Now I know why my abuelita thinks public displays of affection are sucio and should be illegal. Hand me a petition, and I'll sign it in blood that came pouring out of my eye holes when I first saw these pictures of Brittany Murphy kissing on her screenwriter/conman husband Simon Monjack at LAX today.

Aw. I shouldn't dry heave all over their love. They look happy (?). I mean, Simon is kissing on Brittany like she's a Twinkie Casserole. And she's kissing him back like he's a Collagen needle, so that's all that matters.

However, that poor dog is about to stage her own death.

And here's St. Angie giving us FACE! FACE! FACE! FACE! on the poster for her new movie about the dark-sided life of the Morton Salt Girl (I wish).

Instead of spending their time trying to figure out how to put the word "salt" on this shit as many times as possible, the poster makers could've just moved her face over a little to the right. It's making me twitch.

And I also just want to take a dash of salt and sprinkle it all over her slug lips.

Source: JoBlo via Best Week Ever

This television star has gained a lot of weight over the past couple of years. Because this has been an ongoing issue, s/he has started seeing a therapist to get to the root of the problem. It turns out that the star’s hypocrisy in living one life in public – and a different one in private – creates anxiety and depression which, in turn, trigger binge eating.

According to the therapist, the issue will not be resolved until our star comes out of the closet. The star is actually considering it, but is worried about the timing of the announcement, and its potential career and financial impact. Will their career wither? Will their finances suffer? While we don’t know for sure, we do know that a competitor who has done so is thriving in a similar career. (Blind Gossip)

Oprah & Ellen? A bolt of lighting didn't bust through my head after I wrote that, so that's my official guess.

This B- list television (hit network drama)and movie (meh) actress is known for being adventurous sexually but her latest twist is something that goes into a whole new realm. Over the past few years she has been seeing one particular C list cable actor and in the past few months he has been seeing not only the actress but also her mom. The actress knows about it, encourages it and makes it a condition of their continued romance. (CDAN)

Sharing dick is not a good mother/daughter activity to bond over! With that being said, my guess is Hayden Panatroll & the kind of blind items Jeremy Piven?

What “star chef” has been hoodwinking her dinner guests by ordering in dishes she claims she made herself? (NYDN via Blind Gossip)

I'm going to say drunk ass Sandra Lee? But only so that I can have an excuse to post this clip of her on the Wendy Williams Show a while ago. We should've known that Sandra travels with Slim Jims tucked into her belt at all times. Brit Brit just fell in love.

Even vampire sheriffs like Godric from True Blood try to summon the power of the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt - ONTD

Jayde Nicole is freaking everyone out - Hollywood Tuna

Ashley Jizzdale is in a two piece - Egotastic!

Ashlee Simpson or Ali Lohan? - Popsugar

Glamberace's handlers have obviously never seen his album cover - Towleroad

Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims might be doing it - Just Jared

John Stamos finally got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! Kimmy Gibbler better be next! - Lainey Gossip

Daisy Lowe is missing two wolves and a full moon - Holy Moly!

Kunty Karl hates everything - Celebitchy

Interspecies love (No, this is not a post about Khloe & Lamar) - Cityrag

A view from CoCo's luscious silicone mountain tops (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Every time Ryan Gaycrest gets cut off, Joel McHale has an orgasm - SOW

Wonky's crotch crabs are suffocating - Hollywood Rag

There's only one way to settle this: nekkid oil wrestling - I'm Not Obsessed

Hopefully Katherine Hagel is moving to a distant planet - ICYDK

Since I'm pretty much riding the ass of this "Levi Johnston in Playgirl" saga, here's the first teaser image from his full spread. It really isn't much, but we do get to see the pube bush on his pit. Although, Levi shouldn't be so quick to show off his wolf pit. A certain Palin would shoot it from a plane if she saw it running out in the wild.

Playgirl plans to unload a few more pictures in the next few days, none of which will contain full peen. Boo.

via Towleroad

While I was downloading these pictures of Natasha "Dog Molester" Lyonne and Rosie O'Donnell at some event in NYC last night, my internet crashed and my cable TV went out. I should take that as a sign and not hit the publish button on this post, but then you'd never get to enjoy these beautiful pictures of these two deep fried donut balls.

Yes, I know Natasha is looking a little dough-ey in the face, but it's probably just rehab bloat. It happens. Or maybe Natasha instantly gained weight after munching on Rosie's sun dried tomato muffin. Let's just spare ourselves and go with the former.

