And They Said It Wouldn't Last
Well, they were right. That's if you believe the Daily Mirror. Some ho told them that John Mayer has du-du-dumped Jennifer Aniston because he's not ready to give up his man whore ways. The two apparently tried to make it work by going on a little relationship hiatus. That didn't work, so they called it a day.
The source said, "John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together. Initially Jennifer was furious when he told her of his decision but now she's simply sad - not to mention a little heartbroken." Not to mention that he should probably keep his car in the garage for a while. And all his pet bunny rabbits indoors. You know, just in case.
Oh well, it's back to the old maid drawing board for Jenny! The NYDN reports that she's not spending her days cutting out John's face from pictures while screaming the lyrics to "Your Body is a Wonderland." She's apparently already dating someone else. You know, Jenny needs to take a breather and get to know herself. Don't go the Kate Hudson route of flapping her vagina all over town.
Jenny has been to Mayer and Vince Vaughn and anywhere she could run......she's beeeeeen to PITTadise, but she's never been to her. Oh God. I'm sorry for that. That song has been stuck in my head for the past 5 days ever since I watched Priscilla again on TV. I just had to let it out!
• 
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 11:59am.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I thought I'd strap Bonadouchey to a remote control boat, and dump his ass in Cuba so he and Castro could celebrate together.
************************************
♥♥ Yah, iz mah birfday beeeshes!!! ♥♥
Submitted by C.C. on August 13, 2008 - 7:21am.
Angelina may be a homewrecker but... she's really involved with saving the world and all that good crap.
=============================
===============================
That's, like, a joke, right?
My current poison of choice is Mojitos. Because there seems to be a JJ reunion going on here, I'm going to share my special Mojito Recipe with you. Drink up.
- put 6-8 mint leaves in a glass.
- add 4 tsp of sugar in the glass, use a wooden spoon or muddler and beat the sh*t out of the mint.
- add a half of a lime, cut into wedges.
- muddle the sh*t out of the lime.
- add an ounce of rum (make it a heavy pour if you're reading these threads...lol)
- *add some club soda, or to be fancy, some Perrier water. You can also do a half/half with half 7up and half Perrier water or club soda.
*the rule of thumb is about 4 parts Club Soda/Perrier/7up to one part rum. I usually fill it up to the brim of my cup (about 500ml or 2 cups)
- make sure you mix that mofo really well, add a few ice cubes, stick a straw in it and read Dlisted.
.•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•->
"Asshole . . . get that down or else you better pawn your cat because you'll need the money!" Tricia Walsh-Smith: Patroness of Angry Divorcés
Oh! Kizzy! It's your barfday! Hurrah! You can go celebrate with Danny Bonnadouchey!
*gives big b-day cake*
************
Hi5.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 11:20am.
Submitted by Kizzy on August 13, 2008 - 10:13am.
I consider it my sacred duty. Every time Wonky smiles, tiny woodland creatures freeze in fear.
And it's just wrong that GirlScouts bogart all those cookies. Sure, they let you buy some, but once they win that trip to Disneyland, you're cut off for the rest of the year. Yeah, they look all sweet and innocent, but they're better at making shivs than prisoners on death row.
************************************
♥♥ Yah, iz mah birfday beeeshes!!! ♥♥
Submitted by KD on August 13, 2008 - 11:16am.
Aren't timetables and stuff death to relationships. Boys will always want to be boys. I told my man he had until April 1st to propose to me, and I guess I'm the april fool because I still don't have a ring.
------------------------------------------------
I dont know KD. I think timetables work if you are serious about the ultimatum and the man that you with is actually willing and READY to commit. I gave my now husband a timetable after I moved to London to be with him and he put a ring on my finger STAT when he realized I really would leave his ass. Personally, I believe your timetable has to be about you, not the man. I was 30 and my uterus wanted babies so I wasnt going to waste the next 2-3 years waiting for him to decide whether or not he loved me enough to marry me. My ovaries are getting old.
