This Sunday Is The Most Important Day Of Your Life
If you have plans this Sunday, cancel them all! If you're getting married, cancel it! If you're having a baby, cancel it! If you're dying that day, cancel it! Even if you're planning on going to church, cancel that. Actually, God may have already sent out a memo saying that church is closed this Sunday. What's the reason? It's only the most important day in all of our lives. People Magazine will unveil the first photo of the twin messiahs. The picture will make its debut on their website at 7pm EST. Set your alarm!
You must spend the day in your darkened bedroom with your eyes shut tight. You must prepare them for the sheer brilliance of the golden twins. I expect millions of people will temporarily be blinded by their magnificent beauty. Optometrists and ambulances will be standing by. You might want to wear a heart monitor too, just in case.
Yes, it's true. People Magazine won the exclusive rights for the first pictures of Brangelina's chosen twins. It's rumored that they paid around $10 to $15 million, a record. Of course, the money is going to charity. I think the name of the charity is the "We're Fucking Saints And You Know It Fund."
The international rights have reportedly been bought by HELLO! Magazine for around $15 million. HOLD THE FUCK UP! Are you telling me they are making around $30 million off of some measly pictures of some babies?! Oh shit. Did lightning just strike me for calling them "some babies." I apologize! Death, don't take me now!
UPDATE: According to WWD , People and Hello! will split the $10 to $15 million payout. Still! $15 million for a picture of some regular babies?! FUCK! Here comes that lightning again.
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Submitted by Sluttsville on August 1, 2008 - 4:06pm.
I will then purchase two magazines,
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Only TWO?
Take from some one who knows, you want at least SIX (depanding on how many pics there are.)
~♥~"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it a present.” – Eleanor Roosevelt~♥
Last Xtina sighting - July 30th 2008
When the media tires of these two media whores, the fall is going to be long and hard. I just hope I get to witness their downfall.
30 million dollars is a idiotic amount of money for any picture-PERIOD! So they donate it to charity-big whoop. Can you imagine the tax write off on 30 million dollars?!? They truly piss me off.
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The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra burst, 11 injured.' That kind of thing. -Johnny Depp
God be with you, dumbass.
*wipes a tear* Damn, MK, that was some hilarious shit. Death better not take you, because where else will I get my laughs from?
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I wish it was like the 70's and it was still ok to kick someone's ass. Damn
C'mon, you people are jelluz. I have cancelled all weekend plans and will be camping outside the local 7-ll until the magazine arrives. I will then purchase two magazines, because the pages tend to stick when you lick the pages excessively. I will return home and shut the doors and close the blinds, so that the negative energy from all the outside freaks won't diminish or taint the ceremony. A candle will be lit and I will pay homage to the twins. I have already began fasting, so my body will be cleansed when it is time to sacrifice the goat.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
MK, I beg thee, marry me! My stomach muscles would be solid forever. Hahahaha
MK will you marry me?
Are they giving it all to charity? the aweful pink houses project? Africa? The vany needs to own a property project?
Those assholes. Didn't they give the Shiloh money away? They need this 30 mil to live the pretentious life with Bono in the South of France.
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Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
" I think the name of the charity is the "We're Fucking Saints And You Know It Fund"
If these 2 whores are making 30 million off of their spawn and expect us to believe that ALL 30 mil. is going to charity, they must really think the public is stupid!
When 'People' signs the checks for brangelinas charities of choice well then I will believe it.
flippin 15/ 30 million for some skanks baby pictures?? I will never buy another People magazine for as long as I live.
I want to see them at a year old, not newborns. Shiloh looked like a little ginger drowned rat when she was newborn bless her! Of course now she looks more herself..so the twins aren't going to be quite ready to be viewed yet surely. Give them a chance to beef up a bit first :)
what time is that in GMT for Uk'ers?! 5 hrs difference? So that means 12am on Monday for us. geesh. I'm not staying up that late! I bet the site will crash too.
Her vagina totally pays BILLS.
Let's hope the offspring don't sue her later for withheld funds.
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Awww, shame that I'll be hacking into their website at 6.59 posting two pictures of baboons holding up signs saying. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
Now, back to hacker-school...
FUCK THAT!!!
