The Photoshop Awards: Jessica Simpson On Elle
In order for this cover to work, Elle needed to put even more text over Jessica's face and body. Actually, they should have just left Jessica out and covered the whole thing in words.
This is some major fuckery right here! Jessica's waist hasn't looked like that since birth! I know she wants to be cuntry and all, but this is overkill. They might as well have put a ten-gallon on her fugly head with the words "YEE HAW!" splattered over the cover.
In addition to giving them a truly fugly cover, Jessica talked to Elle about being a victim of abuse, "There’s nothing on my album that you’re gonna hear that I don’t relate to or that I haven’t experienced. Because the only way I know how to sing is from life experience. I don’t want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run.” Cut to all eyes moving to Daddy Joe shifting in his seat, biting his fingernails, and blinking like a guilty hooker with Tourettes.
And Jessica is a major liar! She said that forgetting the words to "9 to 5" while singing for the president and Dolly Parton changed her life, "Anyway, I broke down and said I’m sorry in front of the whole audience. My dad was there. I looked him in the face and said, ‘I will never sing again.’ “
But she did sing again.... Big tittied liar mouth!
Source: Sweet Kisses
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Abuse is a pretty serious thing, and shouldn't be lied about.
If it's true, I think that's terrible. Joe Simpson seems like a great deal of a creeper. Just saying.
However, if she's lying about it, I hope she gets sodomized by a giant squid because exploiting and glamorizing abuse is the reason why no-one believes people who ARE abused anymore.
So whose cock did you have to suck for that contract, sweetheart?
she musta had a down-home farmin' accident, cuz there's no way that middle finger is in her waistband
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.o.we're all pink on the inside.o.
a tergo ad libitum
plus I love the photoshopping on her leg that is in the right of the mag cover...they made it practically concave by trimming it....she almost looks deformed...I mean more deformed than usual...
I'm sorry but this whackjob pissed me off years ago with her chicken of the sea comment & the fact he couldn't pick up her own stink underwear.
She is such an annoying twat
this fuggery right here is exactly why i am not renewing my elle subscription. my heart cries for help whenever i see her the cover annually. i would pay them not to send me that issue.
How nice that now becuase she's a 'country' music singer she's wearing Wranglers and a Buckle. What a poser. Where was her country ass when she was selling pop?
Most people who are country don't wear flannel shirts.
What freaking loser. I wish she would go away.
Submitted by letinstar on July 31, 2008 - 3:38pm.
excuse me, this is someone else's body...my thoughts are it's ken paves body with jess head attached...
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Seriously....Jessica has some of the sagiest boobs ive ever seen! And ive seen saggy!
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
And if you dont expect too much from me, you might not be let down!
From Elle:
"Most of the guys I dated were captivated by my heart but they had different ways of trying to get to me," she says in the September issue of Elle.
"Tony understands me," she adds. "He appreciates my talent. He's the first person I've spiritually connected with.”
Romo has been supporting Simpson while she works on her country album. The 28-year-old was booed at her country concert in Randall, Wisconsin.
"It's the cutest thing," she says. "He'll say, 'Jessica, 75 percent of the comments about your new single are favorable.'"
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Tony Romo is getting in your pants Jessica - of course he tells you that you are talented, but he doesn't mean your singing.
excuse me, this is someone else's body...my thoughts are it's ken paves body with jess head attached...
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butt sex can lead to ass babies...be sure to use a condom...
She is my favorite. Just saw her personals ID on millionaires personals site """""""""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""""""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site. Is she single again?
I live in a place heavy populated with shit kickers so I'm forced to listen to cuntry music a lot. One thing I've learned...looks matter more than talent in that genre (especialy for female artists)
@Sheeps,
I think it is Paloma Picasso for Tiffanys too. Scared that I know that...
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...whatever.
Submitted by NovaNightly on July 31, 2008 - 11:05am.
UGH...wranglers are AWFUL!!! Not flattering on anyone. I would much rather my cowboy wear Levi's!!!!
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Irregardless little lady, real cowboys wear 'em.
Wranglers R HWAT
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"Only those who dare to fail greatly,
can ever achieve greatly." -- Robert F. Kennedy
G'day slatterns, bints & bitches.
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Bill Hicks - Arizona Bay
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpmgO4BTNCc
Submitted by Kizzy on July 31, 2008 - 1:13pm.
Word up Kizzy!!! I hope you'll go on the batman thread. We're all freaking out because they might cast st Angelina as Catwoman!ahaha!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
thanks for the link Nova, I will now spend the rest of my day looking at Lindsay Lohan pics.
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
UGH...wranglers are AWFUL!!! Not flattering on anyone. I would much rather my cowboy wear Levi's!!!!
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"Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?"
Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 31, 2008 - 10:46am.
You cannot be a decent country singer in Levis that are that new. She needs to scruffy up.
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Lawdy knows I don't know much but I do know that real cowboys wear Wranglers.
And you can take that to the bank, missydoodle.♥
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"Only those who dare to fail greatly,
can ever achieve greatly." -- Robert F. Kennedy
"On Nick, John, Tony, Willie,.....carlos, mario, jose, pedro, kevin, joel, andy, jorge, george, joel, brian, max, ray, cesar......should I go on?
I think that's a Tiffany necklace. How do I know this?
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Ne soyez pas des moutons. Arretez de croire ce qu'on vous montre sur internet sans esprit critique.
Let's get serious: when she says "abuse" she means her albums tanking.
