Wednesday, November 12th 2008

Queen Aretha Is The Greatest Singer Of All-Time!

Rolling Stone has come out with their 100 Greatest Singers Of All-Time list and Celine Dion isn't even on it! She is the "greatest singa in da wooorld!!!" She's going to take a kayak over to Rolling Stone and beat them with her elbow bone. Celine didn't make the list, but Queen Aretha Franklin and her magnificent titty balls of destruction landed on #1!! Rolling Stone really had no choice. Queen Aretha threatened to eat their whole building if they didn't make her #1. They know she was serious. She had the Thousand Island dressing with her, ready to go.

I pity the 99 fools below Aretha on this list. They are fucking holding on for dear life with Aretha on top of them. They are trying to get strength from their fucking toenails. Aretha's just sitting up top like the queen she is, picking her teeth and flexing her chichis.

I'm sure you'll rip apart the rest of the list like I already have. I mean, no Chloe Lattanzi?! No Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"? No The Hoff?! I just have 4 letters for this list: F-A-L-E! I'm joking! I know how to spell fale. Wait. How do you spell it? Stop! Let's get to business!

The full list after the jump. JUMP!!!

100 Mary J. Blige
99 Steven Tyler
98 Stevie Nicks
97 Joe Cocker
96 B.B. King
95 Patti LaBelle
94 Karen Carpenter
93 Annie Lennox
92 Morrissey
91 Levon Helm
90 The Everly Brothers
89 Solomon Burke
88 Willie Nelson
87 Don Henley
86 Art Garfunkel
85 Sam Moore
84 Darlene Love
83 Patti Smith
82 Tom Waits
81 John Lee Hooker
80 Frankie Valli
79 Mariah Carey
78 Sly Stone
77 Merle Haggard
76 Steve Perry
75 Iggy Pop
74 James Taylor
73 Dolly Parton
72 John Fogerty
71 Toots Hibbert
70 Gregg Allman
69 Ronnie Spector
68 Wilson Pickett
67 Jerry Lee Lewis
66 Thom Yorke
65 David Ruffin
64 Axl Rose
63 Dion (not Celine)
62 Lou Reed
61 Roger Daltrey
60 Björk
59 Rod Stewart
58 Christina Aguilera
57 Eric Bourdon
56 Mavis Staples
55 Paul Rodgers
54 Luther Vandross
53 Muddy Waters
52 Brian Wilson
51 Gladys Knight
50 Bonnie Raitt
49 Donny Hathaway
48 Buddy Holly
47 Jim Morrison
46 Patsy Cline
45 Kurt Cobain
44 Bobby "Blue" Bland
43 George Jones
42 Joni Mitchell
41 Chuck Berry
40 Curtis Mayfield
39 Jeff Buckley
38 Elton John
37 Neil Young
36 Bruce Springsteen
35 Dusty Sprinfield
34 Whitney Houston
33 Steve Winwood
32 Bono
31 Howlin' Wolf
30 Prince
29 Nina Simone
28 Janis Joplin
27 Hank Williams
26 Jackie Wilson
25 Michael Jackson
24 Van Morrison
23 David Bowie
22 Etta James
21 Johnny Cash
20 Smokey Robinson
19 Bob Marley
18 Freddie Mercury
17 Tina Turner
16 Mick Jagger
15 Robert Plant
14 Al Green
13 Roy Orbison
12 Little Richard
11 Paul McCartney
10 James Brown
09 Stevie Wonder
08 Otis Redding
07 Bob Dylan
06 Marvin Gaye
05 John Lennon
04 Sam Cooke
03 Elvis Presley
02 Ray Charles
01 Aretha Franklin

VIA Stereogum

Posted by: Michael K


islandgirl's picture

Mr. President, if you'll excuse me... this is for ESE...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4SLSlSmW74

parissucksliterally's picture

It's ESE's BDAY?

I knew he was a Scorpio, but I didn't know it is today!

(the 13th, right? it is still the 12th for me)

************************************************
Imprisoned by the way it used to be
Left here on my own or so it seems
I got to leave before I start to scream
But someone's locked the door and took the key
-Joe Cocker "Feelin Alright"

islandgirl's picture

bambam, me too.

