The Pastor's Wife Vindicated!
A jury in Houston, TX ruled today that Victoria Osteen, wifey of mega pastor Joel Osteen, did not give a flight attendant hemorrhoids.
Sharon Brown, the flight attendant, claimed crazy-eyed Victoria attacked her ass on a flight to Vail, CO. Sharon said that Victoria choked her ass and elbowed her in the tittay after a stain on her first-class seat wasn't cleaned up quickly enough. Sharon said the attack gave her hemorrhoids, affected her faith and caused her anxiety. She wanted at least $405,000.
Outside of the court house, Joel Osteen flashed his teeth made of Wite-Out and said, "It's a great vindication and shows us the faithfulness of God." Oh shit. The clouds just turned when I read Joel's statement. That's God rolling his eyes.
Sharon was robbed! I believe Victoria gave her hemorrhoids. Look at that woman! She probably hypnotized the jury with her crazy eyes! Actually, methinks Victoria's crazy eyes could also burn off Sharon's hemorrhoids. They should look into that. And if you've never seen a picture of roids, click here (NO, DON'T!)
Thanks Momus
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Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 14, 2008 - 4:56pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 14, 2008 - 7:53pm.
If found guilty, will you eat her?
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Probably too scrawny.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Eep! I clicked it! You guys made that happen, you know, with that anal fissure talk! I know you did! Eep!
She crazy. Can't you just lock her up for that?
I DO believe she gave that woman 'roids, anyhow!
Look at her! She did it.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
I'd hit that, if only to see how crazy she could be in the bed. She's probably a superfreak, an absolute tigress.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 14, 2008 - 7:53pm.
If found guilty, will you eat her?
Sorry, but I find this cunt stain GUILTY in the DListed court of law on one count of chokin' a ho, one count of titaay abuse and one count of inflicting hem'roids in the asshole of a bitch.
*bangs gavel*
Sentencing is September 12th. The defendant will remain in custody until then. This court is adjourned.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
OMFG. I had no idea what hemorrhoids looked like. People talk about it all the time like it's nothing!! If that happened to me, I would automatically assume I was dying of terminal ass cancer. That shit is NAST.
I spoke to God and he told me the Osteen's will be going to hell where they will enjoy continuous anal penetration with a splintery broomstick coupled with the worst case of hemorroids known to mankind.
Submitted by Hekki on August 14, 2008 - 3:35pm.
I'm pretty sure that Jesus hates the Osteens.
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I'm sure the Osteens hate Jesus. I don't see them living in humble poverty and turning the other cheek.
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Yup.
And regardless of whether this was a bullshit claim, this Osteen woman should be fucking ashamed of herself. What a miserable heffer.
I read a comment on a website that an actual person who was on the plane wrote. Might be bullshit, but this person said that Mrs. Osteen was walking up and down the plane saying "Do you even know who I am?". And that her husband was silent and submissive.
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Submitted by Hekki on August 14, 2008 - 3:35pm.
I'm pretty sure that Jesus hates the Osteens.
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I'm sure the Osteens hate Jesus. I don't see them living in humble poverty and turning the other cheek.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 14, 2008 - 6:24pm.
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Ahhh it's all becoming clearer to me now
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7eTOnNBwYU&feature=related
I'm pretty sure that Jesus hates the Osteens.
Submitted by modianos on August 14, 2008 - 6:27pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on August 14, 2008 - 5:16pm
NO!!! Thankyou!! Thankyou!! Thankyou!!
MWAH!! MWAH!! MWAH!! You so totally ROCK!!!
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by zomay on August 14, 2008 - 6:16pm.
"No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."
SERVING UP GOD, HAS BROUGHT THEM GREAT WEALTH.
Well pretty sure they will get a big round of applause in their church/sports arena this Sunday. There minions must show support.
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Submitted by applehead on August 14, 2008 - 5:16pm.
Other passengers said the flight attendant was lying about being thrown around and thrown up against the wall. Bullshit lawsuits like these should have the person suing pay all court costs and jurors' time away from work...anything for a quick buck anymore..
Poor Sharon, all she wanted was to take an early retirement.
Joey n Vicki paid $95 million just to renovate a sports arena into their church, so she figured she would fund her 401k.
Submitted by Kizzy on August 14, 2008 - 3:26pm.
Exactly.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Kizzy on August 14, 2008 - 5:16pm.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s to you for the Stephen King siggie. I'm a Kingaloonie.
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have you been watching N.? go to youtube and type in stephen king's n.
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The impressions fans have of celebrities are always fictional. - Stephen King
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 14, 2008 - 6:21pm.
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She elbowed the flight attendant in the tits.
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OH! Now I get it! She knocked her implants down to her ass!! That certainly explains the hemorrhoids! ROFL
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by joe shmoe on August 14, 2008 - 3:22pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 14, 2008 - 6:21pm.
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And that gave the preacher's wife hemorroids??? (sorry I'm being an asshole, in keeping with the theme and all, hee hee)
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The flight attendant received the hemorrhoids.
'Tis better to give than to receive!
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 14, 2008 - 6:21pm.
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And that gave the preacher's wife hemorroids??? (sorry I'm being an asshole, in keeping with the theme and all, hee hee)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7OlA_Vjwz4
Seriously, that Victoria Osteen ho was so afraid to show her usual bling to the court, that she isn't wearing even a small cross over her neck??? No even the one she was baptized with? I thought she is Christian! Nasty hwore.
