Helen Mirren Talks About Date Rape
Time to put our "uncomfortable" caps on and hold hands! Helen Mirren is talking about date rape.
In the new issue of GQ Magazine (via Telegraph), Helen admits that she was date-raped a couple of times when she was younger. She said they never hit her, but she was locked in a room and forced to have sex. She never said "no," because she was too naive back then. Helen also never reported the incidents to the police. She said, "No, you couldn't do that in those days. It's such a tricky area, isn't it? Especially if there is no violence. I mean, look at Mike Tyson. I don't think he was a rapist." Mike Tyson thanks you for that comment, Helen.
Helen said that if a woman takes a dude to bed, gets naked, and then tells him "no" at the last second and he ignores her, it's rape. But she went on to say, "I don't think she can have that man into court under those circumstances. I guess it is one of the many subtle parts of the men/women relationship that has to be negotiated and worked out between them." Negotiate?! Like over milk and cookies?
Gulp. This talk about date rape makes my nails sweat. Someone pass me a glass of water. I just got an uncomfortable lump in my throat. In the meantime, someone show Helen a PSA on date rape. NO MEANS NO!
In the interview, Helen also talked about coke! Now that I can handle. She said she used to adore coke. She said, "I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a little bit at parties." She said she stopped doing it in the 80s when Klaus Barbie was found living off of a cocaine baron in South America. "I saw how my little sniff of cocaine at a party had an absolute direct route to this ... horrible man in South America."
Yes, Helen. Talk more about cocaine and less about date rape.
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The press always rave about how good she looks for her age. No she doesn't, she looks bloodly awful.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
She doesn't think Tyson is a rapist? Can she admit, at least, that he's an ear biter?
"Society sooner or later must return to its lost leader,the cultured and fascinating liar. . ."
Oscar Wilde
She is my favorite. Just saw her personals ID on millionaires personals site """""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site. Is she single again?
I love her.
that is all.
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The lines between sex and society are so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://societysex.blogspot.com/
She can say how she handled her own personal situation, but she, IMO, told women around the world what they should do & how they should think if they are raped. She also told rapist men how they can get out of legal punishment. So she really set women back here, and I'm tired of celebrities telling people what to do. Mirren should have spoken about her own personal feelings, but instructing rape survivors how to feel afterwards as well as giving potential rapists a green light not listen to a women say NO after a certain point has been reached is disgusting, criminal. She needs to shut her bitch trap.
I like Helen, she is a class act all the way. Sorry she was raped by some asshole fucktard. But she seems to have a lot of inner strength and support to have gotten over it. Good for her and God bless Helen Mirren!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Helen, come home, we miss you and all that sunshine is affecting your mind. Hop on a plane before you start having colonic irrigation and adopting babies
I am dispointed in you and CHOOSE to think your comment have been taken out of context. Denial, I love it.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
Ah, the all too familiar "slippery slope" falacy.
There's a lot of debate going on in the UK at the moment about the whole subject of Date Rape, but more in the sense of what happens if the woman is plastered at the time (drunk?!), and if the guy is too? Or if she was too drunk to remember did she consent or didn't she? There was a case of a woman who had her compensation reduced because she was very drunk at the time and the courts felt she had to shoulder some of the responsibility.
What Helen is saying though about being date raped a few times is extremely dodgy and trivializes the whole thing for women who are drugged, physically restrained or just didn't have the will to say no (or yes!). A sober woman should always feel strong enough to say no regardless of how much heavy petting has gone on - but she's right I'm sure I can think of times when I've felt pressured in things cos women are always tarred with a 'prick tease' label if they so much as ask a guy in for a coffee.
Two words to teach my future daughters 'P*ss Off!'
Not to defend her (and I agree that she should stick to acting) but I think that 1) she's a product of her generation. We have to remember that even though she looks hot, this woman is like a gazillion years old and she's describing how things were during her young days -- clearly that was f*cked up but old people have some f*cked up ideas about relationships; and 2) Her point seems to be that its wrong, but that its very hard to prove in court -- which is true. In those cases, it is purely a matter of her word against his and the evidence will oftentimes point to the fact that the woman was willing and it is difficult to prove that she changed her mind (especially if there was very subtle violence). Thats a horrible reality of our justice system. So often in those circumstances, the woman really does have to work it out for herself and find therapy/counseling to get past it because the courts will not punish the perpetrator (and would in fact merely drag the victim through a very traumatic investigation and trial).
