John Opens Up To The Paparazzi
As John Mayer left the gym in NYC yesterday, he talked to his best friends, the paparazzi, about his break-up with Jennifer Aniston. He said, "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met."
He went on to say, "But she tied me to the bed with mink handcuffs, put on sexy lingerie and kept calling me her 'mormon husband.'" Okay, he didn't say that last part, but Jennifer Aniston is totally the next Bernann McKinney. She's going to try and clone Brad Pitt using the hair she cut from his head every night as he slept. Believe it.
When asked what went wrong with their fairytale romance, he answered, "Well, I figured out I was dating Jennifer Aniston." No, he said, "People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Translation: "She poked holes in the condoms to try and get pregnant and I'm a man whore who can't control his 'Dominican penis.'"
Here's Mayer with his brother in NYC last night. I know he's related to John Mayer, because I can see the douche in his eyes. That shit is genetic.
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or is it just crazy in general?
holy crap batman!
Die thread, die!!
Submitted by James Haven on August 17, 2008 - 9:30pm.
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Bwahahahahahaha! I can always count on you for a good laugh.
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"Ed Westwick is not gay - he's British!"
Chica,
U missed the point let me try again.
U "confronted" me for having an opinion different than yours about Jen and U backed it up by saying I don't know her (jen).
My point was that you don't know her either (BFF was sarcasm thrown in u missed that too).
I feel that i should be able to speculate whateverthefuck I want about whoeverthefuck I want without being confronted by you. My guess about her is just as good as anyone's because none of us fucking know her.
You wrote: "It's because of the fact the I DON'T know her that I don't talk about her"
If you have a problem with me speculating about celebrities (that I don't know) and what they r doing in their personal life then u r on the wrong site Mami
All i am asking is that u do not interrupt my SNARK. its gossip site etiquette that u were lacking.
Feel free to state your opinion (even if it opposes mine) but the confrontation was a waste of time energy and effort.
Consider yourself enlightened
D-listers, please carry on with the snark....Sorry for the distraction
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Spicy....Hot...Ginge
Does anyone else smell LA/HA?
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Schmerling's...
Kosher for Pesach and Cholov Yisroel!!!!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Nervenzusammenbruch
@Chicaloca
WELL GOOD FOR YOU
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Hello Manny! Good to see you!
Poor Jennifer is about as lucky in love as James Haven is and we all know how lucky James Haven is at love :(
But don't kid yourself, John Mayer is no Panic at the Disco! He's a big dud. James Haven went out with him one night to the trendy "Hyde". John sat in the corner turning people away saying "No autographs, go away" Well that would have been ok except he was saying that to the waiters! It took James Haven two hours before he could get himself a Candy Apple Martini!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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According to wikipedia, she has 6 movies coming out soon. Gak! I hope she's not the leading lady in any of 'em, but that's too much to ask. She doesn't have enough charisma for the big screen and should stick to small roles, like in Office Space (just my opinion.) I think if anything makes her seem pathetic, it's watching her try to be a comedic film star. Take acting classes, Jen!
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 17, 2008 - 9:20pm.
Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! If you've got Schmerling's cheese spread and Savoin Matzo crackers, I'll even wrap up a shiny new defibrillator with a purty silver bow on top!
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 9:07pm.
Wow, not exactly what I was thinking but it sounds that you like that sort of vid.
@ James Haven, Evening James, so you think Jennifer was not so good at Happy Endings?
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Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 6:18pm.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 17, 2008 - 9:15pm
Boo! And I was going to bring the little sachets of coke to throw as you two hopped into your limo.
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Oh, well, in THAT case...how do you feel about kosher eggrolls?
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Nervenzusammenbruch
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 17, 2008 - 9:15pm
Boo! And I was going to bring the little sachets of coke to throw as you two hopped into your limo.
Submitted by shoe addict on August 17, 2008 - 9:12pm.
