Michael Phelps Just Got $100 Million Hotter
On Saturday night, Michael Phelps became the greatest human being that ever lived after he won his 10 millionth Olympic gold medal or something like that. Saint Angelina even bowed down to him for a quick second. Anybutterface, Michael's 8 gold medals could earn him up to $100 million in endorsement deals. WTF? For splashing around in a pool?!
Michael's agent spoke to the Wall Street Journal and right after he finished wiping the drool from his greedy mouth, he said, "What is the value of eight golds in Beijing before a prime-time audience in the US? I'd say 100 million dollars over the course of his lifetime." His agent said that he's been getting around 50 offers a day. 49 of those are offers from cougars and gay dudes who want to do the body butterfly with him on their waterbeds. You know who you are....MOM!
Michael already has deals with Speedo, Hilton and Omega. One industry expert said that if he leaves Speedo, Nike could pay him up to $50 million. Bitch better get that money! And once he gets it, he better build Debbie Phelps a crystal palace, because she deserves it! That woman is a diamond.
AND! Michael Phelps has already reached Chuck Norris levels of awesomeness. Someone started a website full of "Michael Phelps Facts." Here are some of my favorites:
Water drinks Michael Phelps.Every time you see a shooting star you are really watching Michael Phelps train in space.
If you look into the eye of a hurricane you will see Michael Phelps swimming.
Sure Jesus walked on water, but Michael Phelps swims through land.
Newborn dolphins learn to swim by watching footage of Michael Phelps.
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If I was Mrs. Phelps, I'd make him wear a sock or a cod piece of something. If one of my sons was flouncing around showing the world his penis I'd be a little dismayed.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruFItmix58A&feature=related
those long A arms won the gold; and that big... :)
nice wet suit. :)
:)
;>
Clarisse on August 18, 2008 - 6:19pm.
Oh! Hellooooooooo! And me with two free hands...
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aha! cheating on CB i see...good! more for me....*runs away laughing her ass off*
I wouldn't mind it if he was my swim coach.
Darth Vader wore a raspberry beret
@ FatMartha: Hi5! (girlfriend) :)
PEEEEEEEEN!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville
St angelina aint bowing down, she's getting a Michael Phelps voodoo doll Made! Nobody dares steal the spotlight from St. Angelina! Lol!
------------------------------------------------------------- *I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Nope, dude doesn't do it for me, particularly in that picture. He looks somehow.... disproportionate.
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Submitted by Cooch.Roue on August 18, 2008 - 4:21pm.
Barf. Whatever this goons is selling, I'm not buying. Cool. You've spent your entire life doing something selfish and unproductive for your own personal glory, and now that you've achieved an admittedly big goal we're all supposed to bow down to you and buy shit just because your fug face in the commercial? Get bent.
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Right on.
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It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Anonymousfckr:
how can you use that picture and ignore the elephant MK, I demand to know.
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It's like Guy Ritchie saying Madonna looks great.
There's something that is not getting addressed here.
Uhm. That doesn't look like an itty bitty willy.
Submitted by joe shmoe on August 18, 2008 - 6:38pm.
i know it's fascinating isnt it? but in mike's case here it doesnt even matter. unfortunately it's a bit small to make an impact either way in terms of aerodynamics. maybe he should thank his small penis for not affecting the speed of his swim therefore getting allthose medals.
Submitted by weenielover on August 18, 2008 - 7:11pm.
give it a few months...we'll hear he's all jacked on steroids. 15 minutes of fame over. POOF! Back to work selling pickled eggs at the local 7-11.
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LAWL. Preach it, gurlfriend (boifriend?)!
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Hi5.
Submitted by yiooooooo on August 18, 2008 - 6:38pm.
It looks small to me too. Money or not, I couldn't fake it with him.
I saw on Yahoo where they had a segment on what he ate after the games, his first meal. GOOD GRIEF
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Dick happens! - MK
you can't help but piss in the water wearing that getup....
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how YOU doin'?
give it a few months...we'll hear he's all jacked on steroids. 15 minutes of fame over. POOF! Back to work selling pickled eggs at the local 7-11.
nice package
First, before this money and celebration, I want to know if this was possible naturally or with drugs that would make him go faster?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by Anonymousfckr on August 18, 2008 - 6:34pm
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Interesting!! Now these are exactly the kinds of questions I like to ponder in my spare time.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruFItmix58A&feature=related
Sarah Jessica Parkers' face called it wants its vertical measurement back.
