Marriage Ruins Everything
Chris Kattan and his new wife, model Sunshine Tutt, have split up after only 8 weeks of marriage. Okay, let's talk about her name first. Sunshine Tutt?! I don't like that shit. Let's call her Sunny Titts instead. That's better.
Chris' spokesbitch told UsWeekly that the two are "separated for the moment. No plans for divorce at this time." Sunny Titts and Chris married in California on June 28th after dating for 3 years. They got engaged in 2006.
I'm fucking telling you. Marriage kills everything! Every time a couple is married, a baby bunny dies a painful death. I'm sure of it. Look at Chris and Sunny Titts! They date for 3 long years, get married and two months later - DONE!
Oh, I see what's going on here. Look at Sunny Titts' face in the picture above. She's thinking, "Ahahaha! This fairy monkey actually married me! I'll be rich in exactly 8 weeks!" That warms my black heart. I love it when a gold digger almost completes her mission. I say "almost," because we don't know if there was a prenup. If Sunny Titts signed one, she's dead to me!
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Too Funny. And too True.
Submitted by Rem Koolhaas on August 19, 2008 - 11:26pm.
Silly rabbit, beards don't marry beards.
Submitted by paris herpes on August 19, 2008 - 4:09pm.
Submitted by TT99 on August 19, 2008 - 6:57pm.
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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell
Silly rabbit, beards don't marry beards.
For them to be married, she had to let it put its dick in her. Otherwise, it would be an annulment rather than a divorce.
She's just as batshit as he is.
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 19, 2008 - 2:14pm.
she's really cute, what the hell was she doing with him in the first place?
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Exactly
"Sometimes evil drives a minivan."
My parents have been married for 42 years, my husband's parents 39 years, my aunt and uncle 41 years and my husband's aunt and uncle would have been 50 years except he died 2 months before their anniversary. My sister 18 years, my brother 13 years. I guess we are just committment types in my family.
My husband and I have been married for 11 years. Here's the secret to my marriage. Marry someone who you actually like to spend time with, talk with, do things with and generally get along well with, in other words, someone who you can be a best friend with. That way, when the can't keep your hands off each other phase has passed you by, you can still be together and be happy with each other because you enjoy each other's company. We have survived a 2 year unemployment period where we almost lost our house, Hurricane fucking Katrina, a fairly serious illness, and having 2 special needs children. We have stayed together through it all because we actually like each other as well as love each other.
OK, words of wisdom done for today.
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I don't want to possess you, I wish to marry you because I love you.
Look back... look back at me.
Are you coming home with me?
She wanted kids and he wasn't able to have an erection with a girl in the room.
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Glaucoma sufferers, count yourselves lucky.
I so agree with Joe Schmoe and Annonymous Crazyc. You also have to be honest and up front about stuff at the start in regards to what you expect. In a way it's a contract of life-styles. Also, don't be ashamed about discussing certain things. It could be on the other person's mind too. But, in this case, I think she married for the money and he married her for the boobs.
"Seriously you marry someone you can laugh with, fart with, thumb wrestle with and who knows the true you yet still likes being with you."
I think you just summed up my marriage (I kick his ASS in thumb wrestling). Although my husband is hot and he thinks I'm pretty hot stuff.
I read that people who live together before marriage because they think that'll prove they can get successfully cohabitate actually have a higher divorce rate than couples who don't live together before marriage.
My husband and I knew each other about a year before we got married. No big wedding...with one week's notice, the family put together a little backyard wedding. No honeymoon. Just wanted to be married and wanted to do it THEN. Three years into it, we're happy as can be. (Although it was a little rough at first because I'd never been married before and it did sorta freak me out a little. I can't commit to a haircolor and I just said "forever" to someone? Holy crap.)
I think people who have looooong, drawn out engagements are making a mistake, too. When you spend 12-18 or more months before a wedding basically planning a wedding...it's GOT to be anti-climactic when you actually get married.
this happened to a guy I am wanting to date....he said he knew at the alter it was a mistake..she was flushing his cash like crazy at the pre wedding weekend and it was all downhill from there..when he wanted to fuck on the wedding night she was counting the cash instead... 6 months later divorced..bitch dug and dug herself OUT
xoxox
The war isn't working.
Cute couple. They appear to be happy. But I saw his personal ID on wealthy men personals site""""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""" yesterday. What is he looking for on that site? Looking for sugarbabe?
