Hef Confirms The Obvious
82-year-old Hugh Hefner has confirmed to E!'s Marc Malkin that his fairytale romance with Holly Madison has ended its run. I'm sure he also confirmed to Marc that he just went doody in his undies, but that's another issue!
Hef said, "If she says it's over, it's over. But like I've said before, she is the love of my life, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with her." Um....so they would have been together for six more months? I kid! Hef is going to live forever. The future of Viagra depends on it.
The Playboy pepaw popped a Werther's Original in his mouth and said the relationship started to go downhill six months ago after they found out he isn't able to father another child. He said, "With my sperm count, it's not possible. I was willing but it was not possible…She'd like to be married and have children, but it's not in the cards here for me."
Yeah, when your sperm count is in the negative digits, you're probably not going to be able to get the job done.
Hef said that his relationship with Kendra will be ending when she moves out of the house by the end of the year. He didn't say anything about Bridget, because let's be honest, she doesn't matter. She probably moved out a while ago and he didn't even notice! Gizmo needs to stay, though.
There are new skanks in the mansion. Hef has moved in 19-year-old orange twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon (above). He said, "They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends."
I know these twin whores are the color of Hef's favorite drink, Metamucil, but this is ridiculous. They look like two week-old Halloween pumpkins who really need to be kicked into the middle of the street. If Hef has an orange fetish, he should just stick his shriveled turtle dick into a tangerine. Less hassle.
And there's also one other chick who will be sucking on Hef's dough dick very soon. Amy Leigh Andrews is testing this week and he said she will likely become one of his girlfriends too. "I'm dancing as fast as I can."
When Hef dances, medics have to stand by.
It's the end of an era! Hef's new girlfriends are a little on the old side, though. I guess there weren't any sexy unborn fetuses available.
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morning GIG
Xxyxz!!!!!! HI sweet thing!! I could not pick up the phone last night!!
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Don't we make you Laugh??
Aren't we Fuckin Funny!!!?
Yeah, when your sperm count is in the negative digits, you're probably not going to be able to get the job done.
Strap me onto the jet to hell, that was fucking FUNNY!
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by christine the hoff on October 9, 2008 - 9:20am.
@your mom
disgusting, he's eight two and the uglies aren't old enough to drink. I hope he accidently shits on them.
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That's okay, if he shit on them, being the skanks that they are they'd turn it into a 2 girls and a cup video.
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Dick happens! - MK
Morning sluts!
Clarisse, loving the avie of Jonathan Price. That pics form "Something Wicked This Way Comes". right? He was the hotness in that. That VOICE!
Auntie Mame, also loving your Angelique avie. I loved her. She was such a witch!
A) I'm pretty sure Hef's gay.
B) There's no way in hell he's fucking these hos even if he's straight.
C) Those girls look like trailer mom trolls. Sad how even if they're fug sluts, skanky twins can get attention just for doubling the fug.
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
I know you're watching over us, Pap. I love you, I miss you already.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on October 9, 2008 - 9:38am.
Submitted by MadameLollipop on October 9, 2008 - 9:35am.
Riddle me this... I'm not in the US so I'm baffled how puritan americans are not going on the streets with torches and burning pics of Hef. Is it OK for two 19 year-old bimbos parade with slug dick Hef in the open?? Really?
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It may be disgusting, but yes--it is legal. They're both adults of legal age. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go barf up my breakfast.
I do understand it is legal but I would expect a big outcry from puritans to be honest... you can't show nipples on tv but you can see hugh sucking face with two young bimbos. yuck!
I suppose grandpa Hef shall pay for their tit implants, their breasts look nowhere NEAR the rock-solid bazookas he loves so much.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Shouldn't Hef retire and pass this madness on to someone else? Ick.
Hef and Playboy stopped being relevant about 30 years ago.
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...it was the afternoon of Halloween
& all the houses shut against a cool wind
& the town was full of cold sunlight
But suddenly, the day was gone
Night came out from under each tree & spread
There is no fool like an old fool.
"When I die, Satan is going to weep, 'cause that bitch will know he is out of a job."
Submitted by kacky on October 9, 2008 - 9:44am.
Submitted by Hekki on October 9, 2008 - 9:39am.
I don't get why it's flattering if they're offering it to anyone and everyone??
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It's because they're too stupid to realize the difference between good attention and bad attention.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
Submitted by StewieGriffin on October 9, 2008 - 9:44am.
Well, Halloween is coming up so it makes sense...Hef should put a candle up their asses and sit them in front of the mansion
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indeed
Gawd, Hef is just fucking tragic! What is his obsession with very average, very eager, golddigging trollops? These hoes probably can't even hold a conversation about anything other than spray tans, make-up, plastic surgeons and lube. I mean, that has to get on anybody's nerves after a while. But he is older than Herbert Hoover's frat brother John McCain. Maybe he can't even hear them.
"I'm John McCain, and I approve this mess!"
Those bitches are only 19? Shazaaam!
Well, Halloween is coming up so it makes sense...Hef should put a candle up their asses and sit them in front of the mansion
Submitted by Hekki on October 9, 2008 - 9:39am.
I don't get why it's flattering if they're offering it to anyone and everyone???
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R.I.P. Rupert!
I see no difference between these bitches and a regular prostitute, although I must admit I have much more respect for regular prostitutes.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Hey, xxy and DeeDee!