If this picture of Anthony Michael Hall is making you want to round up all the scissors in the house and hide under the bed, then imagine staring at his scary face after he knocked down your apartment door in the early morning hours.

Page Six says that AMH's ex-girlfriend, Sirius Radio host Diana Falzone, was granted a temporary restraining order against him after he allegedly busted her in the head last week. In the police report, Diana says AMH tried to break her apartment door down by kicking it in. When Diana agreed to let him in, he bashed her head against the wall. Diana told police that they had dated for about a year, but were no longer together.

AMH suffers from bi-polar disorder, and has been known to freak out when he's not on his meds. A few years ago, AMH had a psychotic meltdown on the set of Dead Zone and he was hospitalized for a day. He was sued by the show's insurance company for not disclosing that his bi-polar condition.

A spokeswhore for AMH denies the allegations that he got violent with Diana, "All of the allegations are erroneous and will be addressed accordingly."

You think you know someone after watching them play an adorable nerd in and Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Weird Science. And then they go off and do something like this!

Everyone knows that LiLo would empty a donation basket in her purse at Sunday mass, so I don't know why bitches keep inviting her to events at their stores. That's just asking to be cleaned out.

Pop Tarts says that when LiLo was paid to attend the launch of Jermaine Dupri and jewelry designer Pascal Mouawad's watch line at Kitson, she wanted a whole lot more than just a complimentary glass of champagne. Apparently, Pascal already promised her ass $500 worth of Kitson merchandise. When she complained that it wasn't enough, he upped it to $1,000.

After Hurricane Crackhead blew through the store and grabbed a bunch of shit, her bill came to almost $15,000. LiLo simply said that Pascal would cover the entire amount, because she was the only celebrity who attended his event. A source added, “Pascal said no, so she went and started talking smack about him to Jermaine Dupri who doesn’t even know her. He was totally bewildered and couldn’t believe it. Eventually Pascal said she could have $2000 to spend but that was the absolutely limit.”

When Pascal refused to cover the full bill, LiLo told one of the Kitson employees that they should give her the rest of the shit for free, because she's always been a loyal customer. She promised she would let the paparazzi take pictures of her holding Kitson bags.

In the end, LiLo was told "NO," because the employees couldn't get a hold of the owner of Kitson. She stormed out with her $2,000 worth of crap.

Hey, LiLo went from $500 to $2,000, so not all was lost. The next time I go to Tijuana (the home of wheeling and dealing), I'm taking this wreck with me. She can probably get a child to give up his box of chiclas and empty out his pockets to her. Bitch is a RUTHLESS bargainer.

And imagine her bargaining with her dealer? "If you give me this 8-ball for free, I promise to be photographed looking like a total gutter troll. I'm promoting your product!"

Why would I not be surprised if Joe Jackson was caught on Michael Jackson's coffin trying to rip the diamond fillings (you know he had some) out of his teeth? Joe was already shut down by a judge after he tried to get a piece of MJ's estate. But Joe is trying to show the judge who the real pimp is, because he's challenging the court's decision.

TMZ reports that Joe filed papers echoing Randy Jackson's claims that someone forged MJ's signature on his last will. Joe also wants the judge to replace the current executors of MJ's estate.

Obviously, Joe Jackson is just pulling this evil shit, because he wants Satan to give up his title as the ruler of Hell to him. Joe wouldn't have shame if it crawled up his dick hole and took a nap. Joe's pimp hand always gets the last smack!

A river of popped cherry juice and panty pudding flowed through the streets of Westwood, CA last night during the New Moon premiere. If you live in the area, you might have been wondering why your cats were howling and your dogs were meowing. Well, now you know.

You know what bothers me about kids today? They have no RESPECT for the English language. For instance, look at how that girl in the picture above completely butchered a gorgeous curse word. How do we expect our youth to be the leaders of tomorrow if they can't even curse right? I mean, what the hell is a SHIZNIT? That sounds like something you'd find on the tip of a dick after messy butt sex.

Anyway, here's some pictures from last night's premiere. Some hos were obviously only there for the free photo-op. They are: Shar Jackson, Mary Murphy, 50 Cent, Richie Sambora (with his daughter) and JLove with that Jamie Kennedy dude.

Also at the premiere were Joan Jett (to hold Kristen Stewart's "hand"), one of the wolfies, that hot piece from Glee, the Glee kids, Stephanie Meyer (the bitch responsible for all of this), a homeless man in a fancy suit, Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner.