Dear Maury, Your Assistance Is Needed
Everybody and their pet fish has been e-mailing me this story, so obviously that's a sign that I must post it. This is basically some Bree Van de Kamp shit. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the chick who is running as McCain's VP, is being accused of faking one of her pregnancies. The Daily Kos thinks Sarah's teenage daughter, Bristol, is the real mother of Trig Paxton Van Palin.
Yes, Bristol and Trig. Sarah also has three other kids named Track, Willow and Piper. I think they were named after Pottery Barn candle scents.
Anydrama, the rumor is that Sarah, a pro-lifer, pretended to be pregnant while her then 16-year-old daughter was the one who was really carrying baby Trig. Escandalo! Here's some of the shit the Daily Kos is claiming:
In March, Sarah told everyone she was 7-months pregnant. Everyone including her staff said they were shocked to find out, because she didn't look pregnant to them. They also said she's always been thin, because she's a runner or some shit.Sarah's 16-year-old daughter Bristol was taken out of her high school for 5 to 8 months. The high school was told Bristol had mono.
While attending some Republican convention in Texas, Sarah began leaking amniotic fluid one month before her due date. She didn't check into the hospital. She gave her speech and then got on an 8-hour flight back to Alaska.
Sarah gave birth in a hospital 45-minutes from the airport. Trig, who was born with Down Syndrome, was one month premature. Sarah was back to work 3 days later.
I left out of a ton of details. Visit here, here and here if you give an eff. On the other side, there are a few pictures with Sarah sort of looking knocked up. Gawker also has a post claiming Bristol was in a car accident when she would have been seven months pregnant. The dude involved in the accident with Bristol said she "really didn't look pregnant," but he wasn't really staring at her belly.
I'm so confused. Maybe I'm the one who gave birth to baby Trig. Shit, maybe I'm the father. Maury! Please help us! It's the only way we can solve any of this. Bring them all on a very special episode of "The Maury Povich" show. I want Cindy McCain to read the DNA results though. That's if she can read it through her Vicodin haze. I also want Tina Fey and Megan Mullally to appear on the episode just so I can see them next to Sarah Palin.
ShareThis
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 2:49am.
reminds me of the Huckster.:
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution," Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. "But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."
***********************************
Sometimes I believe that thunder and lightning is really just God rolling His eyes and muttering under His breath.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 2:49am.
He stole that speech from "Children of the Corn"
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Love this one too:
A lie told often enough becomes the truth. — Vladimir Lenin
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
reminds me of the Huckster.:
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution," Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. "But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by kiwikim on September 1, 2008 - 2:46am.
Where am I? And what am I doing in this handbasket?
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Ok. Well it's worse than I thought. She's a dominionist....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominionism
I didn't even know what the hell that was so had to wiki it. The part about being exempt from secular law...how is she going to take the oath as a VP?
Love this too...
"civil government should be controlled by Christians alone and conducted according to Biblical law"
Shit. I'd be damned scared if I were you. Just the possiblity that they could rig the election again, McCain would mysteriously die and this crazy bitch would be in office. I'd be scared. Seriously. Apply for your NZ immigration status now.
I feel very lucky to have a mother who warned me from a very early age to avoid people like the hyper-religious. She basically said that most of them are fire and brimstoning about things that they are constantly praying to be forgiven for.
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by Stoney on September 1, 2008 - 2:41am.
She was a fisherman? Well, at least we know she likes a cold beer. Now let's see how she feel about doing a couple lines like our current leader.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Hey ya'll, she apparently also attended Hawaii Pacific College and North Idaho College before graduating University of Idaho. What the fuck was she doing, anyways?
From Wiki:
Palin attended Hawaii Pacific College in Hilo, Hawaii, in 1982 for a semester, where she majored in Business Administration, and transferred in 1983 to North Idaho College.[9] In 1987,[10] Palin received a Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism from the University of Idaho, where she also minored in political science.[11][12] Palin briefly worked in broadcasting as a sports reporter for local Anchorage television stations and with her husband in commercial fishing.[6]
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by kiwikim on September 1, 2008 - 2:39am.
Anyone figure out what Mrs. Purple Eskimo has in her hand?
*********************************************
I'm going with Hostess cupcake. Wait, scratch that, the last Hostess cupcake.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Submitted by Stoney on September 1, 2008 - 2:36am.
So Palin and her family really are Pentecostal?
++++
Honestly, I don't know. I'm just saying I know some pentecostal and they spend so much time talking about the evils of sex, I think all their kids do is think about sex and they all end up preggers. Palin probably just belongs to one of those make it up as you go along whatever works God will forgive you on sunday type of religions that are so popular now. Actually I should research it and get back to you. They made such a big deal of Obama's church and pastor.
