The SeX Files
David Duchovny has checked into rehab because he loves to do ze sexy times way too much. Like WAY too much. Like he's addicted to fucking. I guess that's a bad thing? David issued this statement to People:
"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."
48-year-old David has been married to Tea Leoni for over 10 years. They have two kiddies together. David currently plays a shameless man whore on the show "Californication." Maybe this shit is research?
The first thing I thought when I read this was, "I'll be your enabler. Use your addiction on me! My no-no hole can take it. It's made of iron. You're Wino and I'm your crack pipe. Now smooooke me."
Then I thought that some scandalous shit must be on its way. I mean, when a celebrity bitch gets a DUI, they automatically check into rehab. David must have been caught with his chonies down. I just hope that shit was caught on high-definition!
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Submitted by kicking on August 29, 2008 - 11:21am.
ok. I just called my friend who is in P.R...
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P.R. Per Rectum??
LOL Maybe that's why she knows shit!!
Sandbitch, word! sheen is another sex maniac.
god only knows how many pervs are out there!
I haven't slept with a guy in tens years! I need to find me a man=ho like Duchovny. Methinks he is not too particular...
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
From now on MK I am quoting you on facebook....you are f****ing hilarious.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 29, 2008 - 11:18am.
Other way around. Tommy Girl always has to be on top.
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And there-in lies the rape. The prosecution rests.
ok. I just called my friend who is in P.R... She said that if there is the potential for a hugely destructive story to break, you beat it to the punch (kinda like Rob Blowe).
Submitted by Haribo on August 29, 2008 - 11:16am.
men you less expect to be perverts are always the worst ones. ain't that wierd!?
Check. Charlie Sheen is another case in point.
The truth is out there. Waiting on the tape to surface.....Mulder fucking an alien.
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
Well shit, I'm addicted to sex too who isn't?
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 28, 2008 - 6:15pm.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on August 29, 2008 - 11:06am.
FYI - the recent blind item about the closeted actor who raped his lover was Will.
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I've always thought that his wife looks like a prepubescent boy. I struggle to see a nanogram of estrogen.
Wouldn't it be funny if he raped Tom Cruise.
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Other way around. Tommy Girl always has to be on top.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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men you less expect to be perverts are always the worst ones. ain't that wierd!?
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 9:00pm.
Doh, I can't believe I didn't think of that first.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on August 29, 2008 - 11:06am.
FYI - the recent blind item about the closeted actor who raped his lover was Will.
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I've always thought that his wife looks like a prepubescent boy. I struggle to see a nanogram of estrogen.
Wouldn't it be funny if he raped Tom Cruise.
i feel terrible for his wife and kids and i am glad he's getting help.
with that said...
i would ride him until the cows come home and until the world ends. this picture is seriously seriously doing things to me.
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lizzieb on August 16, 2008 - 9:05am.
The sad thing is that Madge would look good for 50 if she stopped trying to look 35. And ate a few pies, drank a few pints and had a laugh. I don't know why we get so upset about aging when the al
I can't believe no one came up with a good "tea bag" joke here...
That picture is oddly disturbing.
Cover that shit up!
OOOOOH! He done did Tea WRONG! I can smell it!
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
FYI - the recent blind item about the closeted actor who raped his lover was Will. One of the guys he used to bang already outed him...well, actually, he was outed a while ago in a book about men in hip hop on the down low. David was the blind item about the TV star who's summer movie bombed and was doing his tennis instructor.
So I'm not surprised by this news at all. Tea, it's time for that divorce now. God knows what kind of diseases he's dropped off in her lap.
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mariah
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
When he gets an erection they can show him pictures of Tea, she makes Madonna look fat.
Maybe he got caught in a gay orgy. The tape will most likely come out soon. This is is way of doing damage control before it happens.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
He's a fucking comedian. He has his (obviously momentarily flacid) dick in a tea (leoni) cup. It's gotta be a joke.
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 8:58pm.
Of course he's a sex addict, just look at what he's doing to that coffee cup.
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I think he just misunderstood 'teabagging'.
Submitted by Alltheprettyones on August 28, 2008 - 5:56pm.
How would they cure a sex addiction in rehab? Show him sexy pictures and if he gets a stiffy smack it with a rolled up newspaper while yelling "Bad Dick! Down! Down!"
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Yowtch!!!!!!
How do they treat women? Show them pictures of Paris Hilton and tell them to stop or they'll look like her?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 8:53pm.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 5:52pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 8:48pm.
You know, if Tea was smart she'd have them train him to remember to put the toilet seat back down too.
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You asking for the impossible.
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Well, maybe they can at least stop him from humping everyone's leg. OH YEAH! That IS the problem.
Of course he's a sex addict, just look at what he's doing to that coffee cup. I bet Tea gets tired of hiding the Noritake when he's at home.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Where did that photo of him come from? With his dainty little pinky...
Meh. I had a crush on him a long time ago. I'd probably still hit it. (triple-bagged, though)
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 29, 2008 - 10:34am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 28, 2008 - 5:33pm.
I'm gagging as I wonder what's in those babushka dolls.
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Or, what else they are used for?
