Dear Maury, Your Assistance Is Needed
Everybody and their pet fish has been e-mailing me this story, so obviously that's a sign that I must post it. This is basically some Bree Van de Kamp shit. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the chick who is running as McCain's VP, is being accused of faking one of her pregnancies. The Daily Kos thinks Sarah's teenage daughter, Bristol, is the real mother of Trig Paxton Van Palin.
Yes, Bristol and Trig. Sarah also has three other kids named Track, Willow and Piper. I think they were named after Pottery Barn candle scents.
Anydrama, the rumor is that Sarah, a pro-lifer, pretended to be pregnant while her then 16-year-old daughter was the one who was really carrying baby Trig. Escandalo! Here's some of the shit the Daily Kos is claiming:
In March, Sarah told everyone she was 7-months pregnant. Everyone including her staff said they were shocked to find out, because she didn't look pregnant to them. They also said she's always been thin, because she's a runner or some shit.Sarah's 16-year-old daughter Bristol was taken out of her high school for 5 to 8 months. The high school was told Bristol had mono.
While attending some Republican convention in Texas, Sarah began leaking amniotic fluid one month before her due date. She didn't check into the hospital. She gave her speech and then got on an 8-hour flight back to Alaska.
Sarah gave birth in a hospital 45-minutes from the airport. Trig, who was born with Down Syndrome, was one month premature. Sarah was back to work 3 days later.
I left out of a ton of details. Visit here, here and here if you give an eff. On the other side, there are a few pictures with Sarah sort of looking knocked up. Gawker also has a post claiming Bristol was in a car accident when she would have been seven months pregnant. The dude involved in the accident with Bristol said she "really didn't look pregnant," but he wasn't really staring at her belly.
I'm so confused. Maybe I'm the one who gave birth to baby Trig. Shit, maybe I'm the father. Maury! Please help us! It's the only way we can solve any of this. Bring them all on a very special episode of "The Maury Povich" show. I want Cindy McCain to read the DNA results though. That's if she can read it through her Vicodin haze. I also want Tina Fey and Megan Mullally to appear on the episode just so I can see them next to Sarah Palin.
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That's too far of a jump for me, but she has taken on a air of being unquestionable on anything negative about Iraq since her son is there.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Do we even want to start addressing the fact that the 18 year old son was pulled out of school at the same time the daughter was pulled out and he was shipped off to iraq?
Maybe the explanation for the mentally challenged kid is a little gene crosssing aka sister fucking was going on and being shipped to Iraq was punishment?
is it just too late to go there?
Trophy VP! Nice!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
This plan will backfire. Just watch. It had better backfire, or we deserve all the shit we'll earn for our stupidity here! Human are virulent bacteria of some sort and we seem to be make the host very ill right now. Watch this more serious Joe Rogan video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-1aMzSeShE
I think he's on to something.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
McCain moved from trophy wife to trophy vp. He totally creeps me out.
We're horrible. The human race. Palin makes me want to give up. She's just a horrible person. Bad mother or liar to cover up fact she's a bad mother.
I don't get this choice too much as there were certainly many choices around that didn't come with this sort of bullshit. I think it's like we said earlier about it being tied up with what Mccain is comfortable with in women. He just wants some dumb shit he can control and is easy on his eyes too.Like his wife.
And a side of Shamu bacon! Bitch cook now!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Gotta love that. A You know there are plenty of conservatives who still think the barefoot and pregnant thing is the only option for women. They must be shitting themselves trying to smile over her pick!
Bitch! Git in tha igloo and cook me some baby seal waffles!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Palin's comment to the press is always
"put down the blackberry and pick up the breast pump". Don't you find it ironic?
Of course I meant Brit. Not that that wasn't hard to surmise.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Kiwi, now that you say it, it makes me glad Lutfi wasn't an actual terrorist like people like to say he is. I could see her blowing up an entire city block and then having a press conference about it later to an eager and forgiving press corps!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
The airlines don't want you to fly past 5 months.
Something about the lack of oxygen...it's hard on the baby and causes early contractions and premature births. She took not one flight, but dozens in the last months of her pregnancy. Irresponsible? Yes. In the very least. One could argue that is what made her baby come early.
At the very least it's evidence she wasn't pregnant.
But then---wtf? Even if the pregnancy is hers or we never find out the truth//This is the picture mccain is holding out of a responsible person? One kid is supposedly at home with mono and she's preggers with another sick kid and she's flying all over the place?
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 5:30am.
Kiwi, it's still the nearly giving birth on the plane thing with flight attendants not having a clue that ices it for me. But there are other things that make me even more nervous than a family scandal. I'm sorry, but my skin creeps at the thought of this neocon self described hockey mom running things if McCain has small issues, like dying or going senile.
