Jenny Needs To Step It Up
OMG! Jennifer Aniston is knocked up! With twins! And John Mayer is the daddy! Except there's an itty bitty problem. She's not exactly pregnant just yet.... Who cares about that! It's just petty details.
Star Magazine claims Jenny is "trying" to have a baby with John Mayer before her 40th birthday. Jen is trying all kinds of shit in order to get a baby in her busted ass oven. A source said, "She knows her baby-making years are limited. It's hard for her to think of anything else — she has babies on the brain!" I think the source was being literal. Jen is putting friend's babies on her head, hoping it will get her body in the baby mood and speed up the process.
One friend said that Jen and John are doing specific yoga poses that are supposed to help her get pregnant. Unless, they're doing the poses naked and on top of each other, I don't see how that shit can help.
The friend went on to blab, "Jen has also changed her diet. She's taking a lot of folic acid and has upped her intake of milk and beef — all of which are supposed to increase your chances of having twins. She's even eating cassava root, a wild yam, because women in Africa who consume it have the highest rate of conceived twins. "
JEN! Come on now. If you want to beat Saint Angie Jo, you're going to have to get knocked up with triplets at least! You know what you need to do? Go down and visit Michelle Duggar. Give her a gift certificate to WholesomeWear in exchange for a little vagina bumping time with her. Seriously. All you have to do is rub your snatch with hers and you'll instantly be pregnant with triplets or even quadruplets! Both you and John are "Js" and we know how Michelle feels about "Js." It's meant to be.
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The Enquirer has a lot of crap, but it has broken plenty of stories too.
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what can I do
all I want is to be next to you
- The Police "Next To You"
Submitted by Jeffro11 on November 5, 2008 - 1:41pm.
By the way I believe 75% of what The National Enquirer has to say.
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yeah that story on the bat-boy they found in a cave was top-notch journalism.
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say what you will, they did break the John Edwards story...
Not that I read the N.E., oh no , not ever...OK we'll maybe sometimes while stnading in line at the QFC.
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I could tell you that I like your sensitivity, when you know it's the way that you walk.
Actually i read the national enquirer not to gain anything. just to escape.. :)
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in honor of caps lock i will now type all my posts in lowercase ;0
Mrs.Kravitz,
So does baby puke. And they are very noisy. I'd rather have a dog.
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Danger could be my middle name...but it's John
-"Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on November 5, 2008 - 1:40pm.
And anyhoo, baby poo smells bad."
Aye, aye!. Really bad and it looks like sticky melted playdough. Yuck!. Oh! and they cry a lot.. A LOT.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by zomay on November 5, 2008 - 1:43pm.
Jeffro11 that would fall in the 25% range. :D
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Naw, cuz I saw it on 2 other mags too! LOL
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"No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need food!"
Submitted by Jeffro11 on November 5, 2008 - 1:41pm.
By the way I believe 75% of what The National Enquirer has to say.
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yeah that story on the bat-boy they found in a cave was top-notch journalism.
That is the wonderful News Of The World which is always published in black and white. And they have numerous Elvis sightings. And the Enqurier busted John Edwards cheating baby daddy having ways.
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And you will believe in love
And all that it's supposed to be
Just until the fish start to smell
And you're struck down by a hammer
I can see it now. Jennifer A. walking on the street drinking coffee, listening to some Killers on her I pod... and suddenly- her own face all over the newspaper stand. Again. She stops for a second, grabs one of the magazines and, in disbelief and shock, quietly mumbles to herself: "Oh fuck! Fuck this. What a fucking lie.... Lindsay is a rug muncher, we ALL know that."
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Keep god out of California
Submitted by JBL on November 5, 2008 - 1:40pm.
"specific yoga poses" yeah, right!
That'll get ya pregnant!
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To borrow a line by Giovanni Ribisi as Phoebe's brother on Friends...
"Why don't you just get drunk? That worked for a bunch of girls in my high school!"
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"No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need food!"
The John Edwards story was true in regards to Rielle Hunter.
Jeffro11 that would fall in the 25% range. :D
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yeah, sure she is.
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what can I do
all I want is to be next to you
- The Police "Next To You"
Submitted by zomay on November 5, 2008 - 1:40pm.
