love Sienna Miller because immoral sluts need to stick together." -- MK
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:25pm.
I wuv you ya shit stirring hoodrat! *smooches*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:32pm.
Whoa nelly, these lists are getting complicated!
-------------------------
I heard something absolutely wretched last night that sadly had me laughing until I snorted.
UBC = University of a Billion Chinese.
Nice glasses, is he going scuba diving?
***********************************************
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
The love I used to have for Kanye West has now been transferred to Lupe Fiasco.
Also nice lists guys.
Myspace more importantly Last.fm
erm also NOT gangsta.
Submitted by sienna miller on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:31pm.
WHY is Sienna Miller tied with Asshner Kasshole?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neither one realizes their only talent is whom they fuck.
Have a purpose in life--be a bad example
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:31pm.
well, I'm off work tonight and my son is in bed, so do tell.
----------------------
Guess what happens when you eat Chinese food for lunch, have 4 white russians between 7 and 9 and then have a sandwich at 10?
EXXXPPLOOOOOOSSSSIIOOOOONNNNNNN of the bumcircle.
Whoa nelly, these lists are getting complicated!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:20pm.
I'm not in the forum. We'll work somethin out.
......
Submitted by sienna miller on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:25pm.
Should you be somewhere bobbing your head up and down on something?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
WHY is Sienna Miller tied with Asshner Kasshole?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit it. I love Sienna Miller because immoral sluts need to stick together." -- MK
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:22pm.
HOFFALINA! Bring that hot drunk motorboating ass over here. I have a poo story for you. A drunken poo story.
well, I'm off work tonight and my son is in bed, so do tell.
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
He is a douche with a capitol bag.
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:27pm.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:23pm.
All of the above, he's a multi-formula douche, when vinegar and water just won't do.
Have a purpose in life--be a bad example
You know what just tickles my pickle? The second some motion is passed that makes it illegal for paps to 'do their jobs' is the day the celebs will be whining that they're not getting enough publicity.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:23pm.
Ashton Kutcher--in his white Kaballah garb--or that Canon commercial--or Punking people. Excellent choice.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:22pm.
Did anyone actually read that whole Kanye rant? I can't get past the first sentence.
********************************************
No, but I might need to. The more I see the Douche Lists, the further Kayne drops down the line in my douche list, and that wasn't the purpose of the douche list...:-/...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:17pm.
Overdosing counts as talent these days? The paps don't have a choice but to take her picture when she's looking wrecked, ugly, and dirty - she IS wrecked, ugly, and dirty.
***********************************************
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
AHAHA i can just imagine him beating his chest, head bobbing, jumping up and down whilst shouting this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit it. I love Sienna Miller because immoral sluts need to stick together." -- MK
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:22pm.
Yeah, he's up! That comment shheerioushlah deserves a coke...or some alone time... *resists urge to stare at LCT's Orlie*
-----------------
He's everyone Orlie tonight.... raawwwrrrrrr.
I'm volunteering my top 10 douches male and female
1. Kanye West 1. Paris Hilton
2. P.Diddy 2. Phoebe Price
3. KFed(ok dad still douche) 3. Shauna Sands (My apologies to MK for those 2 women)
4. Any guy from the Hills or O.C. 4. Any female from the Hills or O.C.
5. Ashton Kutcher 5. Sienna Miller
6. John Mayer 6. Jennifer Aniston
7. Andy Dick 7. Angelina Jolie
8. Any Jonas 8. Scarlett Johanson
9. Justin Timberlake 9. Stepford Katie Holmes
10. Mario Lopez 10. Vadge
Just my opinions, feel free to dissent.
Have a purpose in life--be a bad example
HOFFALINA! Bring that hot drunk motorboating ass over here. I have a poo story for you. A drunken poo story.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:13pm.
MTC that avie just kind of makes you want to grab a hold of the beads and direct his face, eh?
......
Yeah, he's up! That comment shheerioushlah deserves a coke...or some alone time... *resists urge to stare at LCT's Orlie*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Did anyone actually read that whole Kanye rant? I can't get past the first sentence.
What???
sorry everyone.
I don't work tonight so I'm drunk.
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:16pm.
