Morning Wood

Submitted by Ms. Caligula on August 6, 2008 - 2:15pm.

So, Bob Sagget is upset because someone made sexual references to his "TV family",
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Yeah...from what little I know of Bob Saget (which is a little bit) that apology was, likely, bullshit. He's always been super protective of his career. He knows he walks a fine line tryna be the family TV hour guy and the raunchy bar room comedian all at once. I say this, mostly, because I've heard him make dirty jokes about them Full House girls before.

♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.

Say what you will about Madonna's face, but I want her cone boobs.

So whose cock did you have to suck for that contract, sweetheart?

She is my favorite. Just saw her personals ID on millionaires personals site """""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site. Is she single again?

but she does have a perfect face. this is just news now? i've known this since like, 92 or something. has no one ever looked at her face? her forehead is the perfect size and shape, her eyebrows are always perfect. ladies, and gentlemen, enough with the brows that are 3 inches apart, please. i know, i've done it, there are pictures, and that's how i learned for myself. but yes, her eyelids, perfect. eyes are perfectly shaped and sized, her natural lashes are quite long and thick. her nose it perfectly shaped and her nostrils have the perfect amount of flare. her lips, i know she's done this and that to them but they are perfect. the shape of her lower lip is perfectly perfect and her upper lip is just as perfect. her jawline is as perfect as it gets. everything is just perfectly proportioned. her only flaw is the gap in her teeth but for real, how much character does that add, i don't even see it as a flaw. she is my ideal of beauty to which everyone else is measured. i'm glad people are finally noticing.

elf ears...gaaarossss...

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butt sex can lead to ass babies...be sure to use a condom...

Submitted by xxyxz on August 6, 2008 - 12:21pm.

(.)

But ,but ,but I heard she's sober now!

lol! Now I know better than to think you said that seriously!

LCT, how'd your clip-on adventure go? I hope you didn't hurt anything important down there.

Submitted by AwesomeMcFabulous on August 6, 2008 - 3:09pm.

The Bob Saget Roast? How do you roast charcoal?

AMF, you heat it up super hot, throw on some slabs of meat and call it a barbecue!

The Bob Saget Roast? How do you roast charcoal?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JyfBFz9X54&feature=user

So, Bob Sagget is upset because someone made sexual references to his "TV family", but yet he has no problem showing his newborn daughter to one of his buddies and making the comment "Finger her for a dollar?"

What a fucktard. He probably is a little too close to the kiddies, which is why these jokes "offended" him so much.

Submitted by FatMartha on August 6, 2008 - 12:36pm.

Hahaha, DUH! He was the only reason I loved those damn movies! Sliding down the stairs and shooting shit with his bow and arrows and waving his lil' knives all around...
*fans self*
'Course, now OB is just a useless turd who can't act and has a bad case of the gayface. *sigh* Oh well.
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I agree... I only sat through hours of that crap for him. Him and his goofy shitty eye-contacted self.

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 6, 2008 - 1:04pm.
FatMartha -
Mmmmm, Legolas. There's a name I haven't heard for awhile.
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Hahaha, DUH! He was the only reason I loved those damn movies! Sliding down the stairs and shooting shit with his bow and arrows and waving his lil' knives all around...
*fans self*
'Course, now OB is just a useless turd who can't act and has a bad case of the gayface. *sigh* Oh well.
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Hi5.

Dementa:

Well if you like at her in the 90s (like her Sex book phase)she was a C cup. Although you have a point about the exercising! That would make sense!

FatMartha -
Mmmmm, Legolas. There's a name I haven't heard for awhile.

yolie, if she's been a C-cup for a long time then I think she's definitely had more enhancement recently. Otherwise her ever-plummeting body-fat would have reduced that C-cup to an A-cup!

Speaking of cups, did you know that in French a bra cup is called a "bonnet"?

Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 11:55am.
I just giggled over your new avatar. Is that the Italian Stallion? hahaha!

Uhm...feel free to give me the full Farrah Fawcett fingerpaint job (gawd, remember that fiasco? Scary)! *Rips open shirt like superman*...exposes boobs that look perky and almost promising for a second...then nips acclimate to the surrounding warm air and depressingly droop an inch. Aww mannnn! *Cue the bugler playing taps in the distance*

Stick-on earrings? Fo-shame! I have a whole collection of my gran-gran's clip-ons! Even mo betta fun! They kinda pinch though...oh don't you dare go THERE. I know what you was
already thinkin' before you thought it.
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It sho is! Don't worry, I'll grab some skin coloured finger paint and diminish the size of warm nips. Then I'll draw a smiley face on your tummy. Your bellybutton will be the nose.

You put those clip ons in your danger zone don't you? I KNEW IT! That's ok, when my grandma goes and leaves me her 685 pairs of clip on's I'm going to tape one of those shocking rings on the clip on, clip it onto my girly bits and go for a walk.

