The Pastor's Wife Vindicated!
A jury in Houston, TX ruled today that Victoria Osteen, wifey of mega pastor Joel Osteen, did not give a flight attendant hemorrhoids.
Sharon Brown, the flight attendant, claimed crazy-eyed Victoria attacked her ass on a flight to Vail, CO. Sharon said that Victoria choked her ass and elbowed her in the tittay after a stain on her first-class seat wasn't cleaned up quickly enough. Sharon said the attack gave her hemorrhoids, affected her faith and caused her anxiety. She wanted at least $405,000.
Outside of the court house, Joel Osteen flashed his teeth made of Wite-Out and said, "It's a great vindication and shows us the faithfulness of God." Oh shit. The clouds just turned when I read Joel's statement. That's God rolling his eyes.
Sharon was robbed! I believe Victoria gave her hemorrhoids. Look at that woman! She probably hypnotized the jury with her crazy eyes! Actually, methinks Victoria's crazy eyes could also burn off Sharon's hemorrhoids. They should look into that. And if you've never seen a picture of roids, click here (NO, DON'T!)
Thanks Momus
Joel is so hot,why do these hot guys always marry ugly women?
I just threw up a little in my mouth. Next time I will listen when you say DON'T LOOK!
-----------------------
Evil Dead Rocks.
I was reminded of this thread on the train this morning... I got on and was accosted by a couple of environmentalists. I thought, they seem awfully religious-like for environmentalists... but I was half-asleep so I flipped through the magazine they gave me. It was about global warming.
Well, I perked up a bit when I read that we don't need to worry about global warming! And I quote, "Yes, our planet may appear to be in peril, but its continued existence as a home for mankind is not in doubt. Rather, peril awaits those who continue to show disrespect for God's creation and who refuse to obey Jesus Christ. Hence, Jehovah's Witnesses encourage you to take in the knowledge that leads to everlasting life."
And that's the last sentence of the magazine! Reading the rest of it, you'd think it was a scientific (if not legitimately so) publication.
And it reminded me of Joel Osteen because I remember when he came to Louisville, KY (very close to my hometown) he told the congregation, all of whom had paid $30 to listen to him talk, that it didn't matter if gas got to $25 a gallon -- God would provide for the faithful. If you were having money struggles and God didn't give you a way out of it, well, it meant you weren't being faithful enough.
That is the most irresponsible shit I've ever heard. I guess it works well for him, because he can believe that it's fine for him to have tons of money -- if God didn't want him to have it, he wouldn't have 'provided it' in the form of millions of gullible people willing to pay to listen to his crap. And it's the same thing here -- don't worry about global warming, God will do whatever he thinks is best anyway. He doesn't like polar bears.
Hopefully none of the Jehovah's witnesses require a blood transfusion in one of the inevitable global-warming-fueled natural disasters to come.
Whether you think this guy and his wife are saints or hypocrtites, this lawsuit was crap. Famewhoring on a plane gave someone hemmorhoids??? WTF?!? Reason should allow us to smell bullshit apart without debating, "is it mighty or meek?".
She is my favorite. Someone told me she is datting a young billlionaire on """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""""". What kind of relationship she is looking for on that site? Long-term relationship or just a date?
We all know that it's the man hungry, bubble headed 'stews' who are the craaazy byotches so, on this one, I was on Osteen's side.
What a creepy woman. Of the sort one encounters at the DMV, who is told by the worker what documents she needs, and she just stands there with a "duh" look on her face before ripping a huge fart and giggling.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Boats n' Hoes, gotta have me my boats n' hoes.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
Wasn't she fined something like $3,000 for interfering with a flight crew? So she's really guilty of something; it's just that the jury didn't believe the attendant's civil (monetary) claims or found them inflated.
Submitted by Hot in Texxxas on August 14, 2008 - 8:21pm.
Joel Osteen is FREAKING SAINT and I'm pretty sure he's under God's good graces-- no matter if yall believe me or not!
------------------------------------------------
Are you high???
Submitted by JolierThanThou on August 14, 2008 - 9:34pm.
------------------------------------------------
Idiot.
That "look" has converted millions. Fuck.
Has anyone mentioned, that her and that crazy youtube divorcee should totally have a bug eyed face off?! lol
A day without laughter, is a day wasted....Charlie Chaplin
is that her jesus face?
_____________________________________________
the world is great big old place for all of us to fuck up in it...