@ Tigerlily
I think Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis is giving tips to the Canola Oil plastic surgery lady and Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis is losing weight the old fashion Hollywood way, Booger Sugar.
******************************************
Well, both need to be doing what they are supposed to be doing..
Brandon---being greasy, spoiled, and screaming 'FIRECROTCH' at Hohan
Jason----being obese, spoiled and....Well, I guess that's it...DOUCHE LIST 'EM...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
MTC - Sure. Email away! If you won't want to post it in here you can msg me in the forum.
And because you made me an Orly avie, I will remove Wino from the list. I still don't like her crack boogs, though.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:07pm.
MTC I'm downloading a Fireworks trial now but it looks like it might take 17 hours, so we'll have to save the tutorials for tomorrow morning. But I'm exciiiiiiiiiiiited!!!
......
You're on. I should give you my email after you check it out. If you want some tips and stuff.
And on Wino, blame the paps for taking pics of her when she's so fucked up. Well..she did go on stage like that too... umm...
But even when only partially sober she's got more talent in her pinky nail than all dem other bitches combined. I loves her and cannot add her to my list. Feel free to add her to yours though, if you must :(
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Why must Kanye yell at us like this?
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:57pm.
Nick Hogan?
***********************************
Ack! How could I forget? Tied for first with Joe Francis (child rapist) or deserves a spot of his own as # 1? That'll bump Kanye and Diddy down to no. 3...Or does this human turd gunk deserve to even be considered? (Nicky, I mean...)
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@ Tigerlily
I think Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis is giving tips to the Canola Oil plastic surgery lady and Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis is losing weight the old fashion Hollywood way, Booger Sugar.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
MTC that avie just kind of makes you want to grab a hold of the beads and direct his face, eh?
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:59pm.
Seeeeeriously? No training? Now I'm excited! Who makes Fireworks?
.......
Sheriouslah. It's Macromedia Fireworks. Pretty easy to use. Oopa loompa loopety doooooo.....
.........
Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:59pm.
Its LCT's Orlie pirate now... she done adoptomotised him! And not a douche BTW, VERY shagworthy!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:04pm.
And Winehouse should NEVER be used in the same sentence as Mariah Carey, J. Lo, Paris Hilton, Blohan, and Sienna Miller.
-------------------------
Why not? She walks around with real live shit in her teefs and crack boogers everywhere and lets people take pictures of her looking like that which results in me looking at them as I'm coincidentally trying to eat. I'd say that's pretty douchy. Makes me gag.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:02pm.
6. Greasy and Gummy Bear Davis
***************************************
Oooh, yes, good call! But, where have Greasy and Gummy been lately? REHAB?????
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:44pm.
My Top 5 Douche List:
1. Vinegar
2. Shower head
3. Turkey baster full of lemon juice
4. Garden hose
5. Bidet
---------------------------------------------------
Bwhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
MTC I'm downloading a Fireworks trial now but it looks like it might take 17 hours, so we'll have to save the tutorials for tomorrow morning. But I'm exciiiiiiiiiiiited!!!
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:58pm.
No offense to women, but men make better douches.
******************************************
Amen, my woolly bruva...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:51pm.
I don't include Spencer Pratt because he is not important enough to be a celebrity
......
Fair call. Hahaha at Teen enema!
......
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:56pm.
Top 5 Female Douche List:
1. Whoregelina
2. Mariah Carey, J. Lo, Christina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Blohan, Wino, Sienna Miller
3. Mischa Barton
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Katie Roboto Cruise
..........
Bitches and ho's don't count. And Winehouse should NEVER be used in the same sentence as Mariah Carey, J. Lo, Paris Hilton, Blohan, and Sienna Miller.
What about the trolls? Douchetastic!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
OHMAHGAH OOMPA LOOMPA RON JEREMY TIMES! I JUST CAME! K, not really, mistook it for choking on my coffee.
Orlando's a douche?
6. Greasy and Gummy Bear Davis
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
I wonder if Kanye realizes how quickly he would fade from the public eye if paparazzi didn't do what they do.
***************
And the turntable spins as the last waltz begins
And the weather-man says something's on the move.
--Jethro Tull
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 10:56pm.
Oh my, is that Orlie as a pirate? I know he's a douche but.... pardon me while I have a private moment...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dick happens! - MK