The SeX Files
David Duchovny has checked into rehab because he loves to do ze sexy times way too much. Like WAY too much. Like he's addicted to fucking. I guess that's a bad thing? David issued this statement to People:
"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."
48-year-old David has been married to Tea Leoni for over 10 years. They have two kiddies together. David currently plays a shameless man whore on the show "Californication." Maybe this shit is research?
The first thing I thought when I read this was, "I'll be your enabler. Use your addiction on me! My no-no hole can take it. It's made of iron. You're Wino and I'm your crack pipe. Now smooooke me."
Then I thought that some scandalous shit must be on its way. I mean, when a celebrity bitch gets a DUI, they automatically check into rehab. David must have been caught with his chonies down. I just hope that shit was caught on high-definition!
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At least they're not littering the streets...
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:22pm.
My guess as to the sex scandal is that his wife caught him fucking the toaster. Her first clue was that the toast was coming out pre-buttered.
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As opposed to the Cheez Whiz toast popping up from the Doherty toaster.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 28, 2008 - 10:57pm.
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:24pm.
Ding Ding Ding! Gutter, tell him what he's won!
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HAHAHAH Mr. President FTW
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 28, 2008 - 10:25pm.
Slutty-
He's a champion for the environment. He picks up stray containers from recycling bins and bring them home to reuse.
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TV does the same thing, but he picks up crack whores instead of styrofoam.
I kid, I kid!
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:24pm.
Ding Ding Ding! Gutter, tell him what he's won!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:22pm.
My guess as to the sex scandal is that his wife caught him fucking the toaster. Her first clue was that the toast was coming out pre-buttered.
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And the pop tarts had that sugared coating.....
He may have married Tea, but he's always been in love with Latte.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by nycmom on August 28, 2008 - 10:25pm.
Could he be bi?
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Rumor has it he has sex with both tea and coffee.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
I bet he envies anyone who buys a Big Gulp.
My boss is Indian, and I get bonus points each time I mention 7-11.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
LMAO TV!! Too many crumbs at the bottom of that toaster!
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Slutty-
He's a champion for the environment. He picks up stray containers from recycling bins and bring them home to reuse.
Could he be bi? Is there any chance he is the man who raped his former lover? Just asking?
The first time i saw this pic i thought of the scene in God Almighty when Juan Valdez showed up with his burro at the window and refilled Jim Carreys mug
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:22pm.
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Thanks for that. *Tosses bagel that hubby just handed into the trash*
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Certainly gives new meaning to the term Solo cups.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Maybe he's having a caffeine slurpee and the peen serves as a straw. Talk about a quick way to wake the dead!
That's what sex addicts do on their coffee breaks!
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
I don't see a problem either....so he's screwing the Lenox...but once he begins bringing home the styrofoam...that's when you know you have a problem. No one screws styrofoam, it's bad for the ozone.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Could he be bi? Is there any chance he is the man who raped his former lover? Just asking?
Bitches please! Don't be too hard on David (no pun intended)
He called James Haven to apologize for busting a move on James Haven at last year's Halloween party at Eddie Murphy's.
He said that he can't help himself. Something comes over him and he wants to do the knock them boots! (those are his exact words)
James Haven wished him the best but told him he can't be dealin' with a two timin' cheat! He has enough on his hands with Angie.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on August 28, 2008 - 10:18pm
yeah, but you can't run that shit through the dishwasher. Ay de mi! Senor Ducubny, por favor, no chingas las tazas!
My guess as to the sex scandal is that his wife caught him fucking the toaster. Her first clue was that the toast was coming out pre-buttered.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
hahahhaha...you guys are killing me here.....
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 28, 2008 - 10:07pm.
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*bowing* I was going for twig and berries in a cup. lol
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on August 28, 2008 - 10:10pm.
His just adding more foam to his latte.
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HAHAHAHA that was fresh...
Give him a break, he only fucks the good china.
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:08pm.
So he can sate both his sex and caffeine addiction simultaneously.
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Why drink coffee when you can mainline you caffeine thru your fat peen vein
At fifteen I thought I was a sex addict so I went to the doctor for his opinion. His diagnosis: fifteen year old boy.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
To be sure, sex addiction is a controversial topic. From Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_addiction
The individuals need to not marry, nor be in a commited relationship. The problem is, they want the pretense of a normal life, and sex, 7 days a week, with whatever opportunity unfolds.
Sex addicts must be a cesspool of infections. Yuk!
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on August 28, 2008 - 10:10pm.
His just adding more foam to his latte.
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lol
Damn, I'm jealous of people that live on the West Coast.....we are so backwoods in S.C. that our Starbucks still requires us to be clothed and we have use our mouths to sip coffee.
*Packs bags* I'm heading out west sucker...because I wanna be a cowboy baby
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
I guess that's why he married Tea, he couldn't find a girl named Yuban.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:36pm.
The scary pic is the one where he had a complete place setting for 4 shoved up his ass. He's not addicted to sex, he's addicted to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
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And by Bed, Bath and Beyond I'm choosing to think you mean sex with the WHOLE NYC BB & B block wide cement building.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 28, 2008 - 10:11pm.
Well... The silver lining here is that at least he's not fucking a bench, exhaust pipe or cheeto!
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Yet. Have you seen Tea Leoni?
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
@Slutty,
You cannot cut your self on a can if you are a pencildick the bug fucker...
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:11pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:06pm.
Brilly!
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:08pm.
That caffeine will keep him up all night.
Maybe that's where his problem started.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Well... The silver lining here is that at least he's not fucking a bench, exhaust pipe or cheeto!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:06pm.
The scary pic is the one where he had a complete place setting for 4 shoved up his ass. He's not addicted to sex, he's addicted to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
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I'm addicted to Ikea, but I like 'em cheap and not put together.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
His just adding more foam to his latte. He's Starfucks employee of the month!
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Submitted by Mr. President on August 28, 2008 - 10:08pm.
So he can sate both his sex and caffeine addiction simultaneously.
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Exactly, he tried Red Bull, but the can left too many cuts.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 28, 2008 - 10:06pm.
Nah- I call him a Poot-ery Barn fan!
By Friday the shit will have hit the fan. Admitting you've gone into rehab for sex addiction - without the pre requisite scandal hitting first well that's just not how it's usually done, whatever he's done it's probably pretty fucking bad.
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 10:06pm.
So he can sate both his sex and caffeine addictions simultaneously.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Dayum, I have a sudden urge for beenie/weenies in a mug...Thanks a lot, D~A! lol.
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
The scary pic is the one where he had a complete place setting for 4 shoved up his ass. He's not addicted to sex, he's addicted to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
Submitted by gyeah on August 28, 2008 - 10:04pm.
Damn gyeah- That was some formalistic interpretation there! Impressed!
Call me paranoid...but I think that Mr. Duchovny has become one of the X-file aliens. Look at his pinky finger, and the way he holding that mug; he's definitely drinking his coffee through his peen.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
I bet those nesting dolls have some intersting stories to tell. The places they've been- and I don't mean Russia!
you KNOW Adam Samberg is working on a version of "Dick in a Mug" w/ Justin Timberlake as we speak. LMAO
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