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 11:02pm.
Uhh, I'm not american, but I'm pretty sure the answer is NO.
On a side note, here in Brazil there was some TRULY fucked up law a few decades ago that said that if a guy raped you, but then he married you, he wouldn't go to jail.
That might sound highly unlikely to happen, I mean... why the fuck would a victim marry the man who raped her? Unfortunately, the victims were mostly very young children in rural areas. Due to this royally fucked up law, the rapes were "legalized".
Horrible, huh?
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Fucking Classy,
Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I'm afraid that this kind of backward thinking seems to have permeated the minds of men for centuries.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT
If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.
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Are we sure Xtina has not passed on and her final request was to be embalmed standing up holding a bottle of her nasty perfume? - DivasGone
I agree w/ Helen on some things. I admire her for being real, unlike most celebs.
I got a story or two. But the universe stepped in and protected a fool, me.
Too many men can be simpleton dicks-- worldwide.
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Blogs aren't for the sensitive at heart - FU
I'm NOT an economist, I'm an optimist. GW Bush
I think you are VERY strong, you woke up today and posted encouraging notes! And every day you will get stronger - I promise =)
Submitted by booboos on September 2, 2008 - 2:03am.
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I'm not nearly as strong as you'd think, believe me. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed most days. But thanks for all your kind words and have a good night! :)
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Excellent Queen, it's great you're taking care of yourself so well. Good luck, you're great for being so strong.
Submitted by booboos on September 2, 2008 - 1:39am.
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Thank you and don't worry - I've got my therapist on speed dial.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Queen! I honestly couldn't have said what you said to me any better myself. I tried to think of calm yet effective words to use but evil_egg riled me up so much I couldn't think coherently. Thank you for reading my mind. And you yourself are so brave to speak about your pain to us. Thanks for sharing. What I'm saying to Voodoo also applies, if you need to speak to anyone, there is always a person who can help you, professionally or friend, no matter how much time has passed. Much Luck!
Voodoo, again, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Just remember it's never too late to get help from a therapist trained in rape and sexual trauma in case you ever feel the need to talk about it, no matter how many years have gone by. Look at Hag Mirren (I'm angry with her, she's a hag to me now), she's just speaking up after years and years.
And angel_i, excellently stated, you would make a great life coach and friend.
Big group hug to all of you survivors, you are heroes to women.
Thanx everybody for your support and kind words, I truly appreciate it! I love my fellow Dlisters so much.......they are the BEST!!!!!!!
~~To achieve true happiness, find a cause bigger than yourself.....~~
~~Nothing screams "Haute Couture" like prison tattoos~~
@VooDoo:
I think you got an approach there. If it felt hopeless at the time and it's beyond fixing on any level you may as well just get on with things.
I'm sorry you ran across such a bastard. It's good you took that to learn and move forward and found faith in a balance of things...you are amazing already:)
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by VooDooVixen on September 2, 2008 - 1:00am.
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That's horrible! But on the bright side, you can now make sure it doesn't happen to people close to you by educating/talking to them about it. I haven't told my mother about it or the police (well, except for the one ex-cop who teaches Sociology of Deviant Behavior at my school)because I was ashamed and embarrassed, but a close friend convinced me to at least tell other people about it so I could deal. I hope all is well with you! *hugs*
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Thank you Booboos! No, I have never had counceling and I have only told one friend. I choose to cancel him out and I refuse to give him or his aborhent behavior any of my energy.....that is the only way I know how to cope. Time is a big healer, and I KNOW his Karma will get him one way or another.
~~To achieve true happiness, find a cause bigger than yourself.....~~
~~Nothing screams "Haute Couture" like prison tattoos~~
Submitted by booboos on September 2, 2008 - 1:00am.
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Hi booboos! Like you, I get very heated when this kind of topic comes up and then people make comments about something they know nothing about. I can deal with the snark, but the victim blaming thing is way out of line and sadly happens way too often. So many rapes go unreported because women feel like it's their fault and then to have douchebag comments like that hurled at them makes it worse. But I'm glad to know there are people out there who do realize how serious date rape is and stand up for those who go through it.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Oh No Voodoo! I wish you never had to go through any of that, how terrible, I'm so sorry. I really hope you've had counselling or therapy or whatever you need to help make you feel better. I'm sure it will never go away but I hope you're doing better now. Good luck!