"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down....."

:)

parissucksliterally's picture

Nitty? up after midnight on a school night?

whoa!

That;s like me having TWO Zimas!

************************************************
Imprisoned by the way it used to be
Left here on my own or so it seems
I got to leave before I start to scream
But someone's locked the door and took the key
-Joe Cocker "Feelin Alright"

angel_i's picture

Happy BIRTHDAY, ESE!!!

One hundred million smooches for you!

♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:26am.
Goodnight Preciousnessess, one and all. Here is something to sing y'all off to sleep.

Led Zeppelin ~ Stairway to Heaven
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKg4g9zMeHI&NR=1
********************
I'm right behind ya, Sandy. Sleep well everyone..and couldn't think of a better tune to drift away on. Sleep well, everyone.

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

islandgirl's picture

OMFG. That is all. *dies*

angel_i's picture

Submitted by sassywine on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:27am.

theray. get it

****************************
Do they sell that at Rite-Aid?

♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands

bambam's picture

@ NitWitty,

Let's practice first okay? The making babies part I mean. ;)

@ Islandgirl,

I know right? I never missed an episode of the Monkees. (yes I'm that old)

----------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU

islandgirl's picture

Submitted by sassywine on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:25am.

I ate soup and talked to 56 people that are all the same.OMFG@ loser
-------------------------------------------------

sassywine, can I offer you a nice cold beverege? You seem upset.

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by sassywine on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:25am.
I ate soup and talked to 56 people that are all the same.OMFG@ loser
*********************
Don't think I know that one, but maybe if you hum a few bars....?

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

Sandbitch's picture

Submitted by sassywine on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:25am.

I ate soup and talked to 56 people that are all the same.OMFG@ loser

==> Maybe you should give those FLDS suppers a miss.

theray. get it

Sandbitch's picture

Goodnight Preciousnessess, one and all. Here is something to sing y'all off to sleep.

Led Zeppelin ~ Stairway to Heaven
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKg4g9zMeHI&NR=1

I ate soup and talked to 56 people that are all the same.OMFG@ loser

islandgirl's picture

bambam, that wasn't what I was expecting. I just wet myself. The MONKEES! Loves it!

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by bambam on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:21am.
@ Dude and Island girl,

Sorry, I overloaded my circuit breaker. That was after I spilled tomato soup on my keyboard, it's been that kinda night. To make it worse, I thought I'd found the cowbell player par excellence but I was mistaken.

Without further ado, here's the man who set the standard for tambourine players everywhere;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N3vuYPHlHg&feature=related
******************
BamBam, would you have my children?

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

One in all bitches.

NitWitty's picture

For ESE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glNjsOHiBYs

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

bambam's picture

@ Dude and Island girl,

Sorry, I overloaded my circuit breaker. That was after I spilled tomato soup on my keyboard, it's been that kinda night. To make it worse, I thought I'd found the cowbell player par excellence but I was mistaken.

Without further ado, here's the man who set the standard for tambourine players everywhere;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N3vuYPHlHg&feature=related

----------------------------
When you see me again I hope you have been the kind of person you really are now.

islandgirl's picture

Thanks, you HOR. Eye knows!!! xox

LOVE SHATNER's picture

Still hate the list.

No Frank Sinatra? Seriously?
Who the fuck compiled this?

*****************************
Candlejack is back!

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:16am.
i have no need to worry about this list... i made it to 32, woo-hoo!! it's after midnight, it's my b-day!! drive by hi and gratuitous telling all about my b-day!

oooohhhh, i'm about to get much drunker!!
*******************
ESE..Happy Birthday, Mister Man. *Smooch and a pinch* Us Scorps gotta' stick together :)
I was heading to bed, but dayum..

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

HELLO?

islandgirl's picture

ESE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! xoxoxox

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:15am.
Nits, it's this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ

I'm laughing like a loon.
*****************
OMFG!! SHUT UP!!! HAHAHAHahahahahahahah

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

no one is up. im me bitches!

