Dear Jessica, The Angels Want You To Stop
I had to dig fucking deep while watching "Dancing with the Has-Beens" last night. I faced the ultimate test when Jessica Simpson opened her mouth and sang the most whoreiffic version of Robbie Williams' "Angels" I have ever heard. It sounded like an obese bull frog getting gang banged on bumpy train. You could probably hear the angels wailing in pain if it wasn't for Jessica's butt fuck yodel. Next time she should lip-sync like her sister.
And you know what made it even worse? My nemesis CHERYL BURKE took the stage with Maksim! My senses were violated over and over again! Not only did my ears have to deal with Jessica's croaking, but my eyes had to deal with watching CHERYL BURKE'S back fat sliding back and forth and her mop head bouncing around. The word "torture" was invented to describe that whole performance. The FCC should have shut it down for indecency.
Thankfully, the show redeemed itself when Kim KardASSIAN and her useless big ass were kicked off. Mark Ballas should have just danced with a blow-up doll. He probably would have gotten more emotion out of it.
With Kim leaving that means the real star of the show, Cloris Leachman, gets to dance another week! Viva crazy memaws!
Look she's eating the microphone!
Did she eat Jewel on the way onstage? Chestica makes Britney Spears sound like fucking Julie Andrews.
Holy. shit.... I have to give credit to her sister Asshole for being smart enough to finally realize she's a talentless hack and getting knocked up as an excuse to occupy her time.
Submitted by boomsy on October 1, 2008 - 10:51pm.
So my music teacher used to tell us all the time that you can't look pretty and sing pretty at the same time;
....Aaliyah did. :(
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Oh you mad cuz I'm stylin on you!
WTF was that? that bitch has ruined that song completely..omg..
>> there is no patch for human stupidity <<
HOW is she still famous?!?!
That was horrific! She was badly out of tune through a good portion of the song, and she seemed to be yelling a lot, instead of singing. I guess the dumbo thinks this means she is being emotional and soulful.
She is getting worse as a singer, and was never good in the first place. She should just retire. And she is looking very odd fashion-wise these days. It also looks like she is about explode weight-wise, and that really will force her to retire. And she should take her no-talent sister with her.
How in the world did she get this gig on Dancing with the Stars??!!???
Submitted by speakit on October 1, 2008 - 9:38pm.
Submitted by alice on October 1, 2008 - 9:36pm.
I have had a bad day today.
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There's always tomorrow for dreams to come trueeee.. believe in your dreams come what maayyyy
What's that song from? I don't even know but it popped in my head.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow. :)
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I remembered! Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
DUDE! MK, are you a masochist, or what? You hate this muppetous bitch (i.e. Janice, from The Electric Mayhem), and yet you watch her show???
I really thought that you would rather host Paris Hilton's crabs than watch that shit!
Ok, so I finally watched the whole thing *wipes foam from corner of mouth* and, weeelll...
So my music teacher used to tell us all the time that you can't look pretty and sing pretty at the same time; well Jessica looked awful so why did she sound like crap?
I hated Cheryl's 'dress' if you want to call it that. The dancing was a distraction from the dying animal in the background (aka JS) but not distracting enough. My stomach hurts now.
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
Submitted by alice on October 1, 2008 - 9:36pm.
I have had a bad day today.
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There's always tomorrow for dreams to come trueeee.. believe in your dreams come what maayyyy
What's that song from? I don't even know but it popped in my head.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow. :)
I have had a bad day today. I'm not going to even go into it but the following sentence made me laugh out loud
"Not only did my ears have to deal with Jessica's croaking, but my eyes had to deal with watching CHERYL BURKE'S back fat sliding back and forth and her mop head bouncing around."
oh my god. So funny. Mk is gifted. Not to be sappy but its true.
Eww, I had to stop after 30 seconds just because I was disgusted from seeing her nasty mouth all over that microphone. They better sanitize that thing.
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
I would seriously rather poke hot needles in my eyes than ever watch/listen to her perform that song again. Thanks Mel-tang for directing me to the YouTube Robbie Williams. Much better and has almost erased that trainwreck Simpson from my mind.
Jessica sounds TERRIBLE in this clip. Off key more than once and trying too hard.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Well that was just fucking terrible. Whose cock is this bint suckin on? It can't sing for shit.
do you think she jinxed Kim? I mean that stupid old horny bat beat Kim? that's crazy.
Go Derek and Brooke. Only reason I watch that show is for Derekkkk and Julianne and her partner <333
Submitted by speakit on October 1, 2008 - 1:39pm.
Good for you speakit, sending good thoughts for you and the little one.
OT: Backfat Forever!
I couldn't even make it thru a minute of that mess. Somebody put some duct tape over this bitch's mouth!
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Wig Wam Bam - wanna make you my man!
Gross. She sounds like she is trying to sound like Jewel in the first verse. What a hag.
MK I <3 you b/c of this spot-on description of JSimp: "an obese bull frog getting gang banged on bumpy train"
I kept wondering why she was trying to perform fellation on the mic-practice for Tony, hmmm?
After hearing Robbie Williams' version, I can truly understand how awful JS was.
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Learn how to sell on Ebay!
www.tessybugsboutique.com
oh - by the way. Lance Bass makes me wish I was a gay man - he is totally hot on this show.
Dear MK!
