Morning Wood

if mrs fields needs mid-life crisis plus failed business comfort in the arms of a strapping young gayelle, i nominate myself.

This Kim Kardashian "WAHH I HATE MY ASS" is getting old. I DON'T feel bad for her.

Ever since she's been "whining" about her ass, people think she's some sort of heroine. Let's not call Kim Kardashian fat, but let's post closeups of everyone else's cellulite.

And you know she's only pretending to hate her ass so that everyone can say "OH KIMMY DON'T LOSE IT, YOU'RE SOOO HOT!"

Shut the fuck up, Kim. No as a matter of fact, lose the weight so that we'll never have to hear from you again. One Nicole Schertinzinger's annoying enough. So go ahead and diet and exercise away.

Ich will aus Ihren Augen reißen und pisse in ihren Steckdosen!

Phil Collins needs some more sappy hits or soundtracks quick.

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Glaucoma sufferers, count yourselves lucky.

Phil Collins will have to shell out around $48 million to his third ex-wife. I guess he don't believe in Pre-Nups.

Darth Vader wore a raspberry beret

Despite some weight gain, Alanis rocks hard! AND she played God for fuck's sake. Don't mess with her.

she BEEN sold that company, folks, Debbi is not broke LOL

I loved Debra's Special, my fave growing up, so I am sad. fresh and warm in the store, total yum!! gives me good memories.

the ones in the box...not so good

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how YOU doin'?

I can't stand Mrs. Fields. Her nasty cookies were severely overpriced. Come on, what moron would buy a cookie for $3?!! It better be covered in gold leaf before I waste my money like that. In Westwood Village (UCLA), Mrs. Fields was just a block away from a mom and pop cookie store named Diddy Riese that sold fresh baked cookies for 35 cents and still sell them for that. The lines are always out the door for Diddy Riese, but poor ol' Mrs. Fields never had anyone there save a gullible old woman every now and then. No wonder Fields didn't last very long over there.

Thanks MK! Now I want a cookie.

Twat shots are the new black.

Instead of "Does this dress make me look fat?" it's "Does this dress flash my twat as I exit the limo? It does? Good, let's go!"

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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08

Guys, heads up: If you are middle aged, balding and rich, there is only one reason some girl young enough to be your daughter is interested. I can't believe these men fall for this time after time. Don't they have financial advisers? At lease get the girl to sign a prenup.

@ YourMom

Mmmmmm, swedish meatballs! *booking my flight as we speak* People who love to cook are bad ass!

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville

Submitted by DeeDee on August 18, 2008 - 11:28am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 18, 2008 - 9:59am.
Why is Mrs. Fields going bankrupt? Because her cookies suck ass, is why! I can bake circles around this slut. She surely can't beat my chocolate/white chip chocolate coconut walnut cookies, my oatmeal raisin, or my butter cookies (all made from scratch, tyvm). Move over, bitch--there's a new cookie baker in town!
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I'll be right over with a gallon of milk! heehee

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Awesome, DeeDee! I also made Swedish meatballs if you're hungry.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."

Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 18, 2008 - 9:59am.
Why is Mrs. Fields going bankrupt? Because her cookies suck ass, is why! I can bake circles around this slut. She surely can't beat my chocolate/white chip chocolate coconut walnut cookies, my oatmeal raisin, or my butter cookies (all made from scratch, tyvm). Move over, bitch--there's a new cookie baker in town!
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I'll be right over with a gallon of milk! heehee

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville

Love those Mrs. Fields cookies. Sad news for sure.

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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."

Mrs Field's SECRET is grinding up oatmeal, and putting in the cookies....heehee

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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"

Hm never heard of this Mrs Fields lady(?) so can't participate in the aggro, but Kate Beckinsale - now there's a ho I can hate! Think its hard for most people in the US to understand just how much this bitch has sold herself out to get famous in the states. She was a successful working actress in the UK for many years before she went to LA and was the absolute antithesis of the image she presents to the world now. She studied at Oxford, played demure Jane Austen heroines etc in many a film and tv costume drama, and was generally a kooky, straight-laced, limelight-avoiding Brit. She had a steady boyfriend with whom she had a daughter and was totally low-key and discreet. To obtain success in Hollywood she's sold herself out on so many levels: new boobs, teeth, fake tan, over-the-top hair, constant attention-seeking references to her sex life and fanny, snogging the face off her new husband in every pap shot taken of her even though her daughter is always stood next to her or even holding her hand - her bids for fame to me are even more desperate and over-the-top than the likes of Paris Hilton. Her dad was also a much respected British actor who died tragically young(early 30's). I think he would be horrified at what his daughter has done to achieve Hollywood success. Check out this link for an almost unrecognisable pre-Hollywood Kate Beckinsale:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Shootingfishposter.jpg

Hmm...Mrs. Fields looks like she's Xing her brains out. She's thinking "I want to rub this cookie all over my naughty bits". You know this is true.

"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"

Dita just has a strange body. Nice face, though.