ONT: J. Aniston IS annoying and desperate.
BRADIFUL!!!
You have wine in a box!! I call those Juice boxes for big kids!!!
On topic...zzzzzzzzz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can put a cat in an oven, but that don't make it a biscuit!
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on August 13, 2008 - 11:41am.
It would be priceless to see Jen come up to Brad's doorstep on her hands and knees -- dignity thrown away for all time -- to beg him to take her back, and even more priceless if he took her up on it, told Angie he was stepping out to buy a pack of heroin, and never came back.
***********************************
Ha! You got some BIG dreams, hunny.
The best I can hope for Jen, at this point, is that she gives up on the relationship timetable for a while, takes some acting classes, makes a real movie or two and meets a real man (or woman - a woman would be way better at this point, I think) along the way.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
FrappBloat
What is Jennifer doing? Except coming out with dumb comments when she was with Mayer like "I can't wait for Brad to see me holding my own baby".
Ummm, you really believe that Aniston would have said that?? Honestly, you really believe that?
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
Wouldn't it be funny if she was the one to dump his ass in reality?? I mean isn't this the same mag that claimed they were gonna get married and that she may already be with child? I just don't buy into the "she always gets dumped and poor poor Jen" shit. She may be the one who just says "hey, I just dont like you in that way...anymore" right?? And by the way she's had a couple pretty hot boyfriends in the past so she can't be all that bad.
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
I don't believe they have broken up!!! It's just a rumor because Meyer was in Cabo and Jen was in LA. I think they are still together.
I also don't believe Angelina cares one way or the other. I doubt Jennifer ever crosses her mind. Angelina has what she wants and she doesn't need to be concerned about Jennifer.
Thanks to you silly beetches I was soooo tempted to buy a cookie when I went to buy me some lunch (hence the delayed reaction). They have those huuuuge freshly-baked Otis Spunkmeyer (sp?) cookies in the food court and I was like "Oh mannn.." but I resisted! Hurrah! I put extra cheese on my salad instead.
************
Hi5.
Submitted by peaches on August 13, 2008 - 11:38am.
Stop dragging her into Brad and Angelina's shit, it's not her problem, and I'm sure she wants nothing to do with either one of them!
***********************************************
Umm, not sure it is that way around! Angelina and Brad are happily together raising their children and doing many good works etc
What is Jennifer doing? Except coming out with dumb comments when she was with Mayer like "I can't wait for Brad to see me holding my own baby".
*sigh*
It would be priceless to see Jen come up to Brad's doorstep on her hands and knees -- dignity thrown away for all time -- to beg him to take her back, and even more priceless if he took her up on it, told Angie he was stepping out to buy a pack of heroin, and never came back.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Boats n' Hoes, gotta have me my boats n' hoes.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
She needs to date her plastic surgeon.
Yea, i said it.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by NovaNightly on August 13, 2008 - 10:32am.
--------------------------
Oh, yes....yes, they are :)
I'll be back in a min., beeshes...the Enterprise guy just came in here like he's the pied piper of the ice cream truck! Yummy!
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
I love Jen's shoes. Damnit.
Mmmm...mimosa's!!! Awwww shit...now im thinking about alkeehaul!!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Coolio! This huge script is so soothing to my tired, withering, old lady eyes!
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
If the media would leave her alone as well, then maybe she could find a great guy! Stop instigating trouble in this woman's life, just let her be! Stop dragging her into Brad and Angelina's shit, it's not her problem, and I'm sure she wants nothing to do with either one of them!
-------------------------------------------------------------
*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Cute couple. They appear to be happy. But I saw his personal ID on wealthy men personals site""""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""" yesterday. What is he looking for on that site? Looking for sugarbabe?
----------------------------------
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:30am.
------------------------
Vanilla icing, huh? hmmm...this is gonna put a dent in my diet! Oh well...
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by NovaNightly on August 13, 2008 - 11:32am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 8:26am.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:23am.