You totally sound like Ignatius Reilly from "A Confederacy of Dunces" in this post. This makes you my real life hero.
the only person I hate more that Cheryl Burke is Elizabeth Hasselcrack, so I don't know why I torture myself watching! I'm still angry from the view post at the top of the page, and now I'm disgusted as well. She invokes that repulsed, physically repelled feeling upon sight. I've never hated hair like this before, but it's the hair being on HER specifically that throws me over the edge. I wanna break in while she's sleeping and super glue some weave to her head. I know if I shaved it she'd have that mop back in a few weeks flat.
Kim ran off the stage crying her eyes out! AHahahahahaha. Oh well, maybe time she'll let some air out of that ass before she tries to dance. That Hugh Jass must have gotten in her way.
I can't watch. Robbie's song means a lot to me; listening to Jessica Simpleton butcher it might put me over the edge.
"Mickey probably told Miley, 'Billy Ray ain't your father. I AM! I'm your daddy! I say when this game is over! Now go shake that ass and bring home the cheese!'" -MK, 22-09-08
Submitted by thetooteroflind... on October 1, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Watch a pro really sing Angels.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQxZztI7264
Jessica is a little slut.
Well said. I agree with you 100%.
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RIMADYL KILLS
Jessica Simpson ruined Angels, nothing but a disgrace.
Is she giving fellatio to that microphone?
JIM? CATS? FORGET IT! ;P
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"We have your 401K. If you want to see it again give us $7 billion in unmarked bills"
All day I have waited to celebrate the kicking off of KK. She is truly useless. Completely self-involved. Another Paris clone that thinks 'being pretty' is enough. She absolutely did not try. She was DWTS version of Horatio Caine with her brutual hollow one liners for sound bites.
Jessica's 'performance' was similar to what I would imagine a fox in a henhouse would sound like. Simply awful. How does she have a record deal, and the number one country record?
And don't you feel sorry for the poor musicians who had to suffer and pay dearly with their permanent hearing loss?
I had to turn the volume OFF and look at this again (better minus sound). Anyarse, is the chick in the white sheet really Kim Kardashian? Noooo. I thought is was Jennifer Hudson.
Anyone who actually buys her album needs to seek help. I'd rather roll naked through broken glass than listen to her sing. It was horrible. Note to Jessica: Putting that much power into your voice is only a good thing if you are in TUNE!! Otherwise, it just emphasizes that you can't sing for s^&%! Oh, and must you deep throat the mic? It's not sexy, and it just makes you look as bad as you sound. Well, I don't know if it's possible to look as bad as you sound, but it's close.
Thank God for Maks. I could just hit mute and watch his incredibly fine butt.
Does anyone have the video of her being kicked off? I'd love to see it and laugh. It'll make me feel better since my "working" wrist is killing me this morning.
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Carlos Mencia is a faux Mexican!
Dear Kim Kardashian,
You got kicked off because you can't dance. You can't sing, you can't act, you can't read or write, you can't drive, and you can't even have private sex. Just look pretty, pose for pictures, and SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, skank, because everyone hated your father.
Love,
Stoney
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
MY EARS!! MY FUCKING EARS!!! On a side note, I love you MK, I really do. But I don't mind to see CB and Maxim dating!!!!
"You are a whore, darlin'. We all are. We take the cash, we cash the check, we show them what they want to see"
Stoney- AND she has a story on People.com about how horrible of a day it was because it was the anniversary of her father's death. Sadness, but she thinks that she should have been immune to being voted off because of it? She really is a piece of fucking work.
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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, "Booty - mmm mmm." - Christopher Titus
Submitted by Stoney on October 1, 2008 - 2:20pm.
I heard no-talent Kim Kardashian was bawling her eyes out after being kicked off. Yes! Now THAT is funny. Clock is ticking, bigass whore!
I tuned in just as it was ending.
When marble mouth asked KK if she had any thoughts on the experience, she actually said something like blah, blah, blah my father passed away 5 years ago today and I'm sure he's looking down at me and is so proud.
I'm sure he's looking down at her but not proud.
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She's flat and that's that!
That was painful to listen to. David Archuleta does a really good cover. Gotta love Robbie Williams though
I heard no-talent Kim Kardashian was bawling her eyes out after being kicked off. Yes! Now THAT is funny. Clock is ticking, bigass whore!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I can't wait to get home & show my husband this thread! He was laughing at me because of my intense hatred of Mess & KK. If KK hadn't left, I'd have been pissed. She actually said she wanted to stay so she could "wear more pretty outfits."
speakit, I'm emailing you.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
The beginning sounds like a bad impression of Jewel.
jim on October 1, 2008 - 2:16pm.
I LIVE IN A HOUSE, AND IT IS 10 CATS AND I DANCE AROUND NAKED TO CULTURE CLUB AND ABC.....MORE LIKE OBITUARY AND SEPULTURA!!! HA
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Haaahaaahaaa so sorry Jim. Never meant to start lies about you.
Her voice makes me want to rip off my ears! She tries TOO Hard and it comes off forced.
On a side note - I'm going to say she's pregnant....... just sayin
I LIVE IN A HOUSE, AND IT IS 10 CATS AND I DANCE AROUND NAKED TO CULTURE CLUB AND ABC.....MORE LIKE OBITUARY AND SEPULTURA!!! HA
I went to see Jessica Simpson live in concert when she was first starting out and she lip synched the whole show. I see she should have stuck to it.
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Carlos Mencia is a faux Mexican!
The fact that Jessica Simpson actually has a music career is the worst joke ever perpetrated on humankind.
Why is this woman still being hired? I had to endure that god awful show last night because there was nothing else on TV before the news and her singing was atrocious. She has no voice and is tone deaf. What the f is wrong with the entertainment industry in this country that trash like Simpson is being pushed down our throats as talent?