This Sunday Is The Most Important Day Of Your Life
If you have plans this Sunday, cancel them all! If you're getting married, cancel it! If you're having a baby, cancel it! If you're dying that day, cancel it! Even if you're planning on going to church, cancel that. Actually, God may have already sent out a memo saying that church is closed this Sunday. What's the reason? It's only the most important day in all of our lives. People Magazine will unveil the first photo of the twin messiahs. The picture will make its debut on their website at 7pm EST. Set your alarm!
You must spend the day in your darkened bedroom with your eyes shut tight. You must prepare them for the sheer brilliance of the golden twins. I expect millions of people will temporarily be blinded by their magnificent beauty. Optometrists and ambulances will be standing by. You might want to wear a heart monitor too, just in case.
Yes, it's true. People Magazine won the exclusive rights for the first pictures of Brangelina's chosen twins. It's rumored that they paid around $10 to $15 million, a record. Of course, the money is going to charity. I think the name of the charity is the "We're Fucking Saints And You Know It Fund."
The international rights have reportedly been bought by HELLO! Magazine for around $15 million. HOLD THE FUCK UP! Are you telling me they are making around $30 million off of some measly pictures of some babies?! Oh shit. Did lightning just strike me for calling them "some babies." I apologize! Death, don't take me now!
UPDATE: According to WWD , People and Hello! will split the $10 to $15 million payout. Still! $15 million for a picture of some regular babies?! FUCK! Here comes that lightning again.
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WTF - I scream at the ocean daily...it's right outside my damn window and pisses me off my attracting sea gulls. Ruins my naps.
sweet lord, what the fuck is up with her face? She looks like Madame there.
And its good to know, that I can enjoy an idiot free Sunday with all the window lickers masterbating to those dumb fucking kids.
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"Self-promotion, for me, is like going to the dentist" —Daniel Craig
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 1, 2008 - 11:46am.
I went and looked to see how apeshit they were going over this announcement and am nearly peeing myself with glee over how ridiculously excited they are. One says she will be on vacation so will be able to stay up late just to see the pictures! How GLORIOUS!
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I just vomitted in mouth.
*****ALERT ALERT ALERT********
JJ NEWS! Do not read if you are easily offended by the word JJ.
I couldn't help myself.. I went and looked to see how apeshit they were going over this announcement and am nearly peeing myself with glee over how ridiculously excited they are. One says she will be on vacation so will be able to stay up late just to see the pictures! How GLORIOUS!
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 1, 2008 - 11:17am.
The defense actually never said they were blaming the doctors, they were just trying to make it seem like her wounds weren't that bad, so Pollard's actions weren't as heinous as we all think.
Yeah, um, they were bad enough to kill her!!
Anyways, there were a couple things in the newspaper articles that weren't exactly perfectly correct.
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on August 1, 2008 - 12:23pm.
- No but it does in fact imply you are a die hard Jen A. fan (sorry PSL), that you scream at the ocean, that you have no sense of space and time and are jellus of Skeletina's artistic way of life.
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I only scream at the ocean when it's night and I forgot to put on panties.
But yes, I am jealous of Angelina and her boyfriend who has no balls, the children she whores out and then ignores, and her complete lack of consideration for anything and everyone that is not her.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 1, 2008 - 12:19pm.
I have had to change panties three times today I am so happy.
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*Phewf!*
In that case, I hope her tits fall off and Hollywood sees her for the shit-eating talentless labia she really is.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
$15 million dollars???
*calls gyno for in-vitro appointment*
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 1, 2008 - 12:06pm.
I think when they got Zahara, she had medical issues to be tended to and by the time she got well enough the furor had died down.
With Pax, he had a hard time with the papp frenzy when they first bought him. He was very frightened. I believe they kept him out of it for a long time.
