The Pastor's Wife Gave Me Hemorrhoids!
It's the pastor's wife versus the flight attendant with roids! Opening arguments are set to begin tomorrow in a lawsuit against Victoria Osteen, wife of toothy mega pastor Joel Osteen. A flight attendant who goes by the name of Sharon Brown, claims in a civil lawsuit that Victoria assaulted her ass on a flight to Vail, CO in 2005.
Sharon said that before the flight began Victoria flipped out over a stain on her first-class seat. Victoria became so angry that she threw Sharon up against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left tittay. That fight sounds kind of sexy, but then I look up at that picture of Victoria and it just kills the moment.
Sharon claims the incident affected her faith, caused her anxiety and even gave her hemorrhoids. Naturally.
She wants an apology from Victoria as well as punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of her net worth. So that means Sharon wants like trillions of dollars? Aren't the Osteens richer than God?!
Victoria was already fined $3,000 by the FAA for fucking with a crew member.
Why don't I ever get this kind of hot lawsuit when I go in for jury duty?! Seriously! Obviously, this is crazy bitch against crazy bitch. Which one is crazier? I'm gonna go with Sharon. Now if Victoria elbowed her in the right tittay instead, I would completely understand.
Joel Osteen is also expected to take the stand. He's going to smile the whole way through. I want to see him say "hemorrhoids" with a smile.
And I think I've got a little hot tickle in my asshole just from looking at Victoria's picture. The bitch does give you roids! There goes my social life for the week. Preparation H should hire her ass!
Source: HuffPo
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Topanga is right-- there is just as much drama in church as there is in real life-- sometimes even more so because people are trying so hard to cover their sins that when shit hits the fan, it REALLY hits the fan.
My addition to the fucked-up-church-stories is this: I grew up in an Episcopal Church where our Pastors were allowed to be married. One of the high-ranking couples in the church were a lawyer and his gin-swizzling floozy wife who thought she hid it well by wearing a big hat every Sunday. Anyway, the alkie wife and the Pastor had an ongoing affair for years that no one spoke about, until they were "caught in the act" by several parishioners. IN church. Not kidding.
So, because floozy and her husband were big contributors to the church, the Pastor was removed and floozy and hubby actually headed the Committee to find the new Pastor. One quiet, lovely older woman actually stood up when this was announced, angrier than I have ever seen her, and said "Why? So she can find her next date?"
I loved that woman for that, although strangely we didn't see her much after that...hmm.
I hold ALL organized religions in equal contempt...and recognize them for the fairy tales they are...but church/synagogue/mosque pussy is some freakiest shit you can dive into.PRAISE GOD for that.
I grew up in a very strict fundamentalist church...which is why I am agnostic and anti-Christian, anti-organized religion today. Some of the most fucked up shit happened in my church. The term "christ-like" when applied to these people is a joke.
So...I am Team Flight Attendant...give that TV preacher's wife hell, baby.
"Sharon said that before the flight began Victoria flipped out over a stain on her first-class seat."
Christina!! Bring me the AXE!!! LMAO
A televangelist/mega church preacher & his family ARE NOT who they appear to be...I'm shocked.The ho' just could'nt hold her insanity in long enough for hubby to re-work the budget for a private jet.MEGALOMANIA will have it's due.
I worked with a hypocritical Baptist minister once (ex actually) who took another job as it made more money even though God continued to call to him. He still felt the need to lecture me on the evils of women working, gays, you name in. His wife was so brain dead she'd literally phone in and ask how to hang the toilet paper and what to do when the kids climbed the trees. Seriously.
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 8:52pm.
@Bango, Im an aussie and we don't have god downunder. Anyhoo, I was on a flight from Atlanta to San Diego last year. I sat next to an african american lady who was a black rights attorney. She told me that her ex husband was a preacher... and that every woman in the congregation was trying to fuck her husband. And did. In the name of god.
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Jesus likes his preachers to get they ho on...Yeah, again refer to John 3:16. It's all in the interpretation, but it's totally there...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@Bango, Im an aussie and we don't have god downunder. Anyhoo, I was on a flight from Atlanta to San Diego last year. I sat next to an african american lady who was a black rights attorney. She told me that her ex husband was a preacher... and that every woman in the congregation was trying to fuck her husband. And did. In the name of god.
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Benidorm: Madge's pool fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD_NI7ZyMy4
Crazy. Fucking. Eyes.
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 8:38pm.
Tigerlily, good tiger tail. So yeah, team attendant.
Fucking cheek of that bitch though, on your armrest an all. Celebritywhore attendant! Now you know why she became a flight attendant. And nurses don't want to marry a doctor either.