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
Ack Hef is just gross. That old fart, providing he can get it up at all, probably cums dust. The thought of his wrinkly knob and saggy balls makes me want to...well puke
Hugh Heffner rubs me the wrong way, big time. Even the look on his face in every single one of his photos screams douche. And almost a second close is his "models" who are so damn photoshopped and airbrushed it's like not even looking at a real person. Larry Flint has sworn up and down, backwards and forwards that his pics are completely natural and untouched. And I believe him. Playboy's models have a real un-natural hue, glaze and glow over then. Whereas Hustler is pretty rawl and real. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
OKLAHOMA!!!!!!
call me biotch!!
Hi yMAtT
@CTH I think it's who is willing to take Hef to the local pharmacy to get his free blood pressure test.
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Todo el rato que está enojado, pierde de estar contento.
Hey, Okie!
Meagan from Rock of Love is another one who looks like she's tasted ear wax.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
Oh, and here's my anthropological theory on the particular "look" these women and Shauna Sand et al are sporting.
It has nothing to do with actual beauty.
The expanses of naked flesh, the fake tan, the long blonde hair, the heavy makeup is all "code" for "Sure, you can fuck me." When women go through all the effort of looking like this, men know it's for their benefit and find it flattering. That, in turn, renders the women more attractive to them. You won't hear a guy say "She's so pretty, and I'm gonna marry her someday." But he will say "She's hot. I bet I can bang her tonight."
Hef is a pervy dirty old man and the stupid skanks that follow him are one step below an amoeba on the food chain.
Submitted by MadameLollipop on October 9, 2008 - 9:35am.
Riddle me this... I'm not in the US so I'm baffled how puritan americans are not going on the streets with torches and burning pics of Hef. Is it OK for two 19 year-old bimbos parade with slug dick Hef in the open?? Really?
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It may be disgusting, but yes--it is legal. They're both adults of legal age. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go barf up my breakfast.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
evolution is running backwards.
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Amen, Motherfucker.
real quick:
I couldn't tell who they reminded me of.. But they look just like Meagen from Rock of Love/I love Money. So YUCK!
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Don't we make you Laugh??
Aren't we Fuckin Funny!!!?
Riddle me this... I'm not in the US so I'm baffled how puritan americans are not going on the streets with torches and burning pics of Hef. Is it OK for two 19 year-old bimbos parade with slug dick Hef in the open?? Really?
Ricki Lake: I'm a straight woman, and I can't imagine anyone finding the roadkill twins attractive. I can't even imagine the average Playboy subscriber finding them appealing.
However, there are probably certain Ed-Hardy wearin', ATV ridin', Maxim magazine readin', straight boys who might want to bang them.
The Orange Twins are so ugly. They are disgusting and so is Hefner. I think it is only fitting that he spends his final years with people who don't give a shit about him and is just using him for what they can sqeeze from his near death corpse.
They'd better start getting their practice now by sucking on spoiled mushrooms.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
Oompa loompa doompadee do, I've got two little hobags for you. Ewwwww! Their parents must be SO proud!!!
Last year we watched something about a party at the Playboy Mansion and all the girls were getting body painted. My husband was staring at the screen (in a non-lecherous kind of way) and looked like someone had just kicked him in the scrote. Turns out he went to school with one of the girls who was being made up and hasn't made it big but posed for the magazine.
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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, "Booty - mmm mmm." - Christopher Titus
Imagination is more Important than Knowledge
They are nothing special. Orange tans, bleached hair. I am sure one of the only reasons they got in the mansion is because of the fantasy of twins. They could be anybody. Any girl that was a twin and went out and did an orange spray tan and bleached their hair could have been in the running to be his girlfriend/girlfriends.
Secret Original got it right...they are Night Nurses.
This is some straight up fuckery.- Michael K. Super Genius.
So much for their parents having hope for at least one of them.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
It took me a moment to realize they were wearing body paint and not matching fug tops.
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http://fuzzygalore.buzznet.com
I consider it a sign of class and elegance when a lady DOESN'T draw attention to her snatchal region.
Submitted by DeeDee on October 9, 2008 - 9:26am.
naw, it's all about how quick you can get the depend out and on his raisin ass.
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Amen, Motherfucker.
their grandfather is probably YOUNGER than heff.
I think I'm going to be sick.
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Amen, Motherfucker.
I wonder what the testing process involves? How fast they can administer the defibrillator?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Todo el rato que está enojado, pierde de estar contento.
Twin Oopma Loompas!
Barf.
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Whenever you feel fat, just look at one of your pinkies. I love my pinkies. - MK.
CTH--
Somebody should ask them how their grandfather is while they're busy flirting with Hef. I'll bet THAT would turn them on!
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. -- Thornton Melon
Ricki Lake - "I hope they die."
How flipping hilarious!
Oh, and gross to the motherfuckin' nth degree if they do threesomes.
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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, "Booty - mmm mmm." - Christopher Titus
Those twins don't look too thrilled to be around Hef. You can tell they are totally grossed out by the peepaw peen and are only sitting there so they can get their picture taken.
"Girlfriends." Sure. Not even fuck buddies. More like night nurses.
@your mom
disgusting, he's eight two and the uglies aren't old enough to drink. I hope he accidently shits on them.
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Amen, Motherfucker.
I had to stare at that picture for a good five minutes before realizing those are their belly buttons and not a shot of the pie goods. Barf.
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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, "Booty - mmm mmm." - Christopher Titus
Wow. Those girls sure are a downgrade from Holly. They are not attractive in the least! Holly was at least pretty. And "under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends" is about the most unexcited anyone could ever say that they have a new girlfriend. My, how special these girls must feel.