Nah, they exploited them both pretty badly! They had no regard for Pax being scared whatsoever! Madonna didn't exploit her adopted son very much at all. we see pictures of him every now and then, but hardly as much as Jolie-pitts kids! One thing I think Madonna should get credit for, when she does stuff for publicity, it's only herself, She always tries to keep her children out of it. It certainly may effect them indirectly, and she probably should try to think about that, but She's certainly much more considirate of her children than brangelina are!!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
TwoDrink....years ago, I rolled around on 7000 in cash and got very horny....I suppose millions would give me a heart attack...
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Is it my turn to totally understand, to watch you walk out of my life, and not do a damn thing?
-PM Dawn "Id Die Without You"
LOVE CARROTTOP on August 1, 2008 - 12:16pm.
Does it make me a bad person if I feel a rush of happiness every time I slam her?
- No but it does in fact imply you are a die hard Jen A. fan (sorry PSL), that you scream at the ocean, that you have no sense of space and time and are jellus of Skeletina's artistic way of life.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by cartimandua on August 1, 2008 - 11:50am.
One other thing. I read somewhere, Jolie and Pitt were desperate to get pregnant because he badly wanted a biological son. So what's wrong with the two sons he already had? And how damn vain is that? He just had to see his genes reproduced? All of those kids are just screwed.
Actually that's not just Brad, that's almost All Men!!! they're always that way!! Gotta give him a pass on that one.
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
LCT,
Does it make me a bad person if I feel a rush of happiness every time I slam her?
I have had to change panties three times today I am so happy.
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...whatever.
Chut up. Who the fuck cares??? The loonies will be crazy binned sooner or later. Plenty of women give birth everyday...BFD (not to put down the women who do give birth, just don't know why this is so important). I want to see the proof that they give that money to charity. Considering that are now both box office poison...I picture that scene from Indecent Proposal. When she is rolling in the dough.
Stoney,
They tried to blame EMS? That is some sick defense. Woman would not have been in a medical crisis if that A-hole had not shot her in the first place...
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...whatever.
Deb, looks like you found your Funny Bone....Alpha Bits! Hahahahhaha
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"Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God; and Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."
LAPD Chief Bratton
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on August 1, 2008 - 12:10pm.
I have Olivier Martinez on the back burner....
shhhhh, don't tell anyone.
But in my Bradilooney delusional way, I want to believe he can be saved....
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He can be, he just has to get away from whoreface lifesucking Elvira. He'd be back to his glorious gorgeous self in no time.
Does it make me a bad person if I feel a rush of happiness every time I slam her?
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
No wonder Angie gets knocked up quicker than a female rabbit on fertility pills. With her limited acting ability and that monkey on her back, her days as a top draw actress are near and end, she knows she can pull in millions just for pushing out a kid. Brad goes along with the program. He knows as long as George Clooney is alive, he will have a role in one of his movies.
Can you say Oceans 57?
I wonder how much the price of the magazine will go up for this special edition? People magazine will get a return on their investment, by the consumers who are willing to fork over the extra $$$. I won't be one of them.
Is that sheen across Angie's face 'pregnancy glow' or just sweaty slobness and the Toblerone fat leaking out?
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 1, 2008 - 11:10am.
Could we make bracelets and sell them to the loons using Alpha-Bits? With a little gold leafing? All tied to a purple and gold string to signify the royalty of the family?
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Hey, if you're gonna make bracelets, don't let Moses find out. That mofo's been on a quest for macaroni bracelets all week and he WILL force you guys to make them if you're making other types of bracelets. He doesn't care about interrupting.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
I'm off to lunch! Have fun you crazy kids.
30 million basical those two are not paying tax at all, with the amount of dedcution they will have from this money.
Could we make bracelets and sell them to the loons using Alpha-Bits? With a little gold leafing? All tied to a purple and gold string to signify the royalty of the family?
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...whatever.
LOVE CARROTTOP on August 1, 2008 - 12:07pm
I have Olivier Martinez on the back burner....
shhhhh, don't tell anyone.
But in my Bradilooney delusional way, I want to believe he can be saved.....
SAVE THE BRAD!!!!
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 1, 2008 - 11:06am.
With Pax, he had a hard time with the papp frenzy when they first bought him. He was very frightened. I believe they kept him out of it for a long time.