Elf ears? I think those Legolas fangirls are taking their adoration of him waaaaayyyy too far. Still, as bodily mutilation goes it's better than that whole "forked tongue" trend a few years back.
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HAHAHA! Fuck yesss! I was one of those fangirls! I even drew a portrait of myself with elf ears for an art class. The look is timeless, my friend. Timeless.
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Hi5.

Paris Sucks

No one is picking on her age. We are picking on her SURGERY. If she looked 50, we'd give her props.

Yeah, I know this isn't about her age, but I still don't think she's overdone it with her surgery yet. I was reading US weekly yesterday and they had these estimations of how much surgery she had. One thing said she used to be a B cup and now she is a C cup. She's been a C cup for a long time now! Anyway, about her face, this picture above is a bad one. She looked pretty good that day in the other pics.

(.)

But ,but ,but I heard she's sober now!
!

LCT!!!!
Off topic: I watched the pit-licker Gerry movie last night! It's actually a funny scene!

He is at a druggie/drunk party and pours this big fuck all glass of tequila, picks up his lime, looks around and screams 'where's the foockin salt?!?!?!' He then shrugs his shoulders, grabs the strippers arm, lifts it, then sluuuuuurp the pit and downs the tequila!!!

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You can put a cat in a oven, that doesn't make
it a biscuit!

Submitted by xxyxz on August 6, 2008 - 12:05pm.

Good Morning Dlisters

On Topic. I love a good roast! Who Is going to invite courtney love?

XXy, you do realize we have to pay through the nose for extra insurance whenever Court-Court is invited to a roast...right?

I KNOW a girl with elf ears! Really. She's a sortof blogstar here, sortof goth writer too, you know, the "oh I'm so different" kind. There are pics of her on the net but you can't see her ears anyway. Crap.

Good Morning Dlisters

On Topic. I love a good roast! Who Is going to invite courtney love?

My ass Justin Timbergay cuts his own hair. A prissy little douchebag who has a higher-pitched voice than many toddlers? You know he has a small army of pros cluster around, snipping individual hairs with gold-plated scissors and quaking with fear that the Great One may be displeased with them.

Ultimate face? That must be why Mad Madge got the cheek implants.

Elf ears? I think those Legolas fangirls are taking their adoration of him waaaaayyyy too far. Still, as bodily mutilation goes it's better than that whole "forked tongue" trend a few years back.

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:48am.

period
I probably need to keep my blood, but here's a chicken breast and some hard boiled eggs.
"sticking temp tattoos on my ass."

Thanks, hon! I'll take whatever I can get! That temp tat on your ass better not be Bret Michaels or I'm going to have a tuff time keeping down your delicious chicken and eggs you just fed me.

Robin Williams was funnier when he did COKE. Well... JUST SAYING.

Submitted by yolie on August 6, 2008 - 8:54am.

Please, Madonna isn't looking that bad. She's freakin' 50 years old. Come on!
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No one is picking on her age. We are picking on her SURGERY. If she looked 50, we'd give her props.

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and every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it- can you feel it?
- Alanis Morisette "You Oughta Know"

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 6, 2008 - 11:42am.

Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 11:31am.

LCT, I have some play-doh and fingerpaints and stick on tats? Interested?
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Ooo, yes please! Do you have any of those sparkly stick-on earrings too? I love those. Can I put a big handprint on your boob with finger paint?

I just giggled over your new avatar. Is that the Italian Stallion? hahaha!

Uhm...feel free to give me the full Farrah Fawcett fingerpaint job (gawd, remember that fiasco? Scary)! *Rips open shirt like superman*...exposes boobs that look perky and almost promising for a second...then nips acclimate to the surrounding warm air and depressingly droop an inch. Aww mannnn! *Cue the bugler playing taps in the distance*

Stick-on earrings? Fo-shame! I have a whole collection of my gran-gran's clip-ons! Even mo betta fun! They kinda pinch though...oh don't you dare go THERE. I know what you was already thinkin' before you thought it.

Madge, face it...you're OLD, honey and there's nothing wrong with that for fuck's sake! Own it and stop trying to be a horse on steroids at your age. UGH.

Please, Madonna isn't looking that bad. She's freakin' 50 years old. Come on!

period
I probably need to keep my blood, but here's a chicken breast and some hard boiled eggs.
"sticking temp tattoos on my ass."

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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:39am.

LCT
are you going to bail me out this time? that's the burning question.
period, you should NOT be fasting, you should be drinking a ton of water, eating lean protein, no carbs, and walking at night when the sun goes down.
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I've got a truckful of bananas to pay them with, so don't you worry. You'll spend as much time in jail as Nicole Richie.

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:39am.

period, you should NOT be fasting, you should be drinking a ton of water, eating lean protein, no carbs, and walking at night when the sun goes down.

signed
Dr. Hoff.

Dr. Hoff, I never thought of it that way but you're absolutely right. I keep forgetting I'm a vampire...no wonder! I'm low on iron and magnesium. Anyone care to donate an open vein? I'm famished.