*****************************
LOL! Reading backwards I was thinking: do they mean "samosas"? And now I'm thoroughly confused;s
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Jennifer's problem is she won't try leaving california!! She could find someone, she just won't leave Malibu. John likes NY, and Jen wants to stay in California. Jen needs to learn to make sacrifices if she doesn't want to be alone! And trying to find someone special in Hollywood is like searching for Santa Claus!
-------------------------------------------------------------
*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 8:26am.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:23am.
I saw that instead of "Tagalongs" the box says "Peanut Butter Patties." That pissed me off. Those things are the best. They should be called "Orgasms."
-------------------------
Well they technically could be called that, but that's already the scientific term for Samoas
---------------
You said it!! Those Samoa's are to KILL for!!!
*drools on keyboard*
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
TeriAnn
Sorry I can't understand you through your cackling! What was that you just said??
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 11:56am.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:23am.
I saw that instead of "Tagalongs" the box says "Peanut Butter Patties." That pissed me off. Those things are the best. They should be called "Orgasms."
-------------------------
Well they technically could be called that, but that's already the scientific term for Samoas.
-----
Haha, touche! They are my second favorite after "Peanut Butter Patties" (grr). My friend taught me that if you put vanilla icing on them they taste AMAZINGGGG.
P.S. HURRAH! The return of Dlisted's personal Brangaloon!
************
Hi5.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 11:56am.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:23am.
I saw that instead of "Tagalongs" the box says "Peanut Butter Patties." That pissed me off. Those things are the best. They should be called "Orgasms."
-------------------------
Well they technically could be called that, but that's already the scientific term for Samoas.
-----
Haha, touche! They are my second favorite after "Peanut Butter Patties" (grr). My friend taught me that if you put vanilla icing on them they taste AMAZINGGGG.
P.S. HURRAH! The return of Dlisted's personal Brangaloon!
************
Hi5.
I really dislike it when people start talking about Angelina in a Jennifer thread and vice versa because Brad and Jennifer have both moved on in life (albeit one successfully and one not so much) and it's just so...tiring.
Fact is Jennifer does give off the desperate vibe and seems to take things so damn seriously.
She needs to chill out and look after herself more. Not getting her lips plumped. Low self worth.
Fuck I want his life! Cuts a CD once a year or less, makes bazillions of dollars,hung like a fucking horse,can afford to drink really good Scotch, fucks pretty much every hot chick in the world and sleeps till noon every day! WHERE THE FUCK DID I GO WRONG!!
wow..the media is so cruel to this woman. i have to wonder WHY? i've never seen Friends, but i've seen at least 2 movies of hers where i enjoyed her performance. it is obvious these magazines sell when they have a cover with 'Jen got dumped'. it seems people enjoy when someone is down or else why would they buy these magazines. i don't know how she handles these things. she is a strong woman. i admire her.
What's up with the comments on Jolie not having many girlfriends? Who really cares, just something many bitter old hags do is gossip and bitch back and forth to, really irritates me to see a bunch of hens cackling. I guess if you are really that insecure you'd need many loser girlfriends to boost your self esteem and make you appear something your not. Seems the ugly girls group together like flies on shit. Jen is always the third wheel wherever she goes, usually with another couple, sure she has friends, lol. If someone were to buy you a 3,400 bag you'd be best buds also or 16,000 bike you do remember that don't you? Some people don't need to buy their friends.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 10:23am.
I saw that instead of "Tagalongs" the box says "Peanut Butter Patties." That pissed me off. Those things are the best. They should be called "Orgasms."
-------------------------
Well they technically could be called that, but that's already the scientific term for Samoas.
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
BRADIFUL BITCH Hi Doll!
I was here earlier and am taking an Ocean Screaming break.
Solo cup of box wine? I have plenty....
Well, yes, thank you I'll have a cup. Let's scream together ok? "FUCKING HELL, I'M SO LONELY AND PATHETIC even though I have tons of money, great friends, great body, great hair, fabulous home, tons of money....OH YEAH I'M SOOOOO MISERABLE...and now I'm AVAILABLE TO DO WHO I WANT AGAIN!!" Haha. Pass that box Bradiful!!