They should get together and make seahorsies!!!
Him pretty sure the girls who ignore him in high school are lining up to be in front of his greatness ,his peen looks small or his just me??
Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus
Submitted by FritoDorito on August 18, 2008 - 6:20pm.
He's doable, but I'd have to put a duffel bag on his head or something.
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Definitely a duffle bag is needed. I couldn't even imagine his as Shia, I'd need more reinforcement with the bag to forget that fug while doing sexy times.
Hey guess what Michael Phelps?
In about a month, you will be a nobody again. :) Congratulations!
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Hi5.
HAHAHA did anybosy notice his feet? WTF it looks like he has extra fingers that never developed.
Kinda looks like that south park character with the baby on the side of her face.
This picture is going to be embedded into my work computer's hard drive... Noo!
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
I tuck my cock in the waistband too!!!
Submitted by joe shmoe on August 18, 2008 - 6:29pm.
to be more aerodynamic the cock needs to point down actually
Submitted by Salem13 on August 18, 2008 - 4:29pm.
-0-0-0-0-
Even more so to the Jonas Girls.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade
Looks like Trojan needs to hop on the Micheal Phelps gravy train too. And did anybody catch his interview on NBC after he won the 8th gold medal and he says" yea, I've been checking my Facebook account and all these people who tormented me in high school are trying to be my friend now." Dude...get over yourself and who finds time to check thier Facebook account while they are competing in the Olympics?
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
I like the little speedos they used to wear way better.
Dude forgot his cup. No one needs to see that.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
Hey, i just noticed that his left palm is super red....hmmm.....what could that be from??? heheheh
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Ouch! The peen looks pained. I wonder if that's how Brooke Hogan keeps her bikini line so smooth.
Is he more aerodynamic in the water if his penis is pointing to the stars? Just curious...
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruFItmix58A&feature=related
Swimming is NOT a sport its something you do to keep from drowning.
Yes Fred proably is jerking off to this as well as all those Jonas tools videos.
Maybe he should tuck it so he can streamline his pee pee too....lol. Just a thought.
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
er, I can see the outline of his PENIS
The new LZR suits that the athletes are wearing really don't leave much to the imagination, do they.
That wetsuit is sooooooooooo GAY!!!
Nice peen cleavage. lol...or whatever its called.
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
being able to swim a little faster is nott a good enough reason to wear that
Submitted by Salem13 on August 18, 2008 - 4:22pm.
Fred Phelps would not approve of that outfit.
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I would have to agree. Secretly Fred Phelps would not approve of that outfit because the peen is not more accessible to Fred Phelps. We all know that he is a closeted queen.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade
Submitted by Salem13 on August 18, 2008 - 6:22pm.
Fred Phelps would not approve of that outfit.
He's probably in his home office jerking off to it as we speak.
Maybe he can get an endorsement contract with Spanx.
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
One of the things that I noticed is that he looks EXACTLY like his mother. I don't know who is worse off, him or her.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade
Fred Phelps would not approve of that outfit.
peen peen peen peen peen peen! do not ignore the peen!
FritoDorito on August 18, 2008 - 6:20pm.
He's doable, but I'd have to put a duffel bag on his head or something.
- Yea, one of those free Nike bags he has now.
But no, he doesn't trip my sexy time circuits.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
He needs a good punch in the face.
It would probably help to straighten his teef out.
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"I told my brother all about you, he's gonna love you, only he better
not love you too much or I'll kick his ass."
Barf. Whatever this goons is selling, I'm not buying. Cool. You've spent your entire life doing something selfish and unproductive for your own personal glory, and now that you've achieved an admittedly big goal we're all supposed to bow down to you and buy shit just because your fug face in the commercial? Get bent.
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I’m like an American princess. - Paris Hilton
I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own. Like a hustler. - Paris Hilton
He's doable, but I'd have to put a duffel bag on his head or something.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade
Oh! Hellooooooooo! And me with two free hands...
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K