Dear Jessica, The Angels Want You To Stop
I had to dig fucking deep while watching "Dancing with the Has-Beens" last night. I faced the ultimate test when Jessica Simpson opened her mouth and sang the most whoreiffic version of Robbie Williams' "Angels" I have ever heard. It sounded like an obese bull frog getting gang banged on bumpy train. You could probably hear the angels wailing in pain if it wasn't for Jessica's butt fuck yodel. Next time she should lip-sync like her sister.
And you know what made it even worse? My nemesis CHERYL BURKE took the stage with Maksim! My senses were violated over and over again! Not only did my ears have to deal with Jessica's croaking, but my eyes had to deal with watching CHERYL BURKE'S back fat sliding back and forth and her mop head bouncing around. The word "torture" was invented to describe that whole performance. The FCC should have shut it down for indecency.
Thankfully, the show redeemed itself when Kim KardASSIAN and her useless big ass were kicked off. Mark Ballas should have just danced with a blow-up doll. He probably would have gotten more emotion out of it.
With Kim leaving that means the real star of the show, Cloris Leachman, gets to dance another week! Viva crazy memaws!
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Mrs.Kravitz on October 1, 2008 - 1:26pm.
Lookit.
When I spotted Jim he was just an unverified nobody. I molded him into the sex god that he is today, and I'll watch 2.5 Men and According to Jim rereuns before I let any of you slutz steal him away from me.
C'mon, JIM let's go.
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Hahahahaaa you people don't even know about Jim. He could be dancing naked to Meatloaf songs and have 10 dogs in a one bedroom apt.
Why does she always BBBJ the microphone???
Oh thank God for the mute button. Why would anyone in their right mind give her a record deal? She makes such fugly faces when she is singing............like she is passing gas or something.
This is one Dallasite I am not proud of!
Run Tony run!
Ok, it's not a pantsuit - whatever.
Chickenhead.
Do people who make these shows KNOW that there are people in the world who can actually sing? I almost slapped my co-op student upside the head the other day when he said he really liked Miley Cyrus in that jacked up Stand Up song (from the Cancer show). Why? Because she's young. *eyeroll* See what's happening to our young people because of this shit?
Cheryl Burke must be a good cocksucker too because she could so easily be replaced by someone just as "mom" looking and WAY better.
♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo
So what happens if my boyfriend is about to turn 40? Should I be scared? He's been a bachelor his whole life, so I can't imagine him having a mid-life crisis...
*remembers father going insane*
Maybe it will work to my advantage and he'll decide to commit?
*checks out beachfront property in Kansas*
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
thetooteroflind,
Robbie williams may be a looney fucker, but man, i would do nasty nasty things to him!
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She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?
I couldn't watch it all the way to the end but after about 30 seconds worth I'm surprised she has any of that horrible cotton candy lip gloss on after she finished raping the microphone!
*bows to speakit*
Ontopic: Jessica was HORRENDOUSLY bad singing Angels. BUT I actually thought Come On Over was in tune, so she must have lip-synced that one. I don't know though, because I was pretty drunk last night. It could have been just as bad as Angels.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Either Papa Joe has good dirt on people in the industry or he has a banging stable of hos. That's the only way I can explain how people keep hiring this mess.
Submitted by speakit on October 1, 2008 - 1:30pm.
OnTopic: I don't care.
OffTopic: I left my husband, and I feel great!
SPEAKIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me?
I want it to be true....
Submitted by speakit on October 1, 2008 - 1:30pm.
OnTopic: I don't care.
OffTopic: I left my husband, and I feel great!
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On Topic: I don't care either.
Off Topic: Good for you...I'm in the midst of trying to decide whether to do that now myself.
I swear something happens when they hit 40. :P
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Bibbiti Bobbidi Boo
I feel asleep with the tv on lastnight. i was awoke by that song" angel". i thought it was a cat in heat. But it was jessica singing. www.myspace.com/davi_tv
I'm so glad I don't watch this show. Or any "reality" show crap.
Can someone tell me how she continues to get work that involves singing? It seems apparent to me (and obviously most of us here) that she CAN'T sing. It can't just be her boobs - THEY aren't singing or hanging out ALL the time. Someone help me out here.
Submitted by LoLo: "Shit bitch its s micropphone not a cock get your lips off of it stank ass butt lip havin slow ho!"
You SAID it, LoLo!
That whole clip was an extravaganza of craptastic-ness.
Cheryl Burke has a FAT ASS. Man, that thing is wide. I'm not hating, but I never really saw it since I don't watch the show. Holy cow. Kim Kardashian better watch it.
Submitted by angel_i on October 1, 2008 - 1:42pm.
Submitted by thetooteroflind... on October 1, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Watch a pro really sing Angels.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQxZztI7264
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LOL! The whole crowd is better!
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PS> Thank you - that was really beautiful.
♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo
Submitted by thetooteroflind... on October 1, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Watch a pro really sing Angels.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQxZztI7264
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LOL! The whole crowd is better!
♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo
Congrats then speakit!! May you live long and prosper without that turd!! I love the way you think...gift certificates!!! *taking notes for the day Nova decides enough is enough*
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“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”
ONG, speakit - you just gave me a wicked ass flashback.
You go girl!
♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo
she tried to "cuntry-fy" the song. Fuck that was horrid. I hope the big ball of crazy that is Robbie Williams kicks the big titted frog right in the twat.
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Isn't Putin Grand?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4088345.stm
Watch a pro really sing Angels.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQxZztI7264
Jessica is a little slut.
she's got to be the biggest c*nt ever. did she go the Jewel school of singing? sounds like she's trying to hard to sound like her.