I was 18 and dating a body builder. We had never been intimate. I went to a family BBQ with him, he drank too much beer, I didn't drink anything. We left the BBQ and went back to his house. He grabbed me hard, slammed me down on the bed, ripped my closthes off and raped me. I did not lead him on in any way, and I prayed he wouldn't kill me. I did not report it to the police or my parents, as I blamed myself. I was young and dumb. It still hurts to think of it to this day, and I will educate my daughter so that will never happen to HER.
~~To achieve true happiness, find a cause bigger than yourself.....~~
~~Nothing screams "Haute Couture" like prison tattoos~~
Hi Queen Charisma! I'm very late today with my Michael K fix, I'm usually instant with his updates. But this evil_egg really put me in a bad mood tonight! Thanks for standing up, I'm worried that the "person" didn't quite get it through "it's" head what rape really is. Honestly, I thought this was 2008, not 1508!
Submitted by booboos on September 2, 2008 - 12:53am.
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I already addressed it, lol. But yeah...I agree with you.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
I mean WTF people? How did anyone allow this "person" to get away with this comment? Makes me sick to my stomach and all I can hope for is some terrible terrible karma to come rotten_egg's way. A victim doesn't choose a rapist, a rapist chooses a victim you brainless evil person:
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Submitted by rotten_egg on September 1, 2008 - 2:59pm.
Um.. I've never been date raped, but I sort of agree with her. When you are naked and lying on a bed and all of a sudden you feel not in the mood, a guy can get moody. Dudes have feelings too.
Also, we should have to be smarter when it comes to making out or having sex with men. A woman should have a clear view of the right time and the right man to have sex with. This might help to avoid picking up a guy who will end up being violent and a total douche. But alas, most women are too fast to jump into any guy.
And well, I've never done cocaine or any other "hard drug" but it's a fact that whenever you buy your little recreational drugs, you are making a drug lord richer and more poweful.
I think rotten_egg needs to be locked in a room with a hungry Mike Tyson and other convicted rapists for a few days and see if s/he changes his/her mind about what it means to be date raped. Gary Glitter can then videotape it all, put it on youtube, and we can then decide if it was really date rape or not. Since date rape isn't a big deal to rotten_egg, he or she will not mind being date raped. Yes I'm going to hell for saying that but rotten_egg doesn't care what s/he says about date rape survivors so I don't care what is said about rotten_egg. Maybe rotten_egg IS Mike Tyson?
She is my favorite. Just saw her personals ID on millionaires personals site """""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site. Is she single again?
I get date raped by the IRS every April 15. Fortunately, they let me classify the cockroaches in my apartment as dependents. So a bit of break there.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Jeez grandma's got a gun!
xoxox
The war isn't working.
This is crazy. In the Uk, at least back when I went to school there, 1994, the rape laws where wacked to begin with and this comment am sure does not help. Over there as I recall if you claim rape, the victim's sexual history is up for debate at the trial, all details because as I heard in my comparitive law class, some women make these allegations up. I was floored. Anyway, am sure it has changed since at the time the House of Lords was full of only aristrocrats and that has changed, so I can only assume some of it has been overhauled. But with that history, at the time I was there many women did not report the rapes, this comment from a Dame am sure takes it back a bit.____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
I can easily see why Colin Farrell told her he wanted to bang her and she refused. She is super sexy in an unortohdox way.
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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What Helen failed to mention was that her date rapist was Winston Churchill.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
I have never heard of anibody who had gone to prison because of that law, which I think is BS what if the guy change his mind about marriage ?
PS:I have a problem whit that thing called statutory rape because I know a lot of crazy girls and mothers who tell the BF is he does not do what they want they are goin to report them
Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus
Submitted by angel_i on September 1, 2008 - 8:01pm.
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LOL, and everyone wonders why I'm a neurotic mess to this day.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by speakit on September 1, 2008 - 7:59pm.
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LMAO! I'm glad my mom's insanity could be of use to somebody.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
@QueenCharisma:
Well, as long as you realize you're not gonna die I'm sure everything will be fine;P
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 1, 2008 - 7:57pm.
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OMG that's gonna be my new answer to everything and everyone.
Do you want fries with that? Yes or I'll DIE!!