By the way I believe 75% of what The National Enquirer has to say.
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They actually do break a lot of stories that get confirmed 3 weeks later. But I can't think of one right this minute.
By the way I believe 75% of what The National Enquirer has to say.
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yeah that story on the bat-boy they found in a cave was top-notch journalism.
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"No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need food!"
Submitted by rotten_egg on November 5, 2008 - 1:37pm.
People should get this trough their tough skulls: some women are not into breeding. Jennifer Aniston doesn't want babies. Good for her.
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And anyhoo, baby poo smells bad
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
I could tell you that I like your sensitivity, when you know it's the way that you walk.
"specific yoga poses" yeah, right!
That'll get ya pregnant!
Did anyone see the National Enquirer story that Jen Aniston was pregnant with Brad's child, but lost the baby. Maybe bullshit. But it would of changed everything for the loooons perfect family if that baby was born.
By the way I believe 75% of what The National Enquirer has to say.
:D
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edited for diamond dawg :)
Submitted by zomay on November 5, 2008 - 1:35pm.
Did anyone see the National Enquirer story that Jen Aniston was pregnant with Brad but lost the baby. Maybe bullsh*t. but it would of changed everything for the loooons perfect family if that baby was born.
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Hey now! That would change the timeline.
Or, it could happen in the Matrix!
@Applehead...re: who buys them. The Doctor's office and the hair salon. It beats the Golf Digest which is what they usually carry at the Doc's. That and old copies of Investor's Weekly which really improve the 45 minute wait.
Charlie Sheen fights with pregnant girlfriend/wife....SHOCKER.
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This doesn't make any sense to me. Not that I know a lot about Aniston, but come on!. I don't think she's desperate to have babies. If she was, she would have done it with Pitt while they were married. Besides, I don't think she's stupid enough to get pregnant with such a douche as Mayer. She didn't have babies with douche pitt, she's not going to reproduce with Mayer. I know they both are douches, but Aniston seems smarter than that. And 40 is not so old to reproduce and I don't think she needs medical help. She just doesn't want kids and the media should praise her for that, instead of preassuring her to become like many of the Hollywood breeders.
People should get this trough their tough skulls: some women are not into breeding. Jennifer Aniston doesn't want babies. Good for her.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by zomay on November 5, 2008 - 1:34pm.
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weird. alternate universe thingy just happened. i read (past tense): "Brad lost the baby"
Ladies...
Let's just take the rest of the day off and go drinkin
I'm bound to get one of you pregnant!
*looks down and giggles cuz I dont gots a peen. HAHAHAHA you girls are suckers for a free drink*
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“When a thing is funny search for a hidden truth.”
That is the most ridiculous feature I have ever seen published on a magazine. I don't give a fuck about Jennifer Aniston or Holy Angie, but this stupid feature gives journalists a bad name. The Star's Editor in Chief and whoever wrote that piece of shit should be fired!
That entire cover is all sorts of horrible.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Submitted by snowpiece on November 5, 2008 - 1:27pm.
DiamondDawg LOL yeah you are right, Wino will be next, now that Blakey is free!
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Oh my gawk! you're right. that would be a disaster.
and look at britney! she got a couple cakes in the oven right after this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbY2g60BsLI
Dear Sticka:
Here it is:
With twins on the way, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller should be excitedly preparing for their boys' arrival. Instead, the newly married couple have been fighting relentlessly.
In the Nov. 17 issue of Star — on sale Wednesday — we report that the notorious "reformed" playboy fled to Las Vegas on Oct. 25 to blow off steam — leaving his pregnant wife at home alone. And he certainly wasn't looking like a married man with twin sons on the way as he surrounded himself with pretty young women, partied with Spin City costar Michael Boatman at Privé and got lap dances at the strip club Spearmint Rhino.
"He's still carrying on and boozing," a source tells Star.
His weekend away from Brooke did more harm than good for his marriage. When she got wind of what Charlie was up to in Las Vegas, "she went off the deep end," says an insider. And upon his return to L.A. on Oct. 28, "the fighting picked up right where it left off."