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Word. I hope you vote for us all. Her church stuff is beyond weird.
Beauty pageant moms freak me out. Everything about this woman is wrong.
Kiwi, it's still the nearly giving birth on the plane thing with flight attendants not having a clue that ices it for me. But there are other things that make me even more nervous than a family scandal. I'm sorry, but my skin creeps at the thought of this neocon self described hockey mom running things if McCain has small issues, like dying or going senile.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Patty Hearst...there is a great documentary about her telling her Dad to feed the poor with "good cuts of meat". She didn't like the free turkeys he gave out in Berkeley at the beheast of the PLA. On one hand it cracks me up, on the other...they all died in a Waco like shoot up in a house in LA after patty had got out. She so wasn't brain washed. Maybe dickmatized. But not brain washed.
I really don't think this is bullshit. No woman who cared about her baby would be running around like that. 44 is late to be having a kid. You just wouldn't jump on a plane for an eight hour flight back to alaska if you were giving birth to a high risk baby at the age of 44. Plus, there is the thing I posted earlier about downs kids being born to teenage pregnancies. I thought about that and decided the pictures didn't matter. The facts speak for themselves.
I'm scared now! Maybe I need to....um.. relax. Stoney, you still out there? Where do you live?
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Night. Good natter.
just one more thing about his lying bitch.
Ummm so, if you're carrying a high risk pregnancy---she was 44 and claims she knew she was preggers with a down syndrome kid because of prenatal testing...you would not be running around, flying back to alaska to give birth when your water has broke. Her schedule during her pregnancy was astounding. No woman who thought she was pregnant at 44 with a downs baby would have done that. That for me says the bitch is lying more than anything else. Also-the not revealing it until 7 months. She would have told staffers because of scheduling and things.
Well, at least she'll be good arm candy for McCain as he does the loosers tour.
Kiwi, the Patty Hearst pic with a gun is almost sexy! Shit, I am turning into Chuck Heston? Faaaaaaack!!!!!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Any idea what the time frame was on that pic?
even if this story ends up being bullshit, I think there's still so much they'll have to deal with anyway.
And beauty pageant moms, they do a great job turning out deep thinking Britney types. A family friend from H. School ran the local pageants. there were a few nice people, but they were drowning in a sea of shallowness.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
The daughter is so NOT pregnant in this picture:
http://govserv.state.ak.us/photos/pict0210.jpg
What's up with the dumb crown on youngest kid? It's so...who was that little girl that was killed in colorado? Ramsey? Shit. Every time I look find something else about this dumb bitch it's bad. She's turning her kids into sex objects already. And the lack of professionalism???? Sure honey-come up on stage with your princess crown. VP material for sure.
Good night Dos Centavos! I'm getting close too.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
I grew up as a kid in Hawaii. I remember hiking in the rain forest (on government land) and finding ourselves in a massive 'green', beautiful forest! My tight assed dad barked 'Stay on the trails! They have booby traps set up around here!' Being kids, we really wanted to go and 'find' out what traps there were, but didn't. Hey, we were young, foolish, and very rowdy! My step mom immediately walked into the 'brush' with her pack for a 'potty break'. we still laugh about how happy she was around the camp fire she was that night. Very happy- and it lasted for several weeks!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
You guys rock.
Night from me too.
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I POOP RAINBOWS
Kiwi, I have some shoulder pain now, but I've worked through it. I've been doing martial arts for a long, long time now too. It was excellent rehab! I went from being a firefighter to almost being a cop, but then I realized that people weren't using all 5 fingers to wave at me like they did when I was a FFer. Very dangerous job cops have, but in a different way than what fire people go through. People were always happy/relieved to see a fire truck rolling up.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
It's not called green new zealand for nothing!
Night stoney. Dak is great down here if you ever come.
It makes me sad that everyone was so harsh on Hilary. I look at Palin trying to be a star with too much make up reading off the teleprompter and she's so pathetic. And then there is all these pictures of Hilary as a young woman being a feminist and working hard at university, going to rallies and what not. Could any two women be more different? Hilary would have laughed at a girl like this when she was back in university. Of course, girl like this wouldn't have been at Hilary's university.
TMZ ran a commercial of helmet head before the Palin thing came on.
Night Stoney! Relax, we're on the same team, if ya know what I mean! All I will say is vaporizers rock! I just don't partake as much these days.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
A guy at a local stogie store I know had ceegars for sale called the Lewinski special. They were the biggest cigars they sold. They weren't flavored though. I heard Clinton gladly smoked his.
I bet Palin can cook up a mean baby harp seal pie!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Night, stoney
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I POOP RAINBOWS
They need police down here like mad and you would have no problems getting a job. Our cops don't carry guns. Maybe you could do something else in police work since you are injured-like 911 dispatch or something and go to University and become a barrister????
