This Sunday Is The Most Important Day Of Your Life
If you have plans this Sunday, cancel them all! If you're getting married, cancel it! If you're having a baby, cancel it! If you're dying that day, cancel it! Even if you're planning on going to church, cancel that. Actually, God may have already sent out a memo saying that church is closed this Sunday. What's the reason? It's only the most important day in all of our lives. People Magazine will unveil the first photo of the twin messiahs. The picture will make its debut on their website at 7pm EST. Set your alarm!
You must spend the day in your darkened bedroom with your eyes shut tight. You must prepare them for the sheer brilliance of the golden twins. I expect millions of people will temporarily be blinded by their magnificent beauty. Optometrists and ambulances will be standing by. You might want to wear a heart monitor too, just in case.
Yes, it's true. People Magazine won the exclusive rights for the first pictures of Brangelina's chosen twins. It's rumored that they paid around $10 to $15 million, a record. Of course, the money is going to charity. I think the name of the charity is the "We're Fucking Saints And You Know It Fund."
The international rights have reportedly been bought by HELLO! Magazine for around $15 million. HOLD THE FUCK UP! Are you telling me they are making around $30 million off of some measly pictures of some babies?! Oh shit. Did lightning just strike me for calling them "some babies." I apologize! Death, don't take me now!
UPDATE: According to WWD , People and Hello! will split the $10 to $15 million payout. Still! $15 million for a picture of some regular babies?! FUCK! Here comes that lightning again.
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OKAY. . .SERIOUSLY!!!
I understand why people are so facinated by Brangelina. I mean, I love them myself but paying that much loot for pictures of babies that look like old raisins is RIDICULOUS!!! And why are People Magazine hyping it up like it was a national event, a day in history.
I love Brangie, I think they are good people with good intentions and they advocate good things but this is just TOO MUCH!
EVERYONE HAS TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
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I'd let Reggie Bush do whatever he wants to me!!!
Submitted by peaches on August 1, 2008 - 11:41am
Good morning, peaches, doll!! Loves it!!
OnT: I don't care anymore.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
That is a good point. They didn't sell the pics of ANY of the adopted kids. Why not? Why sell only the biological kids. That's kinda, weird. Kids are not silly, they will know that the new babies have "special" all over them. Poor things. (ALL of them)
At first glance it looks like it would be great to be a part of their clan, yet give them the teenage years and see what back lash happens!! Those kids are going to revolt big style LOL!
Submitted by Callan on August 1, 2008 - 11:44am.
Will one parent get all 19 kids on their designated day? Will they have an arrangement where Angelina gets the biological kids on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and gets the adopted ones the other days? Or they split custody by the geographic origin of their kids?
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Not really a problem, once they split, only the little ones that can rake in a minimum of 3 million per photo shoot get to visit; the rest are sent off to boarding school or to the west wing of the house in France.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
@NoWords
LOL don't even worry about it.
Submitted by Clarisse on August 1, 2008 - 11:44am.
LCT,
Hmmm, maybe if we combine the dried cereals that we have in common into a community bin and take shifts we could cut the time in half and get to witness the unveiling of Brangelina's twin twat turds!
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Or, we could soak them all in milk the night before so that they meld into one BIG cereal piece and we won't have to sort it at all!
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
'Mornin' peaches!
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 1, 2008 - 11:42am.
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Sheep leaves a funny taste in my mouth, I'm going with goat.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
LCT,
Hmmm, maybe if we combine the dried cereals that we have in common into a community bin and take shifts we could cut the time in half and get to witness the unveiling of Brangelina's twin twat turds!
Peaches,
Love it!
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Madness, as you know, is like gravity…
All it needs is a little push.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 1, 2008 - 11:34am.
Kizzy you stinker, I thought you were supposed to be at a meeeeeting??
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I was, it let out earlier than I expected, thank Gawww, was about to fall asleeeeeep, ROFL
OnT: All the furor over the cops protecting the hospital, and the mayor focusing on the paparazzi there for Brangelina rather than that young foreign boy, has died down now, so of course it's time for the first viewing.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I would also like to note that when these two inevitably break up (which they will as Angelina's vagina cannot take one kind of dick for too long), I cannot wait to see how they feasibly split custody.
