JLo Is Crazy
JLo queefs about being knocked up with the Dragon Tales twins in the October issue of Elle magazine. JLo said that she was "selfish" for the first time in her whole fucking life while she was pregnant. Yeah, this shit is going to write itself.
JLo spent the first part of her pregnancy on tour with Skeletor. When the tour ended she was ready to be taken care of. She said: "I said, 'I did the superwoman thing, I finished the tour – now I need you to take care of me. I love doing things for you; if I'm not cooking, then I'm picking out a shirt. But this is the first time in my life where I'm just going to be a little bit selfish. I don’t know if I'm going to have kids again, so I want it to be a beautiful experience. I don't want to have any drama. I want to just be smiling every day.'"
Who wrote that shit for her? Danielle Steele? Seriously, how were these fake words able to pass through her lips? This is straight up fuckery.
She went on to spew even more cheese about the moment she found out about her pregnancy: "I was sitting down doing hair and makeup and I felt a flutter. The weirdest little ... flourish. My makeup artist said 'What’s the matter?' I didn’t say anything, but in my head, I was like, I have life inside me!”
The only thing missing from this shit is a Celine Dion song playing in the background. JLo, stop hitting me in the mouth with your 12-inch dildo! I'm not going to suck it!
And to stop off this queso fiesta, JLo confessed that she had some nude pictures taken of herself two weeks before she gave birth. "I was like, How am I going to rock this moment of my life?... I felt very womanly. Marc was in a dream. He loved it."
Marc was in a nightmare, not a dream. And by the power of Chicken Cutlets, may these nekkid pictures of a knocked up JLo never see the light outside of her boudoir. Never!
Here's a few more pictures of JLo with Michael Kors, Georgina Chapman and Donatella Versace. Donatella kind of looks like Skeletor with a dime store wig.
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Submitted by Salem13 on September 3, 2008 - 4:42pm.
I wonder what these "stars" would look like had there been no photoshop like the old hollywood days when you actually had to be naturally beautiful.
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And possess some talent.
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In the old hollywood days, you had to be naturally beautiful...to a point. I mean, I think the standards of beauty have become much higher now that plastic surgery is everywhere. But back then, a soft focus lens was every woman's best friend, and women did some awful things to their faces. Judy Garland wore dentures on her top teeth and wore some kind of pincher-thing on her nose to force it into a smaller shape. Joan Crawford's face was literally stretched back with hooks hidden in her hair as a sort of primitive face-lift. Not to mention all of the girdles and corsets and diet pills that women took.
There were also more painted portraits of stars in old magazines. Grace Kelly got mad at an artist who made a billboard for one of her movies and painted her with larger breasts.
As for talent, well, Marilyn Monroe was a joke. Jean Harlow wasn't much of an actress either. And for every "legendary" movie star from the past, there are countless actors and actresses who weren't talented.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
she is such an ass. oh no wait, that's what she was known for 10 YEARS AGO. old news.
ps- can some cool person just tell me what my avi is...ive been having issues changing them. is it sluttyiena or renny??
"what the crap are you talking about?"~RennyBB10
http://www.myspace.com/midsummernitesdream
I'm bored ......think I'm gonna find me a new avie.
-sera-
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JLo, stop hitting me in the mouth with your 12-inch dildo! I'm not going to suck it!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 4, 2008 - 8:47am.
Submitted by speakit on September 3, 2008 - 3:45pm.
I'm bored and J.Lo isn't helping.
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Me, too. Let's contact MK and ask him for a new article.
..
WE
*DEMAND*
A
FRESH
COAT
OF
DRAMA
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 3, 2008 - 6:47pm.
Submitted by speakit on September 3, 2008 - 3:45pm.
I'm bored and J.Lo isn't helping.
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Me, too. Let's contact MK and ask him for a new article.