P.S. Love your avie. It's righteous.
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Ta, Momus - it's a ball-tearer ain't it?? I've been lovin' your little meerkat for the longest time. Everytime I see his liddle head pop up, I feel the love. LOL
How would they cure a sex addiction in rehab? Show him sexy pictures and if he gets a stiffy smack it with a rolled up newspaper while yelling "Bad Dick! Down! Down!"
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"Hell ain't SHIT!" Stinkmeaner from "The Boondocks"
Submitted by TOPANGA on August 28, 2008 - 8:50pm.
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Topanga, I don't know how they treat it, but I've read stories where the average joe developed this addiction is was insane how reckless and consumed they became. Even when the husbands and family members found out, they wouldn't/couldn't stop.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 5:52pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 8:48pm.
You know, if Tea was smart she'd have them train him to remember to put the toilet seat back down too.
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You asking for the impossible.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Uncanny how she
Reminds him of his little lady,
Capacity to give him all he needs,
Just like his wife before she freezed on him,
Just like his wife when she was beautiful.
He shouted out,
IM.ALL.YOURS
Babooshka, babooshka, babooshka-ya-ya!
Kate Bush is a fucking legend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz07Hf5htfY
Ah hilariously so...his character on Californication is most definitely a sex addict! My favorite scene is when he's trying to sleep with his ex-wife's friend or whatever and they smoke pot and take pills get drunk whatever and he takes this painting and throws up on it when his wife opens the door. It's so WRONG yet so RIGHT!
Your face!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 8:48pm.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 5:45pm.
Like Pavlov's dogs, only every time he gets an erection, they throw the bell at it.
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So that's how guys tinkle!
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You know, if Tea was smart she'd have them train him to remember to put the toilet seat back down too.
When is someone going to bring up the Red Shoe Diaries series on Showtime and when is someone going to release some pics/vid of him from back then?!
Willing to bet his sex addition's followed him around for a looooong time.
Mm-mm! Nothing like a nice hot mug of David Duchovny's dick to start the day off right!
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
How do you treat "sex addiction" do they like wire your eyes open like in a Clock Work Orange and make you watch disgusting, horrible, S&M, beastiality, snuff type films till you become violently ill...I'm seriously asking
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
I'm with Jennameow on this -- I feel sorry for Tea.
Everything is an addiction nowadays. I personally think the categorization has gone too far. So David likes to fuck too much? Or choke the chicken too frequently? Methinks that doesn't require a rehab stint -- more like a drug that reduces the sex drive. And some fucking personal control.
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"You don't remember the motorcycle gang? Doing the striptease in front of them at the bar? The iguana? Good God, man. Tell me you remember the iguana!"
Submitted by OXA on August 28, 2008 - 8:46pm.
Submitted by judelaw on August 28, 2008 - 8:41pm.
umm...how do they treat this problem in rehab????
Every time he gets an erection, they show him pictures of the fat lady in the thong pictured on the right. If that dont cure him, they cut off his knob.
But she's so pretty, and sad!
I had a friend when I was growing up who lost her virginity when she was 13, with her 13 year old bf. I remember saying, "by the time you are 18, you're going to be so BORED. You're going to have to do all sorts of crazy shit..."
Slutts, your comments made me think of that....lol
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
I never would have guessed. It must be bad, how can you be married to someone for 10 years and just now go into rehab for sex addiction? He must have been caught on tape having an orgy with some down and dirty chicks, doing blow off their coochies or something.
Love him as Hank in Californication. Who would have known...
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 5:45pm.
Like Pavlov's dogs, only every time he gets an erection, they throw the bell at it.
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So that's how guys tinkle!
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Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 5:45pm.
But isn't that why he got married in the first place?
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Maybe so. But who knows who else has he been with that he not having fun with anymore. Could be he's simply dulled his sword from too many sheathings.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I don't give two shits about D.D.'s sex life -- I'm just loving that you use the word "chonies."
Submitted by judelaw on August 28, 2008 - 8:41pm.
umm...how do they treat this problem in rehab????
Every time he gets an erection, they show him pictures of the fat lady in the thong pictured on the right. If that dont cure him, they cut off his knob.
Bad timing, David. You should have done this just prior to the release of the X-files movie.
Submitted by judelaw on August 28, 2008 - 8:41pm.
umm...how do they treat this problem in rehab????
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Like Pavlov's dogs, only every time he gets an erection, they throw the bell at it.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 8:43pm.
Maybe he just keeps doing it but its not fun anymore.
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But isn't that why he got married in the first place?
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Send him on a romantic vacation with Roseanne for two weeks. That should completely cure him.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 5:41pm.
"ze sexy times way too much. Like WAY too much."
*gulps* I never heard of too much, what are the symptoms...how do you know when enough is enough?
I'm asking for a friend.
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Maybe he just keeps doing it but its not fun anymore.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Remember when Halle Berrys ex went to rehab for sex addiction? It was either just before or after he got caught making sexy times with another ho.Hmmmm.
And I think I would prefer my celebrity dad to be a crack addict than a sex addict-how embarrassing.
ha ha he's a leo so i am not surprised that he's sex addicted!
why the hell am i here?