I just got home, I'm too drunk to get all all deep and stuff. Gimme a couple hours.
___________________________________________________________________
"I didn't think there was any such thing as clean in a place like this."
- Alexander Mahone
Anyone figure out what Mrs. Purple Eskimo has in her hand?
Damn you too. Now I feel paid back for the snow angel comment! I had managed not to notice the sumo wrassler in the purple disaster on the right. Until now. Thanks f'ers!
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by Team Valtrex on September 1, 2008 - 2:30am.
McCain should've picked Spaghetti Cat. Equally qualified, more accustomed to indoor plumbing.
******
LMAO. That deserves a repost.
Although I think the husband is quite accustomed to indoor plumbing...I'm just saying with so many kids and all.
So Palin and her family really are Pentecostal?
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Michael K,
Is there any way the first comment could be shown up actually FIRST on the page? It is kind of frustrating to click on the comment section and first see the most recent post that has typically gone WAY off track 100 comments later.
Adding the 'slideshow' feature instead of clicking on each thumbnail has been a really good improvement- thanks!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on September 1, 2008 - 2:32am
Ummm, that's my ex-wife when she took second place in the Miss NJ bikini competition.
******
Only 'cause she ran against Mrs. Paulin.
Submitted by jussayin on September 1, 2008 - 2:26am.
I'm still trying to figure out how a BS in broadcasting, and over 10 years on City Council, mayor, and governor to a state of just over 600,000 makes her MORE qualified than Obama, a lawyer who graduated from Harvard and Columbia with over 10 years on state senate and Senate in a state of 12 million.
*****
Don't waste your energy trying to figure this out. Two kinds of people voted for Bush...the really rich people that wanted the tax cuts...and the dumb poor people that bought into the prejudices and the patriotism and all that junk. McCain's keeping the tax cuts, but he hasn't convinced the poor dumb folk he's conservative enough. That's where Miss Alaska, BA in Journalism, poop and you get into the University of Idaho, don't know about birth control, can't bother to teach my daughters to protect themselves from underage pregnancy, comes in. Seriously, I know a few of these pentecostal types and their daughters are all knocked up. She should have just let it come out into the open and they would have related and sung hallelujiah.
Yeah, TV, I love coming here, but I've been busy working and having fun. It really cuts into posting! Things are settling in here a bit, maybe more time to waste here?
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by kiwikim on September 1, 2008 - 2:28am.
Speaking of whale blubber...do you guys have the advertisement for loosing weight with the rather large lady in a purple bikini to your right? Why does MK do this to us? The worst is that she's trying to look sexy.
*********************************************
Ummm, that's my ex-wife when she took second place in the Miss NJ bikini competition.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
She is quite Rubenesque! We have had worse ads, actually.
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
McCain should've picked Spaghetti Cat. Equally qualified, more accustomed to indoor plumbing.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Hey TV! I wonder what snail angels would looks like in the snow? Uh,,,maybe I don't want to know.
=================================
Sorry, I went too far! Love the edit feature to slightly change things!
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Speaking of whale blubber...do you guys have the advertisement for loosing weight with the rather large lady in a purple bikini to your right? Why does MK do this to us? The worst is that she's trying to look sexy.
Kiwi, I agree, war goes everywhere, but there is a heavier tilt of nasty things on this side of the world. It reminds me of my step brother who lived way out in the middle of nowhere in Washington state. When he was a kid, he thought it would be the last place bombed (we're in our 40s). Then he found out that Washington state is chock full of nuclear and chemical waste sites. The last nuke sub my dad served on has the entire reactor entombed up there.
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
it's funny to watch idiots who don't want other people to tell them what to do, try to tell other people what to do.
all I keep asking is for them to act intelligent!
I really don't care about Palin's poor baby, I really don't care about Palin at all. I'm still trying to figure out how a BS in broadcasting, and over 10 years on City Council, mayor, and governor to a state of just over 600,000 makes her MORE qualified than Obama, a lawyer who graduated from Harvard and Columbia with over 10 years on state senate and Senate in a state of 12 million.
must be that flute playing that pushes her over the edge for qualification!***********************************************
Hey I ain't trippin cuz the truth is really you don't know me- T.I.
Dr. Destructo-britney's bloody snow angels...that is a picture I did not want...please...please...god...remove it...from my head.
At least her kids wouldn't find her in Alaska.
I'm going to send her some! On the card I'll write, "cuter than your kids."
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Evening, Dr. D. Long time no see.
I would just like to see the footage of Brit running over a pap's foot with her dogsled.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Do frozen seal eyeballs taste like cheetos? Someone tell Brit.
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 1:19am.
