John Opens Up To The Paparazzi
As John Mayer left the gym in NYC yesterday, he talked to his best friends, the paparazzi, about his break-up with Jennifer Aniston. He said, "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met."
He went on to say, "But she tied me to the bed with mink handcuffs, put on sexy lingerie and kept calling me her 'mormon husband.'" Okay, he didn't say that last part, but Jennifer Aniston is totally the next Bernann McKinney. She's going to try and clone Brad Pitt using the hair she cut from his head every night as he slept. Believe it.
When asked what went wrong with their fairytale romance, he answered, "Well, I figured out I was dating Jennifer Aniston." No, he said, "People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Translation: "She poked holes in the condoms to try and get pregnant and I'm a man whore who can't control his 'Dominican penis.'"
Here's Mayer with his brother in NYC last night. I know he's related to John Mayer, because I can see the douche in his eyes. That shit is genetic.
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If a regular Joe talked about his "Dominican penis," his friends would point and laugh. Because John Mayer has a pulpit, his mutterings get printed in Rolling Stone.
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Glaucoma sufferers, count yourselves lucky.
Submitted by Cocoa Mocha Sugar on August 17, 2008 - 12:55pm.
every picture i ever saw of brad and jennifer she was frowning and looking miserable.
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"every picture u ever saw?" oh whatever
u are entitled to your opinion but
there were tons of pix of them together where they both look gloriously happy.
and why not? they were the golden couple.
too bad for jen that brad got baginamatized
Oh Fuck! everyone is here making their opinions like they personally know Jen.....Me i have trouble saying anything why? because i don't freaken know Jennifer Aniston! All i know is that she has a killer body, she's freaking rich and she does whatever she wants with her life!!!!! and i can't be mad at her for that.....
that's all i gotta say!
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
don't worry, i usually don't read. i come to read MK, not his wannabees.
as to "pity" or "allowances" LOL who are you? God?
In this world, I expect nothing less of people... or ravenous wolves. :)
cheerio CMS
Submitted by TheDrizzle on August 17, 2008 - 12:53pm.
And by all accounts, the Pitt/Jolie relationship took place after the Jenn/Brad one ended, so calling her a homewrecker is kind of ridiculous.
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Brad and Jen were still married when shooting for MAMS started and by many accounts Brad and Angie were very, ahem, "chummy" on the set, and it was obvious that Jolie was aiming to get her claws into Pitt. Also, Jennifer Aniston has stated that from the first day of shooting the movie Brad was emotionally distant from her and the marriage.
I do think, however, their marriage was on the rocks by that time.
@Cocoa Mocha Sugar:"
hahaha john mayer and shia labeouf? i can't think of two douchebags more unworthy of pity or allowances. labeouf in particular. oh well, takes all kinds, i guess.
i personally can't explain why i kind of like ashlee simpson (after watching that horrorfest of a reality show she had a few years back) but that doesn't she's not fair game on a gossip site like Dlisted.
don't like it? don't read.
"Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 2:55pm.
@Cocoa Mocha Sugar,
You are right, he is sooooo vulnerable... That is why he runs to the papps or his blog to spill his guts about how effing noble he is to walk away. I am feeling the sympathy rising in my throat. Oh, never mind. It was last nights burrito. PUKE!"
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well, im beyond the surface bullshit, not that anyone gives a sh- about who i am or why i see things as i do.
blogging, talking to the paps or buying them coffee = "i want to be liked" ie "vulnerable".
the thing i find most despicable about celebrity hate web sites aren't the bloggers (case in point, MK is a comedian and he's hilarious! therefore, he can get away with this shit!), is that the so called "fans" of these sites are about as inSIGHTFUL as mr. magoo.
i try not to reduce these celebrities to mere objects. we see only a snapshot of these people. imagine if that was the tape in which we were all measured?
I know they're rich, i know they're attractive, i know they are talented (most of them anyway) and have opportunities many of you will never have whether you are talented or not. but i try, for my own growth not to use them for sport because i'm "jealous" or some other bullshit.
some celebrities are morons, some deserve a deeper look. John mayer, shia labeof are two in particular that I FEEL (so this is subjective) are more than what meets the eye, so...
these are just fucking pictures. we make up the stories to go with them, now don't we?
you all address them by nicknames or first names, and know everything about these people when none of you actually know them. so stop talking like you do. or like the stories you make up from these pictures are actually fact.
getting coffee, walking down a NY sidewalk, smoking a ciggy, or riding a bike isn't evil or "douche".
:) CMS
@Cocoa Mocha Sugar,
You are right, he is sooooo vulnerable... That is why he runs to the papps or his blog to spill his guts about how effing noble he is to walk away. I am feeling the sympathy rising in my throat. Oh, never mind. It was last nights burrito. PUKE!
He is a huge pwig!
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
he's right. i have to go with mayer on this. i think he is the most forthcoming and most VULNERABLE of all the hollywood peeps.
give the guy a break..
jennifer aniston brings a lot of what befalls her in the gossip press on herself.
she is the most miserable looking woman whereas angelina simply looks like she don't give an 'eff. if you dont' like her, urr so what! every picture i ever saw of brad and jennifer she was frowning and looking miserable. everything out of her mouth is miserable and bitter. i dont know what kind of person she is.
maybe they are just sound bites and jennifer aniston is a lovely person. i doubt she is as bad and 'lonely' as made out to be and sometimes, people don't have boyfriends, it's not a big deal.
