Sunday, September 7th 2008

We're All In This Together: Live Blogging The MTV VMAs

I'm liveblogging the MTV VMAs tonight, so we can all torture ourselves together. Use one hand to hold mine and the other hand to hold an economy-sized bottle of vodka. You're going to need it. If you don't have any booze in the house, then rubbing alcohol and cough syrup will do. If you don't even have that, then cut a little Drano with some tap water. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. And did you remember to make a very special Flaming Cheeto Loaf for this very occasion? If not, put one in the fucking oven and join me after the jump. JUMP!!!

8:57pm - FIRST!!! I've always wanted to say that.

9:00pm - HOLY FUCK! Cheetos just fell out of my ass! It's BRIT BRIT!!!

9:00pm - That weave is crying for help.

9:01pm - Brit Brit is an amazing atress. Everyone, feast your eyes on the next Meryl Streep. Seriously, I can't believe she memorized these lines. And that WEAVE! Woe is THAT WEAVE!

9:02pm - I have a feeling this is going to be very anti-climactic.

9:03pm - That audience is filled with like 10 people. That place is fucking tiny! Imagine what it smells like. Actually, don't. I need you to be awake during this.

9:04pm - THAT WAS FUCKING IT?! That's all Brit Brit has to give?!

9:04pm - Did Mad Max just vomit all over the stage? Alien Princess Ri Ri has arrived.

9:05pm - Tina Turner she is not. And is there toilet paper sticking out of her ass?

9:06pm - RiRi really should be lip-synching and is that seriously all of Brit Brit?! I'm expecting her to ride back in on a bike and slap the hell out of RiRi.

9:07pm - This is a mess. RiRi! For the love of your tenhead, please go back to your seat! And bring Brit Brit back out.

9:08pm - And while you go back to your seat RiRi, snatch off that rat tail and toilet paper from yo ass. Seriously. It's not becoming.

9:09pm - Do you think Russel Brand's carpet matches the drape. He must have a serious pubic bush. Pomeranian pubic bush.

9:10pm - What the hell is America Ferrera wearing? Oh wait. I think that's Jordin Sparks.

9:12pm - A VILF? No.

9:13pm - You know how much I love Russell, but this isn't a good start. Bury a condom? The polar bears will find it!

9:14pm - DJ Am is DJ Gross

9:15pm - Jamie Foxx is wearing too many clothes. He needs to show off those manchichis. And I'm AWAKE! Fuck. Barely.

9:16pm - Jamie Foxx should've come out as Wanda or whatever the hell that character's name is. Brit Brit is going to win this award. If I lose, I'll take a shot.

9:17pm - OH SHIT! Jamie Foxx shouted out all "the ladies" and they cut to Zac Efron. That fucking made my night. End the show NOW! While they're ahead. And Zac was Cover Girl pretty.

9:18pm - Jamie Foxx is drunk. Or stupid. Or both. BRIT BRIT WON! I'll take the shot anyway.

9:19pm - God is rolling his eyes.

9:19pm - Brit Brit seemed so "normal." WTF?! Bring back the old days.

9:20pm - Where's Dick Cheney when you need him? I see three donkeys right there (Pete Wentz, Heidi Montag, Spencer) that need to be shot!

9:21pm - That voiceover person is getting on my nerves already and we're only at the first commercial break.

9:23pm - I'm so tempted to run out and get a Volcano taco. I wish Taco Bell delivered.

9:26pm - Wonky McValtrex needs a new vagina. Not a new bff. And a new eye.

9:27pm - Demi fucking Moore?! This bitch belongs on the Plastic Surgery Channel not MTV. Is there a Plastic Surgery Channel? Rumer must be pissed that her mother is Demi Moore.

9:29pm - Chris Brown won some award for Best Male. Do you think he has a big wang? RiRi is going to put a curse on him if he doesn't thank her.

9:30 - OH SHIT! He didn't thank her. She's going to slap him with her tenhead tonight!

9:30pm - Taylor Swift has such little eyes. She's like a Soap Opera baby.

9:31 - NOOOOOOO! Not The JONAS BROTHERS! SAVE ME!!! I need to run out and order a case of fucking vodka.

9:31pm - They look like ice cream delivery men and sing like female squirrels. And that one on the right (the old one) looks like a child touching english high school teacher.

