Jessica Simpson Is Full Of Farts
The big-tittied frog performed at a benefit for the Rape Crisis Center at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas last night and what did she choose to talk about? Farts and Tony Romo! Of course. They're two of the kind.
Jessica said to People: "Tony is a great quarterback, but he's a better boyfriend. I'm seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life. Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest."
Yes, please rest there forever. For-EVER. Don't move. Just stay there. Don't ever get up. No. I'll bring you water and flies. And you should be proud of yourself, Jessica. Reward yourself by staying in Tony's arms forever and ever. Honestly. That means you can't get up. Ever. I'm serious.
Jessica also went on to talk about how much Tony puts up. "I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's." Dutch ovens from Jessica? Ugh. I'm not feeling so well.
This isn't the first time Jessica has talked about her wind blower asshole. It makes sense that Jessica suffers from chronic fart syndrome. She's full of shit and air. Her asshole should probably sing her songs. I'm sure it can blow better than she can.
Here's Jessica wearing one of Marilyn Whirlwind's old ones while making a microphone cry last night.
Wenn
This chick is truly the ditz everyone claims her to be!
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Sit yo ass down!
I have to admit, I cannot stand cuntry music or jessica. But her song that she sang on that morning show with the chuckys was in my head a couple days ago. I'm like wtf am I signing this shit for. ''I need ya now,I need ya now'' hahaha
What a stupid, self centered bitch!! She goes to a rape crisis center and brags about how great her man is!??! She's so ignorant.
No way - a Northern Exposure reference! Nothing about Jessica Simpson is worthy of that show!!!!
mk, this was poe-tray, love you.
also, john mayer busted up her no-no hole quite on the regs (or AT LEAST that's what conclusions to blind items believe!), so I think it helps her flatulence come easy
Why didnt her dumb ass talk about how proud she was of the rape crisis center for doing their jobs? or how proud she was of the victims for coming forward?? why would she choose to be selfish and speak of herself and her corny ass relationship???
She has an OK voice....but she looks stupid right now saying all this personal stuff about her relationship. You know those girls who insist they are in love and stuff publicly and the guy won't even admit in public that they are even dating? That's what she reminds me of...what happened to some celebrities keeping some of their private life private?
Terji, the no. 1 is not actually a success. She sold half the number of copies as her last album, which was a massive flop. With all the publicity she gets she should be selling much, much more. Plus, she released the album 2 days early for extra sales, and it was a dead week where basically nothing dubbed "country" sold, hence the no. 1. Also I would bet at least 50 percent were bought up by the record company or Papa Joe to save face (using money from her third world, designer rip off clothing profits). So that leaves around 30,000 die hard Newlywed wierdos buying the rest. Sad.
Submitted by Bossy on September 19, 2008 - 11:34pm.
I mean, just because you eat one chip doesn't mean you have to eat the whole bag since you already started.
....once you pop, you can't stop!
...and why would I listen to Britney, she sounds like shit.
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
Submitted by EyeRoll on September 18, 2008 - 7:41pm.
how about you ram it up your rosie red rectum and rotate on it?
why is she going country she sounds like shit
listen britney new song womanizer on
www.entertainroom.com
Personally ~~ I think she's full of shit `` and I'll leave it at that!!
I just can't understand her success. I have no bad feelings for her - whatever. But how is it people are finding that horrible music good enough to send it to Number One on the country charts? Again, I am not a Jessica-hater, but just can't fathom what some people hear in her voice. I literally hear desperation and coyotes howling and babies crying and cats being run over. She can barely hold a tune. Is my hearing bad?
I find it a little sad (not in an "I'm judging you, you're pathetic and sad" but actual, slight sadness) that Jessica would go through the whole "I'm going to be a virgin until I get married"--and it really seems like she did, not the fake Britney way--and then once she gets a divorce she's living with people, having sex with guys all the time. I mean, we all read MKs story about Mayer and her having sex in some hotel in Italy and people hearing her being super loud and here she is talking about her and Tony under the sheets. Plus some other article I read--I think it was an interview in "People"--she brags about how she's kept some lovers secret from the public and she's proud of it. So she goes from "I'm going to have one lover for my entire life and I won't start until I'm married" to "let's just have sex with everyone I date now". I mean, just because you eat one chip doesn't mean you have to eat the whole bag since you already started. Meh.