I do think Angelina is really kooky and comes from an insane family. She is beautiful, but her real acting talents remain to be seen -- she hasn't really starred in any movies that have broken her out to superstar serious actress status. She used crappy judgement in the past and portrayed herself as a whackjob. Having said that, I give her props for stepping away from the Hollywood f*ckfest, raising a family and using her powers and money for good, as opposed to evil. And by all accounts, the Pitt/Jolie relationship took place after the Jenn/Brad one ended, so calling her a homewrecker is kind of ridiculous.
I'm old enough to remember Julia Roberts' insanity when she was first famous. She had a little problem with the smack (in "Hook", namely -- Spielberg has publicly said he will never work with her again), and had the crazy, psycho man problems and screwed virtually every co-star. She broke up a lot of relationships (including the marriage of her current guy/husband to her children). She was a trainwreck. Now, she's everyone's "sweetheart". I think people can change (or in Julia's case -- slow down and switch focus) and should be afforded the opportunity to do so. I cannot imagine if someone constantly reminded me of the stupid things my friends and I did when we were young. It seems like a lifetime ago and so much has changed since then.
Regarding Jenn, I admire that she's a powerful woman in Hollywood, but honestly, I'm sick of hearing about her lamenting for Brad. I don't even blame her for that; I know that's manufactured by the media. I've never undertood why the press is so fascinated with her -- she starred in a big sitcom as part of an ensemble cast, but hasn't been able to launch a successful A-list film career, and can't really carry a movie. I seriouly don't think anyone would make such a big deal about her if it weren't for her relationship with Brad. I thought she was hilarious on "Friends" but had a number of friends who worked with her on the show and said she was abusive, obessive and profoundly difficult to work with. Another friend did the press junket with her for "Object of My Affection" and told me that he, his PR firm and the entire distribution company wanted to kill her by the time the junket was over.
I think she, like Angelina, has issues. Actresses are never the most stable people. Constantly talking about every stupid thing they've ever done since the dawn of time is interesting for a bit, then it just becomes tedious. There's too many other morons doing dumbass things in the here-and-now that are so much more interesting.
Submitted by ocd can be good on August 17, 2008 - 3:50pm.
It meant Mr. Penis had seen something shinier.
ROFLMA...Shiney Cooty
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
@Mike,
I gave MK a tried and true recipe for good old fashioned Hot Toddies to make him all better. Since he is still sick, either he tried them alot or he is more of a health freak than we gave him credit for...
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Doot de dooooo
*sighs*
[To Self -- Must erase all visions and thoughts of JM lest he visits me in a nightmare tonight]
*shudders*
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
I think this guy's PR message is the celeb/artiste version of the classic breakup line "You're just too good for me cause I've been hurt" tripe a male buddy of mine always used. It meant Mr. Penis had seen something shinier.
What the hell did we do to deserve this as the last story of the day?
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 3:28pm.
@Mr. Pres,
Only if that Ponderosa still has the hooves attached to it...
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Deb, I think the "steaks" they serve there ARE the hooves.
On topic: perhaps Mayer should sue Summer's Eve for using his trademarked nickname without permission.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Call me crazy but I actually enjoy reading the comments of people that defend Brangelina that shit goes to prove how mindless people are, can you imagine how much money you could make off people like that?
Its funny how when something about AJ is written its all false but when anything about Jenn is written its the complete and utter truth.
So, I left for awhile and then when I come back, I see that Waa-Baby's face is STILL the first post. Blech.
Ugh; when are we going to get past this post?
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"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
With that last statement, Mayer may have actually surpassed Jared Leto on the asshat meter.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
When he hangs with his brother, do they qualify as the economy twin pack of douches?
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
I seriously don't care for Jennifer or Angelina, I think they should be the new gayelle couple and leave Brad to the wolves.
Now that's a story! Top that Ellen and Portia!
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
He should have stuck with the Batman hoodie. And kept his trap shut.
Joe, I shouldn't complain too much, since I eat enough beef jerky to fill the Rose Bowl.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
I honestly don't know where these people that talk so much shit about Jennifer and her love life come from. They're quick to jump on her but they have no problem with a brother fucking junkie who takes drugs when she doesn't need to to get knocked up with what may or may not be her tool of a boyfriend's babies. I don't for the life of me understand the imbalance.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
@Mr. Pres,
Only if that Ponderosa still has the hooves attached to it...
Still hate the "kiss and tell" types. Except for me.
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAWN omgeepers Sundays are boring.
no new post from him huh???
did Mayer just get off the short bus?
yeah I bet Maniston is the smartest HE'S ever known.
Submitted by Mr. President on August 17, 2008 - 3:23pm.