Yeah, i really left him.
bbl, gotta get more stuff b4 he gets home.
i'm online ordering gift certificates with his credit cards.
I woke up this morning to find he had taken all of my stuff, cell, money, keys, credit cards etc.
he didn't know i had a spare key and hidden money. i got my stuff back, long story. wiped out the checking account!
YES I'M HAPPIER! and so is my kid. :)
have a gudden
I think a positive addition to that travesty of a show would be for the audience to vote on which judge would get to physically kick the evening's loser out of the studio and onto the curb. In KK's case all three of the judges should have a turn.
Ok, I'm not even going to listen to the whole thing and I already have notes.
1. Mics have volume knobs. You don't have to chew on them. You can actually just turn them up.
2. Oversing much?
3. Are you sexy or modest? Which is it? What's with the bun and the cocksucking and the pantsuit and the writhing?
4. *sigh* now I have to go back because I forgot to watch the dancing.
♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo
Submitted by LoLo on October 1, 2008 - 1:11pm.
The Phelps wax statue in China heard this and ripped its ears off.
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lmfao!
I agree with Jim. I get that ABC and ESPN are owned by the same monster, but I hate when these twats show up during SportsCenter.
Cheryl Burke looks like a hot dog with a weave. Back fat ftl.
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FTP: Fuck That Puto!
http://www.myspace.com/zoloftpony
wow, I finally relented and listened to that.
OMFG. Her singing was both flat and oversung simultaneously. How did she manage that? It was really really bad. Robbie Williams should send her a cease and desist letter barring her from ever performing his song again.
Oh speakit....did you really leave him??? oh dearie...u ok? Happier?
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“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”
GO speakit ! To the Left To the Left! that's awesome! wooot whoot!
♥
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"We have your 401K. If you want to see it again give us $7 billion in unmarked bills"
She needs to get her fucking neck in check - her head's about to pop off. And what's with shoving the microphone in your mouth?
One word: Uncomfortable.
OnTopic: I don't care.
OffTopic: I left my husband, and I feel great!
No wonder Robbie Williams suffers from bouts of depression..
having morons like this cover his songs .
Why is she famous again??
im glad kk got voted off.. this girl had no rhythym whatsoever.. and sometimes thats not even a problem with the other contestants because they DO TRY.. this woman did not try at all.. whenever they'll show her backstage she would be on her phone or just fixing her outfit; all into herself..
she SUCKED ASS and im glad she got booted off..
I'm glad I'm at work and can't watch this now. I've heard Messica do this song before, and she murders it. I wish she'd stop trying to sing altogether.
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Wig Wam Bam - wanna make you my man!
Submitted by EastEndGirl on October 1, 2008 - 1:18pm.
Lookit.
When I spotted Jim he was just an unverified nobody. I molded him into the sex god that he is today, and I'll watch 2.5 Men and According to Jim rereuns before I let any of you slutz steal him away from me.
C'mon, JIM let's go.
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OKAY AND SHE DOES HAVE A BOX WITH A DANCE BUT YOU CAN'T STOP HER BOOT CLAP WITH A BUTT SLAP!
Snowy, Nah, I'm not even going to waste anymore time with this fuckery.
Ok...avie change...but of course you cant see it yet!! ARRRRGH! rasserfasserrrgrowlllingcussingrowr!
ON TOP: Other than her awful singing and Cheryl's fat legs and ass...all i can recall is Chestica singing for like the first minute with her eyes closed. lol.
Oh and KK can suck it. She is the WORST dancer i have ever seen. No real rhythm...cant move her ass to save her life. It must be real heavy or something...lol.
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“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”
What a massacre!!!
She should just dig a hole far away and live there forever. Hopefully somewhere near Superman's Fortress of Solitude. Dear Holy God Almighty!
The dancing seems to be a little too fast for that song.
A fucking dying cat would sound better than Chesty.
OT the whole office in in an uproar to find out what smells like fish, how can I tell them it's my chocha!>!?!?!? LMAO ****************************1/20/09
"We have your 401K. If you want to see it again give us $7 billion in unmarked bills"
M.E. close one eye and only look at Maksim
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"We have your 401K. If you want to see it again give us $7 billion in unmarked bills"
YOU MOM JEANS CAN HAVE YOUR STINKING JIM OK.
OLD YELLER CHIN STRAPS YOUNG TIMES ON KEY BOARDS LOUD IN FACE! BULL FROG MIC UP SLOTS!
YES OK
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Replace Angels with Hank Williams Jr's Family Tradition and there I am on karaoke night. Except no one clapped afterwards...
Sounds like she is trying to be Jewel and failing miserably. Why won't she just go away?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Submitted by M.E. on October 1, 2008 - 1:17pm.
I didn't even watch long enough to see dancing. Do I bother?
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Nahhh, don't. It's all vegas and tacky and dude looks like he's gonna rip Cheryl's head off... wait, that bit is actually entertaining.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Wow, she sounds really horrible and off-key here.
Mrs. K.,
Look bitch just because you are all skinny now doesn't mean you get jim.
Hi jim, I am bendy. :)
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pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
I didn't even watch long enough to see dancing. Do I bother?
Submitted by TOPANGA on October 1, 2008 - 1:15pm.
poor ALL CAPS JIM...he reminds me of a kid with tourets..gotta love him =)
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That reverse psychology will not work, missy.
You gotta stand in line just like everyone else!
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OKAY AND SHE DOES HAVE A BOX WITH A DANCE BUT YOU CAN'T STOP HER BOOT CLAP WITH A BUTT SLAP!
Now now girls...dont fight over the man. I'm sure he's got plenty of CAPS LOCK for ya'll. ;P
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“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”