Monday, September 29th 2008

Double The Crowe

It was already known that Russell Crowe's voluptuous ass would play the Sheriff in Ridley Scott's "Nottingham," but now he's also playing Robin Hood. Ridley said that Russell would play both roles, but he wouldn't comment any further. He only said that Russell as Robin Hood and the Sheriff would be “a good old clever adjustment of characters. One becomes the other. It changes.” Sybil for the Middle Ages!

Ridley also confirmed that shameless slut Sienna Miller is playing Maid Marian. Russell's wife better lock his dick up and pour a little holy water on it to keep it safe from Sienna.

Ridley and Russell should take this concept a step further. Russell should play all the roles. He definitely has the belly of wonder needed to play Friar Tuck. He also has the huge titties for Maid Marian. And Russell likes to sing, so he can easily cover Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)." Win!

Posted by: Michael K


Sluttsville's picture

Something is wrong with my screen, I don't see a picture of Russell Crowe, my screen has a picture of Denny, the 50 y.o. alcoholic that hangs out at my local bar eating chicken wings night after night. Where's the picture of Russell?

QueenieBK's picture

Submitted by LoLo on September 29, 2008 - 3:30pm.

The Hollywood freaks want to remake Robin Hood?
FINE!
Let them film us when we fine Brangie, J-lO, the fucking Beckhams and that little fucker Tom Cruise and storm their god damn castle and steal all their god damn bling and gold and bull shit they flaunt in our faces every fucking photo opp!
FILM THAT SHIT WHORES!
REVOLUTION!!!!! REVOLUTION!!!!!
BURN HOLLYWOOD DOWN!
MUUUUUUUUUUAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

And

Submitted by LoLo on September 29, 2008 - 2:05pm.

He could play Mario Batali in the lead "roll" of How I lost sight of my inch: Morbid Tales of Obesity by Mario Fat Fuck Batali.

OMG this shit made me laugh so hard, my colleagues thought I was going nuts in my cube.

~Life's a jest, and all things show it/I thought so once, but now I know it.

Karen Flatts's picture

Well, he's certainly big enough to play both roles now. Hell, if they had two cameras rolling on each side of him he could do it all at once. I've heard he's pretty good at talking out of both sides of his mouth, anyway.

I'm saying he's a fatass liar, in case there was any confusion.

Stock Broker's picture

He better lay off the chili cheese fries, beer, and whatever the hell else he's shoving down face.

Husbands_and_Wives's picture

Russell Crowe playing both roles? *Groan* We've seen that kind of shit before, not again! And Sienna as maid marian? Ugh. She is not appealing at all.

Mark my words--The movie will tank at the box office.

Americans are not interested in Sienna Miller and nobody wants to see Russell Crowe acting opposite of himself.

Looking into the abyss...

TT99's picture

Shit! Where is this? $9 for a movie? Where? Dude, I can barely plunk down down anything less than $12 in NYC with Twizzlers and shit! But I guess if I have to travel far to see the movie the gas money will negate the movie costs. Nevermind.
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"Darkness makes me fumble for a key to a door, that's wide open."
- The Police

Bondagebarbie's picture

I never liked him either or thought he was hot,he sure is a fat ass now!

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

TT99's picture

I never thought Russell Crowe was hot. EVER.
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"Don't let it go away. This feeling has got to stay." - No Doubt

Capitanne's picture

Dear Ridley Scott:

If you want anyone to pay $9 to see this movie, you better rethink the casting. Sienna Miller backlash is huge - like Claire Danes her scandalous personal life far outweighs her talent or appeal. It takes a star the calibre of Julia Roberts to get away with husband stealing. Secondly, a fat middle-aged Robin Hood does not make for derry-doing. How about you cast Russell Crow as Friar Tuck?

Aunt Bea's picture

I don't find the Crow attractive at all. Blah.

christine the hoff's picture

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on September 29, 2008 - 3:04pm.
c the h - I saw that picture an instantly thought of you. Just close your eyes, click your heels together and say, "there's no film like Gladiator".

Oh God, seriously, Gladiator is porn to me...
sigh, pant, sigh.