9:32pm - Cloverfield Monster please save us from The Jonas Brothers!

9:33pm - Actually, Cloverfield Monster please save us from the Jonas Brothers' crazy tween fans!

9:34pm - Is this the Sesame Street set? It makes sense since all I see is a bunch of raggedy ass muppets!

9:35pm - FUCK NO!!!!! FUCK NO!!!! Somebody kick Katy Perry. She is not singing Like a Virgin. SHUT HER UP! THROW A PIE AT HER! Kanye, throw some squid brains at her. NO!

9:36pm - Oh. Thank Cheesus. Katy did not sing the full version of Like a Virgin. She's like a fucking idiot is what she is.

9:36pm - And Katy Perry's outside should not see the light outside of a circus. On second thought, she should not see the light outside of a circus.

9:39pm - Yes, Katy, we fucking get it. You kissed a girl. Now fucking shut up and tongue kiss a fucking light socket.

9:40pm - How big is Russell's chapstick?

9:40pm - The Dolphin Man (Michael Phelps) can survive out of water?! You know he's going to get so much pussay tonight.

9:41pm - Dear Michael, stop talking and take off your clothes.

9:41pm - Leona Lewis is singing something. I can't say anything bad about her. Except they forgot to turn on the lights.

9:42pm - Lil' Wayne is rapping something and I'm very concerned about his pants. They look weepy.

9:43pm - You know those symphony people have no idea what's going on. They are just playing instruments and keeping their heads down.

9:44pm - Lil' Wayne has a red hanky on his right pocket which means he's a fist fuckee.

9:45pm - WTF are these people doing?!

9:46pm - I'm so glad Lil' Wayne and T-Pain's performance is over. It was giving me the shakes.

9:47pm - Lezzie alert! HoHan wants to be vintage Ann Margaret so bad.

9:48pm - Screw HoHan! Where's SamRo. She's probably keeping the snatch hot in her dressing room. And Ciara's hair has seen better days. It's trying to touch the hand of Jesus.

9:49pm - TRANNY ALERT! The Pussycat's tuck game is good tonight.

9:50pm - Is that a Pussycat Tranny or Maya Rudolph? And will they grow up already and talk like grown-ups! Nicole sounds like a slow girly gushing over her first kitten.

9:51pm - Miley singing in 19-minutes. Somebody end the world in less than 18-minutes. Please.

9:54pm - Why has my TV allowed Kate Hudson to appear on its screen? That "My Best Friend's Girl" movie is going to be wet caca.

9:56pm - It's the low-rent Pussycat Dolls, Danity Kane!

9:56pm - I think Audrey O'Day actually took a bath. I'm so proud of her. I'm voting for Taylor Swift for Best New Artist, because she has baby eyes.

9:58pm - The Twilight twinkies are going to present something. They are also wearing really ugly clothes. That boy needs to tuck his shirt.

9:59pm - Paramore are performing at the Whiskey and I need a few whiskeys to get through this shit.

10:00pm - I hope that Paramore bitch gives herself whiplash from bouncing her head around so much. Seriously, do people actually like this cockatoo yodeling?

10:01pm - That guy with the yellow guitar or bass thing is kind of hot. But this Paramore group needs to retire. Early retirement!

10:02pm - I think the MySpace Emo kids are the only ones who listen to this crap. They probably cut themselves to this shit, but I don't blame them. I want to cut myself after listening to that.

10:08pm - Slash is in Eagle Eye? Or did Russell eff up. Slash and Shia LaDouche are presenting something. Slash does not fucking age. He still looks like hot shit and always will.

10:09pm - You know Slash and Shia shared a joint in the back. This is like the "old ass rocker" category.

10:10pm - Linkin Park just won something. Their girlfriends look like "edgy" soccer moms. That Paramore bitch is pissed! She's going to have an angry MySpace blog post tonight!

10:10pm - Linkin Park wins the DOUCHIEST JACKETS of the evening award.

10:11pm - NO FUCKING NO! First Katy Perry butchers Like A Virgin and now Miley Cyrus is murdering Like a Prayer. Give that chipmunk a fucking nut. Pull up your pants, Billy Ray. I wasn't talking to you.

10:12pm - Pink is performing "So What." Go on with your angry dyke self!