Sandbitch's picture

And do something about those spotty tittays of hers.

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

i have no need to worry about this list... i made it to 32, woo-hoo!! it's after midnight, it's my b-day!! drive by hi and gratuitous telling all about my b-day!

oooohhhh, i'm about to get much drunker!!

-----------------------------
"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 1:08am.
Geez. I just caught up with COWBELL!! LMFTO...
*********************
I had to catch up to that one too, SandB. And on that note I'm going to dance my arse out the door.
I play this song in horror..erm, I mean, honor of IG...Only because I lurvs her as much as I hate this band and song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REElUors1pQ

G'night, folks xoxoxo

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

islandgirl's picture

Nits, it's this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ

I'm laughing like a loon.

Aretha is a fat ass. She should call. Jenny Craig

I am tired bitches.

Sandbitch's picture

Geez. I just caught up with COWBELL!! LMFTO...

NitWitty's picture

This one's for Sheeps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm63_M_4BF0

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

NitWitty's picture

@IG, so tell!!! What was the best one?

@Mustang Sally, I heard that too!!!

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

Team Valtrex's picture

Submitted by DebFrmHell on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:55am.

Where are all the influential women in music now...

************************************************

Rehab? no,no,no

***********************************************
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

Mustang Sally's picture

Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:56am.

Oh well, it was supposed to be Brown Skinned Girl before it got censored. :)

Oh, that's true, by the way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erEoQH33B70

islandgirl's picture

Nits, remember whn I said the last vid that you posted was the best one ever? Well, I lied.

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:55am.
DUDE, I cannot be held responsible for my actions, and I ahve no idea what I'm talking about. I bid you a fond 'adieu', and.... I forget.

How about those Bee Gees? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCAjmuA1HDk

Get down with your bad self. You know you want to.

Nitty, you can ignore. HahahahaHAHAHA!!!
********************
It's okay. I'll save some Willy for ya next go 'round! ;p'''

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

NitWitty's picture

Delivered my son there...True story..So, I say when I get in the car..the first song on the radio will forever be "his" song. So, we turn on the radio and this song starts to play:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SP60n9v2YM

And my son of course was born with the whitest hair and the bluest eyes.
*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

DUDE's picture

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:53am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I dig deep enough in my closet I'll bet I can find some stylin white Angel Flights just like they're wearing! Don't hate!

Nighty IG.

the DUDE! abides...

islandgirl's picture

DUDE, I cannot be held responsible for my actions, and I ahve no idea what I'm talking about. I bid you a fond 'adieu', and.... I forget.

How about those Bee Gees? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCAjmuA1HDk

Get down with your bad self. You know you want to.

Nitty, you can ignore. HahahahaHAHAHA!!!

DebFrmHell's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R-ZE-gFcBA&feature=related

Where are all the influential women in music now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08

Sandbitch's picture

I can't wait for DAE to wake up. Bitch is gonna fair piss herself when she discovers Xtina made it onto the list. There will be a pink squeal post fer sure.

Oooh, I didn't read back through all the comments, maybe she's already awake? It's 5.20am in the UK.

DUDE's picture

Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:51am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Used to camp at the awesome waterpark in Manteca!

the DUDE! abides...

NitWitty's picture

You're both wrong, Manteca.

*******************
I was just sitting here minding my own business...

Mustang Sally's picture

Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:35am.

Me too, Sandy. I loved that movie and Andrew Strong. Gawd, can you believe that guy was only 16 years old when he played Deco? What a voice.

No argument from me - or from Wilson. :)

Night Doll,

Here you go - it's a pretty dark video, for some reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxc8Sm0nXpE

DebFrmHell's picture

Modesto? or Fresno? leaning more toward Fresno now..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08

Sandbitch's picture

Hey Deb, has anyone posted the link to Aretha's *CHAIN OF FOOLS* yet? If so, tough titty.

It is THE perfect song for the people who created this 100 list, and for most of the people on it. Fancy forgetting Shirley Bassey...

Chain of Fools ~ Aretha
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK-g4ye7nmI