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You know Mr Prez, methinks that you doth protest a *little* too much about that delicious steak at Ponderosa...did you ever consider that it's good for your digestion if you have to gum each mouthful for 20 minutes (hahahaha i kill myself!)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruFItmix58A&feature=related
How's it going Joe? Methinks Mayer needs to be slapped hard in the face with a Ponderosa steak.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Mr. President on August 17, 2008 - 3:17pm
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*smirk* hi Mr Prez!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruFItmix58A&feature=related
How could Jen not fall for humor and wit like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_A9pdLYtvQ
It's the only time I've ever felt any kind of sympathy for Seacrest.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
I went (for my Stepdaughter's B-day) to his concert at the Merriweather Post back in July. The venue is outdoors....THANK GOODNESS....because all I did was stand near the beer vendor and drink and smoke fags the whole time. One song of his is just enough....an entire concert and I was ready to bury my damned-self in a casket and put flowers on top. But she (like most teens) have a real big crush on his maudlin ass. Even his song about running through the halls of high school made me feel down and dreary. It's his voice.
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 3:02pm.
@SOCKY!
You little minx, how the heck are you? Have an origamied bouquet of Lilac/Vanilla "roses" I made just for you! I have missed you. Come over here and let me rub your little fuzzy tummy, luvie!
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Deb!!! *jumping into your arms* *big hug & smooches* I'm fine. *sniffing bouquet* mmmmm....niiiice! *waiting for the scratchies on my tummy* mmmmm...very niiice! Thanks! *jumping on James Haven's pink Vespa* Gonna check out the other threads! *waving* See ya!
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
@SOCKY!
You little minx, how the heck are you? Have an origamied bouquet of Lilac/Vanilla "roses" I made just for you! I have missed you. Come over here and let me rub your little fuzzy tummy, luvie!
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Thanks, i type fast at times. I made a spelling error earlier and didn't notice until after. Most of the time i re-read the post before i click "post comment". Have a nice day.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 2:32pm.
Methinks there has been an infestation of ticks from JJ.
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Hmmmm....that explains the need to scratch. *scratching little sock monkey ear*
ON T: Do not find him amusing...or talented.
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
@VMDA,
Rather than to retype you can hit the edit for your post and make corrections. 8-)
If you use a laptop, your curser was probably over the post comment....nothing is wrong. I have done it before so this is knowledge by experience. LOL.
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Submitted by VMDA78 on August 17, 2008 - 2:48pm.
Is there something wrong with the website? I was typing and something whacky happened.
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It glitches on me sometimes too. It usually means I gotsta slow down.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Is there something wrong with the website? I was typing and something whacky happened.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 2:32pm.
Methinks there has been an infestation of ticks from JJ. They hold Angelina as the model of goodness...hahaha.
I, too, NEED a heroin-shooting, brother-tonguing, child-gathering unmarried bisexual for a role model. She is my inspiration...
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You're soo right. I'm almost 30 and considering my life will literally END when i turn 40, so maybe i should steal another woman's husband and have 6 kids with him within 3 years... coz you know... Angelina is the epitome of a good woman ever to walked on this planet!! *eye roll*
Jennifer has no reason to be jealous of angelina and her litter of kids. Angelina still thinks she is hot shit, when in reality there are many other actresses in hollywood that are more attractive.
OFFT, but whatever: some stupid kid in Thailand has just stabbed a taxi driver because he wanted to know if robbing a cab was as easy as in (videogame) GTA.
The fuck?!
Poor cabbie. Imbecile kid. And I expect an announcement from the family within one week that they're suing the creators of GTA for what happened.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
Jennifer has no reason to be jealous of angelina and her litter of kids. Angelina still thinks she is hot shit, when in reality there
Submitted by VMDA78 on August 17, 2008 - 10:56am.
Jennifer is the 3rd highest paided (27 million) actress in hollywood, so life can't be that bad for her.
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For us, however....
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Submitted by joe shmoe on August 17, 2008 - 2:24pm.
No problem joe shmoe :)
DebFrmHell
Methinks there has been an infestation of ticks from JJ. They hold Angelina as the model of goodness...hahaha.
Maybe the JJ site is down, we've been infested all day.
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I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
@DAE,
I am sure Jessica does. It is in the cupboard next to her "Chicken of the Sea"
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
DreamyAguileraEyes
Does Jessica even know what a heart is??
Of course she does, thats the symbol she uses to dot her "i". Silly gurl!
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
@Libra,
Methinks there has been an infestation of ticks from JJ. They hold Angelina as the model of goodness...hahaha.
I, too, NEED a heroin-shooting, brother-tonguing, child-gathering unmarried bisexual for a role model. She is my inspiration...
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Submitted by Pimpcessa on August 17, 2008 - 6:48pm.
I a weird way I want to see the 3rd one, from behind a wall of cushions of course!
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Submitted by DiamondDawg on August 17, 2008 - 6:49pm.
I think there's an antil - christ too. This would if full of opposties, it stands to reason that if there was a Christ, there should be an anti Christ too.
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Submitted by . on August 17, 2008 - 6:59pm.
I have never seen that movie.
I just read the plot summery - it actually sounds intresting!!
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Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 17, 2008 - 7:16pm.
Does Jessica even know what a heart is??
~♥~"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it a present.” – Eleanor Roosevelt~♥~