Bog Saget is a total child-touching, creepy pussy.

Okay, I'm over the Madge-defending. Those photos totally made me laugh.

Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 11:31am.

LCT, I have some play-doh and fingerpaints and stick on tats? Interested?
---------------

Ooo, yes please! Do you have any of those sparkly stick-on earrings too? I love those. Can I put a big handprint on your boob with finger paint?

LCT
are you going to bail me out this time? that's the burning question.
period, you should NOT be fasting, you should be drinking a ton of water, eating lean protein, no carbs, and walking at night when the sun goes down.

signed
Dr. Hoff.

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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:33am.

CTH, I'm trying to lose 8 stubborn pounds I put on last winter. Getting older sucks. I used to be able to drop weight so easy and now it's a fucking BITCH.

Water? Barley and hops water you mean? lol

Justin T. cuts his own hair? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess those are his PUBIC hairs we are talking about.

Submitted by dreamhypnotique on August 6, 2008 - 11:28am.

Madonna has the classic "I no longer can control my bowel movements" expression plastered on her cadaverous mug.

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I usually just lurk but I had to login to LOL at that one. You are one funny fella

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:30am.

Topalina
I'm about ready to stand in front of the shop and flash the cars going by.
macaroni sounds like fun.
shit, I'm getting hungry too.
on topic, madonna is just getting plain scary.
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DO IT! Take pictures! I want to see the faces of the fat old perverts seconds before they crash into a lamp post. I'll share some office donuts with you. I'm occupying myself listening to Christmas music on Iceberg radio.

period, why fasting?
also get a shitload of water into you, it's summer!

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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:19am.

CTH, at least bored is better than starving hungry. I'm freaking HUNGRY and this fasting shit is making me feel almost as bonkers as that nut-job blonde youtube bitch.

Submitted by Carmeloh on August 6, 2008 - 11:23am.

Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 5:17pm.
True dat!
Plus the one on the right actually looks friendly... IMO.

lol. You're right. Witchy Poo looks much friendlier!

LCT, I have some play-doh and fingerpaints and stick on tats? Interested?

Topalina
I'm about ready to stand in front of the shop and flash the cars going by.
macaroni sounds like fun.
shit, I'm getting hungry too.
on topic, madonna is just getting plain scary.

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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."

Want to hear something HILARIOUS?
Paris is claiming she DIDN'T USE CUE CARDS for that McCain shit....HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

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Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge;
I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under

Madonna has the classic "I no longer can control my bowel movements" expression plastered on her cadaverous mug.

/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
I love you. No, really.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique

Submitted by christine the hoff on August 6, 2008 - 11:19am.
Off topic, fuck I'm bored.
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ME TOO. HOLY SHIT. I'm about ready to glue macaroni noodles onto construction paper for crying out loud.

Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 5:17pm.
True dat!
Plus the one on the right actually looks friendly... IMO. :P

**** "I Love Lamp" ****

I'm in love!!!!

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 6, 2008 - 10:08am.

I would LOVE to have Madonna's scary googly eyes, her inch-long black roots, her skeletal later-stages-of-AIDS looking cheekbones and her botched nose. I TOTALLY know what they're talking about.

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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK

Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 6, 2008 - 8:12am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 6, 2008 - 10:09am.
If you guys want Elephant Ears, go the the Plastic Surgeon and request the "Kate Hudson"....

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Yeah, but Kate Hudson doesn't look like she tastes all that good.

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well, Lance obviously didn't think she tasted very good.

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Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge;
I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under

Madonna? Really?
How bout Jacklyn Smith, Sally Field,
Meryl Streep?

Off topic, fuck I'm bored.

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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."

Submitted by Carmeloh on August 6, 2008 - 11:15am.

Um, soooo... Which pic's Madonna?

Sadly, Carmeloh, the hag on the right has a better root job.

Um, soooo... Which pic's Madonna?

**** "I Love Lamp" ****

Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 6, 2008 - 10:09am.
If you guys want Elephant Ears, go the the Plastic Surgeon and request the "Kate Hudson"....

---------------------------

Yeah, but Kate Hudson doesn't look like she tastes all that good.

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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on August 6, 2008 - 10:07am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 6, 2008 - 3:58pm.

DAE, stop talking shit bout my gramma!

*

Well, if you told people you had a gramma, mistakes like this wouldn't happen!

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Hey, gimme a break. If your gramma looked like that, would YOU be telling people about her??

*

Yes. Yes I would. Excellent way of starting a conversation, "Hey, have you seen a pic of my Granma...?"

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Ya know, you've got a point. There are many people out there I'm less than fond of who deserve a good scare. If I can follow the quote you made above with a blood-curdling scream from the offendee, I would be extremely satisfied.

*******************************************************
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron

If you guys want Elephant Ears, go the the Plastic Surgeon and request the "Kate Hudson"....

**************************************************
Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge;
I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under