It Takes A Lot Of Money To Look This Boring
Jenny Aniston drops $20,000 a month on beauty treatments to maintain her looks. Don't laugh! A source told The National Enquirer that ever since she started doing fuckey times with John Mayer, she's been overspending on her appearance.
A friend claims Jenny gets private yoga lessons 3 times a week, employs a completely organic private chef and gets anti-cellulite treatments once a month. The friend said, "Jen is doing whatever it takes to hold back time - short of plastic surgery. Jen is insecure about her legs, so she goes for anti-cellulite spa sculpting treatments twice a month. They cost $1,000 a session, but Jen swears that the sculpting keeps her skin supple and smooth. She calls the treatments 'necessary tune-ups."
Bullshit! She's not spending $20k a month on "treatments."
She spends $10,000 a month on a monthly supply of Billy Bob Thornton's blood. She spends $5,000 a month on weekly make-out sessions with James Haven. And she pays Maddox $5,000 a month to call her once a month and say, "You are the most beautiful mother in the world. I loves you." Sometimes Maddox messes up and screams "SIKE" at the end of the call. She takes off $1,000 from his paycheck when he does that. Hey, she figures if all that shit works for Saint Angelina, it will work for her.
Here's some pictures of Jenny walking to her SUV in Los Angeles and John walking to his SUV in NYC. Thrilling.
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texndoc, don't you fuckin' talk to LoLo that way!!!!If your gonna come on here and insult Dlisters, your gonna end up banned like Love Angelina!!!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 11:08am.
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
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Agreed!
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I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
Submitted by Stock Broker on July 17, 2008 - 12:05pm.
$20k a month and she still looks like a sad pound puppy.
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ha! WORD!
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I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
G'Day slutz...
WTF - check out Mayer's bin liner pants! Only a fuckwit. Run Jennifer, run.
Submitted by tonicbitch on July 17, 2008 - 3:19pm
Mine too. There were bitches on there that are downright spooooooky in the love. Like love-you-to-death-literally love. The bitches getting teary eyed imagining what it must've been like btw Brad & Angie gave me straight-up chills. I mean, it's funny now, but my mouth dropped open, and I realized, I thought I knew what crazy was, but noooooooo. There are levels of crazy there I never dreamt possible.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Well said (written), Peaches!
My understanding of the loonies reached a whole other level that night. The depths that their chauvinistic, twisted, narrow little minds go is astounding. I always considered myself a hater but I'm going to have to relinquish that crown to the mom-jeans wearers over there.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Submitted by TexnDoc on July 17, 2008 - 3:11pm.
Dear Wannabee Wish-you-were: I have a hemorrhoid in my asshole. It's called Texndoc. Could you remove it for me please? It is really painful and sore, and sticks out a lot, I'm having trouble hiding it under my skirt. Tanx!!
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by xxyxz on July 17, 2008 - 3:12pm.
Kizzy,
Hey hor! I wish I was there. most of the dc were on that night
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that shit was funny as fuck!!! those ignorant bitches were thinking that 5 DIFFERENT people were the same person!!!
You could see we posted at the same times!! There is no way anybody could switch that fast, unless they have 5 separate computers, and if so, damn, they are dedicated.
They are the "kinder, gentler blog" BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
while telling us our mothers should have aborted us. Oh, and if you don't like Angelina, you automatically HAVE to be an Aniston fan. You have to be one or the other, you can't hate or like them both, they are each other's yin and yang. If you hate both of them, that doesn't compute, and the cotton candy factory implodes.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Karen Flatts, I like your style!
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Submitted by TexnDoc on July 17, 2008 - 3:11pm.
Seriously?
That is all youve got?
lame ass, bitter queen you are.
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Kizzy,
Hey hor! I wish I was there. most of the dc were on that night
She ought to blow $15.00 on Boob-eez. Seriously.
look into it.
Submitted by xxyxz on July 17, 2008 - 3:01pm.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 10:57am
I saw that some of the NC had a good time on JJ and had a cyber orgy!!! lol I could imagine they were PISSED
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Hey xxyxz!!!
