Jessica Simpson Is Full Of Farts
The big-tittied frog performed at a benefit for the Rape Crisis Center at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas last night and what did she choose to talk about? Farts and Tony Romo! Of course. They're two of the kind.
Jessica said to People: "Tony is a great quarterback, but he's a better boyfriend. I'm seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life. Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest."
Yes, please rest there forever. For-EVER. Don't move. Just stay there. Don't ever get up. No. I'll bring you water and flies. And you should be proud of yourself, Jessica. Reward yourself by staying in Tony's arms forever and ever. Honestly. That means you can't get up. Ever. I'm serious.
Jessica also went on to talk about how much Tony puts up. "I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's." Dutch ovens from Jessica? Ugh. I'm not feeling so well.
This isn't the first time Jessica has talked about her wind blower asshole. It makes sense that Jessica suffers from chronic fart syndrome. She's full of shit and air. Her asshole should probably sing her songs. I'm sure it can blow better than she can.
Here's Jessica wearing one of Marilyn Whirlwind's old ones while making a microphone cry last night.
Wenn
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Momus,
Gotcha. Are you a hot lawyer like Eli Stone?? Oh. Ok. I watch two TV shows. House and Eli Stone.
ESE,
You can butt in whenever you like. House rules!
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
ESE, good of you to show up on sit on my face friday.
the only TV I watch is simpsons, family guy, american dad and a soap opera, if I'm home.
yes, I'm a real grown up.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Aww, I need a lawyerly friend
"Sitting next to momus and lighting up a doob."
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 6:26pm.
defense, 'eh?!?!... i may be calling you in the future!LOL!
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"When the fat old sun in the sky is falling,
summer evenin' birds are calling.
Summer's thunder time of year.
The sound of music in my ears."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on September 19, 2008 - 3:21pm.
Yes.
I am a lawyer. I am a defense attorney a là Perry Mason.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Mrs K remember when chocolate bars where wrapped in glossy paper with hospital corners AND a cardboard tray to facilitate their progression into your yap without getting your fingers dirty?
I miss that.
The plastic shit they're using now rips too easily and you can't repackage.
Or were you being sarcastic? hmmm :|
House totally rocks...
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 3:20pm.
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:16pm.
Harvey Levin closes with a picture of himself holding up a booking information card and says "I'm a lawyer." HL & I belong to the same profession ... which explains why I can make my own hours and blog whenever I want (except in court).
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This explains your sig.
:D
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 3:20pm.
J'ACCUSE!!!!
*pointing finger at Momus*
apropos of nothing
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 6:16pm.
not to interrupt but, "House" is awesome!
and my guess for Momus by the last comment would be: Juris Doctor?
OT: why do people keep hiring her?
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"When the fat old sun in the sky is falling,
summer evenin' birds are calling.
Summer's thunder time of year.
The sound of music in my ears."
Joyce Dewitt?
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 3:19pm.
Thoughtfully packaged in two individual rows.
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I am a sucker for thoughtful packaging.
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:16pm.
Harvey Levin closes with a picture of himself holding up a booking information card and says "I'm a lawyer." HL & I belong to the same profession ... which explains why I can make my own hours and blog whenever I want (except in court).
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:16pm.
Clarissey, you gotta watch 30 Rock. Alec Baldwin is splendiferous.
♥
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 2:54pm.
Greasy, sweet and crunchy.
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I just had a orgasm.
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They're dirt cheap too. I like the ones in the squat red box best. Thoughtfully packaged in two individual rows.
Actually get a little high from eating them.
Momus,
No, never watched TMZ. I watch movies or i read. The only TV i watch is House.
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:11pm.
Have you ever watched TMZ on television?
Especially, the very last closing credit.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 3:09pm.
the greasy sugary cruchy stuff does it to me every time
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Momus!!
Jazzy Dlister!!!!
I'm a JD too!! Jacked-up Dlister.
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
I just see her as being desperately unhappy, but not even knowing it. Or maybe she knows she's unhappy but she has no idea why. She just seems so stupid and clueless and totally under the thumb of pimp daddy the erstwhile Baptist preacher. I'm tellin' ya, it makes mah heart hurt.
Why does my heart feel so bad? Why does my soul feel so bad?
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:08pm.
Jazzy Dlister.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Mrs K that information was long overdue.
Momus
Javelin Detector?
Jaded Dramatist?
Jilted Dog walker?
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 6:32pm.
I feel sorry for her.