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Poor kid still looks terrified all the time. Also, I read that they are trying to teach all the kids French, but that Pax still doesn't speak English that well yet. Nothing like confusing the kid anymore, huh?
Bradi, you may have to find a new lover. If a few kids can age Brad 10 years in only two, twins of Angie's are going to make him look 75 by November.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
Callan on August 1, 2008 - 12:02pm
During some interview I saw him in when he was still just The Brad and not single, *coughcough*, he said he wanted all girls as well.
I like how in most pics of these two, he always looks like he's pulling away from her.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Stoney on August 1, 2008 - 11:03am.
I got selected as a juror on a Memphis murder trial! And let me just say, WOW. We convicted the fucker of first degree murder, and I even got to see the hot homicide bitches from the First 48 in the FLESH AND BLOOD in court!
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Bitchin.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
I think when they got Zahara, she had medical issues to be tended to and by the time she got well enough the furor had died down.
With Pax, he had a hard time with the papp frenzy when they first bought him. He was very frightened. I believe they kept him out of it for a long time.
Maddox was always the ham of the family. I think he is the only one she should have stayed with. He also seems to be the only one she ever showed genuine love for in front of the cameras.
I wonder if she will even like these two. She never seemed that fond of Shiloh. Like she was duty bound to reproduce.
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...whatever.
Submitted by Clarisse on August 1, 2008 - 11:55am.
LCT,
Soak it in milk...no...soggy cereal = eck!
We could arrange them by main ingredient instead of alphabetically?
WAIT! BAMPZSKV!!!!! If it doesn't start with one of those letters, it get tossed in the trash!!!
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Excellent ideas, although I am sad ROYGBIV isn't included.
I like the idea of sorting by main ingredient.. that means, if we stick to Alphabits, we don't have to sort anything!
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
*clears throat loudly*
Ok, let me do this in the CORRECT thread:
I'm back, you hot bitches!!!
I got selected as a juror on a Memphis murder trial! And let me just say, WOW. We convicted the fucker of first degree murder, and I even got to see the hot homicide bitches from the First 48 in the FLESH AND BLOOD in court! And the black lady detective was one hot slut, dressed to the nines with fake nails, gold shoes and a long wig and sparkles on her pants! You can read about my case by googling Joseph Pollard Memphis Murder.
On topic: Hello, no one cares about the adopted kids because they don't have the genes of "the most beautiful people in the world." DUH.
*vomits breakfast*
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
They did sell the adopted kids too? But where, I never noticed that! (as a lot of other commenters are pointing out too)
I think they're only posting 1 pic online. To get the rest you'll have to buy the magazine. A taster, I guess!
I gotta agree with whoever made the comment about raisins. They were just born, couldn't they wait til they look human, maybe start a bidding war in the meantime?
''One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the whole world's your gynecologist.''
In response to the people making points that Brad pushes for the biological kids, I agree. You know he wanted kids of his own for a long time (don't worry I won't say with whom). I think that when he got together with Angelina, he just went along with her on her adopting kick, as long as he got to have biological kids of his own. I'm not saying he doesn't love the adopted ones, but he definitely wanted ones with his genes, too.
Red on August 1, 2008 - 11:58am
I'm suing my calendar company, they DID not mark they day for me.
I kinda like that i did not know about the non-bio blobs being sold once again to the highest bidder.
Are you aka toriaddict?
if not, where has that hobag been???
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
I like the point some of you are making about them not doing photo spreads with their adopted kids! Why don't they indeed? Sheryl crow did with her adopted son! Me and a friend were recently discussing how we think adopted children are for them what small dogs are to wonky!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by FrappBloat on August 1, 2008 - 11:48am.
That is a good point. They didn't sell the pics of ANY of the adopted kids. Why not? Why sell only the biological kids.
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They did sell pics of the adopted kids. One of the British papers had a list on the 10 most expensive baby pictures the other day and both Zahara and Pax were on there. They sold for about 1 or 2 million each.
Submitted by Red on August 1, 2008 - 11:55am.
