Tommy Girl Roasts Matt Lauer
Tommy Girl sashayed to the Hilton Hotel in NYC today for Matt Lauer's Friar Club Roast. Tommy was probably embarrassed when he walked in wearing his little sailor boy outfit and carrying his lucky heated anal probe. Sadly, he didn't really understand what they meant by "roasting Matt Lauer."
Tommy turned his frown upside down, put on his big boy clothes and took the stage anyway. He's such a good sport. UsWeekly reports:
"Matt and I talk two, three, four times a day," Cruise, 46, joked during the Friar Club Roast at the New York Hilton Hotel.Cruise also jokingly blamed Lauer for Katie Couric decision to leave the Today show to go to CBS. The actor also made fun of Lauer's day job. "I get to go from international locations to movie sets to more international locations to movie sets," Cruise said. "You have found happiness doing the same thing every day. You sit on a couch all day and interview the car from Knight Rider and cook radishes with Rachael Ray!"
Before he stepped off stage, he snipped, "I can't believe I flew all the way out here...lose my number, you glib putz."
"Why don't you sit down?" Lauer shot back. "We'll get you a booster seat!"
AHAHA! That Tommy Girl is a tiny bag of laughs! He probably leaves his best girlfriend John Travolta in stitches! No, I'm serious. He really leaves him in stitches. Tommy's heated anal probe is no joke.
Since that whole "making movies" thing really isn't working out for Tommy, he should grab his joke writer and join The Queens of Comedy!
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Glib!
Me is thinking that an occasional fotoooooh of one of our celebs dropping a duke should give us a better perspective on what they are all about and who they are. Who of our precious celebs is not willing to admit his or her's stinks just as much as Barry O's, e.g..? Speaking of BO, how is it that none of the gaydar boyz have picked him out for what he iz?
Indiana Jones knowz. Doesn't he, Cally?
How 'bout you Tommyglib? Do you know how hated you are? Does Paulaglib ever take it out? Does anyone on your "staff" tell you how much people loathe, despise, and can't stand you or that bugle sticking out from the middle of your glibstink breath and glibsquash face?
Six feet under isn't goo-ga enuf for Suri's foster poppa.
Tommy-douche! Hey, if I were there, I'd get out a tape measure and see whose nose is longest. That would piss both of them off, I bet. Wait...is nose size directly proportional to feet size? Sexy!!
I am a petite curvy blonde who wants to reignite her social life.
I love dancing, music and travel - I am in the process of planning a trip to Petra. Would you care to join me? Check """""" D a t e R i c h S i n g l e S . c o m """""""""""
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Submitted by oklahoma on October 25, 2008 - 9:47am.
Nope!! No breakfast yet, Joey! Well I did have some Nose Candy.. Me thinks that counts as food.
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Only if it was Wino's cotton (nose)candy!
Off topic-Hello to the biggest skank whoever skanked!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
“Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.” Jim Morrison
Doesn't Tom realize that the more publicity he gets for anything the worse it gets for his acting career? He'd be better off hiding out in one of his many mansions and doing bit parts. He was actually very entertaining as the balding megalomaniacal Hollywood producer in that recent Ben Stiller film.
It's ironic that in its quest for immortality, religion itself may lead to our extinction.
ruh roh.. I hope Benji wasn't in th Bathroom earlier. Poor guy! Well we know he could handle it, cause of the paris thing, but still. I will make it up to him!!
Angel_i.. yeah, Stoners Unite!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
...first Oprah....now it's Matt....the "Redemption Tour-2008" continues....sad when someone is sucking up to get his reputation back.....too late!!! We know crazy is lurking in that shallow glow in the dark skin...
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Why be difficult when I have X-ray vision to be impossible!
angely pangely!
don't ask what it means....it's a luv tap
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Submitted by oklahoma on October 25, 2008 - 10:53am.
angel_i.. OMG Thank you!! Peel. D'oh.. I could not fucking remember that for shit!!
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I got your back, hunny - us stoners gotta stick together after all.
PS. Snowy's right. Benji Madden is everywhere!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
Oh Snap, Snowpiece.. Really?? I thought the actuall Banana was Benji.. That's why I deep throated it!! *runs back to find Peel, and pill* muahahaaa
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
okie: that bannana PEEL is really Benji Madden FYI
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on October 25, 2008 - 10:53am.
Hmmmm...I'm thinking TommyG's rider demands a booster seat be in place when he gets there.