Will one parent get all 19 kids on their designated day? Will they have an arrangement where Angelina gets the biological kids on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and gets the adopted ones the other days? Or they split custody by the geographic origin of their kids?
Submitted by Callan on August 1, 2008 - 11:38am.
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How dare you mention her name during a post about the messiah twins....I've written down you license plate #, get used to the twins name because I'm going to key their names on each side of your car.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Agree with callan's point. I have good friends with four adopted children and their unflinching prime directive is to make those kids feel like they are no different from their playmates with biological parents. So how damn stupid and irresponsible is it for Jolie and Pitt to CONSTANTLY create a distinction between their adopted and biological kids. I don't care if it's $30 million or $30 or the sun,moon and stars. No amount of compensation is worth sacrificing the ego and mental well-being of a child who did not CHOOSE to be adopted by 'the Brangelina'. The Jolie-Pitts first and foremost responsibility is NOT to curing the all of the ails of the world, but those children they have brought into their family.
God...they are just horrible people. I am so sorry....but they disgust me.
And I want an audit. I want to see what charity got what amount of money. If these fools are going to be compensated with fame, glory and worship, then I demand an accounting.
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"Africa is sexy and people need to know that." Bono
Callan, WHEW! One never knows with the "Triangle"......
Slutts. yes, the billboard cost me blood, SLEEP and tears.....those fuckers.
Feast on goat? lol.....I'll bet Sheeps is relieved you said that...
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"Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God; and Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."
LAPD Chief Bratton
Good morning kizzy, lct, clarisse, and deb! Don't ya just love my new avie? Lol!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Callan, I thought you were serious, too...sorry about that. (-:
This SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY.....
*in Monster Truck Show voice*
And the JJ'ers are already camping out in front of a Border's Book Store near you. They will buy multiple copies to use as stocking stuffers, new wall paper, sheets, towels, toilet paper, yes tp, to wipe their asses with the twins photos is the living end for them and of course as their sole source for orgasmic pleasures.
Gee and this Sunday I was going to cure cancer, pen a novel, save a few random African nations and make pudding pie, damn.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Notoriousrem_22 on August 1, 2008 - 11:30am.
And for the record rumor has it that she will be birthing more children in the future
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No shit. The minute they realized how much more attention then get popping them out of their own vaginas (Brad's included) they probably wrote off adoption forever.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
They are both aging rather badly and once the last of their diminishing looks go, people won't care at all about what they do or don't do.
People's tastes change, and after a few years both Jolie and Pitt will realize that they sold out career/artistic longevity and integrity for a short term burst of otherworldly attention.
In other words, despite their widespread notoriety and massive wealth, and just because they can buy whatever they want and get their picture taken by bored strangers, they are pathetic.
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All your base are belong to me.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
@parissucksliterally
I was poking fun at how the public believes Aniston is going to take it... don't think I worded it well enought to convey that. And I agree it's ridiculous, 3 or 4 years later, and every time these two fucktards buy or make a kid, Star or the Enquirer has an "JENNIFER DEVASTATED" headline.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 1, 2008 - 11:32am.
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Meeee! I heard that you paid for a new billboard this morning in honor of this blessed event. Get a ticket and visit me this weekend, we'll both light candles, give each other Angie hairstyles, and feast on goat.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
I wonder if these ones will have the giant gaping trap and monstrous fishlips Shiloh had when she was born.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by Callan on August 1, 2008 - 9:32am.
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You wish. She is counting her lucky stars to be out of this cluster fuck.
I think I loathe these publicity monsters more than anyone else I can think of. Untalented idiots.
Hey Deb - hope you are right. The world has enough Jolie-Pitts and we are all screaming 'uncle'. ;-)
And you are so on target about her man-trapping ways. I get the distinct feeling Brad Pitt's a man who views women as easy-bake ovens good for popping little biscuits every 9 months. Jolie knows it, just like she knows that if JA had been pregnant when Mr./Mrs Smith was filmed, all the sinister Jolie charm in the world would not have turned Pitt's head. I give Aniston props for bugging out of that dysfunction.