Yeah, its a gossip site and everyone is entiled to their opinion. All I did was ask you a fucking question, something that you could have ignored if you didn't want to answer but you wrote back with some bullshit about if shes your bff and all this crap. So I responded you back and ask you to show me where I said that. Its not that fucking serious, but if you want to take it there then we can do that
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NO I'M NOT HISPANIC I'M JUST A CRAZY CHICK HENCE CHICA LOCA ANYWAY TO THE IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY BOO HOO SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT COMMENT & TO THE PROFESSORS THAT LIKE TO TELL US WE CAN'T SPELL KISS OUR....
James Haven told you bitches the other day that this was O V E R! You just never listen to him and have to wait for MK for confirmation. John had it with Jennifer and her bossy ways. He said she was a big ole dud in bed and sometimes fell asleep! No woman has ever fell asleep with John (so he says, but Jennifer LOVE told James Haven that she used to catnap during sex with John)
John said that he was happy to see her go because she also had voodoo dolls of Angie and Brad and would have John help her stick needles in them! That explains why sometimes Angie would cry "ouch!" for no good reason!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 6:02pm.
I don't even enjoy speculating unless it is when Amy Winehouse will die. Snarking- loves it.
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You are NOT invited to me and Amy's gayelle wedding.
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Nervenzusammenbruch
Isn't he supposed to save this kind of crap for his blog? Or does he only have put-downs on that?
Submitted by Manimal5 on August 17, 2008 - 9:05pm.
I guess the real question is whether you want the fishnets tied around your balls while someone in combat boots steps on your peen or not. Anysicko, I am sure you can find that video somewhere. :)
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 8:47pm.
...She has seen some really f'd fetishes. People searching for "high heels" and "cowboy boots"...
Oh..they consider that a fetish?...personally I could go for fisnets and combat boots, but that's another story.
OT: John is all kinds of douchery.
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I don't even enjoy speculating unless it is when Amy Winehouse will die. Snarking- loves it.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 17, 2008 - 8:54pm.
Speculating is fine, as is expressing your opinion, no matter how crazy or uninformed it is. :)
But I do get a little annoyed when peeps be speculating about these hollywood people and then jump all over someone else's dick because they speculate something different.
The older I get the more I realize that people are strange, life is mysterious and I know NOTHING!!!!!!
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Wow, you just about said it all there, Mrs. K.
It's true. I just speculate. Sometimes I like to speculate whateverthefuck I feel like speculating becuz at the end of the day, these people are barbies to me and I want my barbies to have DRAH-MA! As far as getting my panties tied in a knot about who's right? Meh. That's not really what it's about:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Speculating is fine, as is expressing your opinion, no matter how crazy or uninformed it is. :)
But I do get a little annoyed when peeps be speculating about these hollywood people and then jump all over someone else's dick because they speculate something different.
The older I get the more I realize that people are strange, life is mysterious and I know NOTHING!!!!!!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
"Scwew yew, Ah do OWN fing." *Raspberry*
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 6:47pm.
Submitted by ocd can be good on August 17, 2008 - 8:38pm.
My friend has this sweet job for Microsoft-quality control for web searches. She gets lists of people's querries and then the websites that pop up. She judges whether they are relevant to the searcher's intention. She has seen some really f'd fetishes. People searching for "high heels" and "cowboy boots" and just videos focused on the feet of gals walking around and massaging their ankles or dudes stomping around in puddles. The beauty of those sites were the comments viewers could leave under the video, like, "Damn, I wish I was that pump."-or-"I would like to dump a big load right in that boot." OR- "Men smoking"- and there is a dude sitting in a chair rubbing his nips while smoking a cigarette. My favorite was when she told me about "Old Man Tales." She thought it would be like a wisdom from your elders type site. NNNNOOOOO! It was decrepit old men FN young young girls site.
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HAHAHAHAHA! Where do I sign up for a job like that?
"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, prefunctory gift that nobody ever asks for..."
Jenifer Aniston was too much of a Maniston for Mayer. Sure we can say he's a douche,"John, you're a douche" but it really comes down to who wears the pants.
