Queen Aretha Is The Greatest Singer Of All-Time!
Rolling Stone has come out with their 100 Greatest Singers Of All-Time list and Celine Dion isn't even on it! She is the "greatest singa in da wooorld!!!" She's going to take a kayak over to Rolling Stone and beat them with her elbow bone. Celine didn't make the list, but Queen Aretha Franklin and her magnificent titty balls of destruction landed on #1!! Rolling Stone really had no choice. Queen Aretha threatened to eat their whole building if they didn't make her #1. They know she was serious. She had the Thousand Island dressing with her, ready to go.
I pity the 99 fools below Aretha on this list. They are fucking holding on for dear life with Aretha on top of them. They are trying to get strength from their fucking toenails. Aretha's just sitting up top like the queen she is, picking her teeth and flexing her chichis.
I'm sure you'll rip apart the rest of the list like I already have. I mean, no Chloe Lattanzi?! No Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"? No The Hoff?! I just have 4 letters for this list: F-A-L-E! I'm joking! I know how to spell fale. Wait. How do you spell it? Stop! Let's get to business!
The full list after the jump. JUMP!!!
100 Mary J. Blige
99 Steven Tyler
98 Stevie Nicks
97 Joe Cocker
96 B.B. King
95 Patti LaBelle
94 Karen Carpenter
93 Annie Lennox
92 Morrissey
91 Levon Helm
90 The Everly Brothers
89 Solomon Burke
88 Willie Nelson
87 Don Henley
86 Art Garfunkel
85 Sam Moore
84 Darlene Love
83 Patti Smith
82 Tom Waits
81 John Lee Hooker
80 Frankie Valli
79 Mariah Carey
78 Sly Stone
77 Merle Haggard
76 Steve Perry
75 Iggy Pop
74 James Taylor
73 Dolly Parton
72 John Fogerty
71 Toots Hibbert
70 Gregg Allman
69 Ronnie Spector
68 Wilson Pickett
67 Jerry Lee Lewis
66 Thom Yorke
65 David Ruffin
64 Axl Rose
63 Dion (not Celine)
62 Lou Reed
61 Roger Daltrey
60 Björk
59 Rod Stewart
58 Christina Aguilera
57 Eric Bourdon
56 Mavis Staples
55 Paul Rodgers
54 Luther Vandross
53 Muddy Waters
52 Brian Wilson
51 Gladys Knight
50 Bonnie Raitt
49 Donny Hathaway
48 Buddy Holly
47 Jim Morrison
46 Patsy Cline
45 Kurt Cobain
44 Bobby "Blue" Bland
43 George Jones
42 Joni Mitchell
41 Chuck Berry
40 Curtis Mayfield
39 Jeff Buckley
38 Elton John
37 Neil Young
36 Bruce Springsteen
35 Dusty Sprinfield
34 Whitney Houston
33 Steve Winwood
32 Bono
31 Howlin' Wolf
30 Prince
29 Nina Simone
28 Janis Joplin
27 Hank Williams
26 Jackie Wilson
25 Michael Jackson
24 Van Morrison
23 David Bowie
22 Etta James
21 Johnny Cash
20 Smokey Robinson
19 Bob Marley
18 Freddie Mercury
17 Tina Turner
16 Mick Jagger
15 Robert Plant
14 Al Green
13 Roy Orbison
12 Little Richard
11 Paul McCartney
10 James Brown
09 Stevie Wonder
08 Otis Redding
07 Bob Dylan
06 Marvin Gaye
05 John Lennon
04 Sam Cooke
03 Elvis Presley
02 Ray Charles
01 Aretha Franklin
VIA Stereogum
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Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:39am.
You come from Vienna? :o)
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Bwahahahahhahahaha. Did I mispell Cowballer? ;)
Deb-If you mean San Joaquin, yes.
the DUDE! abides...
And WHERE is Gloria in all that mess?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
SB,
Can't help it...makes me hotter than Aretha Franklin....
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:36am.
I felt it, IG. You rocked my world. Thanks for handing me that hankie, I thought I was hiding the fact that I was crying at the climax.
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You know that you never have to hide your snottage from me, right? HAHAHAHA!!! *dies*
DUDE! Are you from the valley?
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by DebFrmHell on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:38am.
I SPIT ON WHIMPERING MEN!
===> You do realize don't you, that just makes them whimper louder?
no.
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by DUDE on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:34am.
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:31am.
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I was the #1 cowbeller, almost as much prestige as the #1 violin where I come from.
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You come from Vienna? :o)
I SPIT ON WHIMPERING MEN!
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by DebFrmHell on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:35am.
aaaaw. Nitts. I am crying into a diet coke....
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That's better than crying onto a whimpering man..any day. ;)
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:34am.
I just cyber made out with you, Nits. That was THE biggest make out song EVAH!