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Okay! He'll be alll.."Bitch, don't tell me how to run my blog." And we can be all, "Well, it may be your blog but you would be nothing without us mutha fukka." Then he would say, "I was only joking." Then we could say, "Pffft... talk to the hand that won't type until you post a new article." And then he would be all, " You suck." and then we'd be all, "True." :(
i typed all of that to say , MA has 5 kids with 3 different women....
that's a lot of baggage for any woman to deal with.
plus, he's a lousy dad according to the mother of his first child and the fact he dumped his wife to get with lopez.
and isnt the lopez- anthony twins the result of fertility treatments?
Submitted by speakit on September 3, 2008 - 3:45pm.
I'm bored and J.Lo isn't helping.
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Me, too. Let's contact MK and ask him for a new article.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I'm bored and J.Lo isn't helping.
I'm going to another thread to scream. BRB
I want whatever she is smoking
Submitted by pink_orchid: "speaking of photoshop - donatella is missing half of her torso after being photoshopped into the picture with jlo! you can see clear through jlos crooked arm to the cushions. she is slim but not that slim."
Holy shit, you're right~ Don't these magazines have people who proof stuff before it goes to the printer?
Lopez is full of it..
there are a few things to consider when you read Lopez's account of marital bliss:
1. she is married to a man who divorced his then wife to be with her.
2 . MA has three additional children with two other women including his ex wife Dinora Torres.
3. Marc Anthony had little to do with his first born or the child's mother. I recall reading his first child moher complaining about being all but abandoned by MA in a tabloid.
.....
hes not much of a catch.. but he is the talent in that family........
OMG, she looks so pretty. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" last week. What kind of relationship is she looking for on that site? Just curious.-------
This is fucking JLo....don't you know that everything she does is gold?
(Ugh I think I just puked a little.)
Submitted by M.E. on September 3, 2008 - 3:31pm.
Felt a flourish??? WTF? Who uses the word flourish? Isn't it a FLUTTER?
-sera-
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JLo, stop hitting me in the mouth with your 12-inch dildo! I'm not going to suck it!
And when did she get Loni Anderson's nose? Honestly, they've photoshopped her into unrecognizability. (If that's a word... you know what I mean)
Xenu, take this bitch already kkthxbai!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic: "Does she suffer from post-partum delusion?"
No kidding!
Hey J-Ho...i pooped out a couple of twins too...so I'm special tooooooooooooo!! Nya-nyah!!
pffffffffffffft! :P~
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Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
Submitted by speakit on September 3, 2008 - 2:38pm.
Submitted by M.E. on September 3, 2008 - 6:36pm.
Oh, yes, flouride. Crest Pro Health?
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I don't know but I bet hers has teeth. Marc only flosses if you know what I mean. *wink*
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Ah, the wet noodle.
I fuckin hate this woman. Shes got a 'career' because she played Selena. They never knew what they unleashed, did they? Its the end of the world!
-sera-
¤¤
JLo, stop hitting me in the mouth with your 12-inch dildo! I'm not going to suck it!
Submitted by M.E. on September 3, 2008 - 6:36pm.
Oh, yes, flouride. Crest Pro Health?
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I don't know but I bet hers has teeth. Marc only flosses if you know what I mean. *wink*
Oh, yes, flouride. Crest Pro Health?
Does she suffer from post-partum delusion?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by M.E. on September 3, 2008 - 6:31pm.
Felt a flourish??? WTF? Who uses the word flourish? Isn't it a FLUTTER?
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I think she meant fluoride cuz she douched with Scope. What? It has lips.. easy mistake.
What the hell has she done for the last 3-4 years that would consist of a career and also warrant anyone paying attention to this chiquita???
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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Donatella is WAAAAAY fuglier than Marc. She looks like one of the scary cat people in the 1990s Stephen King crapfest movie, Sleepwalkers.
Felt a flourish??? WTF? Who uses the word flourish? Isn't it a FLUTTER?
Submitted by NovaNightly on September 3, 2008 - 6:21pm.
Ooooh...she felt a flourish!!!
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I do that sometimes after I eat eggrolls.
After Uturn, I really thought she could have been a contender.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
speaking of photoshop - donatella is missing half of her torso after being photoshopped into the picture with jlo! you can see clear through jlos crooked arm to the cushions. she is slim but not that slim.
Who's more frightening looking? Donatella or Skeletor?