Submitted by Green Is Good on September 19, 2008 - 4:42pm.
Hugh Laurie in "Blackadder". Hilarious!
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That's what I was going to say! I kept reading through thinking "hasn't ANYONE seen Black Adder?" My husband has all of the seasons on DVD. He loves it!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Bitch never met a microphone she couldn't fellate.
Submitted by Aphid on September 19, 2008 - 5:15pm.
He's my Maine Coon Cat next to a normal-sized cat. By the time he was three-years-old, he weighed 27 pounds and his paws would nearly cover a Kennedy half-dollar.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I don't say this lightly: This big-tittied frog (spot-on, btw) pisses me off more than Paris Hilton.
Hear me out: Paris Hilton oozes sleeze and skeeze and is obviously and shamelessly cashing in on her name, etc.
BUT Jessica Simpson is just as shitastically talentless, thought she was the shit when her fame bubble was blowing up, made that IDIOTIC video with Eva Lonwhoria and is as vapid a skank as Paris, and wouldn't be in our faces 24/7 but for the luck of catching "reality" shows on their way up and having a perv father who pimps her like a corner whore. PLUS she represents all the fake "christianity" and put-up-and-shut-up fake patriotism in her desperate attempt to find a niche she can abuse. But when she's tanking, she pulls the nails-on-chalkboard po' witttle country girl me act UUUUGH, and she's just everywhere with her daddy handing ESPN execs blowjobs to have her interrupting games on there.
LORD take this skeezer AWAY.
How much is Papa Joe paying Tony to date her?
what's really sad is that she is not a bad looking girl, and she has some talent too, but she is so insistent on acting like this bubble headed retard that you just want to shove something big down her throat and watch her turn blue, anything to shut her fucking'tard mouth. Why would anyone WANT to be so dumb?
I just keep praying that she won't procreate!!!
I swear I could not be around her, she would think her Indian name was Shut Your Fucking Mouth You Dumb Bitch Ahontas.
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
Submitted by EyeRoll on September 18, 2008 - 7:41pm.
how about you ram it up your rosie red rectum and rotate on it?
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 19, 2008 - 7:55pm.
Are we still on farts or has it gone to something else?
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Fartz and Shartz and Hartz, OH MY!
Jesus, that was lame. *slinking into baffroom*
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Laissez le bon temps rouler!
LOVECARROTT: we're still on farts I think.
Momus I love your fat kitty avie as well, thanks hon! Yes I must agree, my kitty's pretty damn cute (and loud)!
Are we still on farts or has it gone to something else?
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Say there was a fart pay it forward... if someone paid forward an egg fart to you, would you only be able to pay forward egg farts or could you pay forward cheese farts and chinese food farts?
Submitted by Aphid on September 19, 2008 - 4:26pm.
Love your avie!!!
Tuxedo cats are soooooo cool.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Hahaha, this is why Mayer dumped her flatulent ass!
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 4:05pm.
Hopefully, things will work out for you both.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Momus...thanks sooo much! Shows you what i know about law..lol....although im a perfect angel!! (checks halo) He was such an IDIOT!! Total wake up call for him too...which im glad because now that he doesnt drink i have a sober driver all the time now. lol. Drinking is a bad thing for him...he cant seem to stop when he starts.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Chestica is just intolerable. Who is worse, her or Shitney? Tough one to answer. I guess that's like asking would you rather have a hot poker rammed up your ass or in your eyeball. Ouch!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Moooooo! Just MOOOOOOOOO! It is fun to watch her ever expanding assline! Soon, it will expand so large as to develop it's own sentience. It will eventually progress and replicate to the point of developing nuclear technology. Its' last signal to mankind will be 'All your bases are belong to us!' as it launches the final salvo of Weapons of Ass Destruction.
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The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed, and hence clamorous to be led to safety, by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.” - H.L. Mencken
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 3:57pm.
