Jessica Simpson Is Full Of Farts
The big-tittied frog performed at a benefit for the Rape Crisis Center at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas last night and what did she choose to talk about? Farts and Tony Romo! Of course. They're two of the kind.
Jessica said to People: "Tony is a great quarterback, but he's a better boyfriend. I'm seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life. Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest."
Yes, please rest there forever. For-EVER. Don't move. Just stay there. Don't ever get up. No. I'll bring you water and flies. And you should be proud of yourself, Jessica. Reward yourself by staying in Tony's arms forever and ever. Honestly. That means you can't get up. Ever. I'm serious.
Jessica also went on to talk about how much Tony puts up. "I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's." Dutch ovens from Jessica? Ugh. I'm not feeling so well.
This isn't the first time Jessica has talked about her wind blower asshole. It makes sense that Jessica suffers from chronic fart syndrome. She's full of shit and air. Her asshole should probably sing her songs. I'm sure it can blow better than she can.
Here's Jessica wearing one of Marilyn Whirlwind's old ones while making a microphone cry last night.
Wenn
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Submitted by Romy on September 19, 2008 - 2:35pm.
I, for one, love the Dutch and their coffee houses.
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 2:26pm.
*blushing [fuschia]*
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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*eye roll* *eye roll* *eye roll*
She is soooo embarrassing. It's like she's begging to be dumped. Sometimes I feel bad for her, but then she says stuff like this.
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How can you thank God for a song that the Devil helped you write?
yiooo
and to your fake dlisted friends
I dont think People wants to know about your farts, farts are something you talk whit your friend and family not a magazine
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
Hey I'm Dutch and I'd like to know why in English everything bad is linked to the Dutch. Dutch courage (drunkard's courage), going Dutch (being cheap), and now 'Dutch oven'? Yes, we're a bit gassy from eating so many tulips and bicycling so much, but still!! You need something to keep you warm in those cold Dutch nights you know! It saves on the gas bill and makes for quality entertainment when you and your buddies are wasted.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 4:20pm.
You funny beech.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 2:22pm.
*flashing my boobies at Momus*
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 5:10pm.
LCT,
I'll email you the jpeg before i leave tonight
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Oh, I wubs yew muchly!
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by girl_cheese on September 19, 2008 - 2:20pm.
Quoting Mrs. Kravitz, whom we love, "Good, because you know my entire mission in life is to spread love and joy wherever I go."
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Stoney on September 19, 2008 - 3:13pm.
LMAO! I just want to see how many replies you can get in a row
*ddited*
too slow:(
I'm a total burper...but not like obnoxious Cameron Diaz....i mean, mine are ladylike(lol) these days(as compared to HS days) and I ALWAYS say excuse me. I teach my boys that...its okay to fart or burp....as long as you say excuse me. lol.
thanks xxyzx....he's in a better place now and in no pain.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Oh, damn, Momus - when butterflies fart they propel themselves ahead suddenly, either a lot or a little. Unicorns fart while prancing. If I were producing, multi-colored stars would come out of their little backsides - only with Jess or Mimzi on stage, however. Thx for the laugh. That was a goodie.
Submitted by Stoney on September 19, 2008 - 2:11pm.
Ok, that seriously made my laugh out loud at my desk!
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Good, because you know my entire mission in life is to spread love and joy wherever I go.
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We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe.
Submitted by Stoney on September 19, 2008 - 2:13pm.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 4:08pm.
"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
*Tony reaches for gun*
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And, the jury acquitted him.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Stoney on September 19, 2008 - 2:13pm.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 4:08pm.
"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
*Tony reaches for gun*
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TITS passes Tony extra box of bullets.
~seals, okay give them blubber to keep them warm, slippy slidey shape... and good with balls.
If JS sang a duet with Mimi, would butterflies and unicorns fart?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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CindyBman when I look at her I see stupid.
~Sharky the friendly shark!
Why did the Rape Crisis Center - oh, wait, everyone else must've been busy. Last minute thing. I mean, they wanted to bring ppl IN, right? Not keep them away. She needs to stick with singing in church and at county fairs. Make way for peeps who r actually talented.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 4:08pm.
"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
*Tony reaches for gun*
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Nova
I'm sorry about your pet :(
Jessica need some of these
http://www.garmentguard.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=23
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 4:05pm.
Ok, that seriously made my laugh out loud at my desk!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
LCT,
I'll email you the jpeg before i leave tonight!
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by CindyBman on September 19, 2008 - 2:03pm.
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I don't hate JS. Her antics and her father's posturing lend themselves to derisive mockery. She just keeps feeding us "straight lines" that we can't resist.
While talking about farting may make her more human, it certainly does not endear herself to me. I, for one, do not attend concerts to her about her private life ... I go to her music (and not her butt-music).
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I bet you she farts under the covers, giggles then lifts the sheets up and down trying to disperse the smell.