10:13pm - These Sesame Street back lots need to go. And what in Doris Day hell is Pink wearing?! You know she's going to rip off and a chainsaw is going to come flying out of her chocha.

10:14pm - Told you! Pink just ripped off her Doris Day coat and is wearing some leotard. Her lezzie crotch is out in full force! Thrust it, bitch!

10:14pm - Okay, it might be the booze talking, but Pink looks kind of hot. And the camera needs to stop cutting to that blonde bitch hanging out of a window. She isn't camera ready.

10:15pm - Damn. I would bump no-no holes with Pink any day.

10:21pm - The Ting Tings! They just sang a few lines and pounded a drum. Gross. And now a big vagina and a bigger vagina are on stage (Ashlee & Pete)

10:22pm - It's past these two pre-teen girls' bed time.

10:23pm - It's Halloween already? Slipknot is presenting something. I bet you Andy Dick is underneath that mask.

10:24pm - FUCK! I was wrong. It was McLovin' underneath that mask. He looked better with the mask.

10:25pm - Lil' Wayne just won something for Lollipop. The red hanky is still out! Who wants to fist him?

10:25pm - Lil' Wayne forgot another thank you. THANK YOU for Slipknot being off my screen.

10:26pm - Did Jordin Sparks just diss the sluts! SHE IS DEAD TO ME! Purity rings are gross and sluts are forever!

10:27pm - T.I. is performing some kind of soft core porn scene. I really don't know what's going on. I just see a lot of cheap sluts with a beach of douchebags.

10:28pm - T.I. is now driving in a car. Oh please let it crash. PLEASE!

10:29pm - YODELING! Jewel is that you?

10:30pm - The Alien Princess RiRi rises again! Once is not enough for her ass. She looks about as manly as T.I.

10:31pm - Dear RiRi, Pink already took the stage. The bull butchie quota has been filled. And WHERE IS HER SHIRT?! RiRi! Cover those alien flaps!

10:32pm - Taylor Swift is busting it to T.I.! Her purity ring does not approve.

10:32pm - Somewhere there's a bald cockatoo cursing RiRi's name. She stole its hair!

10:36pm - If I promose to go out and buy Xtina's "inspire" perfume, will they fucking stop showing this commercial?! ENOUGH with Xtina's perfume commercial!

10:37 - The High School Musical homos are onstage. Zac makes those two chicks look like dudes. He's so purdy.

10:37pm - What is on Ashley Jizzdale's fucking head?! And Vanessa must feel weird being fully clothed.

10:38pm - WTF is XTINA DOING?! Tranny Clown is taking us to the dark side!

10:39pm - Xtina is doing like a German sex club version of "Genie in a Bottle."

10:40pm - Is this Lady Ga Ga or Xtina?! Seriously. WTF?! I think I like it even though she's lip synching.

10:41pm - Wait, is this Xtina or Brit Brit circa 2004?

10:42pm - And how is Tranny Clown keeping it together without her trusty red lipstick on?!

10:42pm - Her dancers are taking off their clothes and wearing some seriously gay club ensembles. SHINY HOMO ALERT!

10:42pm - I think Xtina's homo superhero performance just made me gay....AGAIN.

10:43pm - Russell just apologized for making fun of purity rings. WHATEVER! Don't apologize Russell. Tell all those complainers to suck a dick on sit on a wet vagina.

10:44pm - Chace Crawford is such a homo.

10:44pm - TOKIO HOTEL JUST WON BEST NEW ARTIST! Sonic the Hedge is dancing in the streets!

10:44pm - That Tokio Hotel tranny is the most amazing person on the face of the planet. I want to eat chocolate cookies with him in bed while.

10:45pm - Dear Jim Cantiello, I don't want your "juicy" anything. Go eat a vibrator.

10:49pm - LL Cool J is rapping something when he really should be doing push-ups in the nude on the stage.

10:50pm - I'm going back to Cali....Cali...Cali...

10:51pm - Wonky is on my TV screen! SOMEONE GET A FLY SWATTER!

10:51pm - I HATE YOU PARIS! I FUCKING HATE YOU! Wonky ass bitch! I wish someone would "pop" her in the mouth. Well, millions have already, but you know what I mean.

10:52pm - Brit Brit is winning this shit or I will eat my own pimple juices.

