Vadge & Guy's Crazy Marriage Contract
Vadge is the most controlling controller whoever controlled, so it shouldn't come to a complete shock that she made Guy Ritchie agree to a marriage contract. The contract was filled with insane rules like how often they should fuck and what words they should using during arguments. I'm guessing "fuck you cunt" wasn't one of the allowed phrases?
According to The Sun, the document was posted around the house and whenever he was a bad slave and broke the rules, she would say, "Contract, Guy, contract." I bet he had to sign it with the blood from his ripped out nutsack.
Here's just some of the rules on Vadge's "I OWN YOU" contract:
Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing.Guy must devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge.
Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another.
They couldn't beat each other with their sex sticks?! No wonder Vadge always looks like she has blue balls. All she needed to do was to beat Guy with her "sex stick." And trust me, she has one of those. It's just usually stuck up her ass.
I totally believe Vadge has contracts and rules for everything. The hulk-lady is crazy. She probably even schedules her bowel movements down to the second. If one of her butt nuggets is even a millisecond late, she yells at her asshole and writes up her intestines.
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The Phillies just won the World series. Congrats. As long as the Yankees don't win.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
@James Haven
I have been wondering where your hot ass has been
Where you and Madonna ever lovers?
Submitted by Cooch.Roue on October 29, 2008 - 10:35pm.
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LMFAO!!! I missed your ass, Cooch - nobody brings the crazy like you ;-)
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
What?!?! No sex stick?!?! Well no wonder it fell apart!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
Tilting her eyes lasciviously, she watched, her aged and work-worn mien evident in every hobbled step. Her man-hands hesitantly reaching out to me, she shuffled yet closer, and closer still, the slick lycra of her leotard making the most peculiar and arousing whisper of sound as the delicious friction between her taught, middle-aged thighs erupted in auditory delight.
The crone finally stood before me. She whispered pathetic attempts at lyric poetry to me as she stripped off her yoga top, revealing the rock-hard breasts and manly 8-pack that could define only the most immortal of music superstars. The haggard Goddess pressed her pelvis into me, the noxious odor of her halitosis almost knocking me clear of all my senses. Her callused and lizard-tongue slid out of her mouth like a cockroach from hell, slithering toward my mouth in what I soon realized was a proposition to a deal that I wanted no part of.
I backed away from her, cautiously, then frantically. As I ran from the downtrodden harridan, I spied her getting into the back of her limo with three Dominican dudes she picked up off the street. The quiet desperation of her final act haunts me still, lingering in the nether regions of my mind at all times. The crabs didn't last nearly as long.
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I’m like an American princess. - Paris Hilton
I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own. Like a hustler. - Paris Hilton
Submitted by ILoveRArmitage on October 29, 2008 - 10:25pm.
Last time the Philly's won a series was in 1980.
About the same time that Vadge was actually considered Hot.*like the tie-in*
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Go Philly
Go Philly
Go Philly
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I don't want to possess you, I wish to marry you because I love you.
Look back... look back at me.
Are you coming home with me?
OMFG -- WE JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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I don't want to possess you, I wish to marry you because I love you.
Look back... look back at me.
Are you coming home with me?
Submitted by James Haven on October 29, 2008 - 10:21pm.
dq! SmOOches - sorry to hear about your day! James Haven has alot of those especially on Laundry day at the Pitts!
Sweet dreams of.....James Haven ;)
Oh, Sweetie, they will be now! (Bow chicka bow bow!) Good night, dear.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Yummmmmm, taters!
Bring them on GF!
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Triscuit - YAY HOMETOWN GO PHILS!!!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on October 29, 2008 - 10:19pm.
JAMES HAVEN! I'm truly on my way to bed after a horribly shiteous day, but I saw your little name & avvie & had to say hi. You always make me smile!
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dq! SmOOches - sorry to hear about your day! James Haven has alot of those especially on Laundry day at the Pitts!
Sweet dreams of.....James Haven ;)
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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@DebFrmHell, I have the best recipe for cheesy potatoes!! Dee Dee, potatoes beget vodka..LOL
Martha should pay me for these mad skillz.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
JAMES HAVEN! I'm truly on my way to bed after a horribly shiteous day, but I saw your little name & avvie & had to say hi. You always make me smile!
xoxo, dq
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
_Submitted by red_hot_kitchen on October 29, 2008 - 10:05pm.
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I couldn't agree more. I don't feel sorry for him one bit. He was asking for it. He even SIGNED for it. He's not more stupid because he's not taller. To me, he's just a soft version of Heather Mills sans a hot-ass wooden leg.
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Hahahaha Mani and Deb! Mmmmmm, potatoes au gratin.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by Manimal5 on October 29, 2008 - 10:13pm.
Wow, wine and cheese!
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Yep, just consider me the party!
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
Submitted by Triscuit on October 29, 2008 - 10:09pm.
PHILLIES JUST WON THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES!
*
'world' series eh? What other cuntries played?
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Do you really care?
Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.
Dead Like Me - boom bah
@Mani,
Whine and Cheesey potatoes!
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Submitted by DeeDee on October 29, 2008 - 10:08pm.
Hola Mani! Nitty not only pezzes potatoes, she'll distill her own wine in about 5 minutes when she goes peepee.
Wow, wine and cheese!
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
@ Mani, that's PezPo to you, and leave the coin in the slot, thankyouverymuch.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
PHILLIES JUST WON THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Benji Madden effed my cat,Miss Kitty.