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@FatMartha on August 18, 2008 - 10:41am.
ROFLMTO
It all depends on what you choose to believe.
Do you believe that Jen is desperate to get married and have a babies? (I do not.) If so, she was barking up the wrong tree with Douchey McDoucherson. Dumb move on her part. Dumber still to make the relationship so public (e.g., going on tour with him). I would hate to think she was that dumb.
I tend to go along with
Condi the ingro... on August 17, 2008 - 5:12pm.
"Our PR people thought this "romance" would work, but it was a stupid idea from the get-go and we've decided to cut our losses, because I ended up looking like even more of a slutdog and Jennifer looked like a pathetic desperate cougar. Sorry."
That being said, I am not going to hate on her, get my panties in a knot or get into arguments over it.
I got mah own hell to raise, thank you very much.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
"Scwew yew, Ah do OWN fing." *Raspberry*
Submitted by ocd can be good on August 17, 2008 - 8:38pm.
My friend has this sweet job for Microsoft-quality control for web searches. She gets lists of people's querries and then the websites that pop up. She judges whether they are relevant to the searcher's intention. She has seen some really f'd fetishes. People searching for "high heels" and "cowboy boots" and just videos focused on the feet of gals walking around and massaging their ankles or dudes stomping around in puddles. The beauty of those sites were the comments viewers could leave under the video, like, "Damn, I wish I was that pump."-or-"I would like to dump a big load right in that boot." OR- "Men smoking"- and there is a dude sitting in a chair rubbing his nips while smoking a cigarette. My favorite was when she told me about "Old Man Tales." She thought it would be like a wisdom from your elders type site. NNNNOOOOO! It was decrepit old men FN young young girls site.
Did u jump all over Michael K when he wrote
"She poked holes in the condoms to try and get pregnant
Because that implies that he thinks she wants to have a baby
ITS A GOSSIP SITE....ITS ALL SPECULATION
ITS MY OPINION...You're entitled to yours as am I...ITS A GOSSIP SIIIIITE. i am allowed to speculate on things I have no way of ever confirming. Did U ask RJII if he new Jen, he called her a bore.....
I wasn't at the hospital when ALI Lohan got her implants but I suspect they R implants. Can I do that without you all over me like the rumor police.
Questionin me like I'm a'm a murderer and you're detective Goram (Vincent D'onofrio) on an episode of L&O: CI. WTF, RELAAAAAAX
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Spicy....Hot...Ginge
MK, COME BACK, WE NEED YOU! THE LOONS ARE TAKING OVER AND PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING... AGAIN.
*bursts into tears*
YOUR SEXY TOOSH BETTER BE WELL TOMORROW OR I'LL HAVE TO KEEP TALKING IN CAPS.
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Hi5.
I looked at the site, Gonnaburn. I had read an article before on guys who really, really like their plushed animals too. The one guy had altered his Snoopy doll. So, speaking of guys not to date....
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on August 17, 2008 - 9:04pm.
Ha! Funny ;-)
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NO I'M NOT HISPANIC I'M JUST A CRAZY CHICK HENCE CHICA LOCA ANYWAY TO THE IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY BOO HOO SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT COMMENT & TO THE PROFESSORS THAT LIKE TO TELL US WE CAN'T SPELL KISS OUR....
Submitted by K2 on August 17, 2008 - 8:21pm.
Why you ask???
Cause guys stick it INSIDE bitches and Plant their seed. When women start sticking things into guys ill consider men whores and women studs. Thats why it's different.
Submitted by Chicaloca on August 17, 2008 - 4:35pm.
Honestly how many of you here have dated men you wish you would have never dated.
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I'd like to keep that just between you and me, 'K?
Thanks.
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"Scwew yew, Ah do OWN fing." *Raspberry*
Submitted by laladida on August 17, 2008 - 4:27pm.
Submitted by Puggles on August 17, 2008 - 7:47pm.