*stashes pot in bra*
What? I didn't see anything!
Ok, goodnight for real this time.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Loving the helmet head commercial on TMZ.
Please, let's bash Palin some more. It makes me feel better. The more I read about her, the more I despise her.
Palin does not look like she'd enjoy a cigar in the coochie, but her disgust would be different than Hilary's.
Beaver round-up, I know! She pretty much sucked big time. Thanks for the conversation. But now it appears to be 4 o'clock in the freakin morning now and I have lunch with the parental units today. Must get some sleep.
Night everyone!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Lovers, I feel the same way! Exactly! I do think Palin may have cooked their goose, so to speak.
Kiwi, I have a BS in Justice (horrible degree!) and maybe I could work as a bouncer for a short bit. Don't be scared, (esp. Stoney) but I was once in the police academy before I got injured. I wouldn't and couldn't be a cop now ( nothing really bad, but my perspectives have...um.. changed). Besides, I know how to take care of rowdy drunks and I can also patch up their wounds!
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
Love love kiss kiss.
I've wondered what happened to that cigar too. I bet it got smoked and hot coochie juice smell filled the oval office.
I'm watching TMZ. Loving the hair and the beaver round up. A university of idaho graduate and future VP of the US if I've ever seen one.
Aw you guys, you rock. But I don't think kiwi will speak to me anymore.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I was always just bothered by sanitation issue of 1) Did Monica get tobacco in her cooch and 2) Did the cigar end up getting smoked? Ew! Stale desperate president-fucker skank juice aroma!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Don't you recognise an olive branch when you see one?
Make up with Stoney!!!
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I POOP RAINBOWS
Submitted by MyTwoCents on September 1, 2008 - 4:38am.
Olive brach is being held out here!!!!!
Kim, be a bigger person....
Do it for Australia
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Do what????
I wanna poop rainbows too, by the way. Neat trick. Show us how.
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on September 1, 2008 - 4:36am.
Yeah, heard about the man drought recently somewhere! Works for me. I'm not a major slut, but can have slutish tendencies!
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We all need to have more sex.
Lovers Keep On-
As far as four more years of eight more years...know what you mean. It's crazy. For my life it's been what Reagan, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush in office in the US. I feel fucking oppressed. We all thought Clinton was OK because he was Oxford educated. I'm fine with the cigar thing, but he was a barrister and knew you don't lie to the grand jury. He should have just said, I fuck girls with cigars .We would have understood. Hilary doesn't look like she's into that shit.
Oh golly I'm tingling in my no-no place now. I didn't know people were reading and enjoying!
TMZ has a video of Palin doing the news like, a hundred years ago, and she's not exactly Connie Chung, you guys. If you know what I mean.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Olive brach is being held out here!!!!!
Kim, be a bigger person....
Do it for Australia
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I POOP RAINBOWS
"I wonder if there are jobs in Emergency Medical Services (not my degree) for someone like me."
I think all the health professions need people here. Sometimes they publish a list of skill shortages on the immigration web site. I'm not that knowledgeable being a citizen of where you are living, you tend not to think too much about what is needed to get in!
I don't know if they need EMS people particularly, but someone has to pick up all the hard cases after our pub brawls. We don't make our own way home.
Kiwikim, Stoney, and Dr. Destructo you guys have kept me fucking entertained for the last hour or so. Finally, an intelligent conversation. As for Palin...I'm praying that the kid isn't hers, because I really can't take another 4 more years of the last 8 years. I will have officially lost hope in mankind. I need Barack to win or I just don't know...
Lovers keep on the road you're on...
Runners until the race is run...
Soldiers you've got to soldier on...
*holds hands and sings Kumbaya*
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Yeah, heard about the man drought recently somewhere! Works for me. I'm not a major slut, but can have slutish tendencies! Brazil. Holy crap! Now Brazil is slut paradise! Crazy country in its' own way. You can easily hire a no questions asked hit man from the favelas (slums) for $25 American. Maybe another night I'll tell you all about my crazy Br connection. Nothing bad, but I could always easily live there with 'family'.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats-H.L. Mencken
I really don't have a problem with New Zealand, lol. Just the common, incorrect assumption that Americans are all exactly like their leader and are ignorant of the rest of the world. Yes, we have our fair share of rednecks, bigots, meth heads, gangsters, religious nutjobs, and other horrid abominations of DNA. I don't dispute it. But you have to remember that half of us voted for the other guy in the last election. We are not all 'tards!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
Dr. Destructo
C'mon, maybe you can talk some sense into them.
Life's too short
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I POOP RAINBOWS