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Zactly! WHORE! Her damn ass cheek almost in mah face! And it was a back in da day CNN ho! Bill Tush! Anybody a'memba him? Yeah, no. I'm an Atlanta ho, so we grew up with his ass, but I give him props for ignoring the ho...AHAHAHAHA! I should have hugged the man, but it was obvious he just wanted to be left alone, and I just wanted a coke from a flyin' ho...
I raise my glass to Bill Tush for dissin' a flyin' ho!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 9:40pm.
Oh, dot your avatar is just gorgeous. He's definitely got the moves. BTW...you might want to hit refresh...my he is now a she avatar. hehe
Thank you, Sandy. You doll. -And I'm afraid to ask what's in your lates avatar but regardless you can be rest assured it's going to give me nacht-mares.
(P.S. you can blame my latest avie on Sayonara)... *runs from sayo giggling hysterically*
MK, hot tickle in your asshole? Damn. You just started my horndog launch sequence tyvm! That totally turned me on. Is that wrong?
Submitted by BangoSkank on August 6, 2008 - 7:43pm.
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Holy Rollers, always ready to cast the first stone.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
I called a Queensland cop a fucking wanker once and got a tranquilizer dart in the arse. If I had done it week later, I would have been tazed as well. I swear all the Queensland Police Force do is sit around and watch COPS and dream. Fucking WANKERS.
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Benidorm: Madge's pool fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD_NI7ZyMy4
I've got a holy-roller living across the street from me now... A Cadillac driving, fire and brimstone preacher.... He's got a registered sex-offender working in his church and --apparently -- regularly preaches on how God wants him to be a millionaire because of the strength of his faith, to let others know that God rewards his people. In reality he inherited the money, but I suppose that was "God's will" too.... He offered to borrow money to one of our other neighbors who had fallen on hard times, but only if she'd use it to buy her daughter new clothes, because in his words, she dressed like a whore....
I hope the flight attendant wins and bankrupts the Osteens.
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"Everyone turned rather nasty at this point, especially when Chick suggested that Terri might like to fuck off to Forfar and do something illegal with a ferret."
Oh, dot your avatar is just gorgeous. He's definitely got the moves.
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Benidorm: Madge's pool fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD_NI7ZyMy4
Submitted by BangoSkank on August 6, 2008 - 8:34pm.
When I was living in Houston, three or four years ago, this bitch had to removed from a flight because it wasn't taking off on time and she was throwing a fit... it was reported in the news that she used the "do you know who I am" line repeatedly....
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And every time I use that line, I get a tranquilizer dart in my tiger ass...Go figure...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Tigerlily, good tiger tail. So yeah, team attendant.
Fucking cheek of that bitch though, on your armrest an all. Celebritywhore attendant! Now you know why she became a flight attendant. And nurses don't want to marry a doctor either.
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Benidorm: Madge's pool fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD_NI7ZyMy4
This subject is so holier than not that I'm merely posting so everyone can gaze upon my lovely new avatar. Sorry but religion is a sore spot with me and arguing religion is almost as bad as arguing semantics so I'm gonna shut my pie hole and just flash my boobs.
She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
When I was living in Houston, three or four years ago, this bitch had to removed from a flight because it wasn't taking off on time and she was throwing a fit... it was reported in the news that she used the "do you know who I am" line repeatedly....
Submitted by Sayonara on August 6, 2008 - 8:29pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 6, 2008 - 9:10pm.
I'm sorry, but you know this whore takes it up the ass whilst wearing a short wig and covering her tits, cuz her husband is as straight as George Michael in a public park bathroom after dark...
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Leave up to you to go there. HA HA HA HA HA
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yeah, I know but who is this whore to punch a flying whore in the tit so hard it makes her ass hurt? She, of all people, should know about an aching asshole. Her achey breaky asshole got her all that bling...Ok, I'll stop.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I am NEVER on the side of flight attendants (if that's the glorified name you wanna call 'em). It's a lifelong thing for reasons I won't go into...but they're husband stealers (not mine but trust me on that one), they screw like bunnies, and hey, generally I have a low opinion of 'em...can u tell? Hope Osteen's wife wins!
i thought this was hilary clinton at first...praise jesus...
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butt sex can lead to ass babies...be sure to use a condom...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 6, 2008 - 9:10pm.
I'm sorry, but you know this whore takes it up the ass whilst wearing a short wig and covering her tits, cuz her husband is as straight as George Michael in a public park bathroom after dark...
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Leave up to you to go there. HA HA HA HA HA
"Now his failure is complete"... Darth Vader
Hemorrhoids?
Just when you think Satan didn't have a sense of humor.
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Take some time and give it some reflection - you simply must have more dirt to spill topanga!
Good so far - sounds like knots landing set in a church.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on August 6, 2008 - 10:00am.
Cindy McCain looks like one of those broads that claims not to drink but for lunch, she and her other socialite friends will knock back three martinis because 'those don't count".
Obviously this was from the other post, but this women looks like she belongs at the above lunch!
I wouldn't even know where to begin..let's see, there's the woman who was asked to leave our church becuase she slept with three other women's husbands, our missionary's son in law started shacking up with another members sister, one of our pastors daughters somehow got knocked up by her boyfriend but she doesn't know how it happened because she claims they didn"finish the act" LMAO..drama galore
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
I hope the flight attendent takes the Osteens to the cleaners.
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 5:44pm.
Now I'm guessing she's the pastor's wife and not the flight attendant. The diamonds are a dead giveaway.
You'd think god would have given them a private jet by now.
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LOLOL clearly they're not praying hard enough, or theirs is an angry god.
Submitted by TOPANGA on August 6, 2008 - 6:04pm.
I grew up in church and there is more drama in those places than an afternoon soap opera.
It's not the regular hos you have to watch out for...church girls are some of the craziest, freakiest girls you will ever come across..trust! And the men (their husbands) aren't any better.
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"The only boy who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man." (Dusty Springfield)
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I'm sorry, but you know this whore takes it up the ass whilst wearing a short wig and covering her tits, cuz her husband is as straight as George Michael in a public park bathroom after dark...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 6, 2008 - 9:01pm.
Submitted by justice on August 6, 2008 - 7:51pm.
Somewhere in the bible (right at the back) it must say "there is no greater way of celebrating your lord and saviour than by rocking a blinged out cross and elbowing a bitch in her titaay".
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John 3:16...
It's all in the interpretation, but it's definitely there...
Huh?! John 3:16 simply states "Play Ball!"
I think I speak for all of us when I say TELL US MORE TOPANGA!!
Submitted by LunaChick on August 6, 2008 - 9:05pm.
saw that and forwarded it to MK. I wonder how much it cost the little troll to get the investigation dropped?
Forget that, how much will it cost for us to put MK in hiding? Her little tenticles can reach out far, apparently! :-)
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 6, 2008 - 5:45pm.
Obviously, the CNN douche didn't know Coop.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by applehead on August 6, 2008 - 9:02pm.
off topic: the feds just dropped the inquiry on Heath Ledgors death...ruh ro MK, I think you'd better back off on these trolls, they have more power then we think!
I saw that and forwarded it to MK. I wonder how much it cost the little troll to get the investigation dropped?
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
Must be a rapper part time, the only thing missing is the bottle of Crystal.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Is Victoria related to Crazy Eyes (aka Trisha Walsh-Smith)?
Or, Cindy McCain?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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I'm in the wrong business. I want Jesus Jewels too! :(
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I'm covered in BEEEEES!
That pastor does creep me out too...those pearly chopper of his always gleaming scares me.
I grew up in church and there is more drama in those places than an afternoon soap opera.
It's not the regular hos you have to watch out for...church girls are some of the craziest, freakiest girls you will ever come across..trust! And the men (their husbands) aren't any better.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
Submitted by tonicbitch on August 6, 2008 - 8:46pm.
I love how tv pastors and their wives always sport the mega-bling. Aren't they supposed to be like, humble and shit?"
I think you're confusing TV pastors with real pastors.
TV pastors (and their families) are required to be as obnoxious as humanly possible.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
off topic: the feds just dropped the inquiry on Heath Ledgors death...ruh ro MK, I think you'd better back off on these trolls, they have more power then we think!
Submitted by justice on August 6, 2008 - 7:51pm.
Somewhere in the bible (right at the back) it must say "there is no greater way of celebrating your lord and saviour than by rocking a blinged out cross and elbowing a bitch in her titaay".
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John 3:16...
It's all in the interpretation, but it's definitely there...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
When is the Surgeon General going to release a warning about Elbow Titting causing Loss of Faith and Hemorrhoids? And here I thought my hemorrhoids were a result of giving birth...
She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
She looks like she's preaching for the Devil in that pic. Crazy eyes.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Somewhere in the bible (right at the back) it must say "there is no greater way of celebrating your lord and saviour than by rocking a blinged out cross and elbowing a bitch in her titaay".
It's in the very, very new testament I think...
--thanks awfully--