ONYLY A BRANGELOONIES FREAK WOULD WRITE THE CRAP YOU FOOLS WRITE
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well perhaps that is the way things work in your bizarro laladida world but in real life it's not that black & white and simplistic.
I suppose you think think that anyone who dislikes oranges must love apples.
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"Scwew yew, Ah do OWN fing." *Raspberry*
I think if MK needs some mommying, he should check out this site.
http://www.phoneamommy.com/
Shit never ceases to amaze me. MMMmmmm hot toddy sounds delish!
Okey Dokey - I'm taking a 10 minute ciggie break so I thought I'd check in on what the F is happening in the rest of the world, i.e. on dlisted - and what sort of fuckery is this?? Are we still sucking on JOHN MAYER? Or are my cookies under the influence of something??
Look I know MK is febrile and blowing snot bubbles, but I'm starting to fear he might have passed away or something.
If John Mayer doesn't disappear *STAT* maybe someone should contact CSI.
Hey Deb, colonics work!
heehee
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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"
@Mike,
I think my recipe for Hot Toddies got him...lol.
Or the colinic that PSL recommended!
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Submitted by mike on August 17, 2008 - 8:25pm.
I'm afraid his atrocious diet has caught up with him.
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My thoughts exactly. It almost makes me want to get all Mommy on his ass but it wouldn't do me any good...I'm sure he's indestructible so I'll just wait on him to heal, I guess...
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
@GonnaBurn,
Don't you go fuckering around on us. We be sensitive whores, dontchaknow!
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
I'm honestly a bit worried about MK. I think this is the longest he's gone without posting. I'm afraid his atrocious diet has caught up with him.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 8:20pm.
MK has to get better or I will be forced to sign up on a mommy blog or some other kind of fuckery.
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LOL I don't think you can say "fuckery" on mommy blogs. At least I haven't tried...they might like it...
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Submitted by Umbertoooo on August 17, 2008 - 7:44pm.
Did no one ever have a summer fling before?
No, no one wants your whore mentality.
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OK, that's right, men sleep around and they're considered studs - woman have a fling or two and they become WHORES?!! WTF? Umbertoooo has to be none other than a male chauvinistic asshole. I wouldn't even consider her and Mayer a fling. That's what I'd call "a relationship cut short". If he was being exclusive and so was she - then it's a relationship. Why does everyone feel bad for Jen? For all we know, she's thinking " good riddens"!
MK has to get better or I will be forced to sign up on a mommy blog or some other kind of fuckery.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 17, 2008 - 8:13pm.
Submitted by angel_i on August 17, 2008 - 8:12pm.
See- That's the kind of comment I come up with about half an hour after I needed it.
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O you! You just need more assholes in your family:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Submitted by Condi the ingro... on August 17, 2008 - 8:12pm.
Boy, WHAT an incredible douche. "People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right.". Translation: "Our PR people thought this "romance" would work, but it was a stupid idea from the get-go and we've decided to cut our losses, because I ended up looking like even more of a slutdog and Jennifer looked like a pathetic desperate cougar. Sorry."
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OR Jen A. looking pathetic is really working for her and if we stayed together too long it wouldn't look good....
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Submitted by angel_i on August 17, 2008 - 8:12pm.
See- That's the kind of comment I come up with about half an hour after I needed it.
Boy, WHAT an incredible douche. "People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right.". Translation: "Our PR people thought this "romance" would work, but it was a stupid idea from the get-go and we've decided to cut our losses, because I ended up looking like even more of a slutdog and Jennifer looked like a pathetic desperate cougar. Sorry."
It looks like America is facing a critical shortage of drunk starlets in the third quarter. Miley, it is your patriotic duty to help out the struggling economy and engage in some drunken mayhem. Please.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Umbertoooo on August 17, 2008 - 7:50pm.
Who is this Robertoooo that you speak of?? I have no idea what your talking about. Sounds like a great guy with a huge penis
in his ass? Why yes! That's him:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.