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I felt it, IG. You rocked my world. Thanks for handing me that hankie, I thought I was hiding the fact that I was crying at the climax.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
aaaaw. Nitts. I am crying into a diet coke....
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by Mustang Sally on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:12am.
I hope you don't think this sacrilege Sally, nor any disrepek to Mr Pickett, but I love the Commitments tribute version as well.
The Commitments ~ Mustang Sally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxc8Sm0nXpE
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:31am.
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I was the #1 cowbeller, almost as much prestige as the #1 violin where I come from.
the DUDE! abides...
I was talking about lists
Dee, Sleep tight! OMG! Thanks for leaving us with this...AMAZING!
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
I just cyber made out with you, Nits. That was THE biggest make out song EVAH!
I'm ok with aretha being number one...at least it's someone that has been in music for a long time. That's all I care about mostly. Cause everyone has different taste. It would make me mad if it was a 25 yo that was number one, and I don't know why cause i'm not that much older.
Rosemary,
This is a music post. If you want to talk Jolie look at the Brangie in Categories...
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
I knew there was a reason I love Dlisters. You hwores have the best taste in music. ♥ Goodnight everyone.
RIP Mitch Mitchell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr-uY1KiA70
Hmmm...I love Sarah MacLachlan...also Dave Matthews...but someone named "Toots" beat them both
Aretha is only #1 if gross tonnage is part of the voting criteria.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
DUDE has better cowbell than I do. Damn you, hooker nails!
Okay, everyone grab your drink and sing along!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hSydUKfG5U
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
She needs a diet.
Nittay, you and lil' Nitty watch too much VH1. hahahaha
Where's Beyonce? and more imporantly Where is Sasha Fierce or is this list discriminatory against imaginary friends?
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huh? what? Show me what you got! Rub it against my thigh!!!
I can totally see Angelina being number 10 on the list and Reese witherspoon being like 70. I just know that would happen. And drew barrymore being like 60. That would make me so mad, not that angelina can't act. But, she shouldn't be number 10 and I know she will be if that kind of list ever happens. But, I do think she can act.
IG,
It is really me. Am outtie...so for you...
SCREECH!!!
Buckley was still robbed.
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
bambam, you want cowbell?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4royOLtvmQ
bambam-Here ya go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZOHY7Z5eaQ
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by DUDE on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:15am.
For IG
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Biz Markie!!! I just had a flash back and wet myself all at the same time. OH MY GOD!!! Good memories... thanks!!
Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:19am.
Bahahahaha DUDE! Good one!
Uuuuuuuuu got what I neeeeeed
And you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend
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LMAO! See, Dee? I watched that vid and all I could keep thinking was: Isn't that the guy that was on Celebrity Fit Club?!
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
she wasn't always someone i didn't like but lately, i can't stand her
Dude. After going back SEVEN PAGES (geez) I found your prescient comment. As usual, on point as always. Slim is the shiznits, he has no peer. Now to search for the epitome of all cowbell players.
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When you see me again I hope you have been the kind of person you really are now.
lol no.....angelina, i forgot that there were people that y'all dislike more but for me, she's prettyt much number one
Bahahahaha DUDE! Good one!
Uuuuuuuuu got what I neeeeeed
And you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend
Submitted by Rosemary on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:16am.
I don't wanna even know when they come out with the greatest actors/esses list. I just know my fav person to hate will be on it, everyone's fav person to hate here i think?
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Paris Hilton?
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
IG,
That is a facsimile of my ass he is standing on....
so I resemble that remark!
LOL.
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:14am.
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As we would say from you know where... "Heave it outta ya!!"
I don't wanna even know when they come out with the greatest actors/esses list. I just know my fav person to hate will be on it, everyone's fav person to hate here i think?
I mean, bitch sang GOLDFINGAAAAAAA!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Wg6k9cWhM&feature=related
For IG
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMEPFZa4ZQo
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:10am.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU
That is all.
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About wetting my pants! You know I'm movin' all over! Hahahhahahaha
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
EEG?? Is that you? Smooches!
Submitted by DebFrmHell on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:07am.
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The company I worked for at the time had an REO asset (A gas station on the corner of 87/123) we were managing so I had to go out there once a month to make sure it was still standing. To say it was a different world would be a slight understatement.
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by DebFrmHell on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:03am.
Oh, damn, I didn't even notice that he was missing. This list is insane - and not in a good way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erEoQH33B70
I demand a re-count. Where the fuck is Shirley Bassey? Print that list on toilet paper and make it useful. Pfffffft.
Jeff Buckley at #39?? WTF...am gonna go eat ice cream and I HATE ice cream.
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
@ Mrs. Kravitz
All told, there's only one monarch in music whose title has never rung false and still holds up — and that's Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul.
Werd. Aretha is the voice of Gawd. Or is it Gwad? Whatever. Bitch can sang ..