Vadge & Guy's Crazy Marriage Contract
Vadge is the most controlling controller whoever controlled, so it shouldn't come to a complete shock that she made Guy Ritchie agree to a marriage contract. The contract was filled with insane rules like how often they should fuck and what words they should using during arguments. I'm guessing "fuck you cunt" wasn't one of the allowed phrases?
According to The Sun, the document was posted around the house and whenever he was a bad slave and broke the rules, she would say, "Contract, Guy, contract." I bet he had to sign it with the blood from his ripped out nutsack.
Here's just some of the rules on Vadge's "I OWN YOU" contract:
Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing.Guy must devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge.
Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another.
They couldn't beat each other with their sex sticks?! No wonder Vadge always looks like she has blue balls. All she needed to do was to beat Guy with her "sex stick." And trust me, she has one of those. It's just usually stuck up her ass.
I totally believe Vadge has contracts and rules for everything. The hulk-lady is crazy. She probably even schedules her bowel movements down to the second. If one of her butt nuggets is even a millisecond late, she yells at her asshole and writes up her intestines.
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@ Hsyteria:
SEE! Lil' and big boobage are weapons of mass destruction when working together ;D -- later!
James Haven has got the skinny on Madge's contract and has seen a copy of "Madge's Rules To Live or Die By"
1. Guy is not allowed to use scented soap. If he comes out of the shower smelling more manlier then Madge - out he goes!
2. No sex if Madge has showered. (Madge does not like jizz in her rat trap after she has fumigated herself).
3. No stepping on cracks. (she has a thing about breaking backs ever since her horse episode)
4. Guy must wear tightie whities - Madge does not like seeing balls bounce!
5. On Cinco De Mayo - Guy must speak with a Spanish accent!
6. Guy has to sleep with his feet hanging off the bed. Madge has a phobia about feet touching her!
These are just a few tidbits. James Haven doesn't have the time to sit here and type everything he read. You bitches have no idea what it took to get to that list - But that's another story!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on October 29, 2008 - 8:36pm.
Vadge is looking more and more like the Trollsen Twins crazy aunt.
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LMAO!! Great point! And with that, I'm gone -- the loonies are no-show *stomps foot, boobs jigglin'*
@Pearl -
"Guy could use some baroque tittays. Preferably mine."
Hahahaha! I'm sure he would, being Brit and all. I think we've created a new term! lol
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This bitch is crazy. Guy should get custody of all the kids, including Lourdes, and just let Madonna go fuck up A-Rod.
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“You are obsolete ... look at all the white men on the street."
I was about to compliment one of the Olsen twins for not wearing fur until I realized that this was Madonna.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Vadge is looking more and more like the Trollsen Twins crazy aunt.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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oh another Vadge issue for me: I used to love and defend her keeping of the tooth gap, but now...Well, she's morphing into her ex, Sandra Bernhardt.
Hey Joe - I've always loved adverbs. Used to be a kid's show, "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly. Get your adverbs here. Quickly, quickly, quickly, get your adverbs here." ;))
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Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:29pm.
I don't know. Big over-inflated boobs seem kind of Baroque. Excessive, overly done.
EDIT: OOPS! Silly of me. They are the milk of mankind. Survival of the TITTEST and all. Of course
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Maybe you should look into some faux boobage for that issue. Big baroque boobies get you free passes of all kinds -- like for example, calling in sick twice but showing up at company-sponsored party to warm welcomes and prolonged hugs. It's all in the boobs.
AND back on T: Guy could use some baroque tittays. Preferably mine.
As a now-out-of-the-closet grammar junkie, I deplore the misuse of quotation marks and apostrophes.
However, I do love to split infinitives ... when not splitting it obscures the meaning of my thoughts.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I don't know. Big over-inflated boobs seem kind of Baroque. Excessive, overly done.
EDIT: OOPS! Silly of me. They are the milk of mankind. Survival of the TITTEST and all. Of course. Oh, my titties never needed any help or special committee. lol ;D
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Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:22pm.
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I know..I'm still stewing over the death of the adverb. It qualifies a *verb* people ( I scream in my head). Therefore, *she did good* doesn't work. Because in that case, an adjective is qualifying a verb. Instead of a noun.