Except this time Brooke upped the ante. She told her husband of only five months basically to shape up — or she's going to ship out. "She's expecting their sons, and she wants them to be one big happy family," says a source. "She's got the trump card, and they both know it."
For the full story — including Brooke's difficult pregnancy and how she thought she'd change Good-Time Charlie — pick up the new issue of Star.
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In other words, Star's usual drivel to seduce someone into buying their rag.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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This should be tagged "Girlfriend Please".
"I'm John McCain, and I approve this mess!"
DiamondDawg LOL yeah you are right, Wino will be next, now that Blakey is free!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
...forget the yoga.....a couple of doobies and a bottle of tequila...you'll be pregnant tomorrow.
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Why be difficult when I bask in the afterglow of being impossible!
Maybe motherhood would be something JA would do well. She's failed as a movie actess and she seems to be too hoity-toity to go back to television.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Nevermind all that noise! LiLo and Justin?!?! Do tell!!!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
"So There Angie!" Star magazine is soo juvenile. What is this sh**,high school. And you know good and well her ass did not call Brad...as if Angie would allow that. She probably had Brad's cell phone tapped.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
Who IS this "friend" that has all the inside scoop. Jeez Louise - with friends like that who needs enemies?
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
I don't see why Jen and John don't do as so very many celeb couples have done, and do it in vetro, which gives nearly a 100% chance of male / female twins. Either way, i wish her luck, i remembere reading the article in which she spoke of her miscarrage during her marriage, that is so devistating on a woman. She and John make a strong, good looking, sophisticated couple, and a baby or two would complete the homey picture. I wonder when some will finally move on..and drop the constant tying in of B & A to Jennifer....been over three years now, common people!
I'm no fan of JA, but I have to feel sorry for her; she must be absolutely sick and tired of seeing this crap on the covers of tabloids. I am. And I'm sick of her ex and his creepy "paramour" too. Gross.
what about the story of charlie sheen leaving his wife? What happened?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Okay, admittedly, I'm a Jen fan, but I did think this was funny on thesuperficial: "While John wants conventional names like 'Jack' and 'Emma,' Jen is more non-traditional and leaning towards 'Didn't Steal This One From a Third World Village' and 'Fuck you, Brad Pitt Asshole Face!'"
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Submitted by molly2008 on November 5, 2008 - 1:21pm.
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LOOSER!!
Jen isn't pregnant!
Angie Ho is going to surrogate for her. You know, the whole "My bad, here's some babies"...
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Danger could be my middle name...but it's John
Submitted by snowpiece on November 5, 2008 - 1:17pm.
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Snow, it was probably just biology. All kinds of drug addicts get preggers all the time! (I wasn't calling you a drug addict, just sayin')
I was advised not to get preggers cuz i got these things called fibroids. Took out all my plumbing! I'm cool with how it turned out. Kids are for other people...i can barely manage myself, let alone a little one!
HAHAHA I love the "so there Angie". I can't believe people still BUY this shit, you know you can get it online for free.
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Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
I like how it says "What will JT tell Jessica?" uh prob won't have to say much, Cause the story is right there. She can have it for only $4.99, even frame it if need be.. Would be more believable if JT & Lohan's pictures weren't seperate..
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
What the hell is up with that headline, She´s pregnant! Ok, not really but almost!!!
Only women that don't already have kids would want two at once
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
Sheeps, you one funny man.
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And you will believe in love
And all that it's supposed to be
Just until the fish start to smell
And you're struck down by a hammer
My guess is that as soon as Changeling leaves the movie theaters these articles about Jen's fertility will also disappear.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
I could tell you that I like your sensitivity, when you know it's the way that you walk.
oh c'mon, people. Last week the Star editor screamed at the staff "I NEED STORIES PEOPLE - NOW! - OR YOU'RE ALL FIRED."
Hence, this week's issue.
*sigh*
I'd rather talk about Michelle O's H&M dress.
*over exaggerated eye roll*
When can they please STFU about Jenny and the pregnancy rumors. Twins? Really? The bitch aint even knocked up yet!
AAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
She calls Brad to be like "See I'm not a defect like the world says. Lets make a movie together, so when You leave your wife for me, it makes it ok for you guys to divorce and adultery will be no big deal, right??"
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!