Wino Loves Jack
Some bitches ask for stupid shit like smelly candles and caviar on their riders, but not the Crackie of Camden. She's a simple girl. She just asks for 48 bottles of Jack Daniel's. That's all.
Amy Wino is "supposed" to perform at the Bestival Festival this weekend and organizers are worried that she's not going to show. A source told The Sun: "It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay. With Amy’s record this can mean failure to perform or giving a shambolic performance. Whiskey is better than heroin — but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”
Why are they being such squares?! Jack is the only thing that quenches her thirst. I mean, it's the only liquid that can lubricate her beautiful crackie angel voice. Do they want her to dehydrate?! Water just doesn't, for lack of a better phrase, get you "shit-faced-drunk" the same way Jack does!
And I laugh in the face of the bitch who said Wino can't "possibly consume" that much Jack during her stay. She eats 48 bottles of Jack for breakfast!
Thanks Ursa
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I don't understand how she has enough body for all the drugs and alchol to go through and still function. Maybe she should be studied and bottled, at least for hangovers. I'm wondering if she's related to Keith Richards. Scientists might look into those hardy genes. Some of us drop dead after a few BLT's.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on September 4, 2008 - 7:30pm.
How the hell is this bitch not dead yet? Did a roach and rat mate to create her? Or is Keith Richards her real father? I mean, fuck, we lose Heath Leger over a couple of valium and a pain killer or two, but Wino ingests the equivalent of nuclear waste daily and lives????
The aforementioned is the result of this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgwP7W4SJQg
The afterlife fears Amy Winehouse.
THAT is a rather old pic, she looks too fresh and clean.
~~~~Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.~~~~
DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ!
I saw several people martyring Kizzy last night. She was no victim. She cruelly & mercilessly attacked random people for fun, it seems. I, for one, am glad the bitch is gone. I guess she could dish it out but couldn't take it. She & her cronies were the bullies on the playground who loved to beat people down. The way they turned the JJ situation around to make DebFrmHell, who is a very nice lady & the injured party, at fault for sharing her life experiences & trying to help others was unconscionable.
I LOVE THIS F*spaghetti cat*CKING BITCH!!!!!!
Get well pussy eyes...
+++++++++++++++
I POOP RAINBOWS
Submitted by James Haven on September 4, 2008 - 7:05pm.
The imagery was great!! I could see the party, Tommy girl and Katie so clearly. You are hilarious and your stories are fascinating. You are a great writer, James Haven. Have you ever thought of compiling a bunch of short stories and putting them into a book? It would be a great read.
Wino~ has def. become my crack! I cant go a week w/o a wino post... Ahhh~ I feel so much bettah now!
JOHNNYBOY 4 HSOTM!!!---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtCyTMfj3AM
I love her.Always have, always will. She wants all the Jack so there's no chance of running out, plus she shares, I'm sure, with her roadies and friends and so forth - 48 bottles is REALly not that much, when you think about who were talking about, here.
OH! And - Astonishingly, her skin appears clear and fresh-looking in that header picture. Is that a recent photo? Her face looks really good.
James Haven, that story was hella entertaining! Nice writing, loved that.
I thought that was a bag of McDonalds in her other hand. That was totally me yesterday!
Submitted by kiwikim on September 5, 2008 - 12:59am.
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LMAO!!!
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
Amy is extremely responsible. Not only do I believe she will show up promptly and wow the crowds with her fabulous voice, I am sure the JD is a powerful antiseptic used to clean her face wounds. People are so cynical.
Submitted by TITS on September 4, 2008 - 10:06pm.
Submitted by jussayin on September 4, 2008 - 7:01pm.
ha ha bitches I am period free thanks to Seasonale!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Well what the fuckety fuck is that? And has it been tested on reluctant third world women to ensure it's safety?
...I hope so! I want to test it on the Palins and Spears and see what happens, good birth control for months and months.
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
PSL!!!!
hahahaha. I certainly got the gist.
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RUSTED SHUT. WILL WORK FOR PEENIES!
I'll bet Jack Daniels is the only man Amy could ever be faithful to.
what a crappy sentence! lol (you guys get the gist)
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Everybody plays the fool
There's no exception to the rule
Submitted by TITS on September 5, 2008 - 12:10pm.
Bill Hicks on the bible and pot was the turning point for me.
Hey sandybitch - do you know of a link to his routines in text? I used to have a link but it doesn't work anymore.
Fuck...No.
I bet he was good in bed eh?
Fuck...yes.
Bill Hicks on the bible and pot was the turning point for me.
Hey sandybitch - do you know of a link to his routines in text? I used to have a link but it doesn't work anymore.
You know he's good when his material is readable and still very funny.
"that a big fucking lizard lord!"
"what choo reading for"
loves it.
I bet he was good in bed eh?
Submitted by Sheeps on September 4, 2008 - 9:26pm.