Submitted by . on August 14, 2008 - 10:32pm
It'd be alright if it could just be kept in the frame of the gossip that's about the religion or politics, or death. Like, situation specific, without dragging everything else into it, and lumping everything into categories.
This is about a snooty bitch who's married to a pastor, and is "co-pastor" of a megachurch in Texas who got uppity and snotty with a flight attendant, and pulled the Hollyweird famewhore card, "Don't you know who I am?" If we could keep it in that frame of reference it'd be ok.
Gossip always follows death, no matter WHO died, whether it's your family gossip, town gossip, or big media gossip. And politics? Who's fuckin' who while their wife is dying of cancer, and who's tap dancing their way into the heart of a men's room paramour is just too titillating NOT to gossip about, ROFL
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Religion/Politics/Death/
↑Three topics that I've pretty much loosely surmised should not be brought up as a subject on a gossip blog. Just my two cents.
Submitted by aquarius on August 14, 2008 - 10:05pm.
Submitted by Leatherette on August 14, 2008 - 10:02pm.
No, this guy is really bad. I'm betting serial killer of little boys, a la Jeffrey Dahmer. How much do you think most Texas Christians would forgive?
---------------------------
seriously, would EXPECT that, they only forgive "their own." which if you read what's left of Jesus's words in even their own bibles is ironic, if Jesus came back, these batshit money worshippers would be screaming for the "homo-loving, sandal-wearing, Liberal-Jew's" head.
Submitted by Leatherette on August 14, 2008 - 10:02pm.
No, this guy is really bad. I'm betting serial killer of little boys, a la Jeffrey Dahmer. How much do you think most Texas Christians would forgive?
Submitted by mike,
I will see your lousy mood and raise you by a grump...
I cannot stand the Olsteens. Don't pray but if I did it would be for one of them to have a Swaggert moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
I think her Bible belt is on too tight, her eyes are bulging out.
---------------------------------------
Submitted by Kizzy on August 14, 2008 - 9:59pm.
@Mike-- Any bets on how long it's going to be before we see Joel doing the perp walk of shame ala Jim Bakker, or sniveling to his congregation about how he sinned before God like Swaggart?
--------------------
I'm throwing MY bet on him fessing that he diddled some Zac Efron-wannabe krisschun "rocker" from his mega church.
and I LOVE it when the krisschuns drop their fake nicey nice masks and break out with the "stupid ass" and the "little sky whore" -- at least nasty, homo-tolerating, leave-your-neighbor-the-fuck-alone LIBERALS don't pretend to be nice 24/7 or have the only truth.
and THAT was thought out and deliberate
Submitted by Kizzy on August 14, 2008 - 9:59pm.
13 months, 4 days, 14 hrs, and 2 minutes.
NO worries, Mike; I just thought you were about to open up a can of worms there...
**********************************************
"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
@Mike-- Any bets on how long it's going to be before we see Joel doing the perp walk of shame ala Jim Bakker, or sniveling to his congregation about how he sinned before God like Swaggart?
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
The kicker for me in this whole affair was the fact that Victoria complained about a stain or spot on her seat and the flight attendant gave her a towel. Victoria said, "It's not MY job". But in testimony, she said she didn't say it in an ugly way. What is the non-ugly way to say that, I wonder?
Nice to see crazy eyes without the tricked-out diamond cross.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Submitted by boomsy on August 14, 2008 - 9:55pm.
It wasn't well thought-out, so I edited it out. I'm in a lousy mood tonight, sorry.
Submitted by JolierThanThou on August 14, 2008 - 9:34pm.
Submitted by mike on August 14, 2008 - 5:53pm.
Boooooooo! I could have seen a video of nothing happening and still would have voted to convict her. I despise purveyors of Wal-Mart-style Christianity.
--------------------------------------------
Well, good thing your stupid ass wasn't on the jury. Twelve people would beg to differ with you and your biased "thinking." Methinks Mikey has a problem with anything that isn't LIBERAL. Too bad for you and your pablum eating anti-establishment buddies that the greedy little sky whore didn't get her courtroom payout. WWWHHHAAA.
No assclown, that's ELITIST thinking, not liberal thinking. The two aren't synonymous, no matter what your radio news source tells you.
Submitted by mike on August 14, 2008 - 8:54pm
Ok, Mike, I'm confused; can you explain your last comment?
**********************************************
"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
Submitted by mike on August 14, 2008 - 9:19pm.