10:52pm - Brit Brit just won Best Pop Video. She better thank Chester Cheetah or he's going to disown her.

10:52pm - Brit thanked God AGAIN and her family (like she cares about them)! And she didn't thank Chester! WRONG! No Cheeto love from Brit tonight. For shame!

10:54pm - Is this awards shit over yet? It's giving me the dry runs.

10:59pm - Josh Peck and Drake Ball or Bell or whatever are presenting something. Drake Bell looks like a "Mad Men" extras reject.

11:00pm - Kid Pebble is performing. That's our cue to go and drop a few shit pebbles in the toilet.

11:01pm - Kid Pebble is too old for this MTV shit.

11:02pm - While Kid Pebble is putting us all to sleep, let's talk about the venue. Was this a rec room or some shit? Do they hold AA meetings their on Thursday night. That venue sucks!

11:03pm - Kid Pebble and some other dude are still at it. Brit Brit better run in with an umbrella, because this shit is boresville.

11:04pm - NUDGE! NUDGE! Kid Pebble is done. You can wake up now.

11:05pm - This "BUSTED" show looks kind of hot. And yes honey, you two look like prostitutes.

11:10pm - Here's Kobe who is totally going to introduce Kanye West. That's KANYE FUCKING WEST to you.

11:10pm - Oh, I'm wrong. He's presenting video of the year. Kanye will have to wait. Brit Brit is going to win. MTV owes her ass for last year's amazingly horrible shit show.

11:11pm - CHEETOS FOREVER!!!!

11:12pm - Brit Brit is in "shock" and Chris Brown is laughing at her hillbilly ass! RiRi bust him again with your tenhead. And by "shock" Brit meant medicated.

11:13pm - Brit Brit just rode off in a golf cart with Russell. It should've been an ATV instead. She'll celebrate with a possum dinner with all the fixins tonight!

11:13pm - KANYE!!!! And he sounds like shit. But don't tell him that or he'll give you ALL CAPS.

11:14pm - Kanye, stop fucking singing! Stop! The children are going deaf. They are crying and banging their heads with rusty pants. Stop SINGING!!!

11:15pm - KANYE PLEASE! Don't SING! I will give you my prized double dildo if you stop. PLEASE! My dog is on the brink of suicide. STOP! I love you. You're wonderful. You're God. Now will you STOP!

11:16pm - WTF is this song anyway? I can't understand his lyrics, because all I hear is the horny cat screaming in his throat.

11:17pm - IT'S FUCKING OVER! FINALLY!

11:18pm - It's the Lezzie from that one season of America's Next Top Model. I liked her better then.

11:18pm - And it's completely over. The End. Finale. Done.

Fuck that sucked. Now we can get back to more important things like surfing the web for free porn.

Thank you all for making this truly tortuous shit show not so bad!!!

Posted by: Michael K


huh?! what did I miss!

I left it last night at the little guy and the car - believeing MK had fallen off the edge of the world - and come back to a million new posts!!

dash it all, I was doing the Uk thing and sleeping

lol

boo

Two Drink Min's picture
Sandbitch's picture

Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 8, 2008 - 5:10pm.

Thanks so much for all the info on Arizonie. I've copied your post and saved it. Next time we "hook up" on dlisted - I'll post a reply more deserved of your post and let you know more about my planned road trip. Thanks again!

it totally sucked see more pictures of VMA and out of the box news at http://www.entertainroom.com/

Dr. Destructo's picture

I really have got to blow this Volcano taco stand now! I'll talk to you all later! And as they say at Taco Hell, 'Bonus Nachos!'. Despues, putas!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Dr. Destructo's picture

Oops double post again. Re-edit comment. Damn Mac finger! Anyway, OT, damn that was horrible. I still feel incredibly stupid for allowing myself to waste time with that shit fiesta!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Dr. Destructo's picture