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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"

Sandbitch's picture

I'll only watch if Rusty wears tights. I haven't even watched Gladiator because Crowe is in it. Now if he had been playing a caveman...maybe.

LoLo's picture

The Hollywood freaks want to remake Robin Hood?

FINE!

Let them film us when we fine Brangie, J-lO, the fucking Beckhams and that little fucker Tom Cruise and storm their god damn castle and steal all their god damn bling and gold and bull shit they flaunt in our faces every fucking photo opp!

FILM THAT SHIT WHORES!

REVOLUTION!!!!! REVOLUTION!!!!!

BURN HOLLYWOOD DOWN!
MUUUUUUUUUUAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!

WTFOMGLOL's picture

Yeah, he's a real jerk, I know. But he won me over in Cinderella Man, so I'm willing to give him a little bit of the benefit of a doubt nowadays. He's a good actor.

I won't watch this flick, a) because I am sick to death of the Robin Hood remakes. b) Because
Sluttina is NOT MAID MARIAN. Why not pick ScarJo, for crissakes, if you're just going to throw any old dookie at the wall.

And yes, Alan Rickman is THE ONE AND ONLY REASON to watch the Costner crapfest. agreed.

Why a spoon my lord?
Becaaauuse it willll hurrrrt mooore.

Twice the stress
Twice the thrown phones
Twice the punched women
Twice the attacked fans

is this going to be robin hood: the over the hill years?

robin hood and the sheriff go drinking at the same tavern and think back on the glory days. marian, lonely and bored, uses this time to receive gentleman callers.

bleh.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

c the h - I saw that picture an instantly thought of you. Just close your eyes, click your heels together and say, "there's no film like Gladiator".

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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ

christine the hoff's picture

he used to be so hot! what happened?
Golden Buffet is my guess.

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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"

This sounds like a disaster in the making. And I'm definitely not going to see it if that Whore of Babylon is playing Maid Marian.

Stock Broker's picture

I smell double trouble from this crapfest.

oklahoma's picture

He's almost doing the nose snarl that Patrick Swayze did in Dirty Dancing.. Memba that? huh?? anyone??

Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

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Don't we make you Laugh??

Aren't we Fuckin Funny!!!?

ImpertinentVixen's picture

Oh, and re: Rickman's Sheriff...I have watched the Costner version of Robin Hood numerous times just to hear the "cut his heart out with a spoon" exchange.

Love him!
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Me too! Costner's good eye candy, but he shouldn't try to speak.

oklahoma's picture

I'm suddenly in the mood for some Meatloaf.. Wonder why.. Oh, wait, That's Crowe.. *pulls out shotgun*

*covers Meg Ryan's snatch*

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Don't we make you Laugh??

Aren't we Fuckin Funny!!!?

Sandbitch's picture

Another hot pepaw is Sam Elliott. Roadhouse...

Jeff Healey - Angel Eyes
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Vs9ldU2rdw&feature=related

cake batter's picture

Oh, and re: Rickman's Sheriff...I have watched the Costner version of Robin Hood numerous times just to hear the "cut his heart out with a spoon" exchange.

Love him!

cake batter's picture

Russell Crowe as Sheriff of Nottingham = good idea

Russell Crowe as Robin Hood = bad idea unless you have a time machine to get him when he was a young, hot badass.

Sienna Miller as Maid Marian = um...(hunts down Ridley Scott, delivers punch to face)

Man with butt stapled = fukkin ouch. I stapled my finger on accident once, that was bad enough.

Momus the Sarcastic's picture

Green: Yes, Rickman. He's oily, snide, devious ... the attributes necessary to be Sheriff.

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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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letinstar's picture

i never quite got the sexy that was supposed to be russell crowe, but DAMN, he sure porked up like a roast...i bet he can't throw a phone at some underling nearly as far now that he's a fat ass...
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if you don't want to be used, then don't be a tool...

Mahla81's picture

jeese, somebody got fat and sloppy. Must be for a ROLE. everything is for a goddamn role nowadays, what a serious actor!!

angel_i's picture

Liposcutionist?
Liposucker?

♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo

Viva Mexico's picture

DAYUM he sure has let himself go. I for one did find him quite hot in Gladiator but it looks like those days are long gone...

Sock-Monkey's picture

Time for Crowe to call up Shitney and ask for her lipo-ologist's (whatever it's called) phone number. We're talking major whale blubber here.

~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~

Sandbitch's picture

There better be a working long distance phone on the set or Rusty gonna have a dummy spit.

Green Is Good's picture

Momus the Sarcastic, ALAN RICKMAN!!!!!!

*Southern vapors as I fan myself in a heretofore little used lady-like fashion*

Dare I say Alan Rickman "Shakes my ovaries"? Ugh. Goddamn that one claymate bitch. That t-shirt is burned into my brain.

http://dlisted.com/node/28422#new

dramaqueen365247's picture

Submitted by Karen Flatts on September 29, 2008 - 2:07pm.

Yeah, wasn't that great that they made the "Executive" decision to let him play it without the accent?? Like we wouldn't notice, or something. If they were going to go that route they should have had everybody speak that way, and call it their "vision". It was just ridiculous either way.

EXACTLY! & it would've worked -- If they were all English, they don't hear the accent.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."

http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247

angel_i's picture

And, pray tell, where IS this butt stapling of which you speaketh?

♥ ThreadKilla! / New and Improved!!! Lean Like a Chola/ She's a Lady/ MK luvs his cholas but Mawy started the chola makeo

missy's picture

the bill didnt pass

dow is down 600pts in the last few minutes

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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

luckycharms's picture

Damn, is that Russell Crowe? He sure did plump up. I never thought he was a head turner, but he was passable in Gladiator.

Dirk Diggler's picture

It's going to be a bitch to whip that fat ass up into shape for the role. I feel bad for the personal trainer who will inherit that thankless assignment. The slob from down under is SO going to abuse him.

Momus the Sarcastic's picture

Better, he should portray Friar Tuck ... and have James Franco portray Robin Hood and Alan Rickman should be the Sheriff.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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LoLo's picture

Honey child PSL did you say butt stapled?

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha ha ha!!!!!!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!

parissucksliterally's picture

hahahhaha...I posted the accompanying article...be back in a bit...

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I bet you want the goodies, bet you thought about it; got you all hot and bothered, because I talk about it...
Ciara- "Goodies"

Green Is Good's picture

Talk about "Men In Tights". Russell's tights will explode.

M.E.'s picture

PSL - I had read that earlier. Was it really stapled? Malpractice!!!!!!!

Karen Flatts's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on September 29, 2008 - 2:19pm.
I cannot believe none of you commented on the Man getting his BUTT stapled shut!

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Sorry; haven't had time yet-- I've been too busy telling everyone in my office and coming up with what other "side effects" he must have had....yuck.

M.E.'s picture

I do not want to see him in tights.

No. Just NO!

parissucksliterally's picture

I cannot believe none of you commented on the Man getting his BUTT stapled shut!

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I bet you want the goodies, bet you thought about it; got you all hot and bothered, because I talk about it...
Ciara- "Goodies"

LoLo's picture

The Hot Slut Abandoned Couch in LA will play his stunt double.

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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!

Karen Flatts's picture

Submitted by Green Is Good on September 29, 2008 - 2:14pm.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on September 29, 2008 - 2:05pm.

Why is it that when some guys (apparently Russell Crowe included) get fat and their facial features blow up too?
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That would be from the booze. Lotsa booze
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Oh yeah. Duh on my part-- I forgot Russell likes to imbibe.

LoLo's picture

I just want to shove a meat ball in this guiys big fat face and roast him at a beach party.

I mean, you know when you already know a story front and back i just dont know how to sit through the shit if you know whats gonna happen.

Oh shit really is this the part where they are in that god damn forest with a fight scene? oooooooo didint think THAT was gonna be in this.

OH OH is this the part with the arrow shootin and shit? Oooooooooooo never seen this before.

OH OH OH Is he about to steal from the rich and give to the poor? NEVER. SAW. THAT. COMING.

GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD! ha ha ha!!!!

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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!