*gulping anti-psychotic meds* *double dose*
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:25pm.
I don't know. Big over-inflated boobs seem kind of Baroque. Excessive, overly done.
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Then good lady, I feel your ittybittytitty committe pain, but that's the way the genetic dime landed. Kisses ;D
And YES, I snatched Joe's compliment to Hysteria on purpose. On topic: I want a slice of Vadge-free Guy STAT.
I once (VERY BRIEFLY) worked for a cunt like that.
Poor guy. I feel like sending him money.
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Do you really care?
Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.
Dead Like Me - boom bah
Submitted by jussayin on October 29, 2008 - 8:18pm.
I'm sure in the back of his head was, stick this out for 7 years, get 20 mil and a mansion, and this quit this bitch for a younger juicer model.
Why didn't anyone tell me this was a career option when I was young?
PS I don't know what a sex stick is. But I used to live in Minnesota where EVERYTHING at the fair is on a stick. So why not sex?
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I'm afraid that idea might catch on at my local street fair...by the toofless roadkill-BBQ merchants. But good point.
Oh, Joe. I was an English lit slut too. This isn't my idea about the diminishing use of semicolons. The movement in language has always been toward simplification, away from old rules held over from Latin which don't even apply any more (see split infinitives). jus' sayin
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hmmmmm, my boobs have been accused of being plastic before, but BAROQUE? Maybe I should wear a dress from the period for Halloween; that should shed light on that accusation. Thanks, Hyst ;)~
Edited to add a baroque semi-colon.
...also when I have a contract I will have "no pubic beards!" as a rule
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A Pimp Named Slickback will put a lot of things over a hoe: Money over a hoe? Always. Brand new gators over a hoe? Absolutely. A turkey sandwich wit just tomato? Guaranteed. But homies? Oh no.
I'm sure in the back of his head was, stick this out for 7 years, get 20 mil and a mansion, and this quit this bitch for a younger juicer model.
Why didn't anyone tell me this was a career option when I was young?
PS I don't know what a sex stick is. But I used to live in Minnesota where EVERYTHING at the fair is on a stick. So why not sex?
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A Pimp Named Slickback will put a lot of things over a hoe: Money over a hoe? Always. Brand new gators over a hoe? Absolutely. A turkey sandwich wit just tomato? Guaranteed. But homies? Oh no.
Submitted by joe shmoe on October 29, 2008 - 8:16pm.
Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:11pm.
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But wanna tell you also that I love your taste in reading.
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
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ah, thanks! And judging by your sig, likewise!
Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:11pm.
The semi colon is way baroque and gratuitous. Like fake pearls on plastic boobs.
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ooooo, I sense personal issues .. ;*
Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:11pm.
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But wanna tell you also that I love your taste in reading.
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
And speaking of hotness factor, Guy indeed looks like he got on the way-back machine and is back in barely 30-something land. AND he is smoking hot again. Seriously, he's regained his bloke factor, for lack of a better way to describe that male It thang, mmmm hmmm. That's the kind of thing that got me hooked on my bf :)
ETA: I mean, just LOOK at Guy Past on the above pic! And then look at the difference an absence-o-Vadge makes by clicking on the old DL pics of him with the redhead and of him with the lads (hot-ass Robert Downey Jr. and skanky almost-Mr. Sienna Miller).
And TigerLil: hahaaa! LOVE IT!
Hot damn! Even her marriage has a technical rider.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 8:11pm.
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Hysteria, must disagree; The semi colon manages to signify a more effective pause than a comma but strings a bunch of independent clauses together. I frankly hate commas. They confound me. And I was an English Lit major.
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
The semi colon is way baroque and gratuitous. Like fake pearls on plastic boobs.
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Submitted by nsaustin: "If you have to actually put those things into a marriage contract, you might be better off with just a dog (and a dildo with a kickstand.)"
Amen.
Team Guy's camp....
Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
* Vadge still has emotions? Poppycock! And this spirit she speaks of? Oh, the spirit of Christmas past?
Guy must devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge.
* or he can just look at his testicles Madge keeps in a jar of formyldehyde and recite to her over and over again "I deserved it, I deserved it...". It's his choice either or...
Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.
*Key words: "Yes, dear"..."You're right"..."I deserved it"....
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
* I know I can never have my balls back, but please, Mistress Madge can I just have a private moment with them?
Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another.
*Oh god! Not that sex stick again! AAAAAAAAAAA!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@Pearl
"Frankly, A-Rod looks more right with Ricky Martin."
Agreed! haha. although, i wouldn't kick him out of my hay sack
EDIT: A-ROD, you're still a HAWT MAN -- SAVE YOUR NUTS! RUN! RUN! NOW!
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Submitted by Candy on October 29, 2008 - 7:31pm.
Something made this man sign a pact with the devil. Im not quite sure what it is.... For this reason I cannot feel sorry for him. He knew he was hooking up with satan. Maybe she promised him a lucrative film career???
^^^^^^^^^^
Oooooh, just like the husband in "Rosemary's Baby!" And...wait a sec...his name was GUY, too! How creepy.
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
I still consider Madonna to be the first Gay man allowed to marry in England. And with that said...what a cunt.
@ Hysteria: A-Rod the ROOKIE was smoking hot; now he's just too fake orange, and I can hear the ocean betixt his hollow head from every pic.
& LusciousT: I wanna kick myself for not bookmarking the site I once saw a Semi-Colon Protection Society club shirt on, grr!
If you have to actually put those things into a marriage contract, you might be better off with just a dog (and a dildo with a kickstand.)
Omg - I love the semi-colon! lol
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^Honky mom for Obama~
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
Submitted by NovaNightly on October 29, 2008 - 7:19pm.
Its funny how a woman who pushed our noses into her crotch for so many years and proclaimed to the masses how sexually provocative she was could be so damn sexless.
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That's exactly what I was thinking.
All these people struck me as such lousy lays.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
What's the point of haivng all that money if life's gotta be miserable anyways? No wonder Lola wanted to move to NY w/ her Dad.
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^Honky mom for Obama~
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
Well fuck me, Vadge has "control freak" written on her fucking forehead. What the hell did Guy expect from this bitch??
Should've kept his dignity instead of marrying this fucking lunatic.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Submitted by KillBilly on October 29, 2008 - 7:48pm.
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Way to skip the MEMEME-only VAAADGE parts. BUT right on to your siggy!
Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 7:41pm.
getting back to nuts . . . apparently that's all Vadge is. like a witch, she sucks the nuts outta every 'guy'. . . that's how she retains her youth
vadge the vampiress. . . wooooooo
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AH! So THAT'S why she's been getting brittler by the day! Guy grabbed his nuts back and hit the road, and I don't think A-Rod's sack has much juice left. Frankly, A-Rod looks more right with Ricky Martin.
I really don't see what's so wrong with this contract:
"Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual well being"
Yeah this is wrong because that's bad thing to do for someone you're married too.
"Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way."
Yeah because shouting and yelling always works.
"Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
All adults should handle conflict within a marriage with respect to one's partner.
Vote NO on Prop. 8
getting back to nuts . . . apparently that's all Vadge is. like a witch, she sucks the nuts outta every 'guy'. . . that's how she retains her youth
vadge the vampiress. . . wooooooo
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WTF. I thought my husband and I promised to love and respect each other when we SAID OUR WEDDING VOWS. We didn't need no damn contract for that.
Ok... a fuck contract but no prenup?
Submitted by M.E. on October 29, 2008 - 7:26pm.
Submitted by DUDE on October 29, 2008 - 7:22pm.
He should re-release Snatch and dedicate it to the lovely Madge.
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And change the name to CUNT
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MAhahaa! Better: Re-make Nine and a Half Weeks, with some A-list slutty YOUNG ho, like ScarJo or or Jess MiserAlba. That shit would BURN her ego.
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on October 29, 2008 - 7:11pm.
and playing hookie from work rocks hardcore :D
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I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius
no Jim, you can have at least one of them bk LOL
@Pearl -
on the street, word is semi-colon on the out
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Submitted by Hysteria on October 29, 2008 - 7:30pm.
Could be the basis of a contest.
That'd be fun, we should try it.