At Least Her Mouth Isn't Wide Open
Papa Joe must be patting himself on the back fat this morning for getting his daughter on the cover of People Magazine. The photographer and his staff should win some award for getting Jessica Simpson to pose without her mouth looking like a fly trap. It probably took a few yards of chicken wire and gorilla glue to keep her insect hole shut for that long. The photographer also held a little birdie over the camera. Jessica was so transfixed with it that she closed her teeth. Good job!
The article is just as vomit-inducing as the cover line. I'm sure Jessica stole some of her statements from a Barry Manilow song.
In the issue, she queefs about her perfectly staged relationship with Tony Romo, "I just told him today, 'You're the love of my life,' I don't really ever say that to anybody." This bubblehead probably forgets her own name regularly, so I doubt she remembers what she told some tool hours before. Somewhere in the world Nick Lachey, John Mayer, Dane Cook, Adam Levine and Bam Margera are rolling their eyes.
The big-tittied frog is so serious about Romo that she's changed her e-mail address and cell number. "I don't want anybody that's been in my life [before] in my life anymore. I don't even want them to have any way of contacting me." Getting a hold of Jessica is easy. Just open up a jar of flies and that ho will come calling.
She goes on to say that Romo hasn't done the same thing for her, but she's not "a jealous girl." No, just a dumb one.
Finally, Jessica mouth farts about how she dealt with her break-up from John Mayer. "I had to regain self-esteem and self-value. I just love, so I don't understand when people can't do exactly what I do."
Okay, I think I figured out where she got all these quotes. She totally stole them from my sister's 6th grade diary. No offense to my sister.
Here's Jess wearing curtains stolen from a Cracker Barrel while performing at Niagara Falls Fallsview Casino (HA!) last night.
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Submitted by FritoDorito on August 28, 2008 - 12:41pm.
I want Romo to win, not fuck up because the stupid mouth breather is in the stands.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's one of my dad's favorite expressions! Usually said in a very loud whisper about some redneck who's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay bigger than Daddy. I don't go out w/ him much.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
"Niagara Falls Fallsview Casino"
What?
Please make her try and go over the falls in a barrel...
Tony Romo is so going to break up with her with pictures of him making out with a topless Sienna Miller.
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
I am going to laugh my ass off when Romo dumps her ass. I just wish she would shut the fuck up. What's worse is football season is approaching, so now the poor souls here in Dallas have to endure this dumbass going to all the games. Fuck. I want Romo to win, not fuck up because the stupid mouth breather is in the stands.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade
So how pissed is JLO not getting the big spread on the cover?! Probably pissed as hell, doing ass crunches on Marc right now.
Submitted by M.E. on August 28, 2008 - 12:35pm.
Chestica won't get knocked up because she is too vain. She won't want to gain the weight, etc.
I don't know -- I thought that same thing about JHo. By the way, did you know she had twins & now she's going to do a triathlon? She's amazing!
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Chestica won't get knocked up because she is too vain. She won't want to gain the weight, etc.
"Submitted by NovaNightly on August 28, 2008 - 10:27am.
I hope Tony knocks her up so she can get a REAL dose of reality."
She's asked her father once for a Mexican baby as a birthday gift. This girl is so dense, I doubt she'd be wise enough to receive that paycheck and get knocked up.
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
Submitted by NovaNightly on August 28, 2008 - 12:25pm.
Right there with you. I can't imagine what I'd do if anything happened to my little man. It's almost like getting a new lease on life, seeing things thru his eyes.
I think the thing that's so devastating is, love kids or hate them, you can't deny that they're innocent beings who didn't ask to come into this world. I think that's what makes hardships they face especially upsetting.
I agree w/ whoever said life in prison. & not in solitary. Right in there w/ the whole population. Preferably in a cell w/ a few women who's kids have been killed.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Submitted by Two Drink Min on August 28, 2008 - 12:31pm.
I think men find neediness very attractive. Me personally, I like to tell the guy first minutes on the first date that I want to have his babies.
It works both ways though. I had a guy tell me he thinks I am the girl he would marry by date #2. I just rolled my eyes and told him to have another. Karma for the Margera stunt. She won't be able to stay with someone cause her intention is to keep. She is just trying to show her ex up. You don't see him running his mouth.
Some men do. It's funny, This guy my friend and I used to hang out with, his other friend told us how he liked needy girls with emotional problems, and guess who this guy used to date(or so He said)?!! St. Angelina!! LOL!!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Nova, Drama - I'm the same way with kids. I freak out if I hear about something like this, bawl. Ugh. I am so terrified of somehting ever happening to my kids that I'm a bit over protective.
I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I hope Tony knocks her up so she can get a REAL dose of reality.
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It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. -ERIC CARTMAN
Submitted by peaches on August 28, 2008 - 10:22am.
Some men do. It's funny,
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Yeah, I think it makes them feel important or needed or like they are in control...or something.
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Clowns are the absolute worst because they adopt the guise of innocence and clean fun, yet they stand for ANYTHING but...
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on August 28, 2008 - 9:53am.
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Its so hard to raise a child in this scary ass world. I am afraid every day for my boys. They bring so much light and happiness into my world that if i ever lost them, I would just die. Before i had them, I would be sad hearing about some child being harmed or killed...but not like today! I would FREAK! Having a child of your own really tweaks your emotions! My husband rented some movies the other night and I started watching one, but in the first few minutes a little boy was killed and I ran out of the room bawling. Cant remember the movie...but needless to say, I didnt watch any more of it.
That poor little innocent Caylee...life just isnt fair sometimes. I hope that bitch irresponsible mother of hers really gets whats coming to her!!!!! TENFOLD!!!
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It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. -ERIC CARTMAN
The Dane Cook thing wasn't real, he knew about the rumors but he didn't deny them because he wanted to promote the movie. He said that himself somewhere.
I can't even begin to express how much i loathe Jessica Simpson. She gained some fame back in the day by being a "virgin" who complained about the public not taking her seriously because she had big boobs. Then she married Nick Lachey and gained more notoriety for being a clueless bimbo. Why is she "famous" now? Because of her love life and because she dresses like a skank. And these are the standards young girls think they should live up to. Fucking help us.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
"I had to regain self-esteem and self-value. I just love, so I don't understand when people can't do exactly what I do."
WOWEEE! And Jennifer Aniston gets lambasted hard for being needy?? Now THIS is a needy woman. Loons take note!
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
On the Anthony case, I leave about 10 minutes from this girl. When you drive down the highway, there are billboards with Caylee's picture advertising the reward and if you go into the store there are posters up about Caylee all over the place...so sad. I think anyone that lies about where they work and brings police to a babysitters house that has been vacant for months should forfit their "get out of jail" card. This whole thing reeks so badly.
Speaking of reeking, I think that Tony Romo probably went along with the whole ridiculous interview since football is starting and any publicity is better than none. Please, I wish these two would get a hobby.
Barry Manilow is an American Legend. This bitch better not steal anything for him or I'll kick my faux country boot up her ass!
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
Thanks, Clarisse. Yeah, I can't believe she's out.
"Keep your fingers crossed, and may that bitch rot in hell."
Amen, Mrs. K.
M.E., I hope they get her to confess, ASAP.
On topic:
Anybody remember the Original Llama, Jessica's biggest fan? I wonder what happened to him. His mom must have cut off his computer privileges!
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Someone please shut this stupid cunt the fuck up.
Mrs K./xxyxz,
You know, normally i say murder should get the DP, but for Casey Anthony, i say life in prison.
There is nothing 95% of women serving prison time hate more than a baby killer. I hope they rip her to shreds.
On topic: Homo should have stuck it out first time he dumped her.
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
Clarisse: I think it takes a lot of strength & courage to make that decision. I know people can be nasty about people not having or wanting kids. Ridiculous.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Look at the assinine faces she is making in each of the pictures. Somehow I think Papa Joe sees each on of those expression quite often.
#1 - kissing Papa's no no hole
#2 - dirty sanchez
#3 - ball licking time
#4 - the happy ending
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Submitted by KD on August 28, 2008 - 8:48am.
ME- holy crap, she didn't report her missing for a MONTH? That Murderous Tramp. I think this is the same story I heard where she told people she was greiving and then that night, she went partying and had a grand old time. Waste of oxygen.
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That be the one.
blah blah blah
any britney news?
www.MySpace.com/ItsJonaBitch
Deb - I think they were waiting for the forensic evidence to come back, which it has, to finally be deemed a homicide. I read this morning that her bail might be revoked since the findings were released.
Submitted by Deb on August 28, 2008 - 9:42am.
Why isn't this a murder investigation?
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The cops suspected her from Day One (as did everyone else on the planet), just like Susan Smith.
They can't charge her until they have gathered enough evidence.
Keep your fingers crossed, and may that bitch rot in hell.
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"I'm having a Chico's kind of day."
Now that she's gone on the cover of People screaming how Tony is the love of her life, he's going to DUMP her stupid ass. She sounds like an immature, lovesick high school girl.
This woman needs to grow up already. Stop being a desperate daddy's girl looking for Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet.
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
Jessica Simpson is so desperate that its embarrassing.
*On a related note*
I was driving yesterday in Dallas and almost got hit by this douche in a brand new BMW convertible who was turning left onto the wrong side of the street (where I was). He realizes what he did and U-turns...getting in the right lane. I'm staring at him like, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???" He looks at me, *winks* and gives me the gun (soooo cheesy). It was Tony Romo. If it wasn't it was some foolio who looked exactly like him.
AJP & Nova: I'm a mess about children too. Before I had my son, I'd cry because it was so unfair that I wanted a child so desperately & couldn't have one, & there were people out there who could care less about their babies. Now, I look at my son & can't imagine how anyone could harm their own offspring. I actually threw brand new hardcover by one of my favorite authors away the other day because sexual child abuse was one of the subplots.
On topic: I hope Romo does dump her -- quickly, heartlessly, & very publicly.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
clarisse
That bounty hunter has his own show and is doing it for the publicity
I hope she gets "spesshul treatment" in prison
Stoney well said.
Clarisse youre smart. It isnt for every person is it? I have some girl cousins who hadsome babies just becasue they thought they had to and it did not end up well.
I hope i didnt mean to imply women needed protection or all of the m had to e moms cause that isnt what i mean. Uh oh!
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
BTW, we haven't seen Nick and Vanessa, or whatever he name is, in a while. They must be busy trying to get jobs or something.
ME- holy crap, she didn't report her missing for a MONTH? That Murderous Tramp. I think this is the same story I heard where she told people she was greiving and then that night, she went partying and had a grand old time. Waste of oxygen.
Jessica does stories like this every month, and then come the break up rumors, but surprisingly they stay together. Romo must have taken a few too many tackles to the head.
okie !!!
LCT. Xoxoxo
I hate this bitch so much. One of the contributing factors to her divorce from Nick Lachey was the intense media attention they received from never keeping their mouths shut about each other, and participating on a reality show.
Clearly this dumb slut has learned nothing from her divorce. Stop talking about your relationship. Stop whoring it out to help your career. If your relationship was as solid and as great as you claimed it was, you wouldn't feel the need to blab about it to total strangers.
Ugh, STFU bitch! Her album sales must be tanking, which is why she probably did this cover.
P.S. Tony Romo, I lose respect for you by the day.
Deb,
The mother was in jail, but some fuckwad assmunch realeased her on bond.
Clearly she did something fowl. She is insane and will probably play that card if this ever goes to trial.
AJP,
See, i never wanted kids. I never drew that card. I was never 200% sure that i would be a good mom, so i made the decision not to have kids. Unlike a lot of young women who have a kid then they lose the new car smell...
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
I'm going to laugh so hard when Tony dumps her annoying ass.
And really, does ANYONE care about her? I mean really. I don't think she has a hard core fan base like Mariah Carey or Britney Spears. She is just...there. She doesn't even seem relevant. What is she doing now, exactly? Appearing on mag covers to talk about...? Oh yeah, the country thing...anyone who follows country music have any idea how that's going?
@ Caylee:
While I feel awful about what happened to that poor, innocent child, I feel even more disgusted at the media coverage surrounding it. Let me guess? This story first popped up on Nancy Grace? It's tabloid news at its worst. They find a terrible story of infanticide and plaster it on the news because they know people can't look away. But the thing is, this is not really a unique case. If we all knew how often murder of children happens around this country, we would demand that the statistics on THAT be the news. Because if you think about it, that's the real news. Not turning on Nancy Grace every night hoping to see them drag some poor child's body out of a ditch. Revolting!
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I am certain the break-up is next!
Morning xxyxzabcd!
Is it going to be on next week's People cover that the break-up announcement comes out or the one after?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
"I just told him today, 'your the love of my life,'" Puleeze! Who talks like that?! I think Jessica is getting reality mixed up with her soap operas again. And performing at a casino?!...cue the fat lady..it's over Jess.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
Submitted by M.E. on August 28, 2008 - 11:38am.
Yes, she is the toddler who's mother didn't report her missing for over a month, who's car and clothing reeked of decaying flesh, who has lied to police since day one and now lab tests confirm the presence of a dead body IN that car.
Poor little baby.
Hey M.E. From jumpstreet, the fact that the mother didn't report Caylee missing for a fucking month points directly to foul play. That poor little girl is dead somewhere. Why isn't this a murder investigation?
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Xxyxz.. *waving you down like a horny hooker*
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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!
Sigh
I hope they find her remains and her whore of a mother rots in prison for the rest if her life
Submitted by NovaNightly on August 28, 2008 - 12:37pm.
Even in movies i know it kills me. I cant watch a lot of violent/scary shows anyway but when you throw in a nana or a little kid or a prego woman getting hurt it makes me a little angry.
I know its not real but I think women and children should be protected. Cherished.
life and the giver of life. Thats amazing to me.
If i was a woman iw ould be a mom and one day my BF and i will certainly adopt i we can afford to.
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
God, I HATE this vapid waste of air. She just gets more & more trannylicious as the days go by.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
ugh fuck, just stick to polishing dad's wiener, Sucka.
I seriously can't believe she did this. She might as well have posed on the cover with the headline "I'm desperate to get engaged."
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I just have to say......who gives a sh*t about whorica simpson??.....first of all she said nick was the love her life years ago....so every guy she dates will b the love of her life??....gimme a break!!.....she keeps making sure we all know shes in love..which leads me to believe shes not in love....or shes trying to talk herself into it b/c she knows nick & vanessa are happy.....besides tony homo is so ugly...ew!....i hope nick & vanessa get married and have a bunch of gorgeous looking kids and that'll make whorica simpson cry her eyes out....im out!!.....TEAM NICK & VANESSA!!!!