Bummer, I liked the Mrs. Fields cookies.

Didn't Phil Collins break up with one of his wives or girlfriends by fax or something at one time?

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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."

Why is Mrs. Fields going bankrupt? Because her cookies suck ass, is why! I can bake circles around this slut. She surely can't beat my chocolate/white chip chocolate coconut walnut cookies, my oatmeal raisin, or my butter cookies (all made from scratch, tyvm). Move over, bitch--there's a new cookie baker in town!

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."

@ Ricki

Best tyrade I have read to date!!!

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot".

$25 million dollars for being married to Phil?!?! Unless that bitch is responsible for "In The Air Tonight', she shouldn't get more than 2 million.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville

She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

Submitted by ricki lake on August 18, 2008 - 7:30am.

Oh, and Kim Kardashian?
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Ricki I don't think I could possibly love you any more than I do today.
Preach it, brotha!

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Nervenzusammenbruch

PS, uhhh, if anyone notices or cares, I meant Brooke was one of the most recognizable faces of the EIGHTIES, not nineties. Drrr.

Morning botches. Happy piss Monday! Hope everyone had an awesome weekend.

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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.

Submitted by LA on August 18, 2008 - 10:26am.
Debbie Fields is a anti-choice neocon. I'm thrilled she's broke.

WOOT! Yes!

Submitted by ricki lake on August 18, 2008 - 10:26am.

Fuck you Mrs. Fields, you psycho religious bigoted bitch. Rot in financial hell, whore.
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Whoa, I didn't know this about her. I don't eat her cookies either. Must read more about her.

I had no idea Mrs. Fields was an evil right winger. Damn it, I've probably got Neocon Fat Cells in my arse as I type this. Off to kickboxing! And, you know, good fucking riddance, Mrs. Fields, you and your evilly delicious Cookies of Hatred.

Big Foot's daughter - even blind freddy could tell that link had to be a Kardashian. The Kardashians ARE the missing link.

Incidentally, I see the spammer whores are blooping shit there as well, but they have a really dumb spammer.

xxxyzx - I am going to need a valid reason to not be a jelluz h8er

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656

all of you stop h8ting on Kim

I love Phil Collins. Hope your healing well Michael K, your amazing wit is back :)

Oh, and Kim Kardashian? Brooke Shields was one of the most recognizable faces of the 90's. She was a top supermodel by her early teens, gracing the covers of fashion magazines across the world. Eileen Ford started her children's modeling agency specifically for Brooke Shields, who is also descended from many Italian noble families, including the Medicis. She is related to popes. You are famous for letting Brandy's little brother piss all over you. Just so we're clear.

Submitted by ricki lake on August 18, 2008 - 7:26am.

Fuck you Mrs. Fields, you psycho religious bigoted bitch. Rot in financial hell, whore.

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YEAH!!! What Ricki said.
♥

-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Nervenzusammenbruch

Fuck you Mrs. Fields, you psycho religious bigoted bitch. Rot in financial hell, whore.

Dita Von Teese's pictures don't look so hot. Well, at least the first one. Her belly button is all wonky. It looks like Paris Hilton's eyeball.

Debbie Fields is a anti-choice neocon. I'm thrilled she's broke.

Submitted by EvilShoe on August 18, 2008 - 10:14am.
Damn, 25 million to Phil's third ex-wife!

Prenup Dumbass!

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I know. And she's not even all that either. NOT even CLOSE... Looks like (fill in horrible thing about London's high streets here).

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"I told my brother all about you, he's gonna love you, only he better
not love you too much or I'll kick his ass."

Okay... in my head, Mrs. Fields was a memaw-y old lady with glasses and an updo. Who is this crazy-eyed, Botox'd bitch???
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Hi5.

I love Mrs. Fields, I used to go all the time when I worked at the mall.
I really wanna like Kate Beckinsale but something about her is really annoying.
Peta needs to shut up and put that time and energy on talking shit about celebrities into saving animals.

Kim Kardashian could NEVER be the model Brooke Shields was in the 80's....yeah, i want to see that Stumpy Whore recreate those ads...

People have the Mrs Field's recipe, probably why it;s going under....

ugh, I';m going back to bed.

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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"

Is Donald Trump going to try to own Mrs. Field's now?

/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.

Damn, 25 million to Phil's third ex-wife!

Prenup Dumbass!

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Dick happens! - MK

I have Mrs. Fields' cookbook so I'm not worried.

Kate Beckinsale: why would you wear no undergarments if you know the paps are going to try and take upskirt photos? Twit.

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"WOLVERIIIINES!"

You know the American economy is struggling when junk food makers are going bankrupt. I'm scared!

I never noticed before, but Dita has a bit of a potato head herself; she needs to hook Rumer up with a few pointers on how to look feminine...

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"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel

She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

HELL NO! Where the hell am I gonna get my double chocolate cookies now?
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade

Not Mrs. Fields?!? Fuck me sideways.

Welcome back, MK, hope you're starting to feel a bit better.