Shuut up. Belt up. And if ya caint see the bloody exit, ya must be blind.
___________________________
Is that from a movie?
Submitted by jussayin on September 4, 2008 - 7:01pm.
ha ha bitches I am period free thanks to Seasonale!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Well what the fuckety fuck is that? And has it been tested on reluctant third world women to ensure it's safety?
Off to the store to get some chocolate coated graham bits and ibprofen - any requests?
James Haven was asked by Sir Tommy if he would speak to Amy about joining the church of Scientology. Sir Tommy feels that if he can straighten out Amy, the world would finally see how good Scientology really is. Look what it has done for Kirstie!
Anyho, Amy was not hearing any of it. She told James Haven to "stick his freaky eyes in someone else's business!" She said she will do as she pleases and doesn't need some "Yankee" telling her what to do!
"Yankee"?! How dare she call him a Yankee! James Haven doesn't even like baseball.
James Haven told her she should fix her teeth, lose the 'do' and get a good moisturizer! She hung up on James Haven. Angie told James Haven that he should "mind his own business and stick to what he knows best!"
Sir Tommy was not happy about the altercation and told James Haven that he is no longer welcome at Sir Tommy's annual Halloween party, which is fine by James Haven, because he was tired of seeing Sir Tommy wearing a playboy bunny outfit. Can't that guy get a new costume? And to be honest, seeing Katie dressed as "Hugh" and Sir Tommy sitting on her lap, was quite disturbing. James Haven would have nightmares for months. It got so bad that James Haven would have to sleep in bed with Angie and Brad.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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You're right angel, she's trying to copy Brit but she doesn't have the gut, I mean chops, for it
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by TITS on September 5, 2008 - 11:57am.
"Fuck that! I want my rock stars dead!"
Says dead rock star comedian Bill Hicks:
...
I totally totally am in love with Bill Hicks. All the decent white men are dead already. And I HATE the pancreas.
Bill Hicks Arizona Bay - Goodbye you lizard scum!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpmgO4BTNCc
Submitted by angel_i on September 4, 2008 - 10:01pm.
I thought she learned those moves when she took the toaster into the bathtub with her, then I remembered that she doesn't bathe.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on September 4, 2008 - 10:00pm.
Submitted by Mr. President on September 4, 2008 - 9:55pm.
Can't hurt her "singing" or "dancing" either.
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I LOVE her dancing! I'm pretty sure she took some cues from Britney's VMA performance. Genius!
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
ha ha bitches I am period free thanks to Seasonale!!
this is pure grade A non menstrual snark that you experience!!!
...yeah, TMI LOL
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
Submitted by Mr. President on September 4, 2008 - 9:55pm.
Can't hurt her "singing" or "dancing" either.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
If he sees this, Keith Richards is going to commit suicide just so he can start spinning in his grave.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by TITS on September 5, 2008 - 11:52am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 4, 2008 - 6:19pm.
See what happens when the dlisted menstrual cycle aligns? It's spookier than the twilight zone.
^^^^^^^
ruh oh. You've got your period too? Anyone know like rere is a full roon coming up?
Rooby-Rooby-Doo!
...
I ain't givin nuffin away. Let me say this though, sometimes there is utter war between the bleeders and ovulaters, and sometimes there is peace.
"Fuck that! I want my rock stars dead!"
Says dead rock star comedian Bill Hicks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRkA6zugNMQ
rooby rooo :(
maybe drunk is better than high.or easier since her dealer is in jail.so sad.
;) :) :O =) :p :( :\ :D
Drinking Jack will actually reduce her blood alcohol content, since her heart pumps Everclear.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 4, 2008 - 6:19pm.
See what happens when the dlisted menstrual cycle aligns? It's spookier than the twilight zone.
^^^^^^^
ruh oh. You've got your period too? Anyone know like rere is a full roon coming up?
Rooby-Rooby-Doo!
kudos scooby doo translator: http://promo.warnerbros.com/scoobydoo/trans.html
Submitted by Mr. President on September 4, 2008 - 9:32pm.
Whatever you do Wino, don't get drunk on Southern Comfort
The worst hangover over EVER for me was Southern Comfort.
Jack and ginger ale isn't too bad but still pukey times could follow.
Probably the worst is Old Grand Dad whiskey, I guess Old Grandma didn't make it.
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What a complete waste of talent. The distillers of Jack Daniels I mean, wasting their hard work and artistry on a worthless, talentless skank like Amy.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 5, 2008 - 11:33am.
Yes Sandbitch, it is indeed a senseless and totally avoidable kind of death. Bonzo Bonham found out the hard way, as did Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and countless others.... Sadness, total sadness.
.
I could add names, but no more sense or logic.
Submitted by Mr. President on September 5, 2008 - 11:32am.
Whatever you do Wino, don't get drunk on Southern Comfort. Don't do it!!! Worst. Hangover. Ever.