They were, but they have the lamest cracks, they were hilarious!! BUT, they are such pussies, they removed the majority of the posts by the next day. I guess whomever got banned? Yes, I was there, and I got banned. My first time ever being banned from anything. I see it as a badge of honor to be banned from JJ. It's an entire site full of HALAs. They take crazy to the nth degree.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
$20k a month and she still looks like a sad pound puppy.
She should invest in "Rent a Stud" instead.
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 2:58pm.
hey you! You know i did write emails to NBC, CBS, ABC, and the BBC asking them to keep their focus on stories that matter.
I think journalist have a duty to ignore celebrity fluff pieces in times of war.
Leave the gossip to the blogs:)
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 10:58am.
texndoc is not very well liked here, is he?
N-O
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 10:57am
I saw that some of the NC had a good time on JJ and had a cyber orgy!!! lol I could imagine they were PISSED
Submitted by LoLo on July 17, 2008 - 2:49pm.
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 2:46pm
Lolo, you are one bitch! It was actually something you wrote about brangelina a few days ago or something, that inspired me to want to do the petition in the first place! You crack me up! texndoc is not very well liked here, is he?
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 11:51am.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 2:40pm.
...but texndoc needs to eat a dick!
Yeah, he's just the disiilusioned male version of LA. I just ignore him.
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So who has these tombraider stickers on their cars?
Nobody, but I was hoping that if we paste great big giant posters of Angelina to the grilles of our cars it would attract Brangeloonies to run out in front and towards us while driving. That way, we could pick them off one by one (or in groups-- I hear they travel in packs). You know, kind of how rats come to the cheese?
Why is her hair always on her face? that shit annoys me!
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
I guess I have to worship and love her because I hate Skeletina.
It's the law.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 10:08am.
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
indeed
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 2:40pm.
yeah basically I need convince a good amount of the public to sign it, or I can't send it, that's the first step! so you definatly have that down. I do appreciate your opinion though, you and tonibitch, because it's a constructive disagreement, but texndoc needs to eat a dick! So who has these tombraider stickers on their cars? I know I don't and I aint gonna buy the baby picture magazine when it comes out. It'll be here on Dlisted anyways.
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 2:46pm.
Texan Doc TOTALLY eats dick, sweet peaches!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 11:24am.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 2:18pm.
yeah I'm not gonna actually call it Fuck off Brangelina, LOL! but that's the idea of it. Karen should I maybe split into two seperate petitions, for the Pr Persons, and one for all the media junkets?
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I would definitely shorten it, but I wouldn't even bother sending it to Brangie's reps. That's like pleading your case to the Defendant instead of the Judge. Regardless of what we may think of them, the Brangie PR Machine is going to keep grinding along.
In fact, I wouldn't even bother sending it to the Media. The only thing that the media pays attention to is Sales and Ratings. Who you need to convince to turn off the Brangie Machine is the General Public. If the Public stops buying, the Media will stop buying, and Brangelina is OVER. In fact, Tonicbitch nailed it with this:
"Most of the problem lies within the idiot fucktards who buy in to the Brangelina shit and thus generate money and incentive for the media outlets to keep reporting on them. And there's NO reasoning with those people".
If we really want Brangelina to go away, then we all need to start pasting "Lara Croft: TombRaider" Promo posters to the grilles of our automobiles. Perhaps we can pick them off that way....
Submitted by TexnDoc on July 17, 2008 - 2:08pm.
<"Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 1:05pm">
fuck you spelling Nazi!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 2:22pm
no problem!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
MK, you know it's "psych" and not "SIKE", right?
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A video movie could improve your life.
Submitted by tonicbitch on July 17, 2008 - 2:19pm.
yeah I was worried it's too long, I'm thinking it should get split into two petitions for two seperate people. The thing is I read a year ago that a demographic was done about celebrity likability and how it affects magazine sales, It turns out, Jennifer Aniston has high likability, and when she's on a magazine cover, it outsells when angelina or brad or Brad and Angelina are on the cover substantially, that's what makes me thinks this might have a shot
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 17, 2008 - 2:18pm.
yeah I'm not gonna actually call it Fuck off Brangelina, LOL! but that's the idea of it. Karen should I maybe split into two seperate petitions, for the Pr Persons, and one for all the media junkets? and I'm not gonna send it without an effective amount of signatures, because like you said, they may not bother reading it, but with a lot of signatures, they may not have a choice!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Peaches! That was GREAT!! I laughed several times. THANKS!
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 1:08pm.
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
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WORD!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Man: You wanna get high man?
Pedro: Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man? ~Up In Smoke
Peaches, I'll be honest I couldn't get through it all and my ADD isn't even that rampant. You'll probably lose their attention right away. And I'm not entirely sure who you're trying to write to. Most of the problem lies within the idiot fucktards who buy in to the Brangelina shit and thus generate money and incentive for the media outlets to keep reporting on them. And there's NO reasoning with those people.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 2:10pm.
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 2:05pm.
I remember when JFK Jr.'s plane went down, it was like 24/7 of a camera pointed at a freighter in the water. For like 2 weeks. Sometimes the news, doesn't really report the news. Paris Hilton goes to jail anyone???
yeah I saw this cute little JibJab Video about exactly that, It's a must see:
http://www.jibjab.com/originals/what_we_call_the_news
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 11:05am.
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I think you covered all of the points quite nicely. Unfortunately, they/their reps would probably pay as much attention if you just left it at "Fuck Off". I really wish that common sense could prevail, but like my grandma said-- you can't talk sense to crazy.
If ImpertinentVixen is right then I have just developed some respect for JA...it burns in the pit of my stomach along with the bile I had to choke up to admit this... but still!
Fuzzy fruit, Don't take the bait.
Submitted by LoLo on July 17, 2008 - 2:09pm.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 2:08pm.
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
Gotta watch those. Just listened to teh sound clips and read the info on the side.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on July 17, 2008 - 9:53am.
tangential question: Did Angie really tongue James at the Oscars that one year? I looked all over YouTube last night and could not find a video of that kiss. Anyone got a link?
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If Aniston has any normalcy left in her life, I'm betting she is forever hoping that (to her) anything "Brangelina" will cease to be tangential. However, to answer your question there was an item not too long ago that claimed that Angie's reps were attempting to have several controversial videos and photos removed from the Internet and print, and that famous "kiss" was at the top of the list. It appears they may have succeeded.
Fake Doctor in the HOUSE!
What up sour queen?
How you is doing dick breath?
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 2:05pm.
I remember when JFK Jr.'s plane went down, it was like 24/7 of a camera pointed at a freighter in the water. For like 2 weeks. Sometimes the news, doesn't really report the news. Paris Hilton goes to jail anyone???
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on July 17, 2008 - 2:08pm.
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
I agree his videos on the myspace thingie are fucking amazing!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
<"Submitted by peaches on July 17, 2008 - 1:05pm">
Paging all siketrists....
OFFT- The Breakdown is hott
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 17, 2008 - 1:57pm.
oooooh no you di'int
Libra chill... The Breakdown isn't dogging any BUT JA, and that is allowed here.
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I understand that! But he/she certainly doesn't "dog" Angie at all... So if he/she can take sides and ONLY "dog" Aniston... then so can i !
No offense to anyone else here!