@Dee Dee *straining and grunting in true Vadge style. plopping out 3 potatoes* Any true Vadge can push those things out like daisies. That's the problem, Vadge needs a challenge, I can relate. She just hasn't met my hubby. Thank gawd she only goes after wussies, so he's safe.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
@James Haven,
Brad and Guy both have the "pinched" look, their broads just sucked the life out of them...like a half deflated balloon so goes the ego!
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Hola Mani! Nitty not only pezzes potatoes, she'll distill her own wine in about 5 minutes when she goes peepee.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson
When and why did she become such a pretention and controlling bitch?. Wasn't she really a very I-don't-give-a-shit kind of woman years ago?. She's making herself look like a big pile of poop.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by TITS on October 29, 2008 - 10:02pm.
Haha. I try to use any excuse to have sex.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Submitted by NitWitty on October 29, 2008 - 9:59pm.
Submitted by DeeDee on October 29, 2008 - 9:56pm.
Nittay! *squeezing your tittay*
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Oh, shit! Now look what you made me do. I dropped another potato into my panty hose.
Hahaha. A potato pez dispenser. I like it.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Just the mention of a contract should have been a sign for Guy to run, but he didn't, so I don't really pity him. He has to have a masochistic streak. If he wanted to be a gold digger, I'm sure there are much easier ways to do so.
@ Nits
Only one potato? According to our contract you are obligated to drop 10 potatoes and wax my sex stick everyday. You only have three hours to go......you best get on it.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by Manimal5 on October 29, 2008 - 9:49pm.
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Who talks like this?
More like "Ok, so your pissed off, lets have sex.
*
have we dated?
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
Do you really care?
Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.
Dead Like Me - boom bah
Submitted by DeeDee on October 29, 2008 - 9:56pm.
Nittay! *squeezing your tittay*
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Oh, shit! Now look what you made me do. I dropped another potato into my panty hose.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
Nittay! *squeezing your tittay*
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson
@DeeDee...Great minds, Foolio...Great minds! lololll
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
Per MK "They couldn't beat each other with their sex sticks?!"
Obviously MK hasn't been to "couple's therapy" only the person holding the stick gets to do the bashing!
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
No sex sticks eh? That's the only way any sane man would touch Madge's vag....with a 10 ft. stick.
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Who talks like this?
More like "Ok, so your pissed off, lets have sex.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Submitted by TITS on October 29, 2008 - 9:40pm.
Tigerlilly, do you ever enjoy a nice tuna steak?
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I experimented a little in college...She was hot, we were drunk...What? What?
You mean actual swimming fish? Meh, you know as a side dish sometimes...They're vegetables right? Grow in water and shit like plants?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
For someone trying so hard to maintain a youthful appearance, her dresses look like 80 year old lady dresses or casket dresses.
Are those her arms hanging out of the bottom of those sleaves, or is that part of the material of the dress?
Poor Guy. Just look at his face. He always looks like he has a pinched nerve.
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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This is retarded. Clearly this isn't a real contract but some sort of marriage counseling exercise. Madge may be crazy, but not this stupid.
http://www.theinternasty.com/2008/10/23/matt-damons-sarah-palin-bit-only...
Submitted by Manimal5 on October 29, 2008 - 9:38pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on October 29, 2008 - 9:35pm.
Yeah Nits! There are always some similar posts on Caption...I think yours was better! Love you.
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Mani, no way. And I think I love you more, but you haven't seen my contract yet.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 29, 2008 - 9:37pm.
Thanks, again. *throws a slab of prime rib*
Carlos Leon is probably so glad that he sperminated and ran while he could retain a vestige of his manhood.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Tigerlilly, do you ever enjoy a nice tuna steak?
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Do you really care?
Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.
Dead Like Me - boom bah
Submitted by DebFrmHell on October 29, 2008 - 9:35pm.
James Haven,
You sexy critter! **smootches**
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Deb! SmOOches
Long time no see
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
```````````````````````````````````````````````
Submitted by NitWitty on October 29, 2008 - 9:35pm.
Yeah Nits! There are always some similar posts on Caption...I think yours was better! Love you.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on October 29, 2008 - 9:12pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 29, 2008 - 9:07pm.
Thanks. *throws beefy steak*
However, what about Rocco? I understand that David belongs to Vadge since paid for him out of her own separate funds.
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Oh, why thank you *gnaws beefy steak*...Now, while I'm not an expert, I do believe one should consult the experts
re: David...There is of course Angelina Jolie re: purchasing children and returning children...There is also of course Jessica Alba upon verifying the "brown baby" acceptable factor of children...
Now if Madonna kept the receipt, then Angelina Jolie could inform her of the warranty on the child. She knows. Madonna could return that kid and get a refund...
Now, if the child no longer fits in with Madge's lifestyle, furniture or shoes, and is deemed "brown" enough, then Jessica Alba may or may not be an option to unload the little bastard..., so that Guy doesn't get it...er, him (as per the marriage contract if he wants his nuts back).
As for Rocco,Madge will retain custody of Rocco, until Madge cannot control his sexual development. If she is unsuccessful in castrating Rocco, then he is offically "Guy's Problem" which will be his new name in Madge's house...
Oh, and just in case you are wondering...If Lourdes EVER plucks her Freida Kahlo uni/'stache, Madge will disinherit that whore immediately...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
James Haven,
You sexy critter! **smootches**
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
Hey, Manimal! Did you get my apology in the CT thread? Sorry, bruddah.
James *sm00ches ya back just like Angie*, we want all the juicy tidbits, kinda' like our Dole Pinapple sections in natural fruit juices! Straight from your puffy lipped mouth!
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."