Jessica Simpson Is Full Of Farts
The big-tittied frog performed at a benefit for the Rape Crisis Center at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas last night and what did she choose to talk about? Farts and Tony Romo! Of course. They're two of the kind.
Jessica said to People: "Tony is a great quarterback, but he's a better boyfriend. I'm seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life. Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest."
Yes, please rest there forever. For-EVER. Don't move. Just stay there. Don't ever get up. No. I'll bring you water and flies. And you should be proud of yourself, Jessica. Reward yourself by staying in Tony's arms forever and ever. Honestly. That means you can't get up. Ever. I'm serious.
Jessica also went on to talk about how much Tony puts up. "I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's." Dutch ovens from Jessica? Ugh. I'm not feeling so well.
This isn't the first time Jessica has talked about her wind blower asshole. It makes sense that Jessica suffers from chronic fart syndrome. She's full of shit and air. Her asshole should probably sing her songs. I'm sure it can blow better than she can.
Here's Jessica wearing one of Marilyn Whirlwind's old ones while making a microphone cry last night.
Wenn
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LCT - never watched it. I say it loud and I say it proud.
Do I win something?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 4:47pm.
Garlic pizza and beer farts?
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Wow... that's one step away from death.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Momus - digested mouse farts from a cat sleeping on your pillow. the cat then wakes up in alarm and frantically starts licking asshole spewing cat breath on top of lingering fart.
Do I win something?
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 4:48pm.
You just know when she was little tiny girl she discovered that people paid attention to her and laughed and clapped when she accidentally let one slip. That fart reward system is probably hard wired into her brain like pavlovs dog.
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Don't forget about them making an entire Newlyweds episode based on her stinking up the bathroom with her ass deposits.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
I bet you she doesn't even know what rape is. Ugh I'm really surprised Romo hasn't dumped her pathetic ass yet.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 12:58pm.
"I toot under the sheets"? Nice try, but you can't make farting sound cute.
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You just know when she was little tiny girl she discovered that people paid attention to her and laughed and clapped when she accidentally let one slip. That fart reward system is probably hard wired into her brain like pavlovs dog.
~the cat said it had eaten earlier
*waves to clarisse*
Cheeze-It> Relevance?
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Could you imagine how awesome it would be if you actually made someone pass out from a smelly fart? That could go down as one of the funniest things in the history of the world.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
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Garlic pizza and beer farts?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by parissucksliterally on September 19, 2008 - 12:57pm.
Thanks for the update.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Could you imagine how awesome it would be if you actually made someone pass out from a smelly fart? That could go down as one of the funniest things in the history of the world.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
TOOT! TOOT? TOOT?!
seriously, who uses that word?!?!!?!?!
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Brand, Jen, and Angelina sing about love
http://youtube.com/watch?v=baSNJpfpjbE
Submitted by Green Is Good on September 19, 2008 - 3:35pm.
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She probably farts while she humps back.
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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ
Submitted by Hoolrah on September 19, 2008 - 3:27pm.
My ears would need to go to a rape crisis center if I attended that benefit.
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Ha ha ha ha! Priceless!
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 3:06pm.
UGH....she really is clueless about relationships! Shut your mouth.
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I'm sure Tony is "thrilled" to have Chesty yapping about their alleged personal life.
Nick Lachey is is thanking God SHE divorced him. And he's wondering why he waited 4 years to get into her pants. She's probably the worst lay.
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 3:28pm.
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She has been looking kind of puffy.
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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ
http://www.breitbart.tv/html/178233.html
African Americans for Barack Obama!!
"I will bring her water and flies"
Ha!
--thanks awfully--
Praying with her live-boyfriend? Usually praying with spouse is conservative evangelical territory. Conservative evangelicals don't co-habitate. And her singing sucks.
“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook”
I bet they're stinky beer farts. She looks like she's been downing a pitcher or two a night. She's got that bloated look about her.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Can we not get through a post without the word 'Republicans' coming up???
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
My ears would need to go to a rape crisis center if I attended that benefit.
Shut the fuck up, you useless, classless twat.
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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ
Oh God - Republicans are all the same. They just walk out there thinking they've figured out to be a monarch but they'll spend forever telling you how they're just like you.
BORING.
I agree. Lay in Tony's arms, take 10-15 ambien and don't get up.
www.reluctantwhore.com
www.cafepress.com/reluctantwhore
There is nothing interesting about her so she deludes herself into thinking that the fact that she brags about being gross makes her endearing.