LOL! Whale blubber with a little cheeto dust and some purple drank!
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 2:11am.
If we continue with this war, few places will be safe on this side of the Equator.
*****
No. Don't buy into that hype. The anthrax thing-just some deranged psycho hired by who-the state department or some pharmaceutical company. I can't remember. Didn't he want his stock to go up or something...wanted the army to buy the vaccine so he made them think there was an anthrax problem. And I'm pretty sure most people think or have evidence that 911 was sort of sponsored or encouraged or gently massaged along by Bush so that he could get in the war, oil would go up, halliburton and all the other war stocks would go through the roof.I don't think you're in any real danger. They nuke us too. Ever heard of the Rainbow Warrior??? It was a Greenpeace boat that the french secret service bombed in the Auckland harbor killing a bunch of people and stopping a peaceful protest to end the french testing of nuclear bombs in the pacific. The US was our ally, knew it was going to happen, and did nothing to warn us. It's akin to the 911 bombing only we weren't able to go to war over it because our allies wouldn't help us. I mean can you imagine what would happen if the frogs bombed a boat in NY? All I'm saying, is that sort of crap happens everywhere...your government has just made you think it's a constant threat so that you'd be scared and spend heaps on security and war.
Stoney, the good thing for Brit would be that I don't think she'd die from her body adapting to eating whale blubber and frozen seal eye balls. Her body would just suck in that stuff like alcohol tinged mother's milk.
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
kiwi, I've heard they are very strict with their potato peeling and finding a pussy husband requirements.
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 2:11am.
I could see Brit in Alaska, they already have a rabid beaver epidemic.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Kiwi, I have an Ozzie friend who has told me horror stories about the drought there. As the great modern philosopher, Maynard from Tool said, 'Learn to fucking swim!' Scary thought. We should both at least be glad we don't live in L.A., I guess?
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by kacky on September 1, 2008 - 2:12am.
That's alright, you had no way of knowing that I was typing with my penis.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
To be sure Dr., Brit would free to death trying to flash the paps. Frozen lady bits fo sho.
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
here in Maine there was snow up to my waitamata ranges, but then I'm not very tall.
*************
Don't dream it... BE it!
ANY test score to get in with a B average? And they waive the writing requirement for every grade average-even if you are applying for a journalism major? They didn't even know if she could write when they accepted her to the writing school?
Submitted by Team Valtrex on September 1, 2008 - 2:06am.
----------
Sorry, that's a bias of mine, that if you said something clever you must be a girl! My bad.
*************
Don't dream it... BE it!
kiwi, I'm sure she sent in her pageant portfolio, which any educated bitch knows is the beginning to a great career in politics. Or burger flipping.
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Kiwi, I can't see Brit in Alaska, she would freeze her cooch off trying to get press ops! Be glad you live where drains go the other way! If we continue with this war, few places will be safe on this side of the Equator.
=================================
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Submitted by Team Valtrex on September 1, 2008 - 1:08am.
LMAO!
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by Stoney on September 1, 2008 - 2:06am.
I took a shit this morning that could get in.
*****
Oh my god. Laughing so hard.
To be fair, if someone had told me this looser had gone to Harvard, I would have asked who she did to get in. At least we know she didn't have to sleep with anyone to gain admission and graduate. Or maybe she did, which would be really really sad.
Submitted by Stoney on September 1, 2008 - 2:06am.
They left out the 50 pounds of seal blubber requirement or the fact that you have to be able to outsmart a potato.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 1:59am.
Kiwi, had a GF go there and she said it was the most beautiful, unspoiled place she had ever been to. It's on the list. I hear Japanese have been snapping up land in Patagonia in case of a shit storm happening in the Northern Hemisphere.
*****
We had the WORST winter ever. Seriously. Snow all the way up the north island's waitamata ranges. Kaikoura had 3 months of rain in 30 minutes about a week ago. Did any of you hear that a few years back we had a 400 mile (or something similar-the kilometer mile thing gets me confused) iceburg floating a few miles off our coast. Earthquakes this winter too. Swear one day we're just going to disappear. You know that is happening to some of the small pacific islands. One is about totally gone. I think they got all the remaining residents off a year ago. Imagine loosing your whole country and being absorbed completely somewhere else. You can't go home because the land is slowly sinking. It's like New Orleans but a thousand times worse. At least those people can go home and see the destruction.
University of Idaho admission requirements:
http://www.uihome.uidaho.edu/default.aspx?pid=15589
I took a shit this morning that could get in.
__________________________________________
"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Submitted by kacky on September 1, 2008 - 2:03am.
************************************************
TV's a dude, and he was completely serious.
And when you're a dude, not only is stalking acceptable, it's greatly appreciated.
***********************************************
Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.