The first pics are going to be posted on a website? Why buy the magazine then? I'll sneak a peek at the chosen ones for free and leave the magazines on the shelf.
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If you leave the magazine on the shelf then you can't cut out the pictures to add to the Messiah collage.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
I still love Maddox....he is a little badass....he is my favorite....
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"Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God; and Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."
LAPD Chief Bratton
Brad's gettin chunky. Can you say middle aged spread...
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Submitted by Hermosa on August 1, 2008 - 11:50am.
OKAY. . .SERIOUSLY!!!
I understand why people are so facinated by Brangelina. I mean, I love them myself but paying that much loot for pictures of babies that look like old raisins is RIDICULOUS!!! And why are People Magazine hyping it up like it was a national event, a day in history.
I love Brangie, I think they are good people with good intentions and they advocate good things but this is just TOO MUCH!
EVERYONE HAS TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
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YOU need to calm the fuck down, Little Miss Capslock.
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Proactiv ain't got nothin' on bloopin', baby.
LCT,
Soak it in milk...no...soggy cereal = eck!
We could arrange them by main ingredient instead of alphabetically?
WAIT! BAMPZSKV!!!!! If it doesn't start with one of those letters, it get tossed in the trash!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Madness, as you know, is like gravity…
All it needs is a little push.
The first pics are going to be posted on a website? Why buy the magazine then? I'll sneak a peek at the chosen ones for free and leave the magazines on the shelf.
Submitted by cartimandua on August 1, 2008 - 10:50am.
One other thing. I read somewhere, Jolie and Pitt were desperate to get pregnant because he badly wanted a biological son. So what's wrong with the two sons he already had?
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He should have saved Maddox and Pax the trouble and just slapped them right across the face, because it's pretty much the same thing.
I know I am posting a lot, but these two (and Jessica Simpson) are celebrities I really love to hate.
Submitted by cartimandua on August 1, 2008 - 11:50am.
One other thing. I read somewhere, Jolie and Pitt were desperate to get pregnant because he badly wanted a biological son. So what's wrong with the two sons he already had? And how damn vain is that? He just had to see his genes reproduced? All of those kids are just screwed.
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For reals.
Why did they need to add two more children to the world at all? If their intentions are so fabulous then why did they not, in their travels, say: There are already SO many children in the world that have nobody...we don't need to add to that, we need to take away ie. save more needy children.
The more kids they have the less they can do to help others - it's all just simple math, really.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
Callan on August 1, 2008 - 11:44am.
I would also like to note that when these two inevitably break up (which they will as Angelina's vagina cannot take one kind of dick for too long), I cannot wait to see how they feasibly split custody.
Will one parent get all 19 kids on their designated day? Will they have an arrangement where Angelina gets the biological kids on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and gets the adopted ones the other days? Or they split custody by the geographic origin of their kids?
- My money, Monopoly money, is on geographic origin.
When this day happens, and yes i agree though it is loooong over due that it will, I am going into the wilderness for a few months, the Loons Of Doom Army will start a war with USWeekly, OK!, HELLO, Star and take over People magazine HQ.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 1, 2008 - 10:48am.
Not really a problem, once they split, only the little ones that can rake in a minimum of 3 million per photo shoot get to visit; the rest are sent off to boarding school or to the west wing of the house in France.
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Well the ones that can't are probably lucky... they'll finally be settled for the first time in their lives. I mean, Maddox is what, 6? Has he, or any of them ever lived in one place long enough to call it home? LA, Namibia, New Orleans, France?
Call me when these two douches stop being so frickin' vain and self-important in travelling the world, and actually enroll their kids in a school for longer than 3 months, and actually have friends other than their siblings.
These kids are going to be super maladjusted one day.
And yawn..
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
One other thing. I read somewhere, Jolie and Pitt were desperate to get pregnant because he badly wanted a biological son. So what's wrong with the two sons he already had? And how damn vain is that? He just had to see his genes reproduced? All of those kids are just screwed.
No way would these two have passed the psychological workup to adopt in the US.
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"Africa is sexy and people need to know that." Bono