Submitted by KD on September 19, 2008 - 4:16pm.
Ah, my bad. The post implied they were made at the event.
PSL & Green Is Good ~ I bet Tony Romo hooks up with George Clooney's leftovers...what's her name?
Didn't the whole John Mayer fiasco teach her to keep her trap shut about how perfect her current boyfriend is for her, and how he's the love of her life, and how she's so lucky to have found him?
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES FLYTRAP!
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
She is so desperate it's scary...Shut up already Jessica!
Her comments weren't made at the event they were made recently to People magazine.
She's as bad as Aubrey O'Day and Eva Mendes... when you are CONSTANTLY bringing up your sex/love life to others, it's because it's somehow lacking.
And her comments are appropriate at a Rape Crisis Center event how, exactly...?
"Jessica Simpson is full of farts"
Well, all that hot air has to go somewhere!
krawlie> And if they do, it's supposed to smell like a bouquet of roses. Duh. Jessica obviously isn't doing something right...
Homo must be SOOOOOOOO proud of his big breasted, mouf breafing twat. Hey' Chestica, do you NOT know that some things should be left UNSAID when it comes to bodily functions and your sex life?
UGH!
UGH, her entire outfit makes me want to cry...what the hell is she wearing!? Someone needs to shut this idiot's cornhole up already!
Your face!
If this cunt opens her mouth in support of McCain I'm going to Walmart and defacing every single one of her CD covers.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Jessica, Jessica...
Have you seen Jenny McCarthy lately? No? That's what happens when you spend too much time talking about farts. It does not make you cute.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on September 19, 2008 - 2:57pm.
Believe me, if it was me, I would have ripped Kim's hair out of her head for puling that bullshit....
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You are more gracious that me. I would have been tempted to take her phone and scratch her car with it. Then I would say "I didn't touch it, your phone did."
Ya, Jessica, want to rest? Why don't you take a really long dirt nap. You're a cute gal, and have got an OK voice, but hang it up and start rolling your pennies and nickel like the rest of us, because down the road you are going to need them.
She can belch out the 'abc's and farted out a cuntry album....is there no end to this big titted talent?
Excuse me...I can't find my pen. Won't be able to write out my car payment. Think I'll just fart in the envelope.
UGH....she really is clueless about relationships! Shut your mouth...use it only to sing or give BJ's...and keep your "tooting" to yourself.
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Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky Tinky shop in the foot of the Magic oak tree by the wobble dum dum tree in the shade of the magic glade down in Dingly Dell. Here he sold contraceptives...
(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!)))
I wait for the day this horse mouthed whore fades into oblivion along with her hag of a sister-2 complete NO TALENTS. Fuck off bitch. No one cares about you, you farts, or your love life.
have a good weekend PLS! I have wanted McD's fries all day so I guess we are both in the same boat, LOL
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"So I've learned to go get bigger thongs just to let people know I am wearing underwear. "
I know when I think of rape, I want to hear about fucking Tony Romo. Personally, I cannot wait until this gutter skank gets dumped..AGAIN for being a spineless twat who lives for her stupid boyfriend.
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Isn't Putin Grand?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4088345.stm
I think I can see some of that proactive acne sneaking back up!
Guys, I had to share that KK story. It is SO obnoxious, and much better than Chestica's farts, IMO.
Ok, I am CRAVING McDonald's so badly right now- I have to go.....I have been nauseous and exhausted for 3 days now- I pray I am not pregnant. Because it actually IS possible these days......lol
byeeeeee!
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God only knows what I'd be without you....
-Brian Wilson
He must be a loser for putting up with her airheadedness. But then, jocks rarely seek out rocket scientists, right?
Man, saying "toot" is so 80's. Is her next music genre going to be Disco?
PSL, damn they could have used her ass to cushion the dude's poor head,
see I told you xxxy this cunt is a CUNT!!!!!****************************1/20/09
"So I've learned to go get bigger thongs just to let people know I am wearing underwear. "
I read something about this on another site and she goes on to say that she "prays" with Tony every night. Even when he's not with her, she puts the phone on her pillow and prays with him till she falls asleep.
So WTF? Is Tony a total asshat too?? Not that praying is bad...but all that is kind of retarded!
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Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky Tinky shop in the foot of the Magic oak tree by the wobble dum dum tree in the shade of the magic glade down in Dingly Dell. Here he sold contraceptives...
"I toot under the sheets"? Nice try, but you can't make farting sound cute.
Almost reminds me of, "You love my stinky ass."
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?