And a buff young man to install it.
Hmmmm...I'm thinking TommyG's rider demands a booster seat be in place when he gets there.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
angel_i.. OMG Thank you!! Peel. D'oh.. I could not fucking remember that for shit!! *blushes* Well I thought maybe a bird would like it, for breakfast maybe.. teehee!! Chirp.
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by Uptown James on October 24, 2008 - 9:53pm.
Gawd, I have been sitting here daydreaming for like 10 minutes about slapping on my Pan Am fight attendant outfit (think stewardess) that I wear on Halloween-- or whenever I feel like it, actually-- and walking down the aisle of a plane that Tommie Girl is on. When I get to him, I ask, "May I interest you in the chicken quesadilla? Or would you prefer the plate of shit with broken glass in it?"
I've been practicing saying that in the mirror but I think I still smile too much when I say it.
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Keep up the good work! =D
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
@Okie!
Your poor banada PEEL!
It was saying "No! Don't leave me! I don't want to be litter! I'm so much more than that! I'm compost!"
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!
Nope!! No breakfast yet, Joey! Well I did have some Nose Candy.. Me thinks that counts as food.
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by oklahoma on October 25, 2008 - 9:41am.
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Hahahahaha! Did you smoke your breakfast Okie??
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.~ Dave Barry
Joe! It is very nice, and smells goood! *runs away with it* Hey if a guy can marry a pineapple, I can marry a Tropical Orchid..
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by oklahoma on October 25, 2008 - 9:33am.
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Why yes Okie, feel free to take a deep whiff. It's a tropical orchid
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.~ Dave Barry
@JoeShmoe,, Can I have permission to smell your flower?? Atleast I think that is a flower.. It sure looks purty..
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by Sheeps on October 25, 2008 - 9:27am.
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Just practical :)
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.~ Dave Barry
Last night, I went out to buy 'drugs' so I took a banana with me.. Ate it,so I wouldn't get sick, then threw the pilling out the window, and made a lil joke like "OH I hope I don't slip on that on th way back" Anyways.. This morning, I got into my car.. and seen the fucking banana pill (how the fuck do you spell that) stuck on the back of my fucking car wing.. wtf? JOkes on me, right banana.. Fucker!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by joe shmoe on October 25, 2008 - 9:23am.
I think all probing should be done at room temperature.
hahahahahaha. Perv.
@JoeShmoe, , that sounds reasonable enough! Not too cold, Not too hot.. Just riiight! aaaaaah!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Submitted by oklahoma on October 25, 2008 - 8:56am.
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I think all probing should be done at room temperature.
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.~ Dave Barry
I'm no Cruise fan, but he missed a bet in not banging on Lauer's broken marriage and cheating. That would have wiped the smirk off Lauer's face. Lauer's wife has gone from perfect to scary during their marriage.
hmm, tons of talk about heated anal probes.. Is there such thing?? That totally creeps me out!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Wha? Did he really tell him he'd get a booster chair for him?? hahaha! that's funny stuff!!!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Tom Cruise seems to have absolutely no sense of humour... Plus he seems like a person who'd be very frustrating to try and have a conversation with.
Glibtastic! Lauer's an asshat for sure, but he definitely deserves credit for exposing Tommy Girl for the nutjob he is.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Tommy wanted some payback an got made the fool once again.Matt is a douche though.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Why is Tammy wearing her bangs today?
The photo of these two queens eye to eye is hysterical. Can you say "Mary to Mary"?
Too bad they are both bottoms!
tommygirl prepared for this roast in the xenu dungeon.
travolta was there in his black leather dungeonwear. daviekins was there in his red vinyl dungeonwear. williwill was there in his silken pjs. tommygirl looked sexiest of all in his white chiffon dungeonwear.
meanwhile katE, kelly, jada and d's "wife" were there in their flannel nightgowns, footie pajamas and chenille robes.
while katE busied herself dusting the RODS of xenu, tommygirl practiced his line.
"glibglib glib GLIB" he sang.
long pause.
"well!" he demanded, blood rushing to his face, sanity leaving his eyes.
katE began to applaud...
ROTFLMAO!! Tom is such a diva. But so is Lauer.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 24, 2008 - 11:58pm.
LMTO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Submitted by Princess Xenu D... on October 24, 2008 - 11:43pm.