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Submitted by paris herpes on August 19, 2008 - 4:09pm.
Dude, I totally always thought he was gay. She probably found his stash of gay porn and he is using this "Separation" to explain it away. "Honey, the gay porn wasn't even mine, I was just holding on to it for a friend. Besides I don't even like looking at big muscular Black guys with enormously veiny, pulsating dicks."
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"I am not the animal you see before you, I am the laws of karma all come down wrong." - Theodore Bagwell
Submitted by anonymouscrazyc... on August 19, 2008 - 3:37pm.
the secret to a happy marriage?
simple marry a friend..don't marry the hot guy that is awesome in bed, but can't manage to close his mouth and breath at the same time. Don't marry the awesome tattooed chick that gives great head, but wants 15 kids while you want none.
Seriously you marry someone you can laugh with, fart with, thumb wrestle with and who knows the true you yet still likes being with you.
Oh and if they happen to have a great ass that helps too ; )
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I thought this was a great post and absolutely true. The only thing I would add is make sure that you and your friend have sexual chemistry or physical attraction as well. That's really important too.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSyOCx6ZXfM&feature=related
My brother and his ex-wife dated/lived together for 4 years and were married for less than 4 weeks. I still don't understand what goes on in these situations. Surely you can't develop that many new problems in 8 weeks? With my bro, it was just that she finally got too lazy to hide her cheatin' ways. Maybe that's the case here too.
Sunny Titts... lmao, I ♥ U MK.
Hmmm, maybe she just finally realized how broke-ass he is and how finished his career is. It took her this long, but she finally realized.
Submitted by shandi on August 19, 2008 - 4:24pm.
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No prob!
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"Ed Westwick is not gay - he's British!"
Another reason why straight people should not be allowed to marry.
''One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the whole world's your gynecologist.'' - Patsy Stone
Submitted by QueenCharisma on August 19, 2008 - 11:49am.
Thanks for that info!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Um, @ eyeroll
no offense intended, but I'm a little new around hear and it looks like you are also...just saying...
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"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot".
She probably found out that he was gay. Which I've always thought he was, at least...
Your face!
the secret to a happy marriage?
simple marry a friend..don't marry the hot guy that is awesome in bed, but can't manage to close his mouth and breath at the same time. Don't marry the awesome tattooed chick that gives great head, but wants 15 kids while you want none.
Seriously you marry someone you can laugh with, fart with, thumb wrestle with and who knows the true you yet still likes being with you.
Oh and if they happen to have a great ass that helps too ; )
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
Face it - Sunshine realized she had actually married Mr. Peepers.
I seriously doubt Sunny Titts will get a divorce settlement on par with Heather Mills or Phil Collin's ex. Third rate comics don't make that much.
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"Hell ain't SHIT!" Stinkmeaner from "The Boondocks"
I agree with a lot of the posters here. After 1 failed & 1 successful marriage, some things come clear. You NEVER marry to "fix" something. Marriage is a celebration, not a panacea. You go into marriage with the very real expectation of problems. If expect everything to be rosy, you're in for real disappointments. Just like in life. If you expect to be in it for the long haul & are able to commit & both want to work hard to stay together, you might make it.
There are going to be problems. You can't possibly meld 2 different people, with 2 different families, 2 different backgrounds, 2 different lifestyles & expect it all to flow seamlessly.
It's not easy, & it's not for the feint of heart!
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Wait, Chris isn't into peckers?
**** "I Love Lamp" ****
Maybe he smells like what MK would refer to as Gay Club Ass.
Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 1:51pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
- What if one desires the disgust in the other?
Bigger Pre-nup?
None of my friends that are married have been married long enough for me to witness what makes a good marriage.
But the ones that seem to have a chance, dependency is shared and defined. And they don't make mountains of the compromises.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 12:51pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
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When 'disgusting' turns you on, does it still count?
MK, right you are about the marriage thing. Although I would not know personally.
In any event, I find him so repulsive. I don't think he is in the least bit funny. Does anyone here see what he has to offer?
It has to be an 8' schlong. Otherwise it doesn't make sense.
People who go into marriage, or a wedding, for that matter, with these grand ideas of how wonderful everything is going to be, are the ones that don't last very long.
Honestly, I think some of it may come from people who grow up protected and coddled and with 'perfect' or 'wonderful' childhoods. They haven't experienced many, if any, hardships, so they can't handle any bumpy roads.
