Brit Brit Is Not Doing Her Bodyguard
Brit Brit's manager has denied the rumor that she's bumping Cheeto flaps with her bodyguard. Larry Rudolph told Access Hollywood, “There is no truth to this at all. Britney is 100% single.” Not 100%. Some of her heart still belongs to Frapp and Chester.
The bodyguard in question isn't even her bodyguard. Larry said that he's her "staff photographer." He's a photographer? This just confirms that she's letting him chew on her fish jerky.
What the hell does she need a staff photographer for anyway? Daddy Spears probably bought her one because she misses the paps so much. He follows her around the house all day while saying, "Britneeeeeey. You are sooo booootiful. Looking sexxxxaaaay." Every now and again she beats him with an umbrella or throws her homemade frapp at him for old times' sake.