..
Mr Pres. I remember that sweet vomit but at least I was still awake. I did however kill off a whole row of shrubs. No more Southern Comfort for moi.
I found my fave bit of Hale & Pace, i.e. what it really means to be British. Black pudding and squishy peas, a ferrit down me trousers if you please. They are our forefathers, after all.
Hale and Pace, Northern Calypso
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4JNdseNOkE
Yes Sandbitch, it is indeed a senseless and totally avoidable kind of death. Bonzo Bonham found out the hard way, as did Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and countless others.... Sadness, total sadness.
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Whatever you do Wino, don't get drunk on Southern Comfort. Don't do it!!! Worst. Hangover. Ever. Hey, is Deb trying to steal my job?
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by cadebra1961
WORD. Don't ever underestimate the deadliness of inhaled vomit. I won't post a list of those dear departed who have surfed vomit beach.
I feel for the people that have to clean up after the dirty cunts.
Shuut up. Belt up. And if ya caint see the bloody exit, ya must be blind.
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Quicker than his own shadow.
Submitted by islandgirl on September 5, 2008 - 11:15am.
Sandbitch, that is truly bizarre. I got that clip in an email yesterday. *cues spooky music*
...
See what happens when the dlisted menstrual cycle aligns? It's spookier than the twilight zone.
edited: Eeee bah gooom I just found this clip Yorkshire Airlines - Hale and Pace
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nth4rZZM5tQ
Submitted by yiooooooo on September 4, 2008 - 9:16pm.
That's what I'm saying. You can't pass up the opportunity for 4 dozen free bottles of what is OBVIOUSLY PREMIUM LIQUOR. Gawd.
Hey Dumbass RockStar Wino, read this and take notice you drunken fool:
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On September 24, 1980, John Bonham was picked up by Led Zeppelin assistant Rex King to attend rehearsals at Bray Studios for the upcoming tour of the United States, the band's first since 1977. During the journey Bonham had asked to stop for breakfast, where he downed four quadruple vodkas (roughly sixteen shots, amounting to about 2/3 imperial quart or 400 ml). He then continued to drink heavily when he arrived at the party. A halt was called to the rehearsals late in the evening and the band retired to Page's house, The Old Mill House in Clewer, Windsor. After midnight, Bonham had fallen asleep and was taken to bed and placed on his side. Benji LeFevre (who had replaced Richard Cole as Led Zeppelin's tour manager) and John Paul Jones found him dead the next morning. Bonham was 32 years old.
An inquest at East Berkshire coroner's court recorded a verdict of accidental death, the cause being asphyxiation from vomit. A subsequent autopsy found no other drugs in Bonham's body.[4] The alcoholism that had plagued the drummer since his earliest days with the band ultimately led to his death
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Still want those 48 fucking bottles of J.D.?
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Submitted by lindsays blow on September 4, 2008 - 9:09pm
Most likely , If I was a celebrity I would do the same thing I would also put on my contract that I can keep all the clothe I use
Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus
Sandbitch, that is truly bizarre. I got that clip in an email yesterday. *cues spooky music*
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"I wouldn't go in the front room at the moment, I suspect your brother's having a bit of how's your father with his new girlfriend."
Black and Tans for Everyone!
DebFrmHell for Pressideent in 2008!
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RUSTED SHUT. WILL WORK FOR PEENIES!
Submitted by DebFrmHell on September 5, 2008 - 10:56am.
Can I try a truly British Texas statement?
I was hiding in my closet all-l-l kinds of pissed and wondering if I am off my box? Later in the loo, I thought IG may have kicked me in the box for being off my box! I need a box cutter.
How is that?
.......
That was good, innit. I'm just nipping orf to the loo for a quick piss. Will yer git me a packet a crisps and a point a Guinness? Eeee bah goom that's a lovely bargain.
edited: Eeee bah gooom I just found this clip Yorkshire Airlines - Hale and Pace
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nth4rZZM5tQ
Maybe she's finally exhausted her finances from all that heroin & coke, can't afford to buy her own Jack Daniels, and is looking to stock up?
HAHHAHA Deb! *pishes self*
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"I wouldn't go in the front room at the moment, I suspect your brother's having a bit of how's your father with his new girlfriend."
Can I try a truly British Texas statement?
I was hiding in my closet all-l-l kinds of pissed and wondering if I am off my box? Later in the loo, I thought IG may have kicked me in the box for being off my box! I need a box cutter.
How is that?
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RUSTED SHUT. WILL WORK FOR PEENIES!
Ya know she'll have jack and coke.. no not the soda.
Sorry, that's all I got.
Suki, I mean IN. As in the snatchal area. :-)
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"I wouldn't go in the front room at the moment, I suspect your brother's having a bit of how's your father with his new girlfriend."
fucking gross....coke will make you want to drink everything but whatever she's on is a different story...scraggly ass bitch lol