I used to be sad over how I grew up, with too many kids, not enough attention and a whole lot of bad shit and dysfunction going on. Now that I am older, I think it actually benefitted me in many ways.
I'm realist who knows things aren't going to be easy and that I will have disappointments and hardships in life.
I've been with my husband for 20 years and I still can't imagine being with anyone else and he's made me happier than anyone in my life, even though it hasn't always been easy.
Oh and, btw, I always thought Chris Kattan was gay and how much friggin money can he have anyway?
No there was no pre-nup because Kattan in a hack with no money...
Time heals all wounds, Laughter prevents scarring.
kattan has the same "issue" ken chesney had with marriage...and that is he's...GAY...
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the world is great big old place for all of us to fuck up in it...
Sometimes couples that have been together for a long time get married when they're having problems because they think that will fix it (duh) or because they feel they should; Either way that's not a good reason to get married.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSyOCx6ZXfM&feature=related
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 1:51pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
SO I SHOULD MARRY MYSELF.
Mrs. Kravitz??? Mr K subjects you to "The Dutch Oven"????
Sometimes Joey LIKES being desperate and dateless in Atlanta!
"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."
she's really cute, what the hell was she doing with him in the first place?
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I'll idealize, and realize that it's no sacrifice because the price is paid;
And there's nothing left to grieve..... Fuckin' go-
-Fiona Apple "Get Gone"
marriage scares me - I rather live in sin
I'm betting he couldn't consumate it. But you think she would of known that after three years.
Sounds like 8 weeks at the Roxbury to me.
Submitted by CarmenElectrical on August 19, 2008 - 1:56pm.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 12:51pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
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Good words to live by. I would like to add: You also want someone who wants YOU more then YOU want them.
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Ugh. I have an aversion to that kinda thing.
Not that I would have a clue in hell about such things but I do believe it has to do with partnership. You gotsta marry someone who's on the same path; has the same values. Desire is certainly not everything - I do know that.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Kissin' wears out, cookin' don't
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LoLo come back--
You can blame it all on me
I was wrong
And I just can't live without you!♫
I saw them at the bed, bath and beyond outlet next to my house on Beverly Blvd. a few years back. They were buying linens and towels so I knew it was move-in together time. He was acting like a total moronic idiot while she's picking out cheap sheets. He acted like his character in corky romano which was the worst movie he and anyone else ever made. When I saw them I was like "they do not belong together." I was thinking maybe she's using him to get some work in the biz because I see nothing else. She was embarrassed by him. Hell, so was I. Why do guys think it's cute and sexually appealing to act like a retarded eight year old? Turns me off big time. I just wanted to slap him around a little.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 1:51pm.
AMEN. Mr.Snugglebunny has deadly sleepfartz, I often wake up to the cats giving me chest compressions, but he puts up with my ass, so he gets a pass on the nighttime assttacks.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 2:21pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
Discuss.
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Well, I'm screwed. *throws away all her old notebooks with "Mrs. Laura Bloom" written in them*
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Hi5.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008 - 12:51pm.
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
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Good words to live by. I would like to add: You also want someone who wants YOU more then YOU want them.
This chick looks trainish, and if you take off all the paint she looks like a totally different person.
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Dick happens! - MK
So, what ever happened to the couple where MK said the guy proposed to her in MK's presence? Did they get married or what?
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Dick happens! - MK
Off Topic but TMZ has a funny video of the paps calling Sienna a homewrecker, LMAO she gets so pissed!
http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1740023108
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"Blame it on the London air!"
the secret to a long happy marrriage?
You don't marry who you desire the most.
You marry who you disgusts you the least.
Discuss.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
LoLo come back--
You can blame it all on me
I was wrong
And I just can't live without you!♫
I thought he was gayer than gay. Why did they marry?
Totally off-topic: If you guys needed any more reason to love Johnny Depp, allegedly he (Colin Farrell and Jude Law...I guess I should include them, too) donated his paycheck from his part in the unfinished Heath Ledger film to Heath's little girl.
Director Terry Gilliam said: “They didn’t take money — it goes to Heath’s daughter. That’s extraordinary! And wonderful . . . and when you’re part of that, you think, ‘Ah, this is maybe why I went into the movies in the beginning. I thought it would be full of wonderful people. And we’ve got a movie full of wonderful people who did extraordinary things to help.”
Too sweet.
Ok, carry on ;)
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"Ed Westwick is not gay - he's British!"