Hey SB, glad I stuck around! You missed all the good stuff down there it sounds like, but Vail must have made up for it! I've only been there (Vail) in the damn summer, but it was still De-luxe! Seriously, look for me on here when you go back and I can hook you up with all the cool things to see and do down there! If you go to Phx. stay around the Scottsdale area if you can. Trust me on that. If you're in Southern Az, check out Bisbee and perhaps Mexico-which isn't much to see if you've been there. If you go to Northern Az, check out the ghost town of Jerome and then give a full day to exploring Sedona. If you can really plan, then take the Grand Canyon RailRoad to the GC. I've been to GC several times and while it's impressive, hiking down into it is the only way to go! And to fully hike, you need permits which can take a long time to get. It will take even longer now that some of the trail and communities got trashed during recent flooding. I'll suppress boring people with virtual tours, but if and when you go again, contact me here and I promise I can help you figure out a trip that will blow you away. All the really cool stuff here is somewhat hidden in Az. Hell, maybe I can give you and 1 or 2 others a really kick ass local Jeep tour around the area. I've got a Jeep that can crawl over any import car I've ever seen! Let me know, I love being an ambassador of sorts to this state. Just don't come anywhere near summer, unless you are wearing non-combustible underwear! It's only getting hotter around here!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Monalicious's picture

When is the next awards show??? We need to do this again. Actually made the awards more fun!!!
DListed Forever!!!!!!

Living well is the best revenge.......

Sandbitch's picture

Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 8, 2008 - 4:14pm.

Oh SB, I'll come back for you! Yeah, I'm a Zonie, hence the suckage time delay! Sorry you took a header in Tuksun! Too bad I didn't know you were going. I know the state like the back of my hand and give a killer Jeep tour! Did you make it to the Sonoran Desert Museum? Tuscon's cool too! Much more heritage and prettier than Phx. I was down there about 2 weeks ago, hanging with a good buddy who I consider a brother! Fun place! Mt. Lemmon used to have the Southern most ski resort in America-when they used to get enuff snow. Still purdy down there!

****

Dr D, Sonoran Desert Museum - NO. Mt Lemmon - NO! WTF, lousy tour guide! Tell ya what I did see - THE THING!!! I saw THA THING! Saw a few coyote as well, that was a HOOT. And, not to forget the sidewalk outside the Congress, close up! I was actually staying in VAIL and unfortunately I was only there for a week. I'm saving my pennies to come back this Xmas to do that "Zonie" road trip.

Dr. Destructo's picture

I was waiting around for Sand, but I am now convinced that MTV is fully and completely run by corporate marketing greed-meisters! No one will ever be able to convince me that Twit's 3 'awards' were not cooked up with equal parts sympathy/rigged voting and payola. Maybe her kids can hawk those 'awards' to pay their future drug dealers off.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Travis Barker looked so freakin HOT!!!! I want to do him so bad!!

Khensu Hetep's picture

At least Britney Spears released an album this year, or somewhere between this awards ceremony and last.

It chews the living fuck out of me when they have people at the VMA's who haven't done jack shit in two years, because they're celebrities.

________________________________________________

It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

LE GIRL's picture

ALL ABOUT BRITNEY

You would think they would have given the awards to someone more "deserving". Her acceptance speeches were dull and two of the three were exactly the same! MTV must have made a deal with her to get her to even be there tonight. I guess I just expected more of Brit Brit. She seems totally bored and retired already.

martin k.'s picture

but seriously --

why did they let kid rock play ??

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http://pocagentesabe.com

Dr. Destructo's picture

Oh SB, I'll come back for you! Yeah, I'm a Zonie, hence the suckage time delay! Sorry you took a header in Tuksun! Too bad I didn't know you were going. I know the state like the back of my hand and give a killer Jeep tour! Did you make it to the Sonoran Desert Museum? Tuscon's cool too! Much more heritage and prettier than Phx. I was down there about 2 weeks ago, hanging with a good buddy who I consider a brother! Fun place! Mt. Lemmon used to have the Southern most ski resort in America-when they used to get enuff snow. Still purdy down there!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Khensu Hetep's picture

Maybe MTV should stop worrying about putting all teh popularz ppl and jokes for musicians on their piece of trash award shows so they don't have to use shock value to attract ratings.

Just saying.

Or maybe the general public should stop making clowns like Rihanna/Katy Perry/PCD famous by buying their shit records.

________________________________________________

It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

Sandbitch's picture

Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 8, 2008 - 3:01pm.

It's really strange watching Chester B. from Linkin Park. One of my best friends owned a coffee house, The Bean Tree, in Phoenix and he was a barrista there right until they started touring! I didn't get to know him very well, but he was a great employee and a very nice and humble guy! Glad to see he moved on to slightly better things than slinging over-priced coffee for just over minimum wage! Good for him! Good for all of them! My buddy met them all and said they were all super good guys in that band!

****
Dr D - are you in AZ? I luuuuurve Arizonie. I was in Tucson last November - fell flat on mah face outside the Congress Hotel.

===========================
Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better

Dr. Destructo's picture

And speaking of ball-lessness, what happened to Kanye's protest? How much did they pay him for that? And nice Olympic rip off. I was expecting Chinese acrobats to come winging out from the side stage. That was just one of the biggest shit fests I've ever seen! FUCK MTV!!!! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUUUUCK YOU!!!! I have zero doubt why I quit watching that channel years ago! My curiosity was well punished tonight! Lesson learned. Goodnight, I'm done blogging about this crapfest right now! I'm going to do something productive now, like rip out my eyebrows with my Leatherman and then pull a late night bank heist with some home cooked C-4. I can't say I wasn't warned.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

DaVi's picture

THE MTV AWARDS SUKED. IT GETS WORST EVERY YEAR.

Khensu Hetep's picture

Christina Hosebaguilera is nowhere near as pretty as she used to be, with or without the makeup.

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It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

Dr. Destructo's picture

Can someone here tell me if the Jonas Bros are related in anyway to the Osmond Klan (yes, with a 'K'!)? Fudge, more Twit pandering.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

I didn't recognize her without her clown make up and she looked like Amazon Brooke Hogan.

Christina Piggiera looked just like Brooke Hogan. I

Dr. Destructo's picture

All of us late comers missed the real party, but it's nice to have MK and everyone else's comments to guide us through this atrocity! Holy shit is this just BAD! Really, really f'ing BAD!!!! Brand is just a ball-less douche! His ring comment/apology was cowardly! Deport his ass back to the UK where they seem to find him funny(?).
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

ms.c1's picture

I want 30 minutes of my life back please!! The MTV VAMS sucked. Why I did this I don't know. The only MTV awards that are slightly ok are the European ones. I need that remix of Genie in a bottle .. Perfect for the gym

I came into this world to live out-loud

Slutleena's picture

Oh wow I had no idea the VMAs were on today. Oh well they're going to re-run this shit into the ground. I'm just mad I missed a hot threat party.

I'm reading that Britney won awards...for what exactly? Why?

Russel Brand I don't know who the hell he is but I've seen pictures of him which makes me not want to know. He has a massive cranium but has decided to make his hair huge and put on makeup? So wrong.

Oh well let's get more posts so we can keep this thing going.

Sincerely,
Alana Smithee

Dr. Destructo's picture

Love it! Wonky couldn't figure out which monitor to watch with which eye! Maybe she and Twit can go out and celebrate with a couple of dozen rails of coke.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Khensu Hetep's picture

When's Christina fucking Aguilera going to pick a fucking identity and run with it?

Seriously, go find yourself, you tool.

________________________________________________

It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

Monalicious's picture

I gotta say this........ PURITY RINGS DON'T MEAN SHIT!!!!! You know most of the kids wearing those things are bigger sluts than us grown-ups!! Hell, I bought my step-daughter one for her Sweet 16. Come to find out, she lost her virginity at 13!!! But she was willing to put on the "I'm a virgin" act until she finally had to tell us because she thought she might be pregnant!! Thank God she wasn't!! Needless to say, the ring got tossed in the trash, and soon after, she moved to Houston to live with her aunt!

Living well is the best revenge.......

Dr. Destructo's picture

Wow! Christina barely pulled off lip syncing better than Twit did last year! And McDooks, you nailed it about Twit 100%!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Agie's picture

Xtina has been the only entertaining act so far.

McDooks's picture

Shitney better be home kissing her daddy's bare and dirty butt cheeks for straightening her shit out and getting her to listen to her "people".
She is so undeserving but no shock- took advantage of last year's fuck up and probably had some razor sharp vulture negotiate with MTV that the only way she would show up is if they let her win EVERYTHING she was able to as a woman and artist (sex not being a factor). MTV exploited her for ratings and she exploited them for a validation. She sucks worse now than she ever did, but she cleaned up this year with the awards. Hmmmmmm...

And lastly, Rihanna's opening performance was dumb and totally off-putting. "Thriller" type zombies and the whole tarantula and dancing cadaver thing was just gross.