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
They dont show it, but you know they fucking hog-tied her into that dress on the cover...and THEN they photochopped several inches off the sides.
She brings out so much hate in me...its crazy!! :P
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Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
TRANSLATION:
This is the first time in my life where I wasn't totally selfish. You see, I gave a dime to a crackhead and didn't ask for change this time!
I'm never going to fucking have kids again, because it was such a shitty experience. I got so fat, my nose looked like something off Mount Rushmore.
I don't want to have any drama. I don't need anymore because after all the diva shit I've pulled, there ain't nothing left!
I want to just be smiling every day. And I do because my husband only comes out of his coffin to buy me diamonds which I sell on the side to bribe "fans" to like me.
You DO like me. don't you? Lookee, lookee. Here's a five carat gem if you'll just tell People Magazine that I'm not a total cunt!
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Laissez le bon temps rouler!
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on September 3, 2008 - 6:21pm.
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LOL @ 100 kids. That fool has enough kids to start his own damn country. Yeah, JLo, you married a catch! And riddle me this: if Skeletor's always jetsetting around the globe with his selfish, cuntrag wife, when does he find time to see his other 15 million children? Marc and JLo fucking deserve each other - horrible bastards.
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
I think someone else way back said that her nose must have gotten wider from being pregnant even after a nose job.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Ooooh...she felt a flourish!!! you know...right around 20 weeks along when she FINALLY told the world she was knocked up and wasnt hiding KFC under her tour costumes. BITCH.
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Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
@QC, I know right, he does have 100 skeltors running around. He probably said, Hey, Jennifer just pick one and have a pic with one of them for fucks sake to say that you will be a good mom, you selfish bitch. Her hair looks like a birds nest.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
ROFL! Look at the headline on the right side of the cover: "NOT READY FOR THE KNIFE?" Bwhaa ha ha ha!
Jlo doesn't need the knife. She has Photoshop.
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
She needs a new nose job because that was the first thing I noticed when I saw the picture, I would have kill myself if I have to work whit this bitch
Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus
What I would really like to know what she takes/drinks when she has to do sexy times with Skelly
Submitted by speakit on September 3, 2008 - 6:17pm.
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LOL!
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/007051.html
She should have been satisfied (who, her?) with "before."
Oh yeah...you're a superwoman....riiiiiiiight! I want to see the pictures of you changing the dragon twins shitty diapers!!!!!! Lemme see how hard you REALLLLLY work....besides sitting on your "i wish i was a diva" ass-shelf having lame pictures taken of you.
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Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
I am sick of y'alls crap! I have a tag mole growing outside me! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! *self centered bitch look*
Uh, JLo, stupid fuck, being pregnant is the time in your life where you should be completely SELFLESS! You are surrendering your body to the life growing inside of you and tossing your selfish behaviors out the door to ensure a healthy child.
DUMB BITCH!
NOSEJOB ALERT! NOSEJOB ALERT! She looks so weird! Nosejob or Photoshop?
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on September 3, 2008 - 6:10pm.
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1 photo op and 1 mention in a magazine interview does not a good stepmother make, lol. This ho doesn't give a damn about his other 20 kids - they're too pretty and outshine her disgusting ass.
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
She a big fibber....
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Submitted by Salem13 on September 3, 2008 - 4:42pm.
I wonder what these "stars" would look like had there been no photoshop like the old hollywood days when you actually had to be naturally beautiful.
****************************************************
And possess some talent.
"selfish" *Jlo stuffs a sock in Marcs mouth*
"I have life inside me!” no really?DUH I thought it was a marlin.
why does Michael Kors(said like Heidi) look hot or like Karl Lagerfield??? =O
;) :) :O =) :p :( :\ :D
@QC, I could have sworn seeing pics of her walking around with miss whatever's two kids for practice.
That cover pic is horrible, her hair is messy her eye make-up looks hideous that lipstick belong to some old hag who walks around 34st nyc with a bunch of shopping bags pushing a cart talking to herself. I think that makeup artist secretly hates her and purposely make her look like a clown but swears to Jeniffer that she's looking fly. What is Michael kors doing in that pose?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.