30 Mill? Hellz no. The world's gone crazazy
Other than that...I don't give a fuck. I'm getting up whenever on sunday, wake and bake and then go do something outside.
There shouldn't be any traffic on Sunday. Or anyone outside for that matter. The loons will be indoors worshiping the messiahs. I will be outside wrecking havoc!
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"But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job"
MK on the SamRo's a Filthy bitch thread" 7.31.08
Submitted by XENU on August 1, 2008 - 11:23am.
I think I'm in love, Xenu, simply because of your avvie. Will you give me a private E-meter test? <3
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Hi5.
Does this mean Shiloh isn't the messiah anymore?
God damn it, I've been praying at the altar of the wrong Brangelina spawn.
I WAS going to clean out my bong on Sunday. I guess I'll do it today.
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Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs. ~Homer Simpson
Wonder if James Haven will be in the photos?
I bet Angelina keeps him chained next to the bed post and only let's him come out to inseminate her.
I bet they're fugly like J-Lo's twins.
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Don't dream it... BE it!
Your Mom Ate the Taco, that's good! On Sunday, Dlist should be "I don't give a flying fuck" day. I'm there. Anything to avoid the Brangelina circus.
Johnny Depp and family have disappeared to another part of the world until Brangelina leave Nice, France. They've ruined the neighborhood.
Who gives a fuck?
Apologies. It appears my evil second personality has posted. I will have to subdue it with massive quanities of mini Milky Way bars, which generally works.
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Dammmmit! I alphabetize my dry cereals on Sundays!
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Madness, as you know, is like gravity…
All it needs is a little push.
I'm too disgusted and speechless for words.
How about if everyone boycotts buying that issue entirely, and People can eat their $15 mil.
wouldn't that be awesome.
that'll teach 'em lol.
fuck this shit....
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
I hope those babies look exactly like Shiloh and it turns out to be one big(ger) rip off than it seems to be right now.
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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ
Oh, for fuck's sake, was there any doubt that the loon bible would cough up the most dough? Set your loon alarms to Defcon 1 at 7pm on Sunday, ROFL
Good morning, everybody!!!
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I hate Brangelina and all their pretentious, over inflated ego crap.
I hate the media EVEN MORE for falling for their shit.
and they'll look like just about every other 2-week old Caucasian baby...
Sorry, babies aren't puppies.
Actually I haven't got a thing planned this Sunday! I am free all day to sit in fervent anticipation of this truly monumental event!
God bless the Jolie-Pitts! Hooray for People Magazine!
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Ohhhhh...I'd love to be around for it, but unfortunately Sunday is my "I don't give a flying fuck" day.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
I consider myself a caring and nice person but...
I hope their babies are fugly as hell. Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
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Hi5.
Guess I'll avoid the interwebs Sunday evening.
I'm sick to my back teeth of Brangelina, the orphans, the other kid, the new crotch fruits, and their media overload bullshit.
Do a Johnny Depp move. Buy an island. Move there. Stay there.
To my deep regret Sunday I will be busy with my Xtina blow up doll.
IF I remember, I'll be sure to check in!
I don't remember People making this much fuss when Max was the cover. *pouts* *sticks middle finger up at People*
~♥~"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it a present.” – Eleanor Roosevelt~♥
Last Xtina sighting - July 30th 2008
Submitted by aneurysm on August 1, 2008 - 10:40am.
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Nothing like a good poot to bring peeps together!
:)
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
I'd watch, except IG is washing her hair and/or farting that day. As Madam S pointed out, imagine how much they could get by selling the babies themselves?
haaa island, we were typing preferable thoughts of flatulence at the same time. gmti.
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http://www.myspace.com/naervana
MK, I adore you. Awesome post (but what else is new?).
"I don't agree with that in the workplace."
Let me pencil that in my calendar, next to washing the dog, and the car.
I better stock up on candles, rosary beads, holy water and communion wafers.
i care more about hearing the sound of a fart from amy whinehouse than seeing their porch rats urr brats. (fyi~ i'm sick to death of seeing any post related to smackhouse).
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http://www.myspace.com/naervana
The girl one has a lazy eye, the little bitch.
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
Woo Hoo!
Sorry, I'll be busy washing my hair and/or farting on Sunday.
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."