That's a crim case. If you need or want more info, you can contact me through pagepagelaw@comcast.net.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Mrs. K.: You're in luck. Netflix has Jeeves and Wooster: Season 1Jeeves and Wooster: Season 2Jeeves and Wooster: Season 3Jeeves and Wooster: Season 4. All them with Laurie and Fry.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Um...i believe its civil. I was soooo pissed at him for it...he snuck off one night after drinking about 2 bottles of wine and took a cab to a club on the opposite side of town. I guess he was wasted and the cops noticed and searched him and found a tiny amount of coke on him. He swears he didnt even do any and doesnt remember how he got it (the club is NOTORIOUS for cokeheads) Anywho...they drug tested him and still dont have the results. Its been like 2 months or more since it happened. He has stopped drinking entirely because of it...his case is next month.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 19, 2008 - 3:50pm.
Criminal or civil?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by M.E. on September 19, 2008 - 6:48pm.
M.E.!!!!.... just had to yell that, haven't seen ya in a while!
gotta go folks! catch ya all in the night time!!
OT: nope, never happens on my last comment
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"When the fat old sun in the sky is falling,
summer evenin' birds are calling.
Summer's thunder time of year.
The sound of music in my ears."
Oh...and i never have time to watch TV shows anymore.:( I have project runway on TIVO...but thats about it. I hate to just sit and watch stuff...i have to feel like im doing something. lol.
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
Submitted by xxyxz on September 19, 2008 - 5:36pm
Of course theres nothing better than a good poop post
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 3:33pm.
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Only in California state courts or any federal court in California.
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Momus...did i read that correctly that you're a lawyer in Cali?? Wow...you learn something new everyday! My hubby is dealing with a small legal problem himself....the bugger! Oh...and we are in Cali too...btw. *waves*
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(((R.I.P. Elvis the lovebird...You will be missed my dear little friend!))) 9-19-08
I liked Hugh in "Street Kings".
Mrs. K.: Usually not Mafia types ... they have their own mouthpieces provided by others. As for the rest of your question, yes ... and others accused of the various crimes.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Hugh Laurie in "Blackadder". Hilarious!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 19, 2008 - 3:39pm.
House is awesome. I loved Hugh Laurie when he played Bertie Wooster on Masterpiece Theater. Stephen Fry as Jeeves was excellent casting, too.
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oooooooooooooh, I have to see if Netflix has that!
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
So Momus, you defend drug dealers and Mafia types and stuff like that, ya know, like Scarface and Tony Soprano?
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"Ooops baby! Ah thank ah dun doodied on mahself this time!"
Momus,
Well, i like me some Mundane Momus. Period.
It's happy hour. I'm off like a prom dress kids!
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I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down
House is awesome. I loved Hugh Laurie when he played Bertie Wooster on Masterpiece Theater. Stephen Fry as Jeeves was excellent casting, too.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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ESE
keep singing, you're making me moist. (the nutty professor)
Momus, I'll be sure to get in trouble next time in the land of fruit and nuts.
on topic
fuck her.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Submitted by Clarisse on September 19, 2008 - 3:32pm.
More mundane, unfortunately. I don't get divine inspirations caused by an inoperable brain aneurysm. I have to slog through reams of paper.
However, every now and then, I can convince a jury to agree with me.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I must say, I love "House".
Crazy ass doctor.
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 19, 2008 - 6:32pm.
i'm good for all those except the soap opera... "sit on my face friday"?!?!.. woo-hoo!!
"Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too
I love to hear you oralize
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away.
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly
Life can be fine if we both sixty nine
If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places
And play till we're blown away."
OT: JS is useless... yeah, you all knew that already, but i'm tryin'!
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"When the fat old sun in the sky is falling,
summer evenin' birds are calling.
Summer's thunder time of year.
The sound of music in my ears."
Of the few episodes I caught of Newlyweds, she made me want to reach through the screen and strangle her. SOOOOOOOOOO self involved, selfish, childish and fucking CLUELESS!
WTF was Nick thinking?
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on September 19, 2008 - 3:27pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 19, 2008 - 3:29pm.
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Only in California state courts or any federal court in California.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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