I bought her first CD and enjoyed it. But with the all of a sudden "I'm a superstar" attitude, the movie debacle, the lip synching, and the overall lack of any substance, the romance was over. She should give it a rest, or find something that she's actually good at.
Mrs. K.: In some ways, I, too, pity her. She's so desperate for love and acceptance. But, I get so irritated with her she does what her pimp-daddy tells her to do even when it would not be good for her.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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The way jessica is about flatulence or is it "tootulence"...anywho...after hearing that John Mayer(DOUCHE!) loved poop play and dated her...maybe, just maybe...she is STILL into that "shit" with Tony. Oh uck..i think i just puked in my mouth a little just now typing that.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
I miss my Dutch neighbors and their deadly dutch desert. Dutch apple pie with ice cream and "custard" i.e. Bols Advocat. Such a fabulous way to get drunk.
I feel sorry for her.
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:00pm.
Momus
Jack Daniels?
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Naw. Wino would attack me if that were true. Try a little lower down the popularity scale.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Snarkley on September 19, 2008 - 2:59pm.
She sucks, she's been proven to suck in the past, and it's unlikely that she will un-suck in the future. Why do people continue to promote her untalented ass?
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Uh, could it be because she sucks ... the proverbial pink flute?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Momus
Jack Daniels?
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 2:57pm.
I have mnay friends with those same initials
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
She sucks, she's been proven to suck in the past, and it's unlikely that she will un-suck in the future. Why do people continue to promote her untalented ass? Someone like her will never sell millions of albums like talented artists of the past. Don't they lose money beating a dead horse?
everytime this annoying cunt opens her mouth, I hate her more.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 2:54pm.
Explains everything.
At the risk of getting flamed and/or badgered, I have a J.D. after my name.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by TITS on September 19, 2008 - 2:54pm.
Greasy, sweet and crunchy.
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I just had a orgasm.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 2:51pm.
You have such a wealth of knowledge.
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check it out...I'm a librarian.
True story.
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
I like those dutch windmill cookies. Greasy, sweet and crunchy.
She is the proverbial girl lifting her skirt up in the room to get attention from anyone. In lieu of actual talent, we have vulgar stunts and questionable commentary that should not leave one's bedroom.
By the way, Ms. Heavenly Texan just outed herself as an unmarried fornicator with her story about subjecting Romo to flatulence attacks in bed. If there is a just universe out there, he would dump her ass, seduce Nick Lachey and run off to Palm Springs to get hitched. Now *that* would shut her vile hole up for good.
Good lord, i want to go home now....this work shizz is really tiring me out!!
Speaking of bed farts....when i was a kid, my neighbor friend would come to stay the night and when we would climb into my bed to sleep, she would always start farting in my bed. Which grossed me out like no other! I would tell her to stop, but that girl kept them coming and would just laugh and laugh till i called my mom and made her go home. lol. Good times...
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on September 19, 2008 - 2:46pm.
Momus--"Dutch Oven" means to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers to enjoy the atmosphere.
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No wonder we love you. You have such a wealth of knowledge.
Personally, I just roll over with backside towards hubby, take careful aim, and let fly.
And, yes, he does return the favor.
After nearly 30 years of wedded bliss, you get whatever fun you can together.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Dear jessica
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. NOONE. CARES.
Thanks
The Hoff.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
I love Dutch doors.
Oh and Double Dutch rope jumping
Momus--"Dutch Oven" means to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers to enjoy the atmosphere.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Carrottop!!
Oh god! I'm officially fanatical. I was watching an interview about RockNRolla and GB mentioned what aftershave he wears, and i had to stop myself from buying it...
*puts on nice white sweater that ties in the back*
*turns back to Dlisted*
Can one of you get this?
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
Submitted by Romy on September 19, 2008 - 2:35pm.
Please add "talking like a Dutch uncle" (scolding severely) to your list of insults.
Being somewhat naive, I had never heard of a Dutch oven being used this way. I always think of a large cooking pot when I hear about a Dutch oven.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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why does she keep talking about Tony? she does this with all the guys she dates and then gets dumped. enough with the farts already. it doesn't make you more down to earth, it makes you look like a bigger idiot than you already are.
Romy, you make a valid point.
On the upside, Dutch Boy paint IS the most popular brand over here!
I thought country music already had a young, blonde mediocre singer by the name of Taylor Swift. Do they really need another one?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on September 19, 2008 - 3:36pm
Ha ha!! I thought you were playing candyman!
one would figure she'd watch the farting in bed given she sharted and demolished a hotel room....
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Isn't Putin Grand?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4088345.stm