Hahahaha how fucking funny is that!! Shot down!! Poor Tommy girl hehehehe
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Well, yeah, but you know what? YOU'RE GLIB,MAN...oh, yeah I said it...GLIB...glibby...glibaciously glib...
You're a gliberacity on the gliboil of humanity...Ohhh, I said it...
Yeah, glibberMcglibglib...Go cry some glib tears, you glibber. No one cares about your glibness here, you gliberfucker....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
awkward.
xoxox
The war isn't working.
Hahahaha how fucking funny is that!! Shot down!! Poor Tommy girl hehehehe
Submitted by dementa on October 24, 2008 - 11:03pm.
And did Tommygirl then throw himself on the floor and kick his tiny heels, shrieking in outrage because somebody got a zing back at him? I bet it took hours for him to think up that nugget of Wildean wit.
I don't like Lauer much, but he's got some guts to be the subject of a roast. Tommygirl obviously still hates Lauer because that past interview was part of his descent from action hero to national joke.
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Awesome....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
And did Tommygirl then throw himself on the floor and kick his tiny heels, shrieking in outrage because somebody got a zing back at him? I bet it took hours for him to think up that nugget of Wildean wit.
I don't like Lauer much, but he's got some guts to be the subject of a roast. Tommygirl obviously still hates Lauer because that past interview was part of his descent from action hero to national joke.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 24, 2008 - 10:17pm.
Monkey???? Monkey???? Meh, tolerance...That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust. I've gone through boxes of that shit...
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*using intercom inside hamper* *using fake British a la Britney* Well, bugger me backwards! Borax, you say?! BBL!
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
Submitted by Uptown James on October 24, 2008 - 9:53pm.
Gawd, I have been sitting here daydreaming for like 10 minutes about slapping on my Pan Am fight attendant outfit (think stewardess) that I wear on Halloween-- or whenever I feel like it, actually-- and walking down the aisle of a plane that Tommie Girl is on. When I get to him, I ask, "May I interest you in the chicken quesadilla? Or would you prefer the plate of shit with broken glass in it?"
I've been practicing saying that in the mirror but I think I still smile too much when I say it.
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Holy shit, that is the funniest fucking thing I've heard in at least 2 years!
Monkey???? Monkey???? Meh, tolerance...That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust. I've gone through boxes of that shit...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Gawd, I have been sitting here daydreaming for like 10 minutes about slapping on my Pan Am fight attendant outfit (think stewardess) that I wear on Halloween-- or whenever I feel like it, actually-- and walking down the aisle of a plane that Tommie Girl is on. When I get to him, I ask, "May I interest you in the chicken quesadilla? Or would you prefer the plate of shit with broken glass in it?"
I've been practicing saying that in the mirror but I think I still smile too much when I say it.
Hope all you Ho's have a good weekend!
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"I'm calling in fat tomorrow"
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 24, 2008 - 9:45pm.
WHOA! That's some uncut shit you got there, MONKEY...Don't go wavin' that 'round...
Speakin' of uncut...shhht...*whispers* industrial strength dryer sheets...No, this is the real deal... Oh, yeah...but be careful...this is how that Snuggles mother fucker did himself in...Yeah, they replaced his ass awful quick, but the original? Total Sheet head.....OD'd in a laundry basket full of his own sick...mostly Downy with some honey comb chunks it was...
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*deep, deep sniff* Mmmmmmmmm....mmmmmmmmm...mmmmmmmmm..that there is some good shit, TL! *wiping little sock monkey nose with back of hand* *rapid eye blinking* Gotta go! *grabbing box of dryer sheets..jumping in the hamper* *deep sniffing sounds* Mmmmmmmmmm....mmmmmmmmmm...mmmmmmmmm!
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on October 24, 2008 - 9:36pm.
*opening lid to hamper* Pssssttt..TigerLilly!
*shaking HUGE bag of catnip* Look what I got!
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WHOA! That's some uncut shit you got there, MONKEY...Don't go wavin' that 'round...
Speakin' of uncut...shhht...*whispers* industrial strength dryer sheets...No, this is the real deal... Oh, yeah...but be careful...this is how that Snuggles mother fucker did himself in...Yeah, they replaced his ass awful quick, but the original? Total Sheet head.....OD'd in a laundry basket full of his own sick...mostly Downy with some honey comb chunks it was...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
*opening lid to hamper* Pssssttt..TigerLilly!
*shaking HUGE bag of catnip* Look what I got!
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~