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"Africa is sexy and people need to know that." Bono
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 1, 2008 - 10:32am.
You bring up a good point. I don't remember her being a big attention whore back then and selling pictures of them, or at least trying to. What the fuck happened?
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I don't really remember what happened with Maddox, because she hadn't gotten with Brad yet, as she was breaking up with Billy Bob... she was famous, but didnt have the Brangaloonie mojo yet. But with Zahara and Pax? Her and Brad just rolled up to Ethiopia and Vietnam, got the kids, came home, and they allowed the paps to get shots of the kids. No attempts were made to give a first shot to any magazines.
LCT,
I am sure they had final approval of pictures. The little globs will be photoshopped to perfection, perhaps with a tiny glow around their heads. All little babies look like Kruschev.
That being said. I feel certain I will look. But to maintain some sense of moral integrity I will not buy.
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...whatever.
@trist
Ita! If people don't write those checks directl to those charities, than it's just a pack of lies! I heard even Jimmy Carter was on Letterman and discussed when Brad came to help out once @ habitat for humanity, and he felt like Brad was just there for a photo op! I say we all write emails to people today, demanding to know the truth, or we're not gonna buy the magazine! Besides mk will have the picture(s) and my dad gets NY post and they always have this stuff! I'm sure I will look at someone elses magazine, only because I like pictures of all cute babies!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Kizzy you stinker, I thought you were supposed to be at a meeeeeting??
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by Clarisse on August 1, 2008 - 10:51am.
Dammmmit! I alphabetize my dry cereals on Sundays!
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You do that too? Maybe if we help each other, or invent a cereal sorter by Sunday, we'll be able to take part in the Messiahs unveiling.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by Callan on August 1, 2008 - 8:28am.
You gotta feel bad for Maddox, Zahara, and Pax. When they were adopted by Angelina, nobody gave a shit about getting pictures of them. When they're older and google their parents, don't you think they'll be a little miffed that their parents struck multi-million dollar deals to show off their biological children, but not their adopted ones?
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Great point, Callan. I agree 100%. These two morons are as shallow as a puddle. I can't wait for their "15" minutes to be over and watch them become pathetic has-beens. No one deserves it more then these two.
Slutts, thanks for making me spit out my coffee....lol
This is so fucking RIDICULOUS!!!! aaarrrgghhhh
oh, and Callan, leave JA out of this shit...I'm sure she doesn;t give a shit, besides them getting paid 30 mil for these fucking babies.
Almost FOUR YEARS now......let it go......everyone.
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"Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God; and Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."
LAPD Chief Bratton
Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on August 1, 2008 - 11:09am.
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*winks* Then 6 it shall be.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Me thinks Jennifer Aniston is going to be holed up in her house this Sunday. She probably already has the Haagen Dazs bought and sitting in the freezer, the Kleenex within arms reach, and instructions sent to every convenience store/newsstand within a 10 mile radius of her house, to not sell her any copies of People under any circumstances. No matter how much she may beg and plead.
Submitted by Callan on August 1, 2008 - 11:28am.
You gotta feel bad for Maddox, Zahara, and Pax. When they were adopted by Angelina, nobody gave a shit about getting pictures of them.
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You bring up a good point. I don't remember her being a big attention whore back then and selling pictures of them, or at least trying to. What the fuck happened?
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Not going to indulge in the mass stupidity!
No offense to those who do not feel the same as I, but frankly I could give two shits less about these little crapturds!
And for the record rumor has it that she will be birthing more children in the future. They don't want to adopt anymore, so expect this hoopla to continue till A.J.s vag shrivels up and dies.
Between all these kids and her drug abuse and eating disorders her body must look like SHIT. Gross.
'Young guns having some fun, crazy ladies keep em on the run. Wise guys, realize theres danger in emotional ties. See me single and free, no tears, no fears what I want to be. One two take a look at you, DEATH BY MATRIMONY.'
George Michael Circa 1983
I am looking at the babies with a piece of paper with a pin hole punched in the middle of it....I have heard from a reliable source...my mailman that if you look directly at them...you can go blind...I believe him....he brings me mail...EVRYDAY without fail....so this information is TRUE
Why be difficult when you can be impossible!