Sorry for the run-on sentence filled rant.

Dr. Destructo's picture

Oh, and those were fugly jackets LP was wearing, but then again, I remember Chester wore nerdy square glasses and was sporting quite the hipster fro back then! Both looks work for him! But unless linen is trend setting, my look hasn't go an ounce of cool to it. Damn those trendy cool kids! I always want to be 'cool'. :-/
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Agie's picture

RiRi looks like Zool from the first ghostbusters movie.

maDalice's picture

ok any other dl sluts still on riri?

Cocoa Mocha Sugar's picture

WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE REAL ARTISTS? i saw some disney stars, some non-singing pop tarts, ahem, stars, some performances that only the AUDIENCE got to see, the "interesting ones" (Like LL COOL J).

Russell Brand was a catastraphe. Britney won some "my life is shit and my career is over" sympathy awards.

Lil Wayne the crackhead rapped and Kayne a rapper SANG.

A bunch of wack new people were on there. no U2, no Madonna, not even Justin Timberlake. No Elton Johns, bands, no REAL fucking musicians. Few black musicians or SINGERS.

who the hell were these losers and why were they on my TV? This was supposed to be the 25th anniversary and the only people on the show were untalented people and corporate market created "stars". WTF?

This was so lame. MTV is unbelievable.

Agie's picture

what the fuck is going on here? So if you have no purity ring, you are a ho? What the hell happened to MTV?

Snarkley's picture

There's a ways to go. The record is over 2000, if I remember correctly.

Dr. Destructo's picture

It's really strange watching Chester B. from Linkin Park. One of my best friends owned a coffee house, The Bean Tree, in Phoenix and he was a barrista there right until they started touring! I didn't get to know him very well, but he was a great employee and a very nice and humble guy! Glad to see he moved on to slightly better things than slinging over-priced coffee for just over minimum wage! Good for him! Good for all of them! My buddy met them all and said they were all super good guys in that band!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

Snowblood's picture

Wow - godDAMn! A bazilliotrilliagabizillion comments here in this thread tonight! Me, I couldn't really comment 'cause I don't have cable set up, I don't watch TV, so I have to wait 'til tomorrow to check out youtube clips. Are there any good clips to even see? Was ANY of this VMA MTV thing worth seeing? I'm kinda getting the idea I didn't miss out on anything see-worthy.

The last mTV award show I think I saw was the one where Eminem came out in the crowd singing Real Slim Shady with his giant white-tee-shirted army of clones, you guys remember that one?

But - All the awards shows suck nowadays. Even the Oscars has become a crock of shit.

MojoLuv™'s picture

XTina's pants were way too tight.
I didnt like that at all =(

stake_spike's picture

Damn what's with all the comments???

Thanks MK for posting this. There is no way in hell I was going to sit through that sh-t fest again like I did last year. I think I stopped watching that crap in '98 when I was entering high school. Just don't have time for it when your boozing it up and partying every night.

I finally watched it for the first time in years last year (Mark Ronson was on and I had a thing for him) and was bored out of my mind! Thank God for Tivo.

Anyway I figured I'd just wait for the onslaught of Youtube videos that is sure to come tomorrow. I think once you reach 13, MTV loses it's luster, that or it stopped when they stopped playing videos.

bacho's picture

"10:45pm - Dear Jim Cantiello, I don't want your "juicy" anything. Go eat a vibrator. "

That has made my fucking night!! I hate that guy, he belongs in nickelodeon!

just a floozy's picture

FritoDorito:

This site has gotten 2000 i forgot what spread it was. it was a few years ago.

D.R.'s picture

I'm watching the marathon of "Ice Road Truckers." At least I didn't catch even a second of the MTV disgrace.

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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.

"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz

Dr. Destructo's picture

Fun watching Lil Wayne trying to run around with his pants around his ankles!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken

boomsy's picture

Haha; this post got 1500+ comments and Pete and Asslee only got 23...poor babies...

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"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel

FritoDorito's picture

@Agie:
I'm not even going to watch that.
BTW, I have a picture of my cat in a shoebox too. I can't keep mine out of those.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade

jussayin's picture

1500 yeah!
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.

FritoDorito's picture

That guy in the picture above, what the fuck is up with his hair? That is just nastiness. Looks like he has some squirrels living in there.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade