HoHan Wants Daddy To Stop

E! reported that HoHan's favorite labia licker, SamRo, is planning to write a tell-all about her life. I think the working title is called "How To Bag A HoHan In 20 Steps." Step 1 through 5 probably involve illegal substances, leggings, orange grease and cotton gussets.

Michael Lohan got wind (aka the media farted it in his ear) of SamRo's supposed tell-all and issued this statement: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." No, what's in HoHan's best interest is if you move to Pluto and change your name to Michael Blohard.

HoHan issued her own statement to Access Hollywood: “He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love." You see this, Michael? You're going to make the gayelle cry! Nobody likes to see a sad, freckly gayelle!

The strangest part of this whole thing is that I don't have a statement from White Oprah to post. Weird indeed. Where in orange hell is she? Did Nana Lohan forget to take her out of the tanning bed again?