Submitted by Leatherette on August 14, 2008 - 9:07pm.
the "rapture" can't take these bible-beating whore beasts soon enough.
I haven't seen one lately, but there used to be a bumper sticker reading:
Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?
--------------------------
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Sense of Religious Entitlement -- AND your Tax Breaks?
You can't find 12 people in Houston to convict an Olsteen of jaywalking, even if it were on tape. Sharon was screwed as soon as the paperwork was filed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
Submitted by JolierThanThou on August 14, 2008 - 9:34pm.
----------------
methinks you need to tune back to the 700 channel and cry yourself a river.
there's no whinier fucktards than self-righteous fucktards
Submitted by mike on August 14, 2008 - 5:53pm.
Boooooooo! I could have seen a video of nothing happening and still would have voted to convict her. I despise purveyors of Wal-Mart-style Christianity.
--------------------------------------------
Well, good thing your stupid ass wasn't on the jury. Twelve people would beg to differ with you and your biased "thinking." Methinks Mikey has a problem with anything that isn't LIBERAL. Too bad for you and your pablum eating anti-establishment buddies that the greedy little sky whore didn't get her courtroom payout. WWWHHHAAA.
Submitted by name_optional on August 14, 2008 - 9:27pm.
crazy eyed jESUS freak!
N_O, you act like there's any other kind. lol
crazy eyed jESUS freak!
Submitted by mike on August 14, 2008 - 8:19pm.
Hey, the rapture's supposed to be a GOOD thing; the rest of the world gets to stick around for 7 years of hell. Isn't that what you'd want for her?
**********************************************
"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
Submitted by Leatherette on August 14, 2008 - 9:07pm.
the "rapture" can't take these bible-beating whore beasts soon enough.
I haven't seen one lately, but there used to be a bumper sticker reading:
Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?
She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
& I'd throw bets she's not so distantly related to Kirstie Alley.
the "rapture" can't take these bible-beating whore beasts soon enough.
IMO it was a bullshit lawsuit from the get-go but I'm sure Victoria's no angel. I used to go to one of those Texas megashurches and the people are so full of themselves it's disgusting. I felt like I was at a fashion show/concert instead of church...
**********************************************
"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
If you gave Victoria a big knife she could star in the next Scream movie. Wacko eyes.
---------------------------------------
Pfft; that pic of whatsherface is more disgusting than the 'roids.
**********************************************
"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on...they never die, that's how you and I will be..." -Billy Joel
Crazy eyes! When I'm trolling eHarmony for cougars, I always go for the crazy eyed ladies.
Submitted by Mr. President on August 14, 2008 - 8:00pm.
But with those big bugged out crazy eyes, you know her "O" face would probably ruin it for you.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Hot in Texxxas on August 14, 2008 - 8:21pm.
Step away from the kool-aid.
Nobody with that fake and smarmy of a smile can possibly be in God's good graces. Last time I checked, He frowned upon hypocracy.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Hot in Texxxas on August 14, 2008 - 8:21pm.
i don't really give a crap about Victoria
Hehe. It seems that Sharon Brown (thats her real name?) has trouble giving a crap too.
---------------------------------------
i don't really give a crap about Victoria
but Joel Osteen is FREAKING SAINT and I'm pretty sure he's under God's good graces-- no matter if yall believe me or not!
but I can see how Victoria can be misunderstood as an egocentric diva--just look at her! those eyebrows are practically lifting off on her forehead bc she's so pumped up with collagen or whatever it is that's freezing her face--Nicole Kidman she is not. and she is always decked out in bling and I always feel like she's never really honest about being humble when she's weighed down by so much jewelry
I'm pretty sure she didn't go 'crazy' on the plane bc she's too concerned about her image and a continental flight is practically 95% houstonian
also, I know Joel doesn't get a salary or any money from the church bc he funds himself from his book sales
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 14, 2008 - 7:07pm.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 14, 2008 - 4:56pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 14, 2008 - 7:53pm.
If found guilty, will you eat her?
=====
Probably too scrawny.
*********************************************
Yeah, scrawny and over-Botoxed. That make a bitch stringy....like over-cooked chicken...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by thebiglebowski on August 14, 2008 - 2:50pm.
did michael k actually say methinks??? methinks that cough medicine must be killer to take us back to medieval England. gotta love it.
It might have preceded Hamlet, but that's what preserved it for us.
Floor Eyes! The Ceiling Eyes from Bizarro World! aaaaiiiieeeeee!