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Raise against $cientology - August 16th - Worldwide Protest - Also in your city.
http://forums.enturbulation.org/157-august-16th-global-protest/
Submitted by joe shmoe on August 14, 2008 - 3:12pm.
How does elbowing someone give them hemorrhoids? Did she elbow her in the ass? I don't get it.
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She elbowed the flight attendant in the tits.
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Kizzy: LOVE the avie.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by joe shmoe on August 14, 2008 - 6:12pm.
Or depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, either. I'm fairly certain there are some true victims who would be only too happy to explain to this bitch just what PTSD really is. I'm sure Osteen's wife was a bitch to her, but that's no reason to think it was her time to hit the jackpot.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
"No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."
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Guess this branch of Worship goes 1st Class? I give all of them ass cancer.
"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."
eeek! My eyes just strayed over to the right of the screen and that weight loss add. Now I can see how there could be a hemorroidal problem there......
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7OlA_Vjwz4
Those crazy eyes just think: "You don't get me, biatch!"
The Judge must have received a call from God himself.
The Osteens and their dirty connections will be burning in hell for this fuckery.
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Raise against $cientology - August 16th - Worldwide Protest - Also in your city.
http://forums.enturbulation.org/157-august-16th-global-protest/
Submitted by modianos on August 14, 2008 - 6:10pm
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s to you for the Stephen King siggie. I'm a Kingaloonie.
I know Jesus wanted to spread the word, but somehow, a megachurch with megamillions of dollars just doesn't sound like what he had in mind, IMO. Did she get snotty and uppity with the flight attendant? I'm pretty sure she did. Not sure she went so far as to push and elbow her, but give her attitude because she's Mrs. J. Osteen?? Oh yeah.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Good for her. I'm tired of bullshit lawsuits to extort money from people for no reason. Our courts are for legal issues no monetary ones. That's why we have banks.
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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How does elbowing someone give them hemorrhoids? Did she elbow her in the ass? I don't get it.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7OlA_Vjwz4
WTF is wrong with this chics eyeballs? Seriously, I love Joel but she's giving his shit a bad name! How can I read his book or watch his sermons and take it seriously knowing that he's married to this? Vindicated of giving hemorrhoids is one thing, but what about the assault? Does she get off for that? I see she took off all her bling for the court appearance. What a phony fucker!
lmao @ kizzys avie!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The impressions fans have of celebrities are always fictional. - Stephen King
G_d doesn't want anything to do with you Joel or Victoria; you make Jesus cry.
Brandi: do you have a tupperware I can put my weed in?
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"WHO THE FUCK CARES WHORE!!
GET A JOB..THERE IS AN OPENING IN THE BURGER KING IN OHIO IF YOU CAN CONTROL YOURSELF FROM BATHING IN THE SINK." stan hooper
Poor Lucy!!!!
Since when is Charlie Brown so vicious!?!?!
id sue god himself if i had shauna sands lips on my ass
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The impressions fans have of celebrities are always fictional. - Stephen King
Submitted by M.E. on August 15, 2008 - 5:57am.
Roid...meh....they are an ass pain to every pregnant woman and then deflate into such a wonderful assclit.
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ASSCLIT!!
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAA!
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" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
Sorry if I offend anyone with this avie, I'm pretty sure I swiped it from someone here, it just seems appropriate for this thread.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by M.E. on August 14, 2008 - 5:57pm.
That is a very disturbing but apt description.
Roid...meh....they are an ass pain to every pregnant woman and then deflate into such a wonderful assclit.
*rolls eyes*
I have a large that she fucks like a two dollar whore and takes it in the gigi!! Anybody - she has that fuckin sex crazed look. Any day now we will see some sex pics of her doing a clown or some dam thing.
Boooooooo! I could have seen a video of nothing happening and still would have voted to convict her. I despise purveyors of Wal-Mart-style Christianity.
did michael k actually say methinks??? methinks that cough medicine must be killer to take us back to medieval England. gotta love it
Submitted by DUDE on August 14, 2008 - 5:32pm.
The opiate of the masses is my favorite Karl Marx idea ever (or was it Engels? It's been so long since I took a Soc class). It's totally true, too. Tell poor people their treasure is in heaven while you're lining your pockets with whatever they can afford to give. Pretty 'Christian' way to make a living.
Is this the other type of Roid Rage no one talks about?
Olsteen is a hemorrhoid.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Khandi on August 15, 2008 - 5:33am.
It just seems like that person was extremely irresponsible when it came to treating that monster.
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No shit, it's like she decided to get rid of it using Lysol and steel wool.
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" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
Wow... TMI lol
http://MY.TUPPERWARE.COM/BRANDIM
GO SEE WHATS NEW AT TUPPERWARE!
BRANDI LOVES D-LISTED!
Submitted by Khandi on August 14, 2008 - 5:33pm
Believe me I will be checking myself every five minutes ,if a pimple on your ass cheek hurts like hell and you can't sit, how do you walk or sit whitout being in pain whit that thing??
Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus
The stewardess's attorneys should have asked for a change of venue. No way a Houston jury would rule against the Mistress of Greed whose faking being a good Christian.