And the outfit is just PR for the lucrative Brawny Paper Towel endorsement she managed to nab. She's the new corporate spokesmodel. The company wanted a new direction, someone whose face was immediately identifiable with waste and expendability. Voila.
HI Bradi!
I have my car keys in hand and time on my side...well the hell am I driving to anyways...need waffles. ass needs broadening.
You cannot be a decent country singer in Levis that are that new. She needs to scruffy up.
Never thought I would be saying that for Dog's sake!
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...whatever.
Jessica is the poster child for untalented, insecure, brainless twits and it's sickening how this useless bimbo is somehow still around. This is NOT someone girls should be looking up to! Ditto on the fuck you, Elle.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Did they use the lower part of an 11-year-old's body for this cover. Jessica clearly has some thunder thighs.
If you are going to get photoshopped, make it a good job. This is so misportioned it's hilarious!!
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"Can I get some ass cream" -- Scott Evil
Pretty looks fade...dumb is forever -- Judge Judy
Submitted by Kizzy on July 31, 2008 - 1:26pm.
PSL's troll, the one that got by with paris suck literaly, rather than the proper grammar and spelling of the original.
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And what do we say to trolls?
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaat blaaaaaaaaaaaaat blaaaaaaaaaaaat
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Proactiv ain't got nuthin on blooping, baby.
DebFrmHell on July 31, 2008 - 1:37pm
Carrie Underwears makes it into the Crumbs and Wood sometimes but you're right, except Dolly Parton stories.
Hi DEB!
Lenny is hocking Levi's denims at Kohl's now!
Waffles then some shopping.....
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Dear Miss Pimpson:
here is some more abuse for ya:
your albums fucking stink, you country bitch!
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
http://www.jsimpson.net/thumbnails.php?album=394
heres a link to see the old ELLE cover.....you may have to scroll down a little on the page. :D
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"Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?"
YTQ - I had to change my avie in your honor!
OK don't slap me but I like her top. I wouldn't wear it with all of those baubles or the Osmond Family Reunion bouffant, but I could make that work.
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
I just want to point out that in 2004...Chestica did a cover shoot for ELLE that looks almost exactly like this one. A red plaid "I'm cuntry" shirt...mussed up hair and all. I cant believe they did the same thing again. TACKY!!!!
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"Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?"
I really, really , really want her to succeed
in her new career as a country singer. I want her to sell records (but not so many as to garnish awards) and I want her to enjoy her life.
(MK never posts about country music folks so i have alterior motives!)
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...whatever.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on July 31, 2008 - 9:34am.
Please PhotoShop her gone ... totally, entirely gone.
I know right...
Please PhotoShop her gone ... totally, entirely gone.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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@Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 31, 2008 - 12:57pm.
right back atcha. she's s wild spirit.
OT: Um, smart girl already did the same Elle
cover in 2004 complete with flannel top. Duh.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
PRESENTING THE FABULOUS MOUSE JR
I though it was Juliette Lewis with a ton of make up at first.That thing they plopped on the back of her head looks like something we dragged out of the swampy drainage ditch out back
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 31, 2008 - 1:21pm.
Which one is Beige again?
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PSL's troll, the one that got by with paris suck literaly, rather than the proper grammar and spelling of the original.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
She's probably talking about Mayer's emotional abuse.
Down with the trolls.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 31, 2008 - 12:17pm.
Well, if a 1 z Kizy talks to you, it's a troll.
and if a 1 l Calan talks to me, I'll know it's a troll.
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Haha yeah, that's the one reason I'm glad our screennames are not that many letters long. It'll be much easier to spot.
Submitted by Miss Priss on July 31, 2008 - 1:19pm.
HI Kizzy!
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Hello Miss Priss!! You have a beautiful avie, those colors are lovely.
Yes, I'm still indulging my fetish for the kitty toesies!!!
OnT: Maybe they should work some sort of conservatorship out for Jessica, she's not crazy, you actually have to have a mind first, in order to lose it, but perhaps something for the terminally stupid?
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
They've Photoshopped her stubble.
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Ne soyez pas des moutons. Arretez de croire ce qu'on vous montre sur internet sans esprit critique.
LCT
Some looozer
LOL Kizzy...
And now that she is 'cuntry', the tossed salad will only be allowed if it has ranch dressing on it!!
Kizzy! haha.
I thought BeigeFrmHell had a nice ring to it!
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...whatever.
Kizy
(lol) Johnny Knoxville can toss my ensalada anyday
Which one is Beige again?
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Proactiv ain't got nuthin on blooping, baby.
Submitted by PendulousPoints on July 31, 2008 - 1:15pm.
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The tell-all book will be all about how Nick couldn't get over Johnny Knoxville tossing her salad, and even worse, *gasp* Nick refused to toss her salad.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
HI Kizzy!
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"But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job"
MK on the SamRo's a Filthy bitch thread" 7.31.08
Submitted by Callan on July 31, 2008 - 1:04pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 31, 2008 - 12:02pm.
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Well, if a 1 z Kizy talks to you, it's a troll.
and if a 1 l Calan talks to me, I'll know it's a troll.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by parissuckliteraly on July 31, 2008 - 11:26am.
I love her i dont know why people hate her so much. i look like her
you are all just jealous haters
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That's Jellus H8ters to you, troll.
Callan,
she can't. She was banned. So she plays this fucking stoopid game to harass other DLers under PSLs name and avie.
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...whatever.