Submitted by angel_i on September 1, 2008 - 7:51pm.
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Man, I can't wait to have kids so I can scare the crap out of them! LOL. My mom does it with everything - when I was little and wanted to walk across the street to my friend's house, she told me not to cross the street because I was gonna die. When I wanted to kiss a boy, she told me I was gonna die. When me and my brother wanted to go to sleepovers growing up, she told us we were going to get snatched out of the house and killed! LOL, some extremes are a little too out there.
And thanks. Like I said, I'm trying to get better and all that jazz, but it's not going fast enough for my tastes. lol
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 1, 2008 - 7:37pm.
Submitted by angel_i on September 1, 2008 - 7:33pm.
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My mom started talking to my brother about it when he was about 11 or 12 (he's 17 now) and she KEEPS talking to him about it - actually, she threatens him with the idea of getting raped in prison, lol.
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LOL!
But that's called parenting, right?
I always joke about how each Mommy's got a pet disease. Mine is meningitis becuz my kid had a habit of putting things in her mouth. It's like, you get all extreme so they'll stop ignoring you sometimes...you're on them day in/day out about every thing - you just want to make sure some things stick. I think that's a pretty valuable piece of information she wouldn't want him to miss, fersure.
PS. I'm glad to hear you're healing, too :) (as I haven't said it before now - to let you know I'm feeling you)
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by jussayin on September 1, 2008 - 7:43pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 7:36pm.
Submitted by angel_i on September 2, 2008 - 7:33am.
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Well, I just wanted to say SPOT ON, like all of your comments. The world needs more people like you, seriously.
...cosigned and seconded! angel rocks!
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Y thank u, darlings - it means a lot to me coming from people whose words I admire, myself:)
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 7:36pm.
Submitted by angel_i on September 2, 2008 - 7:33am.
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Well, I just wanted to say SPOT ON, like all of your comments. The world needs more people like you, seriously.
...cosigned and seconded! angel rocks!
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Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
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Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 7:34pm.
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See ya! :)
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by angel_i on September 1, 2008 - 7:33pm.
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My mom started talking to my brother about it when he was about 11 or 12 (he's 17 now) and she KEEPS talking to him about it - actually, she threatens him with the idea of getting raped in prison, lol. It's extreme, but if these kids don't learn that there are serious consequences to their actions and what would actually constitute rape, more women are going to keep having this happen to them.
Oh, and even more mind boggling: that same brochure said (I can't remember the exact percentage, but it was up there)most of the guys surveyed for it didn't even think men could be raped! Something has to change.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mimi
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by angel_i on September 2, 2008 - 7:33am.
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Well, I just wanted to say SPOT ON, like all of your comments. The world needs more people like you, seriously.
Now I'm really logging off! See ya! =)
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 2, 2008 - 7:21am.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 7:16pm.
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Thanks, and yeah, I'm doing okay now. This happened about a year ago and with lots of therapy, writing and basically being a hermit, I'm dealing. I just really wish that more people would take the time to actually research this issue and really understand it so stuff like this stops happening. I was reading through a brochure in my therapists office and it said something like over %50 of college-aged males didn't even know what date rape was! It's mind boggling.
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I know! People know so very little about it. Rape has so much more to do with power than with sex. It is often a way to further humiliate the victim, but most of us don't understand that.
And one of my best friends was raped when he was 16, and he is male. This kind of rape is even less talked about, and yet this crime affects the lives of so many of us. Mind-boggling indeed.
Best of luck to you, and keep going to a good therapist, this can really help.
And with that, I'm out! See you later =)
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 1, 2008 - 7:21pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 1, 2008 - 7:16pm.
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Thanks, and yeah, I'm doing okay now. This happened about a year ago and with lots of therapy, writing and basically being a hermit, I'm dealing. I just really wish that more people would take the time to actually research this issue and really understand it so stuff like this stops happening. I was reading through a brochure in my therapists office and it said something like over %50 of college-aged males didn't even know what date rape was!
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That IS mindboggling! It seems like something we should be talking to boys about a lot younger than that!
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Helen said that she never said "no" and just did what he wanted even though she was uncomfortable with it (and she said this was not the first time), that was a huge mistake on her part and she SHOULD have voiced her concern and said NO. GIRLS PROTECT AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES AND ALWAYS SAY NO when it does not feel right to you.