RANCID!
Mrs. K
ewww..... Only REAL ppl can talk about farts!
Not chestica. *still in bad mood for no good reason*
Submitted by Stoney on September 19, 2008 - 5:04pm.
I hope she sharts in the bed with Romo and he dumps her.
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Jessica: "So, like today, I was like, doing my country sawngs, and I *pppppfffftttttttt*........."
Tony: "Jess, seriously, stop farting in bed."
Jessica: "Tee hee! Tony, that wasn't just a toot! Wanna see?"
*Jessica leans over to expose her Nashville Nachos shart*
*Tony dies*
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 5:07pm.
OMG!!! Burps are sooooooooo worse than farts. When the burp is solid, you can't hide it. At least solid farts are usually kept covered by the undies.
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LMFAO!!
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 2:02pm.
I cant fart after drinking tons of beer...i mainly just sit there at the table burping all the air out the entire time i drink. I HATE to fart. lol.
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OMG!!! Burps are sooooooooo worse than farts. When the burp is solid, you can't hide it. At least solid farts are usually kept covered by the undies.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by xxyxz on September 19, 2008 - 2:06pm.
TittyFucker Simpson is talking about farting under the covers?
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DUTCH OVEN!!!!!
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We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe.
Right now, as we speak, I am listening to Les Negresses Vertes.
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We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe.
TittyFucker Simpson is talking about farting under the covers?
*eye roll*
DUMP HER ALREADY!
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 1:50pm.
asshole spewing cat breath on top of lingering fart.
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Isn't that the name of Mimi's perfume?
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We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe.
Submitted by CindyBman on September 19, 2008 - 4:03pm.
Clearly you have never seen the woman sing.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I hope she sharts in the bed with Romo and he dumps her.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Nova you ebil, ebil woman. There's something about burps that's SO much worse than farts. I think because they come straight from the mouf, and can be directed as seriously hot air right into your face.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Let me preface my comments by letting you know I have one hell of a headache... so if this "types" like I'm a bitty, I'm really not!
Why does everyone hate JS so much? What am I missing? BUT... I *used* to hate her and I had no idea who she was! How's that for irony? But now everyone hates on her so much; I'm beginning to like her! Her talking about farting/tooting makes her actually human.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age!
I cant fart after drinking tons of beer...i mainly just sit there at the table burping all the air out the entire time i drink. I HATE to fart. lol.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 4:59pm.
CARROTTOP!
Nice huh! I had to pull out the big guns for ya! I'll retire it tomorrow and go back to Christian.
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Not before you send it to me! *please and spank you*
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Could you imagine how awesome it would be if you actually made someone pass out from a smelly fart? That could go down as one of the funniest things in the history of the world.
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You know..in high school I could practically do that with one of my belches at lunchtime. Made a whole table of people get up and leave the cafeteria once...lol....good times!! I had a penchant for having a Dr Pepper and a huge bowl of cheesy nachos with jalapenos. Mmmmm....miss those days when i could eat anything and stay thin. :P
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Embarrasing fart story. So on a New Years Eve, some 10 years ago, I went out drinking with some buddies. Got home around 5am, crawled into bed with my little sister, I had to be up by 10 to go to work...
Well, around 8 I woke up to her dry heaving and screaming at me "OMG Sissy! Sewer farts! OMG! I'm going to barf!"
Note to self. Never mix Guiness, Sierra, Coors Light, rum and coke and pizza.
No bueno.
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 4:50pm.
Momus - digested mouse farts from a cat sleeping on your pillow. the cat then wakes up in alarm and frantically starts licking asshole spewing cat breath on top of lingering fart.
Do I win something?
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A year's supply of Visine for the red, watery eyes, and a lifetime (of the cat) supply of Glade plug-ins.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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CARROTTOP!
Nice huh! I had to pull out the big guns for ya! I'll retire it tomorrow and go back to Christian.
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
What about hangover/taco bells farts? Those are pretty bad.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I think I'll listen to my Village People CD.
Chesty and Twatney make me nostalgic for ANY music that existed before they cursed us and put a microphone to their lips.
OMG Clarissalina I don't care how vulgar this is but I'm going to fuck your avie.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Bah! I got you all beat. My ex use to drink Honey Brown all night, then go out for gyros.
Poisonous ass gas!!!!!!
After being kicked in the floor and having "Get the fuck out of this room you rotting piece of shit" screamed at him a few times, he learned that he slept on the couch if he wanted Gyros.
*Waves back at TITS*
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 4:51pm.
LCT - never watched it. I say it loud and I say it proud.
Do I win something?
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One year added to your life. Watching Newlyweds takes them away.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 4:50pm.
Momus - digested mouse farts from a cat sleeping on your pillow. the cat then wakes up in alarm and frantically starts licking asshole spewing cat breath on top of lingering fart.
Do I win something?
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Ho. Lee. Shit.
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?