Ok dlisters, I wrote up a body for the Fuck off Brangelina petition I want to do, but I don't want make it official without suggestions and imput from your Hot asses, and please, I'd appreciate all criticizms to be CONSTRUCTIVE! :
To Whom it May Concern,
This petition is on behalf of many disillusioned citizens who in our opinion have found the recent behavior of Mr. Brad Pitt and Ms. Angelina Jolie in over exposing the birth of their new children to be rather distasteful and reprehensible! If the truly have a problem with paparazzi and overexposure, well than holding constant press conferences regarding these recent births points to the contrary! Why not a simple statement from a PR spokesperson, which is customary in these situations? Just because they are famous, doesn’t make them better than other people, and the birth of their children is no more important than the birth of all children! New life in the world is beautiful, and one new life is not more important than another, but Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie's actions, especially the recent press conference from the mayor of Nice that it was reported they gave him their approval to do it, makes it seem they think otherwise, and it is an insult to all parents of new babies, and an insult to the citizens of nice, especially considering it took away from investigating the recent murder of a young man there, which we all know caused protests outside the hospital, and they have every right to do so, because it is quite despicable! This has gone too far, and we have lost our trust in Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie, and what their true motives are. How can we possibly want donate money to their charities after this? This display of behavior is making them look more like it is coming from their egos, and not their hearts. Why don’t they show this kindness to their fans? Why do they need bodyguards so bad if they are such open and giving people? Unless there is a serious threat made by someone, or you hold a high position of political office, It’s usually just another way of drawing attention to oneself, or thinking your more important than you are. Though Ms. Jolie has been gracious to her fans in the past, and still is somewhat, it seems like Mr. Pitt never really has been, and he comes across as quite unapproachable. Kindness and charity must come from one’s heart before one’s Wallet, and NEVER one’s Ego! There are many other public figures, such as Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, who have been doing heartfelt UN work for years, long before doing charity was a big part of being a celebrity; Harry Connick Jr., a native of New Orleans, who unlike Mr. Pitt was there the day after Katrina happened rescuing people out of the water, with no motives except to save his fellow city men, women, and children; and Jenny McCarthy, who currently is fighting for her Autistic Son, and other children and families affected by Autism. Though we’d certainly like to believe and the sincerity of Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie, for the sake of those they claim they are trying to help, their current behavior has come across to us as very egotistical and self-centered, and can undermine the efforts of those names mentioned before as well as others who we do believe are truly sincere! There is way too much overexposure of these two individuals and their children, which those children don’t ask for, and perhaps they really should ask their children what it is they want, not just do what appears to be suiting themselves! When one has a child, that child comes first over oneself, and one must sacrifice certain self-comforts for the sake of their child, and to the public it appears that Mr. Pitt and Ms Jolie don’t seem to be doing that! Those of us who have children, and/or have had unhappy childhoods ourselves, find the situation the Jolie-Pitt children appear to be in as one that we’d imagine to be very unpleasant!
So to Mr. Pitt’s and Miss Jolie’s PR Spokesperson(s), we say, you should have a serious talk with your clients of how the public sees them vs. how they like to view themselves, and to take it very seriously! Because we won’t buy tickets to their films or purchase their DVDs as well be dissuaded to donate to their charities if this distasteful behavior continues! If they truly care about their causes, and careers, than they better start caring about what their public think of them, because we’re the ones who put the money in the charities, and we ultimately pay their salaries. People hire or fire actors based on how the public reacts to them more than anything else, so if they don’t respect us, we aren’t going to respect them!
To the major news venues, like NBC, Fox, ABC, CBS, CNN, and all major newspapers and magazines which are not considered to be tabloids, you are supposed to be reporting important stories that are could affect our way of life, anything more than a simple PR announcement of the birth of these children is taking away from more important issues in the world. With all due respect the amount of money being offered for photos of these babies should not be taking up news time and space from wars, injustices around the world, and our upcoming election! To all tabloids and gossip venues, with the exception of some of the online blogs that deliver more of a satire on this ridiculous overexposure, we say tone it down! We certainly don’t expect of you to stop reporting on Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt, that would be quite unfair a demand, but some of the covers stories we see some of you doing are a complete waste, and/or are extremely juvenile, childish, and distasteful. If you keep on the way you are currently doing, we will not buy your publications on weeks that you put out these outlandish overexposing cover stories, or cancel subscriptions to your magazines all together if we have subscriptions; and if we don’t have subscriptions, well, we won’t get them!
To all those mentioned in this petition we strongly advise you take us seriously, if you care about your business, and If Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie want to continue to have successful careers, and truly care about their careers, we highly suggest they take us the signers of this petition at face value, a value that is far more precious than they’d like to think it is!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
<"Sometimes Maddox messes up and screams "SIKE" at the end of the call.">
Wouldn't that be "PSYCH!" you heard? I'm no siketrist but I think that's how it goes.
Uh, I'll take this comfortable look any day over PP's seizure inducing wardrobe.
oooooh no you di'int
Libra chill... The Breakdown isn't dogging any BUT JA, and that is allowed here.
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Gimme a ringaling when you want some dingaling