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
Submitted by KD on August 13, 2008 - 10:16am.
---------------------------
It's true--oftentimes it's like writing your own relationship funeral obituary.
Sooooooo.....did you end up hitting your bf with a frying pan on April 2nd?
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
I saw that instead of "Tagalongs" the box says "Peanut Butter Patties." That pissed me off. Those things are the best. They should be called "Orgasms."
************
Hi5.
Submitted by Kizzy on August 13, 2008 - 10:13am.
Ho.Ly.Shit, girlfriend! No one kicks girl scout ass quite like you, and that's why your my girl scout ass-kicking associate, always on the mission to keep Wonky McValtrex at bay and grab those delicious cookies!
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Pimpcessa on August 13, 2008 - 11:16am
Hi Doll!
I was here earlier and am taking an Ocean Screaming break.
Solo cup of box wine? I have plenty....
On T: John picks women like this to make his ego happy. He knows damn well and good his "selections" are looking for way more than he will give up.
Fucker head.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Bradful - good morning to you!!
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...BITCH!!
Aren't timetables and stuff death to relationships. Boys will always want to be boys. I told my man he had until April 1st to propose to me, and I guess I'm the april fool because I still don't have a ring.
Phew. Sorry about that rant and apologies if I offended anyone (except Mr. Poopy McFunkillerpants). I just like laughing at you crazy ho's and your silliness, and it gets ruined when everyone tosses out the silliness and instead gets all pooey. But the show shall go on!
************
Hi5.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 13, 2008 - 11:03am.
Submitted by Kizzy on August 13, 2008 - 9:58am.
(Running footsteps)**ROWR!** BIFF!! MEEEEEEOW!!! HISS!! BAP!! POW!! **** (scuffling noises)
pant, pant-- Here's your Tagalongs, milady. She was fast, she was wily, but nobody stops a hwat sluuut on a mission.
************************************
♥♥ Yah, iz mah birfday beeeshes!!! ♥♥
I love these threads.
On that, i can't wait for school to be back in.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Cunt.Gravy:
Who ARE you!?!?! WHO????
Inquiring minds want to know!
(thanks for the grammar lesson:)
ONT: Well, DUH. Isn't it commonly know that the fastest way to get rid of a man is to try and get him to agree to a "relationship timetable"? It would be different if she had some other "rich and famous timetable" too but, obviously, she cares not for such things. Camon Jen! I want to love you so the Brangeloonies can yell stupidity at me!
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Oh look its poor lonely Jen what a hag HOW DARE SHE be 40, unmarried, and childless she TRULY is a disgrace to woman I think we should just get together and put her out of her misery.
Thats sarcasm by the way.
I always thought this person was someone who got dumped by Michael K and it was a way to get even.
You said it FatMartha!!! If we keep giving that stupid troll the time of day...they're just gonna keep on keeping on...
I say we TOTALLY IGNORE everything that troll says. This is OUR happy place....lets not let the stupids get us down. lol :D
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 13, 2008 - 11:03am
Deep breaths, honey, it's okay. Wanna beer? Need a smoke? Wanna bong hit? Chillax, let the coolness into your vertebrae. Say it with me, Goose-fra-ba, gooooose-fra-ba. Pat the kitty, toesies will be available for tweaking tomorrow. ((hugs))
************************************
♥♥ Yah, iz mah birfday beeeshes!!! ♥♥
I totally agree with FatMartha. If we focus all our energy on trolls, the trolls will have won.
*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Nope...that cuntgravy, cooch whatever person isnt LoLo....
Lolo doesnt rant and say asshole-ish stuff like that...she cracks me up like no other on Dlisted...aside from MK, that is. Her humor is priceless. :D
Maybe its that beigebaby person....? Eh...who really cares. Playing that stupid..."guess who i am" bullshit is so tiring.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.