Submitted by FatMartha on August 1, 2008 - 10:42am.
I consider myself a caring and nice person but...
I hope their babies are fugly as hell. Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
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haha that brings back glorious memories of the Jen comment on behalf of her friend:
"Jen hopes the babies are beautiful. She would never want anyone to be unhappy with their children."
Hahahah zzzzzzzzzing.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
You gotta feel bad for Maddox, Zahara, and Pax. When they were adopted by Angelina, nobody gave a shit about getting pictures of them. When they're older and google their parents, don't you think they'll be a little miffed that their parents struck multi-million dollar deals to show off their biological children, but not their adopted ones?
You might as well hang a giant sign around their necks that says "My parents care about their biological children more."
I fuckin hate these 2 more then almost everyone in hollyweird. First off they just plain suck. I mean personality wise and acting wise they are the worse. I mean Angelina is no better of an actress then Jessica Alba is. Secondly they ALWAYS mention when they give money to charity, how much and where it goes. Its usually like $100,000 or something around there. They NEVER mentioned where the money from Shilohs pics when cuz me thinks it went to them buying more kids and buying some ridiculous French estate. Third off babies are ugly and they all look the same so 30 million for 2 gremlins that could belong to my white trash neighbors seems totally insane. One day when the smoke and mirrors fade they will be seen for the low life's that they really are. I just wish that day was NOW.
'Young guns having some fun, crazy ladies keep em on the run. Wise guys, realize theres danger in emotional ties. See me single and free, no tears, no fears what I want to be. One two take a look at you, DEATH BY MATRIMONY.'
George Michael Circa 1983
The international rights have reportedly been bought by HELLO! Magazine for around $15 million. HOLD THE FUCK UP! Are you telling me they are making around $30 million off of some measly pictures of some babies?! Oh shit. Did lightning just strike me for calling them "some babies." I apologize! Death, don't take me now!
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MK, statement like this is why I love u!!!!!!!!
"You are a whore, darlin'. We all are. We take the cash, we cash the check, we show them what they want to see"
Which charity is this wad going to? The "Brad and Angelina Adoption Fund"?
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Carti,
I don't think she will ever have a bio child again. I don't think she would have had the last ones but to sink her teeth further into Brad Pitt's balls. Getting Zahara and Pax didn't seal the deal so she popped out the bios.
Those little globs and the blob are the ace bandage of bandaid babies.
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...whatever.
Can you imagine the snail trails all over LA's/HA's bedroom now? Uh-oh, for those of you eating lunch already - sorry :(
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Gary Busey is a poet too?? Now, that's a real man!!
Observation: interesteing how Brangelina claim to give money to charities...yet, they NEVER disclose the name of the charities.
You would think Brangelina would make the name of these charities known to the public.
This is how the world ends, not with a bang but a bunch of 30 million buck photos of the progeny of two overrated and overpaid "actors". Still, some of us lesser mortals have the good sense not to pony up any money for anything these two twats do. That 30 million won't go anyplace but their bank account, Brad has to pay for that fugly "art" furniture he recently bought and Angie has to have her lips reinflated. Why the public supports these two is beyond me.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
I wonder if Ang has room in her steeltrap thundercat to pop me out as a full sized man?
I wanna rent her hole!
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Fug Alert! Whenever twins are the opposite sex they are NEVER pretty. It's like when twins aren't identical one is always prettier than the other. Indentical twins are the only chance they have at being good looking. Sorry but it's true. Just watch and see.
Selling your babies to a tabloid magazine is fucking gross. That's about all I have to say on the subject.
I'd rather have a simultaneous, anesthesia-free colonoscopy and root canal than look at photos of these little future hellions.
I'd actually be a little cheered up at the idea these photos are finally coming out and this nonsense will soon be over. But I know Jolie will continue to breed with someone (sorry Brad). And you just know these kids are the Coreys, Lohans and Spears of the next generation. Unless we all die soon, we'll be stuck watching the little gangsters' every pap-documented move as they make their way from pacifiers to perpwalks.
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"Africa is sexy and people need to know that." Bono